


Frame of Hearts

by sincehewaseighteen



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band), Ziam Paylik - Fandom
Genre: 7!Harry, 8!Louis, Angst, Animal Death, Anxiety, By underage I mean under 16 as that's Australian law, Childhood Sweethearts, Disorders, Domestic!Harry, Domestic!Louis, Eating Disorder, Family Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, I follow my country's law lmao, It's only a sentence, M/M, OCPD, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Self Harming, So not a massive part of the fic, There is a mention of underage with Liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-02-04 00:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 49
Words: 154,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1761155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincehewaseighteen/pseuds/sincehewaseighteen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The abandoned tree house was something to poke Louis' curiosity. His secret is kept, until he finds someone else trespassing in <em> his <em> tree house. </em></em><br/><em></em><br/><em>or the au where louis is eight and he has tantrums all the time and runs away but one time he runs somewhere and finds a treehouse, then goes back to find harry, then they both share and grow up and fall in love.</em><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings for:**  
>     
>  **Angst:** People have told me the angst was too much a few times, but people survived so I'm sure you'll be okay.
> 
>  **Self harm:** There is scenes of self harm that aren't very detailed. But they're quick and can be disturbing.
> 
>  **Disorders:** A strong eating disorder. Mild obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. Obviously both quite life-changing disorders. If you don't know what they are, you might want to look them up.
> 
>  **Domestic violence:** Strong descriptions of it. As said in the major warnings.
> 
>  **Derogatory words:** There's use of "f*ggot" in the fic. There will be a warning when you read the certain chapter.
> 
>  **Underage:** ONLY MENTIONED with Liam. Doesn't occur!
> 
>  **Smut:** Of course.
> 
>  **Swearing:** Of course x 2
> 
> There's a lot going on in this fic, lol. It probably sounds awful but there's a lot more to it than all this awful stuff. Just got to make sure you're okay and know of what's about to come, as well as fluff and really cute quotes that hopefully make this fic quite unique to read :)

The scowling of his mother is not going to reel him back in that place of the condemned. He keeps running, his size three feet taking him as far as he could go into the hinterlands of his ever growing back yard. 

His mum doesn't stop screaming back for Louis, watching him dash away into the wild oats and lupin weeds. He's soon concealed by the tall grasses, feeling extremely paranoid that his mum would have let Chance out to try to find him.  _Dog_ , he is, remarkably good at seeking out Louis in these situations. It wasn't the first time Louis has run out on his family like this, nor has it been the first time Louis had a trivial tantrum about the most ludicrous of things.

He is only eight; no one could blame him for his petty little attitude. No one  _should_  blame him; otherwise you'd be on the verge of guilt by making a small, lovely boy cry. Being eight seems to have its perks, working out with dad on the tractor, finally getting a taste of what it felt like to be a farmer, feeding the pigs and all that fun jazz Louis has wanted to do since he was four. There were other negatives to it too, according to Louis' family. Louis faces everything with an open mind and if he doesn't get what he wants; it leads to tantrums. Tantrum after tantrum. They last for days, sometimes. 

This time 'round, Louis had a fight with his sister. Laika had never been one to be wrong, and that got them both into a whole lot of violent trouble. Laika wouldn't let go of the ribbon Louis wanted to put into his doll's hair. ( _"Wait, you don't have a dol-- that's m'doll, Louis!" "Is not!" "Give it back to me-- Mum!"_ ) 

The story of the eight and twelve year old could be written in the history books for the most immature brother and sister to live in this generation. Louis probably writes the record for the most tantrums in a week. _Nine_ , Laika thinks. His mum supposes _thirteen_. His dad frankly doesn't give a shit.

Louis holds himself tightly in the bushes, feeling itchy after rubbing up against some of the dried weeds. It's close to sundown, and Louis thinks maybe he could last the night out here, just to prove that maybe he should always get what he wants. His breath hitches as he hears a noise coming from the north-west, twisting his head to see if he could see a pair of brown ears sticking out of the grass. Chance isn't there.  _Okay_ , he might be here soon to drag Louis back to their abode if he doesn't make a run for it.

He dahes again with no sense of direction. Like he's meant to know where he's going; the plants were growing above his head, and he's eight. He runs with the wind at his behind, the weeds getting thicker and greener. Louis decided to turn left and immediately, meeting with clear bushland.

 _Oh_ , he thinks, this part of his farm he's never seen. He's sure this is the sowing area for their wheat crop this season. Louis steps away from the significant patches of brown dotting the field. He isn't going to go back through the weeds, he might as well walk further away from the house - the most sensible thing to do; in Louis' eyes. 

Louis can see the sun meet the horizon, the shades of pink, red and orange filling the sky and the clouds. Louis smiles up to them, knowing his grandma-ma is the spirit in the clouds making them turn different colours ( _her heart was full of rainbows, Louis, that's why the clouds always change different colours_ ). It made her passing a couple of months ago easier for Louis to handle. There were a few bitter questions before hand about how she died and why the clouds had turned into different colours before she died. Unanswered questions were left, that lead into nothing more than a tantrum.

Making his way through the bush, he thinks of himself as a wildlife explorer, maybe Bear Grylls. He thinks about what he might eat tonight, and drink. First of all, it's shelter. Louis needs shelter. And there is nothing better than the millions of oak trees around him to use as his bed for tonight.

He picks up from pine cones as he tries to find the perfect tree for himself. Who knew what the pine cones were for, Louis is stupid, but he isn't that much of an idiot to know these weren't actual food. He begins the search for blueberries, or strawberries, failing.

Minutes later, he finds himself in front of a tree; a tree with broken wood stairs and something that looked like a cottage house at the top. It looks pristine, but Louis is sure this place has been abandoned for years. There is a window looking pretty dusty. He couldn't see inside the house; it's too high up.  _Oh_ , this must have been a tree house. 

He's tempted to clamber up those fragile steps, but the area is getting darker now, and Louis would be lying if he said he isn't slightly scared. He should go back home. He wants to go back home. But... which way is home?

 _Oh no_ , Louis cries out with a hand covering his gaping mouth. Lost he is. He wants to go home, he didn't want to be lost forever without his sister or his mum or dad. He wants to go home. Louis wants to go home.

He whistles for Chance, no luck. He's stuck here for sure. Louis is going to die out here alone. Louis didn't want to die. He is never going to see his family again. Louis is clearly over-reacting.

Louis is rescued around a half hour later by his dad and Chance. Louis grips hold of his thigh, climbing up it to never let go. His dad chuckles, carrying Louis in his arms back to their farmstead. He's asleep by the time they get home; his mum scratching the dog's ear as praise and taking Louis to his bedroom upstairs, kissing his forehead and thanking the Lord that her son is okay.

******

His mum finds herself in an awful situation which could easily teeter tot into either a happy Louis, or a troublesome monster.

His lip's quivering and his eyes were red filling with tears that were starting to spill over the rims. She could give him the TV remote, but Louis' father needed help with the cows out back, and Louis is meant to help him.

"Louis, honey," She coos, hoping that this wouldn't end badly so Louis' tantrum number wouldn't end up at fourteen. "Dad needs your help."

"I want to watch TV!"

"I know sweetie, but Pingu will be on when you come back," She smiles weakly, hiding the TV remote behind her back. "I promis--"

"No!"  _Shit._  "I want to watch TV! Why won't you let me watch TV!"

"Loui--"

"No!" He screams again. "You're the worst mum ever! You never let me watch TV! I always have to help dad!"

He storms off crying. Well, she _tried._

******

Louis finds himself at the same place as yesterday, that random, broken down tree house that looked way too perfect to be left alone. With a curiosity level like Louis', something like this is a remarkable treasure. 

He moves closer to the tree, inspecting the steps that look plausible to climb upon. The treehouse is quite high, and if Louis knew what metres were, he'd probably say it's six metres from the ground. 

So he tries the first step; he hasn't died yet. The second is just as natural. The third makes him weary as he continues to climb the steps. There's a countless amount of steps, well, Louis couldn't count past twenty. He reaches the top without falling and sees the front of the treehouse. A small cottage house describes it correctly. It's taller than Louis and wider than seven tricycles.  

He shouldn't go inside, but he does anyway.

The inside is dusty, but it isn't unbearable. It's better than his dad's shed. Everything is still in perfect tact, and it makes Louis think that maybe his dad could have kept this place clean over the years. The windows are grimy though, Louis streaking a hand across it, so it's clear from dust. There's a mini kitchenette with a table on the side; two chairs made of wood, walls decorated with wallpaper and the flooring's wood. Louis sees another door, a glass one, to the side as he opens it-- _oh!_  It's a balcony. Two fold out chairs are on this balcony and are also in perfect tact. 

He clambers down the stairs after a few minutes of exploring, happy with himself. He wants to run home, tell Laika, his mum, his dad, about this tree house.

But wait... what if his parents don't allow him here anymore? They hate it when he ran away, so if they knew Louis would run here, the might catch him before he can climb the steps. And Laika, she'll probably take over the place.

Louis decides that maybe, this should just be his little secret.

******

It's a day later when Louis comes back to his tree house after another fight with his sister. This time, Louis brings a duster from his mum's cabinet and a washcloth from his bathroom.

He cleans one section of the tree house, finding multiple spiders and other creepy crawlies in the tiny crevasses of the shelves, fridge and the bookshelf. He's happy again once the area seemed spick and span, running home after and hiding alone in his bedroom. His mum greets him with a kiss on the forehead and an apology, giving Louis cookies and milk before bed.

Laika comes in at one point, giving Louis one of her dolls as an apology. For once, she was wrong and Louis' more than happy to get this Barbie doll as a present.

******

Every day after school, Louis would go to the tree house and try to tidy the place up. Eventually, Autumn holidays drag by and Louis finds himself at the treehouse, lying to his mum he's going to feed the pigs (For several hours on end), to his dad; just helping mum out in the house. His lies weren't seen through as he always made his way with his own packed lunch of roll-ups and leftovers to the treehouse.

He's cleaning the rotten leaves from the small gutters of the tin roof today, sweeping the leaves that are probably never going to fade away. It's inevitable that Louis is spending way too much time perfecting this stupid house. He's grown so attached to it in the past couple of months. He likes his solitude here, especially after his ever growing tantrums.

His mum almost catches him out one day, asking where he was because apparently, he wasn't with the pigs when his mum checked on him. _I was with the cows_ ; he lied again. She didn't question him, fearing she'd make him upset, and another batch of sorry cookies would have to be baked. (She's sick of those cookies).

So the feasible happened, Louis running away again for his sister not wanting to colour with him. He runs away to no other than the tree house. It's still the afternoon; meaning Louis could spend a few good hours alone here. He's trudging through the bush and scrambling up the stairs, opening the door to meet face to face with some other damn kid who's drinking tea and reading a Spiderman comic in the wooden chair in front of the fridge.

Louis' mouth is left dry as the child remains emotionless. He drops his tea on his lap, filled with cold water. He calls out and blushes. 

"Oops!" He tries to clean himself with the comic, Louis shaking his head and taking the few tissues he usually used to treat his hayfever and passes them to the child with golden brown hair. He reluctantly takes the tissue offered by Louis, wiping himself down quickly with his face turning more crimson by the second.

He stands after his pants were significantly dryer, a wet patch being seen in his blue jeans. Louis almost laughs, covering up his snicker with a smile and a hand out.

"Hi."

The boy glares down to his hand, blinking many times before hesitantly shaking his own hand with Louis. He grins softly, confused on what is happening. Louis' beginning to ponder on why this boy is here, and why the hell he is in his tree house.

Louis keeps his cool. He is friendly after all. "M'names Louis. I'm eight!"

The other boy is quiet. Louis continues.

"What are you doing in my tree house?"

Again, the boy is silent, only using his facial expressions to communicate. His eyebrow's furrow together as Louis asks him again, a little more sternly this time.

"Why are you in  _my_  tree house?"

He finally speaks. "This is my tree house."

Louis argues. "No. This is my tree house!"

"I found it first."

"No, you didn't. I found it first."

The boy walks over to the window where he points to something etched into the sill. "See! I wrote this here, so it's my tree house!" Louis ambles over to meet with the boy, looking at what's scratched into the sill. **HARRY**

"H-ha-- er... um, Har--"

"M'names, Harry!" He shouts at Louis, pushing at his shoulder. "Go away! This is my spot."

"No, it isn't. This is my spot! You can go away because I like it here!"

"I like it here too. It's my spot. Go find your own tree house!"

Louis stamps his foot on the ground angrily. "This is my spot!" He argues again, his fists balling up and the Harry kid not bothering to listen to Louis. He sighs to himself, straightening out the polo he has on.

"Can we share?"

Louis hates sharing. "No."

"Please?" He asks. "I don't want to move, and we can make this our tree house," Harry makes a pretty good point. "We can come here and play, sometimes. It will be fun."

Louis still doesn't want to share. "No."

"I'll bring brownies, and I always being tea when I come 'ere. We can read comic books and stuff!" Ooh. "We can be friends, Louis!"

"I have enough friends."

Harry starts to purr, his cheeks pinking up as he twists his foot. "Please?"

Dainty green eyes look up to Louis as he smiles, both of his front teeth missing and his eyelashes curling and fluttering at him. Louis sees a dimple and grins at it, poking it with his finger as Harry giggles at the touch.

"Okay," Louis finally smiles and nods. "We can share."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a thing accidentally and totally forgot that this fic was set in the time before current so I basically made Louis and Harry watch Frozen in 2002, even though the movie came out in 2014. It's an AU, so random shit happens :)

He's walking Chance down by the main paddock with the sheep. He throws the stick towards one of the fattest sheep, torturing it with the exercise it most desperately needs. His brown Kelpie fetches it dutifully, bringing it back to Louis' hand for the process to repeat.

He spends his time sitting about and drawing circles in the sand. He has always had a fascination with art; he's even asked his dad about painting on the side of the brick shed just to spice up the barren area a bit.

Louis didn't like his farm. He'd rather be closer to Stan, or Niall. He'd rather not catch a fifty minute to school bus every morning and catch it back with an even longer duration. He'd rather be closer to his friends, than closer to the outback. He hated it, honestly. And Louis didn't hate things that much.

He didn't seem to hate it as much now. He has found a tree house, and he likes it. He likes having his own space to chill down and watch the birds play. It's better to have a place he might end up calling home one day; that is if Louis becomes homeless or something.

The Harry kid though. Louis isn't sure how much he liked this boy. He is a stranger, as a matter of fact, and frankly, Louis didn't want to share their tree house. Louis wants his alone time to consist of him and _him_ only. He doesn't know if Harry will return, honestly. Maybe Louis has scared him off, mildly. Louis hopes he has.

His father meets him down at the paddock, throwing the stick Louis has thrown for the past two hours. He doesn't want to go home to his mum, probably going to yell at him for playing in the mud pit where the sprinkler was leaking earlier - the mud-soaked into his jeans up to his shins. His dad ruffles his hair, asking Louis to come home for some dinner and bedtime story.

Chance follows them both, Louis feeling a little sick in his stomach from the lack of food and also with the tumbling worry of discipline coming his way.

*******

Louis visits the tree house the next day. He expects to be alone. He is wrong.

Harry is right in front of Louis seconds later with a small container in his hands. Louis opens the lid as asked, taking the first cookie seen on top. He chews, swallows and hums happily. This is good, Louis could get used to this type of slavery.

"I have tea," Harry grins at him. "It's in the basket."

Louis follows him to the basket, a thermos full of tea being pulled out and poured into a plastic cup. Louis drinks, burning his tongue as he cusses, in the holiest way, out loudly.

"Holy french fries!"

"Louis!" Harry calls with worry, taking the cup from his hand as Louis fans his mouth. Harry's eyes are large with fear as he starts to tear up. "I-I didn't mean to. Lou! I'm sorry--"

Louis looks at him with his mouth closed, half his tongue sticking out - the burnt bit. It's angry red, and so are Louis' eyes.

"Louis?" Harry says with a careful tone. Louis is still glaring at him with his tongue out. Harry smiles softly with his body leaning away, poking Louis' tongue with the end of his finger. "Your tongue is soft."

Louis snickers into his hand, blowing a raspberry with Harry copying. He reaches for the drink as Harry slaps his hand away.

"No!" He shouts. "It's still hot!"

"You just need to blow on it--"

" _No!_ " Harry warns again, defensively standing in front of the tea with his arms crossed. "No."

"Harr--"

"No!"

Louis huffs, pouting his lip at Harry. "My tree house, my rules. Give me the tea!"

"Your tree house?" Harry questions with his heart hurt. "No. It's _our_ tree house."

"Is not!"

"I thought we agreed, Lou! Friends share. Sharing is caring. You're my friend, aren't you, Louis?"

He's tempted to shout _no, we aren't. Stop thinking we are_ , but honestly, Louis didn't want to hurt someone as cute, dainty and charming as Harry. Harry's sweet, especially because he's giving free food and drink to Louis.

Louis' frown fades with a beaming smile. "Of course we are, Harry." He nudges Harry's arm with a small, playful punch. Harry rubs his arm, smiling with his dimple out to Louis. Louis pokes it.

"Then say it's _our_ tree house."

Louis sighs, his shoulders slumping as he drags out: "It's _our_ tree house."

"Good!" Harry grins happily. "We should make some rules. To make sure we both follow them!"

Harry's an odd character. Who the hell needed rules? Harry already has a notebook, with a small kitten on the front, with a feather pen in his hand. He messily writes 'one' in the book, off the lines and his _e_ backwards. Louis sits with him at the table as Harry writes in the book.

_Rule number one: This is their tree house._

"Number two," Harry says out loud, writing two on the side. Louis smiles fondly at him, folding his arms on the table to rest and bang against Harry's elbow. Harry continues to write. "The tree house is our secret and no one elses."

Louis likes that rule, _kinda._

"Number three, meet each other here every day, no matter what."

"What about number four being you're not allowed to enter if you don't have food?" Louis asks. Harry writes it down as Louis simpers. "Number five?"

Both of them think for a moment, unable to think of rule number five just yet. They shrug, ignoring the notepad for a moment before feeding with the little food they have. They parted ways with small goodbyes, Louis promising he'll be back tomorrow. The last thing he sees before he closes the door with Harry smiling with a blush across his face and a tiny wave being hidden behind his knees that are close up to his face.

Harry is adorable; Louis can admit it openly.

******

A week later, and seven promised visits to his-- _their_ tree house, Louis tiptoes down the stairs, his feet delicately pressing against the wood to make sure it did not creak. He has a basket in his hands full of cookies, juice boxes and a Barbie doll. He is going to see Harry.

He looks around the corner of where his mum is in the kitchen. Her back's to Louis as she stirs whatever she's making in the pot. She sighs, banging the spoon against the side as Louis shakily draws in a breath.

Louis is on lock down. He has been put on probation to go outside for the rest of his holidays unless it's with Laika or his father. Of course Louis - being an eight year old _rebel_ and all - wants to sneak out to meet a friend who he promised to meet with every day for the rest of these Autumn holidays.

He finally runs out when his mum least expects it. He sneaks past the lounge room into the back to open the back door and escape from the enclosure. Louis is free, feeling the chilled, five o'clock wind of Autumn. He's quickly on the move again as Chance barks through the fence at his presence. He makes a run for it through the weeds, popping out to where Louis marked the spot to turn, where the little red spade is. Louis turns left, to the cleared bush land and enters the fresh vegetation. He guesses twenty paces, again, and finally sees the tree house. The door is open. Harry's inside.

He knocks when he arrives, Harry smiling up to him from his Marvel comic. Louis walks in with his basket of food in front of him with a broad grin spread across his face. Harry stands, dropping the book and taking an interest to what Louis has brought for him.

He thumbs at the lid, looking at the contents inside. He glares up to Louis with his eyes glittery and pretty. "Cookies?"

"Yes," Louis says with a nod. "Mummy made them for me yesterday."

He digs into them straight away, forgetting about the juice boxes and the random Barbie doll at the bottom of the basket. Louis sets it aside, trying to find Harry's basket which is always so much more exciting than Louis'. Harry always has so much. For the past week, Harry has been Louis' food source for most of the Autumn holidays. Louis loved it. His parents were suspicious on where all these random sugar highs appeared from. There were fewer tantrums; however. Parents only focus on what benefit themselves. (How rude).

Louis lifts off the hanker chief covering the freshly baked muffins and the thermos of what Louis thinks to be hot chocolate. He takes in the scent, picking out a muffin before taking his food and a thermos to the table where Harry is sitting, enjoying his comic and cookie. Louis takes a bite into the muffin, immediately screaming:

"Raisins?!"

Harry's eyes widen with surprise as he glares at Louis. "Don't you like them?"

"I thought they were chocolate chip," Louis lets the mushed food drop from his tongue onto the floor, Harry pulling a face with disgust. "Harry, you made me eat _raisins._ "

"I-I'm sorry," He cries out softly. "I didn't mean to."

Harry watches him as he pushes the muffin away from himself, leaving it bare, with a huge bite out of it, in the middle of the table. Louis huffs, his arms folding in front of him as he ignores Harry. He's crossed. Harry feels awful.

"L-Lou, I didn't mean to, you know that," He mutters quietly. Louis continues to aggravate Harry with his ignorance. "Lou, please talk to me."

"I don't like what you did."

"Louis, I didn't--"

"I don't care. You should know I don't like raisins!" Louis hisses.

"You never told me!" Harry argues back, his lip pouting as he drops his comic. "My mummy made me these to give to you, so you shouldn't blame me!"

Louis growls lowly in his throat, still very upset with Harry. He doesn't like not getting what he wants, but Harry just made things awkward for him. Harry's younger and his eyes make him look much more vulnerable and innocent than Harry is.

Louis looks to him. His mouth's pouting out still with a thin layer of spit coating them for a glossy surface. His eyes are similar, and he's truly sorry, he's so sorry. His eyebrows are down, and he looks like Chance when Louis leaves for school every morning without a goodbye hug and kiss on his nose. Louis stands up from his chair, walking to Harry and lifting him up with his arm on Harry's forearm. Harry's smaller, much cuter, and he stands below Louis with the same look on his face - innocent and apologetic.

"Can you tell your mummy not to make these again for me?"

Harry grins, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Louis' chest, holding him tight. "I promise, Lou Lou."

Louis hugs him back. He really likes Harry. He thinks their friendship would probably last forever - well, for how much forever lasted anyway.

******

He's back at school a week later, his second term of second year primary school starting off with a quick spelling bee in his phonics book. Louis sits in class with his mind set on what he's going to do with Harry after he catches the bus home.

His parents still don't know about Harry, but apparently, Harry's family knew about Louis. Harry has a farm just behind Louis' and went exploring one day with his dad. He found the tree house himself and thought it's probably his cousins. Both of them still didn't know who owned it, but who even gave a shit anymore because Louis says it's his- _\- theirs._

Harry is seven, just a year younger than Louis. Louis doesn't think their age matters, even though it's not honestly much of a difference. Harry's in the grade below him, and Louis thinks this _kinda_ sucks. Harry does attend the same school, but Louis is old enough now to know that hanging out with kids younger than him is _not cool._

Louis is at lunch a few hours later, Stan and Niall by his side sharing a bag of candy Niall bought from the store before school. Louis decides to tell them about his holiday, and his new friend.

"I found a tree house in my backyard a long time ago," Louis smiles. "And then, I met someone called Harry. He's seven. He's very nice and makes me muffins and brownies all the time."

Niall and Stan are extremely interested, mainly because of the mention of food.

"I think we might become best friends."

Niall did a double take with his juice box and Stan becomes jaw dropped. Louis sits patiently, waiting for an explanation of why the hell Niall just spat all over him.

"But we're your best friends, Louis!" Niall shouts. "Are you going to hang out with him more than us?"

"N-no!" Louis says. "I just think Harry and I get along well. It's been around two weeks, but I think we're okay. I really like him Niall. Maybe you should come over and--" He trails off, not wanting to finish his sentence. He's not allowed to break the second law: it's their secret and no one elses.

"Come over and what?" asks Stan. Louis shakes his head, standing up and picking up the football from the ground.

"Wanna have a little kick around?" The boys stand up with Louis, running on to the oval to play a little game of _footie._

******

Louis hits his head on the wooden table, Harry gasping as he jumps in his seat.

"I don't know how to do this, Haz!" Louis growls into his homework sheets, frustrated with the simple math equation in front of him. "Why can't I do this, Harry! What's wrong with me?!"

"Nothing is wrong with you, Lou Lou," Harry passes him a cookie from the plate, Louis denying as he groans again into the air. Harry would be useless at it, but he might as well try. "What is it?"

"Multiplying," Louis answers. "I can't even subtract well enough. How am I meant to do two multiplied by 12?"

"Um, use your fingers?"

Louis drones a dull look at him before he flips the sheet over and sees the answer is in fact 24. "Great," he mutters sarcastically. "I wouldn't have been able to do that with my fingers and toes. I don't have enough."

"I-I'm only in the first grade, Lou. I can't help you."

"You could at least help me a little bit."

"I don't know how it works, Lou!" Harry shouts. "I-I'm just learning more numbers now."

Louis groans again, his head falling to the table as he sighs to himself. He doesn't know what to do. His parents never help him with homework; _that's how you learn, Louis. You do it by yourself!,_ and Laika will demand something for it.

It's not that problematic since it's the weekend. Maybe he could google search it or something if his mum lets him near a computer. It's close to six according to Louis' watch. He might have to go home soon. He didn't want another probational lock down for lying. The last thing he needs is for Harry to get upset over him breaking the third rule in the first three weeks of their friendship.

Louis attempts again to try add these two numbers. It's simply too difficult. He runs a hand through his hair again and pulls at it.

"I'm so stupid, Harry!"

Harry gasps at the curse word. "Louis! You're not... you can't say that!"

"I don't know anything, all right? I'm dumb--"

"You aren't dumb, Lou Lou," Harry denies, kicking his leg under the table. "Maybe you should put that away and help me put up some of these lanterns I got from Gem Gem," Louis questions the name. "My big sister."

"Does she know how to add things?" Louis asks. Harry shrugs, taking the first blue lantern from the basket and attaching the small hook to it.

"I dunno," He shrugs again. "She's fourteen, so I think she might be able to."

"Can she help me?"

Harry widens his eyes. "And tell her about our secret?"

"No, Harry. Like... do you think I can go over to your place and get some help from Gem Gem?"

Once again, Harry shrugs. It seems to be his favourite thing. "I can ask her if you want, but you should ask your mummy and daddy first if you can come over. I don't want Gem Gem to get in trouble if you aren't allowed to come over."

Louis' heart drops as he suddenly feels nervous. "H-harry, I don't think I'll be able to."

"Why?"

"Because, my mummy and daddy might not be able to let me see you again if I tell them about you."

Harry becomes confused. "Why? I told my mummy and daddy about you and they said they know your parents and are okay with it. As long as I come home every day, I'm okay."

"Your parents know my mum and dad?"

Harry nods with a smile. "I think daddy came over a few times before for a few eggs and stuff when Gemma was taking a chef job and needed to bake stuff. I don't know though... but I said your name and they knew who you were."

He starts to feel a little better. Maybe his parents would understand. Maybe he'll be okay. Harry begins to hang the first lantern up on one of the nails sticking out from the top of the wall. It hangs perfectly, Harry smiling as he jumps off the wooden chair and walks to Louis to get the second lantern from the basket.

"So if I ask my mummy and daddy if I could see you and Gem Gem, will your parents be okay with it?"

"Yep!" Harry shouts confidently, hooking the second lantern. "Maybe you could sleep over too?"

Louis gulps. "Sleepover?"

"Yes, you know, when you stay over at mine for one night, and we can tell stories and have little tea parties and stuff!"

Louis doesn't like the sound of that. He might like to run away, but the thought of being away from home sickened him. He doesn't like the idea of staying over at Harry's at all. "Stay over?"

"Yes, Lou Lou," Harry steps up on a chair and hangs the second pink lantern. "We can play XBOX!"

Louis' gut tumbles. He's unsure, but he feels like he's forced to listen to Harry and do as he says.

He goes home that evening with his mind cluttered and his stomach falling apart. Harry's gone home to ask his parents to pick Louis up later to cart him back to their place for the sleepover. Louis is cornered into doing something he didn't want to do.

There's a first time for everything, for Louis to be doing something he didn't want to do, and for a sleepover which isn't with Stan or Niall, just a neighbour who he met in a tree house three weeks ago who Louis' parents don't even know about.

This is going to be interesting.

The moment he arrives back, at seven o'clock, his mum scolds him for being late. Almost immediately after his mum gives him a whacking and a discipline of sitting in the corner for eight minutes - a minute for each year (according to his mum's favourite show - _Supernanny_ ) - there's a knocking at the door.

Shoot, that's Harry's parents. Louis bites his knuckles as he hears his mum and dad answering the door, Laika in her chair respectfully finishing her dinner.

He hears them speak. "Anne! How are you this evening?"

"Good thanks, Jay. I was wondering about this little sleepover your little Louis and my little Harry planned for tonight. Harry told me I was going to pick them up."

Louis can feel the slaps on his arse coming already.

"Sleepover?" Jay exclaims. "Louis didn't tell me about a sleepover?"

"Louis promised to ask you! I asked him to ask you because I didn't want you to be angry," He hears Harry speak with his innocent voice. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right, Harry," He hopes his mum says no. He hopes. He begs. He pleads. He doesn't want to go to some foreign place for the night. It's almost like torture. "I'll get Louis packed up. You wait here for a few minutes as I get Louis, okay?"

He hears Harry squeak a thank you and the doors close. His mum pops in a few seconds later with a smile on her face.

"You never told me you knew Harry Styles, love," She's happy, not enraged by the least. "We better get you all packed up for your first sleepover, honey. C'mon, off that stool!"

He's never been taken off the discipline stool, or a corner. He's taken upstairs as he nervously packs the essentials for the sleepover. He's particularly worried about everything he shouldn't take. Mum, what about the toilet? Mum, what about soap and my hairbrush? Mum, what about food for tomorrow and my water?"

"Louis, they have a house too," His mum clarifies with a soft tone. "Now, when did you last use your sleeping bag?"

"Last time I went camping with dad." Camping was a few months ago; fun time that was.

His mum heads to the cupboard, taking out Louis' sleeping bag and coming back, attaching it to Louis' backpack. She zips up all his little pockets and brings him down the stairs and to the front door to meet with Anne and Harry. Harry's already in his jammies, buzzing as he sees Louis with a flat smile on his face.

Anne takes them both in her car after Louis receives a kiss on the cheek by his mum. They drive away, Louis feeling much more apprehensive about leaving home. They arrive at Harry's safe and sound, Harry taking Louis' bag and guiding him into the house, following Harry's mum.

She closes the door behind them and smiles at the two boys standing side by side, looking as cute as a button. She runs a hand through Harry's hair and grins softly.

"H, take Louis to the play room and show him around a little bit, will you? I'll get some milk warmed up with some cookies for bed, hm?"

Anne walks away with poise in her stride. Harry smiles at Louis turning to face him and taking his wrist, holding it tight in his hand.

"We're going to have so much fun, Louis!" He cries out happily, taking Louis through the corridor to his bedroom, five doors from the front. He opens the door, Louis still being guided as he's met with the biggest playroom he's seen in his life.

There is a small bed in the corner, a nice blue one with small pillows on it. Surrounding it is toys and boxes from left to right, TV in the middle of the wall with an XBOX 360 on the side, a Wii on the other. The area's lit with a light in the corner of the room, opposite the couch. Shelves with what looks to be a cat scratching post is beside the door, a small kitten sleeping in its bed at the top of the pole. The walls are a light purple colour, almost white, and the flooring's a jet black carpet. They contrasted each other beautifully.

Louis loves this room. He really does. He feels like home already, taking off his shoes and joining Harry at the play mat in the middle of the room. Harry passes him a car as they start to play something along the lines of a traffic jam. Louis loves it.

Anne pops by minutes later, smiling at the two boys with cookies and milk on a platter. She serves it on a small table, almost like their table in the tree house, and asks the boys whether if they wanted to watch a movie. Harry obliges yes, and Louis goes along with it.

She sets out the fold out bed from the couch - which is, in Louis' eyes, one of the best things he's seen in the world. Louis' sleeping bag is laid out next to Harry's as Anne puts in the Frozen DVD. Louis changes out of his jeans and t-shirt when he goes to the bathroom into a pair of sweats and a clean tee. He meets Harry back in the playroom, already eating some of the cookies and drinking the milk.

Frozen is played, and Louis swears half of his cookies have fallen into the cooling milk. Harry is close to falling asleep, tucked into his sleeping bag with little bits of milk around his mouth still. Louis sets his tray aside, watching Elsa and Anna fight on the TV screen.

He stares at Harry for a little bit longer, the dim light making his face glow and eyelashes shadow over his closed eyelids. Louis smiles. He's never seen someone look so peaceful when they slept - he knew Laika looked like a demon. He suddenly remembers what he's originally here for, to get help on his homework. So far, he's been unsuccessful.

He wants to fall asleep after the movie has finished. The window's letting in a lot of light from the moon and shimmering stars. The TV flashing DVD PLAYER is only making Louis feel a little more uncomfortable in his spot. Louis tucks himself in his sleeping bag, resting with his eyes looking directly at the ceiling. He can't sleep. He doesn't think he'll be able to until he knows that someone will be here to keep him safe.

He needs an excuse to wake Harry up. He needs to wake Harry to talk to him for a little bit, just to feel a little safe. He hates being alone, especially in the dark.

He shakes Harry awake. " _Hazza._ "

He mumbles quietly with a lisp. Louis tries again.

" _Harry_."

"Y-yeah?" Harry's eyes are still closed. Louis knew he's still half asleep.

He starts to contemplate what he's going to say, muttering: "Where's your sister? I still need help on my homework," Louis asks. Harry doesn't respond as Louis shakes him harder. "Harry!"

"What is it, Lou?"

"I need help with my homework."

Harry yawns, nuzzling his nose into his pillow. "Just ask in the morning, Louis."

Harry falls asleep after that; Louis lying still with his eyes pitched open. He doesn't think he'll be able to sleep tonight. He hears a noise from outside, a crunch before he hears a few little whispers. Then, a small bang at the window. Louis shrinks into his sleeping bag, trembling and afraid - about to cry. He shuffles over to Harry to curl as much as he could into his body.

He _knows_ he won't be able to sleep tonight.

___

You will see later that I totally fucked the timeline of this story. Frozen was released literally a couple of years ago and in the present time of Louis and Harry in this fic, it's like 2000 so lmao my bad.

Let's just pretend Frozen was released then instead, just for the sake of this fic being alright.

 


	3. Chapter 3

She wakes up to little whines being heard in the bedroom next to her. She stands from her bed, putting on her dressing gown and slippersbefore walking out her door to the playroom. Her son's laying flat, hair drooping over his forehead and his mouth slightly open. The boy next to him is curling up to Harry like a small cat, his back to Anne and little cries slipping out of his mouth.

She reaches the fold out couch and takes a gentle hand to place on Louis' tense shoulder. "Louis--"

He shrieks, jumping from his sleeping bag as tears flood out of his eyes. Louis' eyes are wide open as he glares at Anne, his mouth quivering from fear. He brings his knees to his chin and cries into them softly. Anne is speechless, moving up to cuddle Louis immediately and apologizing into his hair. Harry wakes.

"Mummy?" Harry whispers, watching his mum cradle Louis in her arms and kiss his scalp. Louis is crying into her shoulder and Harry's suddenly extremely worried. "Mummy? What's wrong with Lou?"

"Lou is just scared, sweetie," Anne mumbled, stroking Louis back with a soft touch and using her nails to lightly caress his skin. "Go back to sleep, Hazza."

"N-no. Louis is scared. I don't want him to be scared--"

"He's okay, darling. You have nothing to worry about."

"But he's crying."

Louis whimpers, his little hands clutching Anne's dressing gown as he digs his head into her neck. Fat tears continue to pour from his eyes as Anne holds him tighter.

"I want to go home," Louis sobs. "I miss mummy. I want to go home."

Anne sighs. There isn't much she can do. It's two in the morning and she's tired herself.

"Are you sure you can't fall asleep, sweetie?" Anne asks, tucking him into her chest a little more. "It's very late and I don't want to disturb your mum."

"I want to go home!" Louis demands. "I want home!"

Harry pouts. "Lou Lou, why do you want to go home?"

"I-I don't like it here. I miss my bed, and mummy," Louis struggles to breathe through his tears and snotty nose. He peels his head away from Anne's neck, looking up to her with his teary eyes heartbreaking. "Please, Harry's mum? Can I go home?"

She sighs again, exchanging a look between her son and Louis, who is sobbing harder every second. She nods at Louis, standing up from the couch with Louis in her arms. Louis wraps his legs around Anne and rests his head on her shoulder. Anne coos to him before whispering to Harry.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, H. All right? I'm going to take Louis home."

Harry sits up, his eyes curving in a shape of anguish and anxiousness. "Why?"

"Louis isn't ready for sleepovers just yet, Hazza. Maybe next time, okay?"

Harry frowns. "Okay," He glowers a little more with a small wave by his cheek. "I-I'll see you tomorrow Lou Lou."

Louis doesn't respond, only dipping his nose into Anne's shoulder and letting her carry Louis out to the car to take him home.

******

He's met with a pair of blue eyes which smile over the top of him.

"Mummy?"

"Hello, darling," Jay smiles, crouching down to the level of Louis' bed and tucking a strand of wispy hair from Louis' forehead. "Are you okay now, love?"

"Y-yeah," Louis hardly remembered last night, being taken home from Harry's and tucked into bed by his mum. It was merely seven hours ago. "Is Harry okay?"

"He's fine, love. Anne came by this morning to drop your things off," Louis tilts his head up to see his pouch and sleeping bag in the corner of the room. "Mind telling me how you know Harry?"

Louis shakes his head violently, turning around in his duvet and burying his face into his pillow. He never wants to tell his mum. His mum will ground Louis for lying to her so many times just to see Harry.

"Loui--"

"I don't want to tell you."

"Louis, I'm not angry, love. I just want to know how you met Harry. Laika and Gemma used to play all the time. You remember Gemma, don't you?" Louis honestly doesn't. "That girl who used to come over all the time? She gave you lollipops sometimes."

Louis tilts his head to look up at Jay, his mouth and nose still smothered by his pillow - his eyes as pretty as the oceans out east.

"Maybe you were too young to remember. Well, Anne and I are very good friends. It's good to know you and Harry get along. I think Laika and Gemma had a fight when they were younger so they don't talk as much now. We can invite Harry over for dinner one night if you want to?"

Louis feels okay with this. If Jay and Anne are best friends, maybe Louis and Harry could be best friends too. Maybe his mum will let him see Harry all the time and maybe, Louis and Harry might grow up together as the best of friends.

"Do you like Harry, mummy?"

"Harry? Of course, I do, love. If I didn't, I wouldn't have let you sleep over there, would I?" She whispers. "I was quite worried last night when Anne told me you wanted to come home. You're eight, Louis. You need to start to have some sleepovers with your friends."

"B-but, I heard noises outside. There was someone throwing rocks at the window. I asked Harry to wake up, but he went back to sleep. I was really, really scared, mummy. I didn't know what to do and then Anne made me cry."

"Anne made you cry?"

"Yes, she came up behind me and scared me. So I asked to come home."

Jay's face becomes rather disturbed. Obviously Anne didn't mean to scare him, Jay's hoping. "You're all right now, aren't you sweetie? I don't want you to sleep in mine and daddy's room again, okay? You need to learn to sleep by yourself."

Louis nods slowly, his head still in his pillow. He could go for another hour's sleep, but he'd rather see Harry at their tree house.

"C-can I see Harry today?"

"Of course, love. I'll drop you over there after some breakfast for your tum tum, hm?"

Louis' about to shout  _I can get there myself_ , but that would only lead to questions on why Louis could walk the block to Harry's, even though he doesn't even walk the block. He can't break the rules, he can't tell anyone - even is mum - about the tree house.

Louis sits up in bed, his mum carrying him down the stairs and into the kitchen to toast some crumpets with marmalade on top. Louis is dressed within a few short minutes and lets his mum drive him to Harry's house. Jay rings the doorbell and Anne greets the two of them. Firstly, she apologizes for Louis' behaviour and secondly asks for Harry's time to spend the day with Louis.

"Harry said he's gone off to play with Louis at their tree house,"

Louis gasps as Anne spoke those three words.  _Their tree house_. Anne knew about the tree house.

"What tree house?"

"Well, Harry said he met Louis at their tree house they found in the backyard. Apparently our blocks meet there and Louis met Harry at some abandoned tree house," Anne explains. "Didn't you know?"

"No! I thought they'd met at school or something! Louis refused to tell me!"

Anne laughs, ruffling Louis' hair and smiling to Jay. "How about you come in for a cuppa and Louis can go run off to find Harry, hm? Maybe they'll show us this special secret spot afterwards."

Jay obliges with a grin, stepping inside with Louis and taking off her shoes. She gives Louis a kiss on the forehead in the dining room, Anne leading him outside to point him towards the track for the tree house. He followed the brown dirt path, soon finding the tree house with a different angle of view. It looks much different. He clambers up the stairs and meets face to face with the door before swinging it open and seeing Harry in the corner on a pillow reading. Louis shouts at him.

"You broke the rules!"

Harry's bewildered. "Did not!"

"You did too! Your mummy told my mummy about the tree house and now they both know!" He cries out, his voice cracking with the words being choked in his throat. "I can't believe you broke rule number two, Harry!"

"I-I'm sorry, okay? I can't lie to mummy like that. I promise I didn't tell anyone else, Lou Lou! I only told mummy because I was late home one day. Gem Gem doesn't know and none of my friends know," Harry blurts out. Louis becomes shallow as he folds his arms, looking away from Harry in disbelief. "I'm sorry, Louis. Please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean it."

"You broke the rules. It's not fair."

"Mummy won't be coming here. It's still a secret," Harry stands and walks to Louis, prodding at his tense bicep. "It's still our little secret. Please, Lou?"

"You're mean," Louis hisses, pushing him back with the force of both arms. Harry stumbles and gasps offensively. "You're really, really mean!"

"I'm not mean!" Harry argues, provoked by Louis' harsh words. "You're the meany for saying bad things about me!"

"You told our secret! You said you'd never tell anyone!"

"I told you that I had to. Mummy won't tell anyone!"

"Your mummy told mine!" Louis snaps back. "Your mummy told someone!"

Harry shrinks into his shoulders. He's full of guilt. "I'm sorry, Lou Lou--"

"You should be, Harry! We shouldn't even be friends anymore. You promised not to tell anyone!"

Harry burst out crying, his hands clenched as he throws his head back and lets out a horrific wail. Louis stares perplexed, Harry spilling out tears.

"Please Louis! I don't want to lose you as a friend! Please, Louis!" He pleads, his cheeks red and his eyes closed - lashes clumping up from the tears water falling from his eyes. "Please don't be angry at me, I promise not to do it again. I really promise pinky promise! I don't want to lose you, please! Please don't hate me!"

Jesus, Harry's pouring out with his tears his heartfelt words - and they're actually seeping into Louis' heart.

Harry did like him, a lot. He didn't want to lose him over one silly mistake. It was a stupid mistake to tell his mum. He'd take it back a million times if it meant Louis would still be his friend.

He's clutching onto Louis' shirt, begging him for forgiveness. Louis feels awful watching Harry caving in like this. Louis takes his wrist and pulls him up, lifting his chin with two fingers and smiling at him.

Harry's whining still, his mouth glossy and perfect. Louis pulls him in and kisses his button nose quickly and bashfully, smiling at Harry and giggling.

"You're still my friend, silly billy," Louis whispers. "Don't cry. I don't hate you."

"Y-you don't?"

"Of course not! Everyone makes mistakes!" Louis tells him with a smile. "Promise you won't tell anyone else, though."

Harry beams, holding his pinky out in front of Louis' eyes. "I promise! I promise!"

Louis catches his pinky with Harry's, curling their fingers to hold their promise for eternity.

******

The next day, Louis breaks a rule, and he's thrown out of the tree house.

He stands at the door, furious. Harry won't let him in.

"C'mon, Hazza. I had nothing left!"

"You made that rule, so you have no excuse, Louis!" Harry shouts from inside, mouth muffled by a muffin he stuffed into his mouth. "You could have at least brought an apple!"

"Well, I'm sorry, okay? I can't go back home! I snuck out past mummy who told me to stay with Laika!" Louis calls back. Harry doesn't reply. "Please, Harry? I won't eat any of your food. I promise. It won't happen again."

Harry refuses, Louis storming back home angry at Harry, but more so himself for breaking the fourth rule;  _no food, no entry._

******

The next day; the Monday afternoon, Louis goes to the tree house and Harry is, unsurprisingly, at the table doing some of his phonics homework. Louis helps him after snacking on a few of Harry's things, as well as his own. Harry sucks on one of Louis' black currant juice boxes and closes his book.

"Finished!"

Louis frowns at him. "I got in trouble today, Harry."

Harry has the same expression across his face. "What happened at school?"

"Remember how last week I asked if you could get your sister to help me with my homework?" Louis reminds him. "Well, I didn't get help and my homework wasn't done. So I think I might be grounded for a little bit because my teacher sent mummy a note home."

"Grounded?" Harry questions the word. "What's that?"

"It's when you're not allowed to see your friends and you're stuck in your house for a long time," Louis explains. "So if I'm grounded, I can't see you."

"B-but, that's breaking rule number three--"

"I know, but I have to listen to mummy first."

"But still, you're breaking a rule," Harry mutters, his face flat. "That's not nice, Louis."

"It's not my fault, Harry!"

"Well, don't get grounded next time."

"Maybe you should have got your sister to help me, instead of being a lazy bum and getting me in trouble!"

Harry scrapes his chair back as he stands in front of Louis and scolds him. "Don't blame me! I did nothing!"

"Exactly, you did  _nothing_." Louis joins him, standing over him as he growls.

" _Louis!_ "

" _Harry!_ "

"Get out!" Harry screams at him. "Get out, I don't like you."

"It's not your tree house, it's _our_  tree house!"

"I don't care! Get out!" Harry points angrily to the door.

"Why don't you get out?!"

Harry does, leaving Louis alone to cry into his hands.

*******

"Why are we fighting so much, mummy?" Louis whines into his mum's shirt, hugging her tight around the waist as he cries about Harry. "I don't mean to hurt him--"

"Louis, friends always have fights, sweetie," His mum reassures. "Harry doesn't mean the words he says, like you. You don't really mean anything bad you say to Harry. You just have a low tolerance to people not agreeing with you, Lou."

"But--"

"Besides, Harry's coming over for din din tonight. You'll be back together as friends in no time!" His mum smiles, hugging Louis and kisses his temple. "Don't fret, Louis. You've only been friends for a month. He's not going to hate you."

Louis hopes so.

*******

His mum is right, dinner's perfect.

Harry and him are running up the stairs into Louis' bedroom where Louis is sitting, bouncing, on the bed and Harry is looking through his walk in closet for no apparent reason.

"Harry, what are you doing?"

"I'm looking for some clothes," Harry grins. "I like your clothes, I want some of your clothes."

Louis jumps off the bed with a dazed expression. "You can't take my clothes, Hazza!"

Harry pops out with one of Louis' striped t-shirts, his head between the cloth and the coat hanger. "Do you think I look good in stripes?"

Louis laughs, straightening out the top for his friend. "Do you want my shirt?"

"Can I?" Harry lights up, taking the shirt from his neck and slipping off his own to put Louis' striped shirt on. "Oh my goodness, Lou Lou! I'm you."

"You're not me, silly billy."

"Can I have this shirt?" Harry asks shyly. "You can have mine?"

Louis grins, picking up Harry's green shirt with a little talking dinosaur at the front. Louis throws his own shirt off, pulling over Harry's shirt and finding it a little bit bigger than his own.

"Okay!" Louis grins, turning around to go into his play box to find something for himself and Harry to keep occupied with. He rummages through the box, humming to himself as he pulls out a toy car for Harry. "Hey Hazza, I got--"

 _Thwack!_  Right into his jaw. Harry stumbles back with a hand cupped at his cheek. Louis drops the toy, running to him with his face written over with concern. He puts his hands on his shoulder and calls out to him as if Harry's deaf.

"Harry! What's wrong?!"

"I-I think you--" Randomly, out pops on of Harry's baby teeth, bouncing on the carpet with a shiny surface to it. Louis picks it up and puts it in the palm of his hand for Harry to see. Harry's stunned. "You knocked out one of my baby teeth!"

"O-oh my," Louis feels uneasy. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

"No! I wanted this one out!" Harry grins, the missing gap between his two new front teeth missing. "Louis! Yay!"

"You're happy about this?"

"Yes! The toothfairy's going to come and give me money, Lou Lou!" Harry cheers, giving a bone crushing hug to Louis, which makes him drop the tooth. Harry retrieves it thereafter, running down the stairs with Louis to tell his mum the good news.

It's questioned why Louis and Harry were wearing each other's shirts, but they were more satisfied on the fact that Harry lost one of his baby teeth because of Louis. Maybe shouting out  _Louis hit me in the face!_  wasn't the best explanation for it, but it got through without any ask about it.

Harry goes home an hour after that, giving Louis a kiss on the cheek as another thank you for his t-shirt, and for his tooth knocking.

******

Louis and Harry are together on a Tuesday afternoon in their humble abode, Louis questioning why Harry had his kitten notepad out. Harry's writing in their rule book.

_Rule number five._

"Harry!" Louis shouts, trying to see what Harry's writing but Harry covered it up, finishing up what he's jotting down. "We're making the rules together, remember?!"

"I-I know but..," Harry doesn't finish, continuing to write secretly under Louis' hawking eye. He keeps it covered even after he's done, Louis demanding to see the new rule. "You might not like it, Lou Lou."

"I don't know what it is, Hazza. How am I meant to know what it is?"

Harry blushes, smiling away from Louis as he finally reveals the rule to Louis. He reads through them all again, just to keep them fresh in his mind.

_**Rule Number One:**  It is our tree house._

_**Rule Number Two:**  It's their secret, and no one elses._

_**Rule Number Three:**  Meet each other every day._

_**Rule Number Four:**  No food, no entry._

_**Rule Number Five**  ..._ "Oh, Hazza."

He only blushes harder, Louis dropping the notebook and reaching over to hug Harry tight. He squishes their faces together, kissing his cheek forcefully.

_**Rule Number Five:**  Stay best friends forever._

 


	4. Chapter 4

The Winter Holidays approach, a restless Louis jumping around in his polka dot onesie excited for his what seemed to be never coming birthday. But here it is, three large presents one in each family members arms as they bring it to Louis standing in front of their Christmas tree.

He hugs  _mummy, daddy_  and Laika, ripping open the presents and shredding the holiday print. A new kitchen set, Louis sees, filled with  _over 100+ plastic food and drink_. He's definitely taking this one to the tree house. There's something along the lines of  _Thomas the Tank Engine_ , the box containing train pieces and trains which are battery controlled. Louis thanks his parents for such marvelous gifts. His parents smile; these gifts cost no more than twenty dollars. Louis is always pleased with any thing on his birthday.

Laika is next, giving Louis the big box as he takes off the lid, another box inside it. He picks it up and glares at it.  _You gotta keep finding the present, Lou_ , Laika says to him. Louis opens the lid again and reveals yet another box.

He opens five boxes before the actual present is revealed. It's a new Barbie doll, _Rapunzel_  - Louis is sure of it. He loves it too much already, jumping up and hugging his sister close for the worthy present. His mum's in the kitchen now making a hot breakfast of pancakes and syrup for him, Laika and Harry; who's coming around in a bit for Louis' benefit.

Harry comes about, knocking at the door with Anne. Louis answers, hugging Harry as he shouts  _Happy ninth Birthday Lou Lou!_  handing him the birthday card and--  _that's_  it. Anne walks in a kisses Jay on the cheek, Dan the same. Harry walks in with Louis into the lounge room to inspect all the things he got for his birthday.

Harry's happy, joining Louis at the train set and starting to fit pieces together. Batteries come about and soon, the trains start moving along the track. Louis loves it.

They're called to breakfast, eating fast before Louis asks his mum about heading to the tree house for the rest of the day. He wants to take that mini stove to their abode, but Louis would be breaking the secret location rule. He decides that maybe when he can, he'll trolley it to the spot and somehow lift it up those six metre high stairs.

Both run off in their boots, coat and gloves - the snowfall rather unpredictable in this season - and go to the tree house. They run up the stairs, forgetting entirely about rule number four. They enter without food, none of them caring about the breakage of their commandments. Louis sighs in their tree house. It's truly spectacular.

It seems as if the months that have passed by have been told as a story in their little house. The lanterns, the first time Louis slept over Harry's - for that short time. The drawings on the wall, the scribbles being Harry's small doodles and Louis' magnificent pieces of art, as Harry would say. That was the day Louis finally declared Harry as his bestest best friend. Of course, when Louis said this Niall and Stan, they were the least impressed.

"So... um," Harry mutters suddenly. Louis beams with joy, Harry rocking back and forth on the ball of his foot and heel with hands behind his back. "I have a present for you."

"You do?" Louis asks, Harry nodding vigorously as Louis jumps with a happy clap. "Show me! Show me!"

Harry does, pulling out something stuck in his pocket. Louis looks at it in the palm of Harry's hand, smiling brightly as he stares at the glassy eyes of Harry's.

"For me?"

"Yes, Lou Lou," Harry takes his wrist, slipping on the little bracelet of blue, green and white, Louis name - or _Lou Lou_  - printed on the beads which are in between the coloured ones. "I made this for you. I've got one myself and I made it for us to wear forever!"

Louis wants to cry at such a precious gift, looking down at his wrist where Harry has officially marked him. Louis preens at it before launching forward and attacking Harry into the ground for a hug. He digs his head into his neck, thanking him over and over for the gift which beat anything he received from his family, or anything he's received at all actually.

"I love you, Harry." Louis simpers, watching Harry blush humbly underneath him.

"I love you too, Lou Lou."

******

Christmas eases past and soon enough, February approached and school is close coming. Harry's birthday is first though and Louis is sitting in the garden, watching Harry play around with his closest school friends. Louis felt out of place at his birthday party. He didn't know any of the younger kids and Harry is paying no attention to Louis, his bestest best friend, whatsoever.

Finally, after the party is over, Harry notices Louis sitting on the mushroom chair near the garden patch on the left. Harry ambles to him with a cupcake in his hand, watching Louis with a cross look across his face. Harry feels guilty.

He knows he left Louis,  _kinda_. He hands him the cupcake, Louis taking it with a small thank you popping from his mouth like a proper gentleman. Harry takes the seat next to him, smiling as Louis eats the cupcake and gets a bit of blue frosting on his nose.

"What?"

"There's something on your nose, Lou," Harry giggles, taking his finger and wiping Louis' nose clear. "Do you want to go to the tree house?"

It's a no-brainer, Louis standing and running along Harry's track to the tree house, his cupcake still in his hand as they climb the steps and enter inside. Harry closes the door and starts to speak frantically.

"Louis, I'm so sorry about today. I didn't mean to leave you out of everything. I didn't want to, but everyone was just around me and I couldn't really--" Louis shuts him up with a hug, Harry holding back tight. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, Haz. We're alone now and you're spending time with me. I'm fine with it," Louis says, pulling back and admiring their bracelets. Louis has never taken his off, and he hopes Harry's the same. "Do you want my special birthday present?"

"Of course!" Harry chirps, Louis giving him his own homemade bracelet of blue, green and white also. It's much different, more of a marble look than Harry's - they were Laika's beads with elastic string. Harry loves it, handing his wrist to Louis to put on the charm. "We can never take these off, Lou Lou. They're our friendship bracelets."

" _Best friend-ship_  bracelets." Louis corrects him.

" _Bestest best friend-ship_  bracelets," Harry corrects over him. "Thank you for the best birthday ever, Lou."

Louis and Harry spend the rest of the day together, reading comics with each other's presence and running home to Harry's place for dinner and a movie later that night. Louis goes home satisfied. He really loves Harry.

*******

A week later, he attends school. A week later, his heart breaks as the bond of Harry and Louis is broken for what is probably forever.

Niall stands stunned, breathless, as he sees Louis' mouth gaped wide as tears fill his eyes. Louis glares at him, his heart shattered like the bracelet which is now broken on the floor, beads spread out all over the place never to be found again.

"You broke my  _bestest best friend-ship_  bracelet!" Louis shouts, the class staring at the scene behind them as Louis slaps Niall in the face. "You broke it!"

The teacher storms to him, taking his wrist - now barren - and moves him away from Niall who's crying into his seat. Louis is taken to the principal's office.

On the first day of school, Louis got his first school suspension.

*******

He manages to sneak out later that afternoon. He's nearly killed for the suspension, and he's been grounded for two weeks with no TV privileges. He sees Harry in the tree house and the first thing he notices is Louis' wrist which is bare.

"Louis," He calls. "Where's your--"

"Niall broke it at school," Louis spoke bluntly. "So I slapped him in the face and I got suspended for a day or two."

"He broke it?" Harry sounds heartbroken. "I-Is it... does you still have it?"

"The teacher threw it away," Louis sighs. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I felt so horrible. I would have done more to him but... I couldn't. I was so mad at him. That bracelet meant so much to me."

"Lou Lou, it's okay," Harry stands and walks to him, hugging him through his misery. "I'm not angry. How did Niall break it?"

"He pulled it."

"That's it?"

"Well, that bracelet's been through a lot, Hazzy. I was trying to take care of it, but Niall just had to pull away the last bond and it just fell to the floor. All the beads rolled away and..." Louis sighs again, apologizing more into Harry's neck.

"I'm just glad you came and saw me today."

"Yeah. I had to sneak out, so I might need to go back soon."

"Y-yeah," Harry stammers. "Are you able to see me tomorrow?"

"Depends. I don't want to break the rules, Hazza... but, sometimes--"

"I know," Harry breathes, smiling softly. "Hey, do you want to do something before you go? You know, to replace that bracelet. It might be better than wearing this everywhere."

"Keep it on, Hazza. You make me a new one and I'll put that on."

Harry agrees, nodding as he pulls Louis to the window both looking out for a moment or two before Harry takes out a pencil. Louis glares at it.

"Write your name, Lou."

"My name?"

"Yeah, write your name into the window. Best friends forever - and it's written in somewhere and no one can ever take it away," Harry tells him, handing Louis the pencil. "You don't have to scratch hard, it's kinda wet from the rain soaked into it."

Louis writes his name into the wood, tracing over it many times before his name is significantly etched into the sill. Louis smiles at it, the two names side by side of each other.  **LOUIS HARRY**. It's permanent. It's _forever._

"I'm sorry again, Hazza--"

"Sh, Lou Lou. It's fine," Harry reassures, kissing his cheek and resting his head on Louis' shoulder. "It's fine."

******

Despite being grounded, Louis earns the privilege to be able to see Harry for the rest of those two weeks he's grounded for. The day after the next, he goes to school and apologizes to Niall for his rude behaviour. They're friends again by recess.

******

Another school year passes quickly, and Louis and Harry are on summer vacation. The  _bestest best friends_  are set to earn a surprise.

The day Louis and Harry come home from the tree house, they see a tent pitched in Louis' yard and a small fire just in front of it, a bag of marshmallows on the seat with his mum and Anne standing beside everything with a smile.

"Mum," Louis asks. "What's this?"

"Anne and I wanted to give you a little surprise. So we made a small bon-fire for you," Louis remembers talking to his mum about this one night before bed. Mummy, one day can I have a tent outside and sleep by myself? That was over three months ago, and he's sharing his first time experience with Harry. "Do you like it?"

"I love it!" Louis shouts, grappling onto his mum and hugging him. Harry does the same with Anne, both of the boys running to the marshmallows and finding long twigs on the ground. They pop the fluffy mallows on the sticks and roast them over the burning firewood his dad chopped up earlier. Jay and Anne leave, knowing that Louis and Harry will be okay for the rest of the night by themselves.

They are, hopping into the tent the minute Harry says he's tired. They both snuggle into their sleeping bags, Harry's starting to become rather large for his. He's been growing quite a bit in the past couple of months, reaching up to Louis' height now despite the year age difference. Louis hopes Harry doesn't become that much larger than him.

Louis shuffles over after a couple of minutes of the final good nights, snuggling into Harry's body. Louis curls perfectly into Harry, as if it's puzzle pieces. Louis likes how they fit perfectly. He also likes how Harry doesn't mind Louis being so close with him.

_Bestest best friends._

*****

Time seems to pass extremely quickly the moment Louis begins to find the real enjoyment of life. He goes to school, the day goes fast with his other friends before spending two or three hours with Harry in the afternoon. Harry would sometimes sleep over Louis' on school nights, Louis still hasn't made an attempt to sleep over Harry's, despite being eleven now.

Harry's ten, his birthday just passing a couple of days ago, but he's contracted the measles, and Louis can't see him. Louis spends his days alone in his tree house, knowing Harry isn't be able to turn up. The rules are regardless now, pretty pointless. They've been changed a number of times over the past two years and a bit. Louis doesn't know why.

Harry's sickly state is removed from him three days later, surprising Louis at the tree house and giving him a batch of warm brownies as a  _sorry for leaving you_  present. Louis doesn't care about the brownies. He only cares about Harry's health. He's okay.

*****

Louis' first day of middle school is absolutely terrifying.

Not only is he transferred to a different school, away from Harry, but all these people - taller people - are surrounding him and are pushing him, bumping him and attacking him. Louis sticks close to Niall and Stan's side walking through the middle school corridors. He ends up attached to their hip for the rest of the day.

Louis doesn't think he can last a year of this. Harry listens to Louis' story, horrified of what he's going to meet next year. Louis tells him everything will be okay, hugging him tight and kissing his forehead. They go home that night, Harry staying for dinner and dessert before the two sit up in Louis' room.

Harry's a damn giant. He's taller than Louis by probably ten centimetres. Louis sits up against the bed with Harry nestling between his legs, his back against Louis' chest as he rests. Louis plays with the bracelet on Harry's arm. He hasn't taken it off at all. It's been on his wrist for two years.  _Two years._

Wow, it's almost been  _three_  since Louis met Harry in the tree house. The time is going by quick, and Louis doesn't know if he likes it or not. He has Harry for forever though, and that's okay.

Louis still didn't know how long _forever_  lasted though.


	5. Chapter 5

He's sitting in his first week of middle school, and already they're going through the process of asking the kids what to do before having sex.

Harry groans into his hands, Zayn slapping his thigh to perk up and look interested. The teacher babbles on about condoms and all the like. Harry knew about this, Louis had already given him a book about it as a joke for his thirteenth birthday. He found himself reading through it curiously one night. It's interesting, kinda.

The teacher makes them leave after the fifty minute lesson, the class dragging themselves out of their chairs ready to go home. Liam catches Harry's arm and pulls him aside. Zayn has the instinct to follow.

"Are you coming by tomorrow?" Liam asks. "We need you, we're short on numbers."

He needs to manage his time. This weekend, he's expected to spend with Louis out in the fields. Instead, Liam wants him to come around and play football for no apparent reason. Harry has to say no.

"What time?" Harry can't say  _no_. He can never say _no._  "I'll be there."

"Eleven at the pitch, all right?" Liam tells, hitting Zayn in the chest and smiling. "Are you comin' too?"

Zayn nods. Liam walks off with an  _I love you guys_  and a little pixie like wave. Harry grins to him and faces Zayn. He's lost in a daze of happiness looking at a girl with blonde and lilac in her hair at the side lockers, giggling to her friends.

Harry pinches his cheek and snickers as Zayn lights up at Harry. Harry smiles, knowing Zayn is completely head over heels for this girl. He has been since year five. Perrie isn't oblivious to it. Both of them are crushing hard on each other, but it seems as if there's something between them which can't allow them to go out with each other.

Maybe that's just how the year eight mind works.

"Just ask her out, Z," Harry encourages. "It's obvious."

Zayn puts it off and walks with Harry outside of the school. Both part ways, Harry catching the bus back to his farm looking forward to spending the rest of his afternoon with Louis.

******

"Haz, we organized this days ago." Louis is extremely upset, arms folded over his chest as he leans against the tree house wall. Harry sighs to himself, looking up at Louis with remorse.

"They're just short on numbers, Lou," Harry explains. "Liam just needs a bit of help with the team. They're suckish this year and Liam doesn't want to forfeit this game."

"And since when could you play football properly?"

Harry smirks, a little insulted. "Don't be a dick. That was one time."

"One time is enough to tell a story, Hazza."

"Just because I fell on my arse, also factorizing that the grass out front was just recovering from the melting snow, doesn't mean every time I play, I will fall on my bum."

"Could do," Louis' words are bitter. Harry stands from his chair and walks to Louis and putting his hands on his shoulders. "I know that Liam needs help, H, but you've pretty much spent all your weekends with the other lads. I always give up my time with Niall and Stan to be with you."

"Don't give that up. You know I don't care that you go out with other friends sometimes."

"You can't say  _no_ ," Louis says. "It's one of my pet peeves. You can't say  _no_  to anyone. You always treat others before yourself."

"Do not--"

"Harry, I've known you for six years. You always put others before yourself. That's _not_  how it works."

Harry sighs, moving forward and putting his forehead down to Louis' shoulder. He always does this when Louis is upset with him or he can't think. Louis just lets him rest there.

"Don't think I'm mad at you, okay? I'm bein' a little hypocritical myself saying you need to be with me instead of Liam. You can say  _no_. I understand."

"I want to spend time with you, Lou."

Louis wraps his arms around him for comfort. "We always spend time with each other, every day after school," He murmurs. "You know I love you, Hazza. We don't have to be with each other every single day."

"But it's the rules."

Louis snorts. "I forgot about those."

"You didn't bring food in, did you?"

Louis pinches Harry's bum. "Shut up. You brought nothing too."

Harry giggles against Louis' shoulder, lifting his head off to meet with Louis' eyes. Electric and glossy, like anytime he's happy.

"Do you want to have dinner at mine tonight?"

"Is your mum making sticky date pudding again?" Louis asks, licking his lips and bouncing happily.

"Not too sure. I think we have some left though--"

Louis takes Harry's wrist and runs out of the treehouse with him back to Harry's place.

******

The football game went well. Harry says goodbye to Liam and Zayn before walking the kilometre back to his place to meet with Louis in the green fields to help him with his biology project.

It's great having Louis in the year above him. It warns Harry what he's facing the next year. Louis has already told him being the smallest freshman didn't really have its perks. He is left alone though, but he always hangs onto the people he's got - Stan and Niall.

Harry's met both of them and despite the long distance dislike from Niall and Stan, all of them got along pretty well at Louis' fourteenth birthday. They've never been together otherwise.

Harry puts on his bush boots and throws on his cotton shirt and flannelette shirt over top. He wears some plain jeans and tells his mum he'd be back later tonight if he doesn't organize an on the dot sleepover with Louis. They're much better now. Louis had gotten over his fear of the dark and he sleeps well on his own. It's expected now at his age. He's fourteen.

Louis hears the sound of leaves and twigs being broken, jumping out and scaring the living daylights out of Harry. Harry taps his face and growls at him. He forgives and forgets, walking with Louis to the grassy fields just behind Harry's house.

Surrounding the fields are trees and the place looked so delicate and lovely. Louis discovered this place once when he got lost going to Harry's. He took Harry here the day after and from there, they've sat here to talk, play catch or do homework in. Louis rests down into the grass first, still light green shade but discolouring from the Autumn season approaching. Harry sits down in front of him, starting to pull and cut at the blades as Louis looks around and does his sketch for his class.

"What do you need to do anyway?" Harry questions. All he's doing is sketching. Seems easy enough.

"Well, I need to create a diorama for my class. I need to choose an area which is full of biodiversity and then recreate it."

"What's biodiversity?"

"It's where there's a range of species in the area," Louis informs. "I think there's a lot of plants and animals here. I don't really know."

Harry nods as he continues to pick at the grass. Louis finishes his work and takes Harry back to his place for nonsense to be done for the rest of the day.

******

School only gets dreadfully worse when he enters the Health period and sees the writing on the board. It's the first thing he sees, and his instinct is to run out and just scream  _nopenopenope._

_Relationships._

Harry's had enough of these already. He's meant to like them, that's what Liam tells him anyway. He's just had too many of them to really find the meaning to them. Usually all they mean is  _go out for one week_  and have a small peck on the cheek, lips if _lucky_ , and then break up. They're pointless, and honestly, Harry doesn't see anything more to it.

He knows Louis has had a few girlfriends here and there. That's what Louis tells him anyway. He doesn't feel comfortable talking about girls to Harry, really. He often avoids the questions like _when was your first kiss?,_  or _who do you fancy now?_  Harry doesn't mind though. Louis has been a little more secretive and quieter for the past few years of middle school.

He sits next to Zayn and Liam, trying to find something to focus on for the next fifty minutes. The teacher walks about and gives a pamphlet to everyone labeled _relationships: for now or the future?_  Harry says: _never._

He starts off questioning the class what relationships actually are. Zayn keeps interested - like every time he's in sex ed class, and Liam is texting off his mobile phone to his sister who's in college. Gemma's in college too, Harry misses her to pieces.

They are asked to flip the page of the booklet. Harry feigns attraction, but turns the page to look appealed to the topic.

He's never seen this in the subject of relationships before. The first question at the top is new.

_What is my sexuality?_

_First of all, what is sexuality?_  Harry questions himself. Apparently there are many types but three of the main types are heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual. Harry has no clue what any of these mean.

He's paying attention now, listening to the teacher explain the meanings of sexuality and how one defines their own desire. It isn't by force, nor are you born with it. It naturally occurs and it's known by your preference. Harry is really focusing on this new information, taking it in as if it's clear as a Summer's day.

"Heterosexuality, I could say, is the most common. I'm sure most of you have seen boys and girls hold hands. Say if a girl wanted a boy, and only boys, you'd be heterosexual - or straight." And  _only_  boys?  _Can girls like girls too?_

Harry is wide-eyed and shocked. He never knew things worked like that. He thought the only way to go is in one direction - straight for the girls (I'm cackling). But... girls and _girls?_

Bisexuality is explained and Harry is more astonished on that topic. Boys and girls?

"Homosexuality is a little different and I'm sure most of you have heard about people calling each other gay, and all those other appalling names you should never call anyone," The teacher informs. "It is basically the opposite of everything else. If you're a girl, you like girls. If you're a boy, you like boys. That's as simple as it gets."

Harry is aghast by the end of the lesson. He needs a drink from the water fountain before going to his next class with Zayn.

*****

He leaves it off for the weekend when he finally needs to speak to Louis about it.

Both of them are in their pyjamas, sitting in Louis' room. He's in Louis' bed and Louis is out brushing his teeth like an obedient little idiot. Harry's got the duvet at his chest as he rests with a pillow holding him upright. Louis walks in with a grin on his face, closing the door and hopping into bed with Harry.

Louis stares at him for a little bit. Harry's smile falters.

"What's wrong, H?"

"Louis are... um," Harry shuffles over on the bed, unnecessarily. "Louis are we gay?"

Louis is flabbergasted. "Harry, where did you get that from? Have Zayn and Liam been telling you shit again?"

"N-no!" Harry stammers back defensively. "What-- I-I learned it from school. Homosexuality and the straight thing--"

"Heterosexual?"

"Yeah, and we're always together, Lou Lou," Harry looks petrified, his covers almost up to his chin as he looks at Louis. "I always used to kiss you on the cheek and hug you all the time. We're not gay, are we Louis?"

"No, love--"

" _Harry,_ " Harry corrects. "I'm Harry."

"Harry, don't get so caught up in this gay thing, all right? It's nothing. We're best friends and best friends, no matter your gender, always act like this."

"But... Liam and Zayn neve--"

"Liam and Zayn can fuck off, yeah? Every one's different, Haz. Our friendship is different. Don't try and change us because of a stupid little subject at school, all right?"

"But--"

" _Harry._ "

"Louis, I'm straight!"

"I know you are. I am too. Just because we've had a bromance going on for the last six-seven years doesn't mean we're gay. It doesn't work like that, Hazza. Just trust me, okay? I've done a lot more on the topic than you have. You'll understand soon."

Harry nods softly, Louis moving slightly to the side and wrapping his arms underneath Harry's body under the blanket. He tugs him down into the mattress, both laying on their separate pillows and staring at each other, the light still on.

Harry wants to move away. He's uncomfortable.

"L-lou, this isn't gay, is it?"

Louis growls, standing up from the bed and shutting off the light. He remains at the light, hand on the doorknob.

"If you think that's gay, or you don't want me to be around you any more, just say it Harry."

" _Louis!_ "

"You're taking this too seriously. We were fine before you had to listen to your teacher about a stupid little topic which is pointless!" Louis screams at him. "Sleep up here by yourself tonight, I'm going to the couch."

"L-lou Lou, don't leave--" Louis leaves.

*****

Louis is at breakfast in the early hours of the morning. Harry finds him at the table and joins him after Jay platters some eggs and bacon onto Harry's plate. They sit at opposite ends of the table, Louis avoiding looks at Harry while Harry ate, only staring at Louis.

Louis finishes and politely waits for Harry to also finish. Their plates are put in the sink as Louis goes upstairs to his room, Harry shadowing behind. Louis sits at his desk and pulls out a book, probably his homework. Harry sits on the bed and waits.

"You can walk home, can't you Harry?"

Harry is confused. "Y-yeah, but... aren't we going to the tree house? We're going to hang up the new wallpaper.

"I'm busy," Louis tells him bluntly. "I have homework."

"You didn't say that before."

"Just go away, Harry. Please? I'm busy."

Harry gathers his things, reluctant to leave. Louis isn't budging from the desk as Harry walks down the track back to his house. He thinks to himself once he's back in his bedroom. Louis over-reacted, for sure. Harry isn't too sure why though.

Maybe Louis is homophobic.

******

"Well, she messaged me last night--"

"That's a good start!" Harry shouts. "Did you message her back?"

"I did."

"And?"

"Well, she fancies you," Zayn frowns. Harry pales. "At least you've got a chain of girls after you--"

"Z, I'm not going to date her. You know I'm not like that."

"Yeah, but it's hard. Everyone always fancies the hotter friend," Harry blushes at the minor compliment. "Perrie's stunning. I thought she liked me back, H. Obviously not."

"We all thought the same, Z. Liam and I seriously thought you were in for the kill the other day," Harry sighs. "Sorry, mate."

"S'all right. I guess this tells me I should move on, hm?"

"Don't give up--"

"Don't tempt me, Harry. It'll only make me feel worse," Zayn grumbles, sipping his juice box as he looks around from their recess spot. "Where's Liam?"

"Counselling."

"Again?"

"Well, when you were away last week he hit someone in the face."

"Like Louis back in the day, hm?"

Harry snickers. "Can't believe you still remember me telling you about that."

"Harry, you were crying your eyes out when you told me Louis was suspended. You were stressing the shit out of yourself."

"It wasn't my fault! Louis was vulnerable back then. He still is."

"Over a damn bracelet," Zayn laughs. "I can't believe he hurt someone over a bracelet."

Harry doesn't know if he should take offense to that, looking at his own Louis made bracelet still on his wrist. "Z, I made him that bracelet. He was upset because he thought I'd get mad at him and he hit Niall in return."

"You two were the real deal back then, weren't you?" Zayn asks. "You seem like some eternally bonded married couple."

"Like I'd ever get married to Louis." Harry laughs.

"So you'd like to?" Zayn smirks. Harry shakes his head at the nonsense Zayn's speaking.

"You kidding, mate? Lou and I are straight. Don't start bringing sex ed into this all over again."

"Louis is pretty damn well straight by what you were telling me this morning. He sounds like he's afraid of the D. He might scream if he saw your willy out."

"He's caught me a couple of times naked," Zayn stares shocked. "When I was getting changed, you moron."

"I was about to congratulate you on your getting in there with Tamara, Hazza."

Harry stares dully at Zayn. "I'm thirteen, Z."

"You're never too young."

"Is that your motto for everything?" Harry asks. Zayn just shrugs. "C'mon, we're going to be late for class."

"You want to be early for history? What is wrong with you?"

"Should I be retorting that question back to you? You and your five minutes early to sex ed every time--"

Zayn slaps his bicep. "Fuck up, Harry."

*****

Harry walks to the door with a batch of cupcakes, in a container, in his hands. He knocks, a small voice inside grumbling as Harry enters and stands at the frame of the door.

"Louis," Harry says. Louis remains with his back faced to Harry and keeping his head down to focus on his homework. Harry tries again. "Boobear, please don't be upset with me."

"I'm not upset with you."

"Then why are you ignoring me? Why did you tell me to go away yesterday? Why are you so afraid of me talking about people being gay?"

"I'm not afraid, Harry. I just don't want to talk about it."

"Well, stop! Because I don't like it when you're upset with me!"

"I said, I'm not upset with you."

"I know you are, Louis. People who need glasses can see it better than you can yourself!"

"Go away, Harry."

"Loui--"

"I said go away!"

"No!" Harry shouts. "I said no! I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you, Louis. You're different. You've changed ever since Saturday. You're being a dick and I hate it!"

"Harry, it's complicated."

"No, it isn't. Just stop being like this, please!" Harry begs. "I don't want us to stay apart because of a silly little issue at school, like you said. You're my best friend, Lou. I don't want everything to change."

Louis drops his pen down, standing up from his seat to remain standing - still back faced to Harry. Harry ambles forward cautiously, placing the cupcakes down on the kitchenette counter and stepping to Louis to be beside him.

Harry takes his hand, holding it in both of his. Louis stares at the paper in front of him, unsure of what to do and think.

"Louis, please. I love you too much to stop this."

"Har--"

"I'm not letting seven years of friendship go down the drain, just because I asked a simple question, Lou," Harry mutters with plea in his eyes. "I made you cupcakes?"

Louis sniffs quietly, laughing under his breath. He looks up to Harry with a small smile on his face, Harry returning one back. Both of them hug, Louis' head on Harry's shoulder as Harry holds him tight against his chest. Louis starts to cry.

"Lou?" Harry calls, growing worried. "Louis, are you crying?"

Louis shakes his head no, but the wetness on his shoulder screams out yes.

"Louis, baby. No, please don't cry. Lou Lou, please... you don't deserve to cry. No  _no no no no_ ," Harry whispers, resting his cheek on Louis' bed of hair. Harry strokes his back and lets Louis cry. "Louis, c'mon Boo. You don't need to cry. Every thing's okay."

Everything isn't okay in Louis' eyes. Louis is  _confused._


	6. Chapter 6

He slams himself into his bed, a pillow squished into his face smothering his words as he screams out  _fuck!_  Louis is confused.

Harry knew something is up with Louis and now, Louis can't bottle it away and forget about it because Harry  _fucking_  Styles is a persistent little bitch who never lets things go. Louis hates that about Harry. He hates that Harry just won't shut up about this whole  _being gay_  thing because it's fucking him over like a massive tidal wave of  _what is your sexuality? What is it... really?_

Louis doesn't know what to do, whether or not he should just come out to Harry and see if it all makes sense to himself. He can't say it to himself and know for sure. He can't do it to anyone but Harry. Niall and Stan would laugh at him and his mum and dad would probably disown him. Laika is no bloody help whatsoever, never has been.

Louis knew he's different. Ever since he's been transferred to middle school, he just knew something else was up and that girls never really appealed to him that much anymore. Maybe it's just a phase and that's what's confusing the shit out of Louis - and even making him cry with uncertainty into his pillow that very night, and almost every other night.

He doesn't know what to do. He hates himself for it. He hates himself that he can't even ask Harry for help because it might tear them apart. Louis loves Harry too much, and not even in the way he thinks he might, to let him go.

*****

Harry comes home from another Health lesson and needs to do his homework. It's Louis fault to ask what he's doing and to get involved in it.

"Well, I need to write a project about something to do with relationships," Harry mutters, keeping his eyes on the paper as Louis gulps. "Do you have any idea? Can you tell me about your past girlfriends?"

 _Pfft_ , Louis has never had a girlfriend. They were lies. Louis will never admit this to Harry, of course.

"Well, there's this one girl, you know Stacy?"

Harry is blank. "Er...um, not really, Lou."

"She and I went out for about a month? Remember? Back in November?"

"You never told me about her, Lou."

"Yeah, well, she and I like... were pretty good and... stuff," Harry smirks softly at Louis. He doesn't believe him. "Oh, come on, Harold! You know her!"

"Yeah, okay," Harry huffs, turning back to his book and writing a few words down. Louis growls and hits his arm hard, and not in a playful way. "Ow! What was that for?"

"For you fucking smirking at me and not believing me."

"Lou, occurs I believe you--"

"Bullshit, and you know it."

"Okay, fine. You've caught me," Harry confesses. Louis folds his arms and glares at Harry, crossed. "Louis, you just don't make it believable. You say you've had a girlfriend, but I've never met her, or seen her around with you."

"They're just flings, Harry."

"Hey, I've had flings and you've seen me with enough girls to know who was my girlfriend for that week!" Harry tells. "Louis, you're just... I don't think..." He trails off, knowing he's heading in to some terrible territory.

Louis becomes interested, angrily curious. "Don't think what?"

"I... never mind."

"Don't think what, Harry?"

"I said never mind!"

" _Harry!_ "

"I just don't think you've ever dated anyone, Louis," Louis grinds his teeth together. "You told me to tell you. That's your--"

"I can't bloody believe you! You don't even trust me, or believe me when I tell you something. You don't even try."

"Lou, I didn't mean it to sound like that. You're becoming  _curiouser and curiouser_  every day," He sure is. He's still confused on what to say to Harry, let alone if he should _tell_  Harry at all. "Let's just drop it, yeah? It's not important right now."

Good.

*****

Harry doesn't drop the damn subject.

"Louis, imagine what it'd be like to be in love with someone, but you were blind," Harry's head is on his back as Louis does his biology in the fields again. Harry's staring up to the cumulus clouds - the big fluffy clouds, as Louis describes them as - and pointing out the shapes they make. So far down the list, there has been an alligator, a dinosaur shoving its fist into a cloud, a wilted daisy and a person with a broken leg. Harry should just focus on the clouds, but he's still going on - even after two weeks after his assignment in health was due in. "Like, where would you know where to kiss, and to like... do _it_."

"Harry, shut up, will you?" Harry just giggles, but he does - eventually.

Harry points out more clouds randomly, _oh, look Louis, it's a love heart!_  is what grabs his attention. Louis looks up, Harry pointing at the cloud which looked nothing like a love heart. Actually, none of them seemed like love hearts.

"Where?"

"There!" Harry doesn't help. "It's like right in front of you, Lou."

Louis pretends,  _oh yes, that's very nice_ , and goes back to his work. Harry stays quiet after that, God knows why. He doesn't speak until Louis notices that something has gone wrong with Harry. He turns his head and calls for him.

"Hazza?"

"Yeah?" His head turns so quickly. Both of them smile at each other.

"You're awfully quiet."

"Can't I enjoy a nice Saturday afternoon without talking for a little bit?"

"Well, it's kinda eery not hearing you blabber your mouth all over the place."

Harry smirks. "Giving me permission to talk, are ye?"

Louis hums to himself, facing back to his clipboard of work and mumbles: "Sing for me, Harold."

Harry scoffs. "Ha, nice try."

"No, I mean it. I want to hear you sing."

"I can't sin--"

"Bullshit," Louis snaps. "You loved to sing when you were younger. Remember that song you made for me when you were ten?"

"Lou--"

Louis begins to sing the song Harry made for him as a sorry to hurt you present when he accidentally paper cut him. Harry blushes hard into his hands as Louis sings it in the exact tune. " _Three years ago, I looked up and found you._ "

"Louis, stop--"

" _Smile of my day, and those eyes of blue_ \--"

" _Louis!_ " Harry puts his hand in Louis' face, shutting him up from the song. Louis shoves his head down into his work laughing so hard he snorts. Harry just cackles at that. He flips over and presses his nose into the small of Louis' back and laughs harmoniously with him. This what he loves best with Louis, just those times they could laugh at the things they did when they were younger. It wasn't that long ago, but it was enough time to say that it's probably one of the stupid things they did for each other.

Louis quietens down, a long sigh coming after and a little chuckle here and there. Harry flips back over and looks at the clouds again, reminding himself of that little song he made for Louis when he was ten.  _God_ , he still can't believe Louis remembers that. Well, really, Louis couldn't forget it.

" _But your eyes, they shine, they shine and_ \--"

Harry hits him in the face again.

******

"Why don't we just sleep out here tonight?" Harry asks him, rolling onto his stomach with the trampoline underneath them shifting. Harry ends up crashing into Louis' chest as he picks himself up with his arms over Louis and laughs. "You look all cosy and stuff."

"It's probably going to rain, H."

"Probably," Harry remarks. "We have our sleeping bags. We can just huddle to keep ourselves warm too," Louis smiles weakly at Harry's comment. Harry settles himself down onto Louis' chest and keeping his ear right next to his heartbeat; going crazy mad in his chest. "Louis, your heart is beating really fast.

It damn is. Louis takes in a shaky breath as he forces himself to slow his heart rate down. He tangles a hand in Harry's curls, scratching at his forehead to keep him purring. It's not every day some cute boy who's grown up in almost half of your life actually wants to  _cuddle_  with you; more so huddle - but Louis knew what Harry was actually implying.

"Do you want to sleep outside?" He avoids Harry's statement, thinking Harry has also been drawn off topic because of his little hums escaping his mouth as Louis hits the spot. "I-I can get Mum to get us the tent again."

"Be adventurous, use the tramp."

"I don't want to get sick, Hazza."

"You won't be. You have me. If we keep our body heat together, we'll stay warm. We'll obviously feel the rain. If it starts bucketing, we can head inside."

They're in their sleeping bags now, so that's just another thing - Louis doesn't have to get up. He decides to go for it. He has Harry here, that's really all he needs.

They lie together for an extra hour talking about things boys their age should be talking about more excessively -  _girls_. Clearly, Louis is absolutely sick of this topic and tries as many times as he could to steer Harry away from chatting about these whores at school. Louis wants him to shut up, maybe to hug Louis around the waist and nuzzle his nose into his sternum. Maybe Louis just wants to look at Harry and pinpoint all the different features like his heart-shaped lips, slightly chapped from lack of care, his eyes the greenest he's seen, even greener than the fields in their meadow and the light freckles that no one even notices on Harry, but Louis does; every single one of them which pepper his face.

Harry finally remains quiet when he asks Louis a question, but he doesn't respond. He looks up to Louis, his head still on his flat chest and sees Louis' eyes are closed and mouth opened slightly. He's fast asleep. Harry tucks himself closer into Louis' chest and curls his legs around one of Louis' - the sleeping bags not stopping them from cuddling together under the clouds which are sure to bring rain.

*****

They both run inside with their sleeping bags over their heads. They race to Louis' room, locking the door as quietly as they could to not disturb his parents in the house. Louis and Harry throw their sleeping bags to the floor, smiling at each other in the dim light with a sound of thunder crashing and making Louis squeak.

He races to Harry and wraps his arms around his torso, hiding his face in his neck as he whimpers. He's never gotten over his fear of thunderstorms. Harry's always there, as he presses his cheek into Louis' temple. He shuffles himself and Louis to the bed, small side steps, to fall into bed together. Harry lifts the sheets upon the two of them and makes Louis stay with his nose cold against Harry's neck and his arms almost suffocating around his lungs. Another boom of thunder and the strike of lightning appears, lighting through the window as a bright glow. Louis screams weakly as Harry presses a kiss to his upper cheek.

"It's only thunder, Lou Lou. It's not going to get you," He whines softly, lips on Harry's collarbone and every little whimper he makes his teeth are felt against the bone. Harry coos to him. "Boo, I'm not going to let the thunder hurt you."

His teeth chatter, Louis forcing himself to bite his lip to keep himself calm. His lip quivers as he continues to weep into Harry's chest. His hand clutches tight onto Harry's shirt, pulling it down to try stabilize himself. Harry brushes his lips across his sweaty forehead and whispers to him.

"I love you, Lou Lou. I'm right by your side. Always."

Louis doesn't think about speaking back, only tucking his head closer to Harry hearing that his heart beat is humming just as fast as his was earlier.

*****

Their traumatic night ended with Louis dipped into Harry's chest with Harry coddling him. Jay bursts the next morning in with a smile on her face, soon turning into a glower as she sees Harry - topless, mind you - in bed with Louis with his hair messy over his forehead and Harry's chest. Both are still asleep.

If she knows her son any better, she probably would have guessed something else is going on between these two.  _Obviously_ , it was just the thunder which startled Louis. Jay leaves the two boys alone for the rest they much needed.

*****

Harry's partially interested, Liam's on his phone and Zayn's eyes are massive, full of attentiveness. Guess where they are?

It's more on relationships this Monday, and Harry's had enough of it. He knows what sex is, he knows where to put everything and why you should put everything on before sticking  _the D_  in places. He wants to get on to the good stuff about health; the actual health part about nutrition and all that jazz. It's the only thing Harry's extremely interested in. Zayn doesn't have a damn clue why.

It's only boys in their class today, the girls off with some other woman who's an expert motivational talker - about sex. The boys are with their usual teacher and he's continuing on about how girls and boys should interact with one another, how feelings are made and what to do with them. Harry yawns. He's extremely bored of this repetitive shit. He really wants something considerably engaging in this course _. Please._

The next slide of the PowerPoint comes up. A blue screen with a fat title in the middle in bold Arial font. _Boys._  That's it. He flips the next slide and a few of the boys in the class jump in their seats at the view of two boys kissing, just a plain kiss on the lips - nothing  _that_  much to be afraid of.

The teacher talks about relationships all over again, except this time to do with two boys falling in love rather than the latter. Harry perks up with interest like wilted celery in a water-filled vase. He discusses the first main topic he didn't thoroughly cover in the first couple of weeks of teaching the subject.

"Can any one tell me the difference between loving a boy, and a girl?" Of course, there's the class clown who tries to get the funnies by shouting  _one loves cock and the other, pussy_. He's thrown out of class and the snickers stop. The teacher continues. "There's no difference whatsoever."

But there is a difference, Harry knows this. Exactly what Kye just yelled out in the class, there's one with a dick and another with lady parts.  _What does he mean there's no difference? There is clearly a damn difference._

"You like someone for their personality, don't you? You can't really choose who you fall in love with, it's a natural thing. It happens over a period of time, scientists say after four months, you fall in love with someone you've been having feelings for or you just move on. You love someone for who they are and people shouldn't be teased just because they love someone for who they are. If you fell in love with a girl, but found out she was once actually a boy ten years later; after you've married, would you divorce her? People have different opinions on this, but what would you think?"

 _Yeah,_  probably, Harry thinks. She's been lying to you for all these years, of course, you'd get a divorce. The majority of the class have the same opinion as Harry, but then the teacher blabbers on with a load of wisdom.

"What if you really loved him? What if you could never let him go, he's done everything for you, he's done so, so much for you. What if he's really someone you would die for, jump in front of the bus for, someone who you think you'd give your life to if he's on his deathbed. Someone who's your best friend. Someone who you couldn't live without?"

Harry's thought changes immediately, his heart twisting up with his stomach. _Shit._  The class is silent as the teacher flicks to the next slide, discussing more on gender neutrals and sexuality types. Class ends, and Harry can't get the thought out of his head of finding someone one day for their personality, instead of their gender. What if he really did love some  _girl,_  but found out it's a _guy_  ten years later? He wouldn't let her-- _him_  go. Harry's a  _sap_. He loves people too much to let them go.

Zayn catches his arm before they walk to science together. Both Liam and Zayn come up by his sides, Harry much quieter than usual. Zayn bumps his bicep with his elbow, asking for his attention.

"You okay, mate?" Zayn questions. "You've been a little funny since that slideshow."

"Yeah, I'm fine." But Harry's not fine. He's quite  _scared._


	7. Chapter 7

"Harry!" He catches his arm, Harry groaning as he turns around with his eyes, dull and sleepy, gazing into Liam's. He's concerned. "Mate, what's going on?"

 _What's going on?_  Harry just wanted to tell him everything. _I haven't got a proper night sleep for the last week, I just don't know what to think. I'm confused, Liam, I need help. Can you help me? I want you to help me. I'm scared, Liam._

"I'm fine." He mutters roughly, snatching his arm away from Liam and walking to his next class uninterrupted.

*****

Zayn elbows Harry's bicep, a large snort escaping his mouth as Harry jerked up with his eyes wide. Ink's on his face and his mouth tasted metallic from the iron in the blood. He's been chewing his cheek in his sleep again.

"H, you need to stay awake," Zayn warns. "It's the third time you've fallen asleep in class."

Harry mumbles, head falling back down to his folded arms on the desk. "I'm just tired. The teacher doesn't care."

"You know, this is in our practice exams next week. If you fail, I'm not going to be the one tutoring you."

"I don't care, Z."

Zayn growls irritably, facing away from Harry and listening to their Biology teacher. Harry falls asleep again, waking to the bells of the school telling him it's finally time to go home.

He doesn't get away with it, though. Zayn pulls him aside just as he reaches his locker. His hand is slapped from the lock and Zayn pops in front of him with his eyebrows furrowed with outrage. Harry's bewildered.

"What's the matter with you?" His voice is a whisper, but his words are stern and considerably frightening. "You've been a mess all week. Ever since that slide show. You're acting weird and you're caring less about yourself!"

"It's none of your business."

" _Harry!_ "

"I don't need to tell you, Zayn." Harry fights back, holding his school books tighter in his arms as Zayn sighs sharply, glaring at Harry and moving away from his locker. He leaves then, Harry putting his books away before catching the yellow bus back home.

*****

Louis notices, too, that Harry's been a little different - especially today.

He's sitting in the corner with a cushion under his bum and The Devil's Own in his hands. He's quiet. Louis doesn't like quiet - especially with Harry. There 're only a few reasons which explain Harry's silence; in most cases it'll be because he's angry at Louis - but that's not very often. Harry's silence is particularly odd.

He watches him for a few more seconds, finishing off the small macaroons Harry's mum made for Louis. Louis questions Harry.

"Hazza, are you angry at me?"

Harry peeks from the book, smiling to Louis. "Why would you think that?"

Under his eyes are bags and his nose is red. Louis could mistake him under the influence of a cold, but Harry's been way too different to be sick. Just Harry's eyes tell a story, his voice too - a little lower than usual. Maybe that's just puberty finally kicking into Harry.

Louis stands from the chair and steps to Harry, flopping onto the floor and crossing his legs. He takes the book in his hands, folding it shut and throwing it to the side. Finally, he grabs Harry's hands, warmly, and holds them in the minor gap between their crossed legs.

"There's something wrong with you."

Harry laughs. "Of course there is. We've discussed this--"

"No, I mean there is something up with you," Louis says. "H, you're being... you're acting different."

"You too?" Harry groans."

"What do you mean?"

"Just because I'm quiet for a couple of days, does it mean there is something wrong with me?" Harry tells him, extremely annoyed. "Z and Liam keep bugging me too, Lou."

"I'm sorry, but I've known you for seven years and when you act peculiar all of a sudden, it's because there's something bothering you. You've been like this for a week and don't think I'll leave it off, Hazza until you tell me."

"I don't need to tell you."

"You always take the shit out of me when I have something locked up inside me. It's my turn," Louis says. "Now, what's the matter, H? We're best friends, remember? You can tell me anything and it'll stay in this tree house. Rule number nine?"

Harry giggles weakly, his gaze falling down to the gap between their legs. He sighs deeply as his body slumps. Something is seriously up.

"Harry, is it a girl?"

"No, Lou."

"Is it something Liam did and you can't tell Zayn or the principal because he'll probably take you out?"

Harry smiles up at the nonsense.  _"No_ , Lou."

"Is it school? Are you not taking the pressure? I know middle school's a little tough, but you'll get there. I can tutor you. I might only be a freshman but you know I can still help you--"

"No, Louis, it isn't anything about those things. It's something entirely different and it's fucking my mind up," Harry hisses. "Look, I don't know anything about it yet, okay? Can you give me some time just to find where I'm at?"

Louis tries once more. "Is it puberty?"

" _No_ , Lou."

" _Harry._ "

"Louis, it's seriously not. You know I haven't even got to that stage yet."

Louis stops there, smoothing his thumbs against the back of Harry's knuckles.

"You'll get there, H," Louis reassures. "I'm always here, you know that. When you've found yourself, or whatever, just come over or give me a ring. I'll be up in a jiffy if you ring me in the middle of the night to talk."

Harry preens at Louis. "I love you, Lou Lou."

"You know I love you too, you confusing dumbshit," Louis snaps cheekily, standing and helping Harry off the cushion. "Come finish these paper chains with me, I want to put them up by tomorrow."

*****

Louis is the one calling him at ten o'clock on the same night.

He's crying over the phone, hard to understand, but he sounds like he's outside. He only makes out the words before Louis hangs up on him. He must have had another fight with his mum and-- oh, here he is now - rocks being thrown at his pane.

Harry quickly exits from google chrome, hiding his research before he goes to the window and opens it wide. Louis jumps through easily, shoving his things on the floor and arms being thrown over Harry's shoulders. Louis cries hard.

"She hit me, Haz."

Harry swallows, taking Louis by the shoulders and pushing him away from his chest. "She hit you?!"

"Here," Louis points to a spot on his cheek, a light tinge of bruising pink with tears spilling over the area - making it burn. Louis shakes, his eyes squeezing shut as he sunk back into Harry's shoulder. Harry wraps his arms stiff around Louis, holding him close and muttering sweet nothings into his ear. Harry kisses his temple, rocking the two of them back and forth, with his legs exchanging weight, from side to side. Harry steps them to his bed tucked into a corner, Louis and Harry falling in bed and still remaining in a comforting hug. Louis continues to wail.

Harry sings to him, it always cheers him up. He sings the chorus of the song he made for them when he was ten and clueless.

" _Your blue eyes, they shine, they shine and they twinkle in mine. Take you through darkness but lead you to hope. A tide of joy rushing and a smile left to show_ \--"

His voice breaks, but Louis doesn't notice all that much. He thinks Harry's crying too but really, it's his damn hormones. He falls asleep next to Louis on the bed, not even tucked in but laced within each other's arms and legs. Harry's warm with Louis. He wakes up the next morning, seeing a note taped in front of his alarm clock, Louis still sleeping soundly with his hair wispy and eyes gently closed. The alarm clock reads  _11:34_  and Harry reads the note before freaking out about his and Louis' absence of school.

**_I came in to wake you because power was out this morning. I saw Lou with you and thought that maybe you two weren't too fit for school. If Lou ever needs to talk to me, just tell him. I'm always here._ **

**_Mummy. xxx_ **

Harry really loves his mum. She'd be out at work by now and Harry thinks maybe Louis would rise up with the smell of bacon under his nose.

*****

Harry is quite correct, kissing Louis on the nose good morning before he sits up with a little whine coming from his throat. He smells bacon and his eyes shoot wide.

"For me?"

"Of course, Lou," Harry grins. "I've made myself some breakfast already. Mum left us be and she called in for the both of us. She says if you ever need to talk to her, she'll be there."

Louis smiles softly, taking a piece of the bacon and ripping a small strip. He eats, sighing to himself.

"I wish your mum was mine."

"We could have been brothers then," Harry laughs. "How cool would that be, hm? I'd get to see you every morning and night."

"We pretty much do all the time anyway."

"Well, you know what I mean."

"But I'd probably get really annoyed at you and we'd be rivals," Louis adds. "We could have been worst enemies."

"Never," Harry shakes his head at the impossibility. "It's better this way, though. I like it this way. I wouldn't change it for the world."

Louis wouldn't either,  _kinda._

****

Harry finds himself with Liam at lunch time, Zayn in the library probably not up for taking any of Harry or Liam's shit today. So the questions arise.  _Where were you yesterday? Did you fake a sicky? Did something happen with your family?_

Harry came out with the worst idea possible: "My voice keeps breaking."

And so the chants from Liam begin. "Harry's becoming a man!" Harry slaps his arm.

"Be quiet will you? It's not the best thing in the world."

"You know the girls will be all over you once your voice breaks, H. Not like they are already, or anything but Christ, there's going to be no one left for me."

"You can have anyone, Liam. You're the damn jock of the school already."

"I'm only thirteen, Haz. A jock is _not_  thirteen."

"Whatever. We'll just see who's all over you when we're both in senior year and seventeen," Harry informs, taking a bite of his sandwich. He chews slowly when Zayn comes by and sits with them at the tree, Liam waving a pointless hello and a small grumble coming from Zayn's throat. "What's wrong?"

"Maths," Zayn barks. "For god sakes, I don't understand this crap!"

Liam crawls over, taking the books from Zayn's bag and landing them in front of his legs. He asks Zayn to turn to the pages where he's having trouble on and finally helps him. The rest of their meal consists of just that, and Harry can't help but admire what's going through Zayn's head when he looks at Liam, in a way, which is completely different to anyone else he looks to.

*****

"I need to ask you something, Lou."

Louis snaps his head from his homework immediately to listen to Harry.

"What is it?"

"It's... um, homework, for health."

Louis moans. "It isn't this relationship shit again, is it?"

"N-no! It's something different, kinda. It's like... sexuality and stuff. I need to know the basics and things and I completely forgot the definitions."

Louis gulps. "Sexuality?"

"Yeah. I know heterosexual is the one with straight and stuff, and homosexual is like boys like boys, girls like girls."

"Yeah," Louis turns away, a little miffed about the topic. "Good stuff, Haz."

"Um, is the one where you like both called bisexual?"

"Yeah."

"And... um, er, what about the one where... like, you don't care?" Harry asks. Louis cocks up an eyebrow at him.

"Don't care?"

"Sir was telling us about it the other week. Like... there's a guy who married some woman and found out that she was once a man, so technically, the guy married another dude--"

"That'll be bisexuality, wouldn't it?"

"No, I-- er, it's different because that focuses on gender. He said to us you'd only focus on the personality you've grown to love and stuff, and you don't care about the gender."

Louis ticks on with the word. "You mean pansexuality?"

"Pansexuality?"

"It basically means you love someone for who they are, regardless of the gender," Harry ohs at that. "It's kinda complicated, Hazza. I didn't learn pansexuality at all last year."

Harry pales slightly, becoming anxious. "I-It's part of the new curriculum."

"Oh," Louis shrugs. "Well, I haven't a clue on this topic, Hazza. I'm sorry I can't help you all that much."

Harry only smiles, thanking Louis for his help before heading home after twenty minutes of homework. He sits in his room after dinner, computer in front of him. He needs to know more; this pansexuality thing. It's interesting - interestingly enough that it isn't even a part of his homework. It's dull curiosity.

He types it into Wikipedia, the most confusing of all shit popping up to baffle his mind out of oblivion. He exits, heading to the next website down -  _simple_  Wikipedia. It might be easier, he never knew it existed until now.

It's much simpler - as the website's URL states.  _Pansexual people are people attracted to people regardless of their gender._  Almost exactly what Louis said. This website doesn't help him whatsoever, exiting out and typing into google instead for a new, more detailed, topic search.

The topic merely scares him,  _I think I'm pansexual?_  being written across the screen as he thinks for a moment - before pressing enter. Outcomes numerous answers, and Harry spends an hour trying to find something that will help him. There's nothing.

He's left with nothing in the end, his mind boggling up with more complicated theories about who he really was. He doesn't think he's gay, of all circumstances, he isn't attracted to guys. Now that he thinks about it, he's not really attracted to girls either.

He really loves people for who they are and not their gender. He really doesn't know and he can't talk to Louis about it fearing everything is going to split.

*****

He calls Harry, a night later, just before he heads to bed. Louis has the phone pressed hard to his ear, his head on the pillow with the phone in between. He smiles as Harry laughs.

"It's embarrassing."

"It's not fair. You're growing up faster than me!" Louis whisper-shouts. "You're going to be this monster while I'm still a dwarf."

"You'll get there, Lou. You always have the excuse I'm older than you, anyway."

"True," Louis beams. "Hey, I need to go. I have a social science test tomorrow and I need a good sleep."

"Good luck tomorrow," Harry insists. "Good night. I love you, babe."

Harry's joking, but Louis wants to pretend he isn't. "I love you too. Nighty night."

They hang up together, Louis reaching over to put the phone away and resting his head on his pillow. He looks out the window for a moment or two. He loves everything so much right now. He loves Harry a lot. He loves how everything and everyone - maybe except his parents - are treating him nicely. He likes his grades, he loves the season. Everything is meshing perfectly. He wouldn't change anything for the world, right now.

Well,  _kinda_  - still.

He'd probably change the fact that he's going in the wrong direction when it came to who he should and shouldn't fancy. Especially at his fourteen year old age. He should fancy some freshman at school;  _no_. He should fancy some girl at his school, but  _no._

It shouldn't be Harry. In all cases whatsoever, it shouldn't be  _Harry._


	8. Chapter 8

It's a lot harder for the next couple of years, and it wasn't just puberty.

He's spending the new year with Harry - probably the most blatantly prominent person Louis would be around. Louis' dad managed to score him some mini fireworks for them to use out in the clear paddock. Harry's sitting on a small cushion he brought him his place as Louis strikes the match against the box.

Harry groans as it blows out again. "Louis, it's a little windy."

He throws the burnt match on the ground, muttering under his breath fucking work you god damn thing. It's close to midnight and Louis wants these fireworks going before hand. He lights it again, putting the match under the wick quickly and letting the fuse burn. He runs to Harry's side, sitting down as the fuse fizzes to the bottom of the firework.

It stops. Louis sighs.

"What the fuck--"

Harry grabs his arm just as he made the move to stand up. "No! Louis! It all needs to react first, don't!"

"Let me just light it up again--"

"You'll get hit in the face, you moron!" Harry growls, pulling him down to his arse again. The firework blows, shooting up into the air and exploding to release fuchsia sparkles. Louis smiles at himself before looking at Harry. Harry's upset.

He starts scolding him. "You're an absolute idiot, you know that? You've been this close to killing yourself fifty too many times this year!"

"Everyone dies, Hazza."

"Yeah, well, not everyone dies when they're sixteen, Lou," Harry pouts. "Use a little more common sense, will you? Use that as your resolution!"

"Harry, I'm sixteen. I don't need a resolution."

"Everyone needs a resolution."

"No they don--"

"Last year, I made a pact that I'll try be a better friend."

"And have you?"

"Well, what do you think?" Harry asks. Louis shrugs.

"You have been moodier."

"What do you expect, I'm a teenager."

"I wasn't moody."

Harry scoffs. "Are you kidding?  _Moody_  is your middle name."

"It's actually  _William_."

"Actually, it was  _Troy,_ " Harry grins. Louis simpers fondly, touching Harry's knee and leaning forward to kiss his nose. Harry wrinkles his nose and blushes. "What was that for?"

"For being my best friend and knowing almost everything about me."

"Almost everything, hm?" Harry smirks. "What don't I know?"

"Everyone has their own secrets, H."

"Yeah, but you can share them with me," Harry says with a cheeky grin, resting his head over onto Louis' shoulder and breathing softly. "C'mon, Lou. It's New Years! You can tell me. Don't leave it all bottled up this year. Start fresh for 2010!"

He's kept it in since he was fourteen;  _two_  years now. Harry still doesn't have the darnest clue - which probably is expected since Harry is an oblivious idiot. Louis still hasn't told him he's gay - Louis knows for he is, for sure now. He still hasn't told him he has the teensiest of feelings for his best friend. He's  _never_  going to tell him. Louis rather keep what he's got than lose what he has.

"Wait for your birthday."

Harry gleams and presses his nose into Louis' skin. "How long until midnight?"

He looks at his night watch, a blue light glowing at him. "11:58."

Harry snuggles closer to him as they wait two minutes. _2010_. It seems so weird that this is their eighth year together. Louis looks down to where Harry's arms are looped around Louis' waist, seeing the bracelet appearing from underneath his navy jumper sleeve. It's taped together now, Harry absolutely mortifying himself about the future and knowing that one day, it's going to break ( _"Harry, you can take it off, you know." "I don't want to." "It's going to cut off your circulation one day." "It's elastic. It's fine."_ _"It's going to break one da--" "That's never going to happen."_ )

His watch beeps midnight. Louis kisses Harry's cheek and nuzzling his nose against his red skin.

"Happy New Year, Hazza."

"Happy New Year, Lou Lou."

*****

 _Of course_ , he does.

"So, it's my birthday," Harry chirps in a sing-song tone, rocking back and forth on his heels as he grins cheekily. Louis looks up from his plate of cake and glows at him. "And you said you'd tell me your secret."

Yes, it's Harry for god sakes; Louis should know this -  _the persistent bitch._

"Harry, I was kidding."

"Lou."

"I don't have to tell you everything."

"Well, I've told you everything..," He trails off, making Louis cock up his eyebrow with suspicion. "Um, so, are you enjoying that cake? Gem made it--"

"Hm, what's your secret, Haz?"

"Don't worry--"

"Harry," He coos. "Tell me your secret."

Harry crosses his arms, falling into his bed and hmphing. "No!"

Louis stands from his spot against the wall, placing his cake on Harry's desk and trotting to Harry's bed. He shoves at Harry's chest, making him fall before Louis lands beside him with a giggle. Harry glares at him.

"Loui--"

Louis draws circles on Harry's chest and smiles. "If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

Harry frowns. "Louis."

"What? We get an even share. I don't think it's fair we keep secrets from each other. It makes me feel I don't know anything about you."

"But you literally know everything about me, Boo."

"Not with you and your secrets around everywhere."

"What's my favourite colour?"

"Blue, like the colour of my eyes. But that isn't the point--"

"Favourite food?"

"Well, you used to like raisin muffins but ever since I spat them out when you gave them to me, you hated them too, so now you like sugar coated donuts with a little bit of jam in the middle, heated up in the microwave for at least twenty seconds before eating. But--"

"Louis, do you even hear yourself right now?"

"Harry--"

"You don't need to know every little thing about me. You really don't. Just you remembering that thing about my food, let alone how to make it perfectly, is extremely special to me. Liam and Zayn hardly remember the day of my birthday."

"So... is that why they didn't come today?"

"I didn't invite them over," Harry whispers. "I just wanted it to be us two, you know? Every other time it's been with different people and I always leave you out. Just you and me."

"You're fifteen, Haz. You're meant to have more friends than just me alone."

"I do, but I see you the most - so you deserve the most of me."

Lous sneers. "What if I don't want you?"

" _Ouch_."

"Never think that, okay?" Louis says his face straight. "I will always be here for you and I want you to be there for me too."

"I'll always be there for you."

****

Harry's at school the next day and Liam hands him a present just as he steps to his locker.

He opens it and gasps at it. He almost throws the box away as he snaps and glares at Liam. He grabs his wrist and drags him from corridors to the disabled bathrooms, locking the door and growling at him.

"What the fuck?!"

Liam grins mischievously. "Happy birthday."

"Liam!"

"It's from Zayn and I! I wrapped it, he bought them--"

"I can't take these home, you fucktard!" He shakes the box of condoms - twelve pack. "What if Mum sees them, what if Louis sees them?! He'll go absolutely mad."

"Well, who cares about Louis. He has his own girls, you have yours. Be a man, Haz."

"For God sakes, Liam. 'M'fifteen!"

" _Fist-teen_  more like it--"

"Liam!"

"Your decision, mate. Just trying to get you somewhere." Liam leaves Harry in the bathroom, Harry looking at the packet and flushing a furious red colour. He's absolutely ashamed he can't grab a hook-up, let alone someone to be his girlfriend.

He's just not interested.

****

He's spending the afternoon with Zayn for a change. He's sipping on a strawberry-kiwi smoothie as Zayn sits in front of him with a sigh. They're outside of the shopping centre, enjoying the sun for a bit before Anne comes to pick them up. Zayn takes something from his bag, handing it to Harry. It's wrapped.

Harry drones a dull glare to Zayn. "It's not more condoms, is it?"

Zayn chuckles. "It's worth it, I promise."

Harry rips it open after a few seconds of reluctance. He looks at the book in front of him.  _Guide To Everything You Need To Know._  Harry glowers.

"You  _were_  spying on me."

"You were so interested in it, Harry. I couldn't get you something which is pointless now, could I?" Zayn mutters. "Here, all the things you need to know are at the back, you know with you and getting to know yourself. It's really good. I looked through it a bit before wrapping it up. You'll find yourself in there."

Harry sighs. "I won't, Zayn."

"Well, if you don't, I'll be pretty damn surprised," Zayn tells.

"But--"

"Look, I still have the receipt if it turns out to be bullshit. From what I've read, it'll make everything clear for you, okay? I know you're pretty distraught on things yourself."

"What if Louis finds this, Zayn?"

"He won't."

"But--"

"What am I meant to do, Harry? I'm trying to help you when I can't. You can't go to Louis, but you come to me and when I help you, you push me away."

Harry widens his eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Z."

Zayn sighs with guilt, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, Haz. You're just a confusing little shit, that's all."

"I am confused, Zayn. So confused," Harry whispers quietly. "Z, I'm afraid I'm going to like him more than I do now."

"There's nothing wrong with that, you know."

"There is, though," Harry's voice cracks. "He's my best friend. Best friends don't work in relationships, especially if he's a guy who seems like the straightest person on Earth."

"He could be the opposite."

"Like shit he would be, Z. Louis is... _Louis_  isn't like that. He's someone who loves you for who you are and is affectionate to everyone, not to mention he wants to become a damn footballer when he's older."

"Some footballers are gay."

"Yeah, but Louis isn't."

Zayn groans. "Have some belief in yourself, H."

"Zayn, there's only two ways where this can go - either he continues to be my best friend without him knowing about what I have inside, or we will turn away from each other like if we never met at that treehouse eight years ago if I tell him the truth."

"You need to tell him one day."

"Maybe when I'm married, and he is too."

"After you marry each other?"

Harry snorts. "Don't even kid about those types of things right now. I'm halfway to the average marriage age, not even close to it," Zayn glares at him for more information. " _Twenty-nine_."

"So, when are you going to tell him, or Liam even? He still thinks you're heading for the pussy."

"For one, I go for either - I don't go for one specifically. Two, I'm not planning to tell either anytime soon."

"You better tell Liam before the party next weekend," Zayn warns. "Heard he's spreading shit about you for free hook-ups and you have condoms in your bag."

Harry moans. "For god sakes, I'm fifteen, Zayn! I'm not even legal yet!"

"Don't bother saying that to Liam. He doesn't care about the rules."

"Fourteen, he fucking was," Harry exhales with disappointment. "Why would he waste something like that? It's something you should do with the person you really love and feel the most comfortable with."

"Well, for Liam fucking Lori was probably really comfortable for him."

"Just... god," Harry hisses. "He's a dumb wit, that one. I don't know why we're friends with him, Zayn."

Zayn shrugs, looking up and pointing to a car. "Hey, your mum's here."

Both stand, walking to Anne's car. Louis is with Anne, Harry grinning wide and jumping in the backseat with him. Zayn sits in the front, watching the two in the front mirror and noticing Louis' hand on Harry's knee for most of the way back to Zayn's place. Harry and Zayn made eye contact together in the mirror and spoke with their eyes and brows. Harry rolls his eyes as Zayn implies for him to notice the hand on the leg, Harry peeling away contact and resting his head on Louis' shoulder.

Zayn doesn't honestly have a fucking clue why these two aren't even trying for something yet.

*****

Harry's reading his book that night, page by page, as Louis calls him on his phone. He clears his throat before answering, embarrassing himself with his voice breaking at hello.

"Sounds like things are finally catching up to you."

Harry moans unhappily. "Fuck off. I never teased you about your voice troubles."

"Is your throat sore?"

"Kinda."

"Lemon juice, honey and hot water," Louis tells. "It worked for me when all this happened. Should help you."

"Thank you." Harry whispers, turning the page of the book and starting to read the next couple of lines.  _Oh look, more about sex._

"What are you reading?"

Before Harry answers, he looks around the room and stretches his neck out to see if Louis is actually watching him. He sighs. "Just a book."

"Twenty bucks you just looked around your room, didn't you?" Harry stays silent. "Twenty bucks tomorrow."

"Not fair. It's not normal for you to hear what I'm doing over the phone."

"You turn pages loudly, H. You have done with your comics when you were little, which is why there were so many rips in them, hm?" Louis murmurs. "So, you didn't answer my question. What are you reading?"

"Just something for classes," Harry says. "What about you?"

"Just trying to plan something for my final art project," Louis mutters, a little disappointed by the sounds of his voice. "I don't know what to do, Hazza. It's hard enough trying to paint let alone trying to find something to paint!"

"Do something which describes you."

"Like what?"

"Well, what about blue?"

Louis' tone is dead. " _Blue._ "

"To me you're all different kinds of blue. You're a light blue sometimes because you are happy like the sky on a sunny day. You're a dark blue sometimes because you get upset and your eyes turn this funny dark blue colour when you cry. You can be a greenish blue because when you're super, super happy, I can see an inverted tropical island inside your eyes."

Louis gulps, speechless. "You focus too much on my eyes, Haz."

"How can I not? They're beautiful, Lou," Louis is blushing so hard over the other line - but Harry doesn't need to know that. "B-but yeah, do what you want, hm? It needs to be about you. Your other works of art were great, so you'll do amazing in this too."

"You're giving me a shit load of compliments, and here I am teasing you about your voice and decisions."

"I don't care. You love the compliments as much as I love giving them."

"You're a gem, Haz," Louis grins. "Hey... I wasn't interrupting anything, was I? Homework? I don't want to keep you up with my complaining and shit."

"You're fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm very sure, Lou," Harry smiles, looking over to the alarm clock with it's green numbers. It's only ten thirteen. "Come over."

"Now?"

"No, I mean in fifty years, moron."

"You realize it's a Monday night, right?"

"Who gives a damn. Mum won't care if you spent the night, she'll either take us to school or leave us alone."

Louis simpers. "I won't be able to skip tomorrow. I have a few tests here and there."

"Still, come over," Harry falls on his back, breathing loud. "I miss you. I haven't seen you all day."

"You broke rule number three."

"Not if you come over and  _unbreak_  the rule."

"Maybe I should let you break it and then you'd owe something to me," Louis says. "I wouldn't mind another batch of brownies."

"Done, but it's an early present for you if you come over."

" _Hm_."

"Oh, come on! Don't be mean!"

Louis snickers. "Okay, but only because I love you and your brownies."

He's off the phone and in less than ten minutes, he's knocking on Harry's window and climbs through. Harry hid his presents from Zayn and Liam under the bed, probably to never be seen again just before Louis pops through.

Louis hugs him and jumps into bed after kicking off his shoes. He watches Harry as he slips off his shirt and throws it into the wash, already wearing a pair of trackies before he slips into bed with Louis. The covers are over their waists and heads are light on the pillows. Louis smiles without his pearly whites showing, poking at Harry's stomach underneath the duvet.

"Working out?" And Harry grows rosy. "Who for, Styles?"

"No one you need to know."

"Cheeky one you are," Louis laughs. "Let me tell you that personality beats looks any day, H. You're lucky enough to have both beautiful traits."

"Louis, _stop_."

"No," He chuckles. "My turn for complimenting you."

"You're making me red."

"Good."

"No, not good, Lou," Harry giggles. "Never good. I hate blushing."

"It's fun making you all crimson and stuff. You look like a vulnerable puppy like that," Harry scoots over in the bed, knee bumping with Louis'. "Hey, looks like our knees said hello," So Harry tangles up their legs. "Looks like your legs are eager to meet mine."

He's so close to wanting to kiss Louis. He doesn't even find their situation funny anymore.

"Tired, love?"

"Very," He manages to squeak out. "Hold me, Lou."

Louis does, arms around Harry and letting him press his nose into his clothed chest. He doesn't know why his top's on, but it really isn't necessary.

All of a sudden, he begins to cry.

"Hey?" Louis is stunned, head craning back to see Harry's head digging into his chest. "Hazza? Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah," It's honestly just the fact that he really wants this all to stop. He likes Louis, a lot more than he should. He doesn't want this to stop, but he does before he ends up falling head over heels for him. He doesn't want anything like that to happen. He'll know, then, he'll won't be able to let go. "J-just a little upset about Gem Gem, you know?"

"Hm," Louis moans, lips being pressed to the top of his head as he holds Harry warmly. "She'll be fine, Harry. She's all grown up now. She'll be back soon. Otherwise, you can always call her, right?" Harry nods softly. "Besides, you have me!"

Harry giggles. "I'll always have you."

"Rule five, Hazza," Louis reminds him. " _Best friends forever_."

Louis kisses his head again gently. Harry's so pissed off with rule number five.


	9. Chapter 9

A red cup is shoved into his hand, most of the cola spilling over onto his knuckles. He glares at Zayn, who shoots a nervous grin at him, before facing Liam, who is much more enthusiastic to get both Harry and Zayn drunk.

"Drink."

"Has it got alcohol in it?"

Liam scoffs. "Useless, Harry. Just drink the fucking thing, will you?"

He doesn't, placing the cup aside at one of the trashed tables. Harry and Zayn are not having fun whatsoever. They've been here for merely an hour and Harry wants to leave. He might as well be spending the night reading that book. This party is boring and isn't going to get any more lively; Harry knows.

Paddy comes about a couple of minutes later, the boy with blonde hair up in spikes with a broad smile which have been fixed up by the wonder of braces. He's charming, but the host of this lame party. Harry fakes a smirk as Patrick asked how he's going.

He walks away with Liam attached to his hip, probably to look for some girls to mess around with. Zayn's leaning into the wall, peeling out his phone from underneath his jacket and scrolling through a few messages. Harry has the nerve to lean over and to peek at what he's reading.

"Oi," Zayn growls, phone is hidden away from Harry immediately as he faces him angrily. "Mind the privacy?"

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Zayn."

"Nothing, Harry! Just leave it, yeah? Find something to do."

"Why don't you find something to do. You've been on your phone for the entire time. Even you're ignoring me."

"You were offered a drink hardly a minute ago! Get drunk or something, Harry. Find someone to hook up with, I don't know." Zayn walks away from Harry, leaving him bare and vulnerable to all these nasty creatures to crawl beyond him.

_Girls._

******

Zayn is meant to protect him. Harry hasn't seen Zayn for the past two hours.

He was right. Liam had been telling girl's nonsense about Harry. Four girls, including Perrie, has come up to him, whispering in his ear and he's sure one girl licked his earlobe. One's at his body now, leaning Harry against a wall with a sneer against her lips. Her forearms are flat against his chest and her hips are swaying. Harry's sure she's around nineteen - and he isn't too sure why a nineteen year old would be here to be honest.

"Heard about you," She teases with her nails scraping at his neck. "Let's take it to the bedroom, hm?"

"No."

"Aw, baby. You don't need to be shy--"

"I'm not shy. I don't want you. Go away."

She gasps, mouth gaping open before she slaps Harry clean across his right cheek. The crowd around him turns around and stares in shock, the girl striding away with her head high. She's off with another guy within five seconds and all the attention is away from Harry.

Harry wants to go home. He can't stand the atmosphere here. He can't be around whores all night who wanted one thing only; to be fucked by Harry - the innocent virgin. He can't be around people like this. He needs to be around the real Zayn, the one who wouldn't ditch him at every little party they went to - it always happens. He wants to be with Louis right now.

He can't go home, though. Zayn invited Harry over earlier for a stay over. Damn, he has no way home. Maybe he could ask Trish to take him home later. That's still another couple of hours away, before police will come about and break the party apart.

But who knew. Zayn might stay longer if he finds someone at this party. Harry groans to himself and ends up doing a lap around the house to keep himself occupied. He doesn't know what to do.

****

Liam catches up with him somehow. He's drunk and has a girl on her back. He drops her to the concrete before taking Harry's wrist and forcing him to follow. They're back in the house and a girl of green eyes and blonde-ombre hair smiles to Harry. Harry rips his arm away from Liam and barks.

"No!"

"Harry--"

"No, Liam. For God sakes, I'm not doing this, okay?" Harry hisses, shoving Liam into a wall. "Fucking leave me alone!"

He's done. He storms away with outrage, out the front door and onto the footpath to walk a block away from the party house. He sighs to himself, finding a spot against a white picket fence and street light, taking his phone out from his pocket and scrolling through his contact.

He knows he can't call Trish. She'd bust him for being out this late alone and without Zayn who's possibly having his first fuck upstairs right now. His mum would only be worse and go ape. He lied to her; he technically wasn't allowed to go to this party but convince his mum he's only going to Zayn's. Zayn's a good boy that hasn't been caught. He's got the eyes to be the honest angel.

Now, there's a problem right now. He can either walk or call Louis. Home is thirty minute drive, so walking is entirely out of the question. Louis can't drive legally yet, only receiving his learner's plates a couple of months ago after New Years.

He has to call Louis. He's not walking home, calling the mums' or going back to that drunk house.

He picks up with his voice low and slow. "Hazza?"

"I woke you, didn't I?"

"Y-yeah. I just had a nap, that's all."

"A nap at ten at night?"

"Well, you know my sleeping pattern is shit, Harold. You're lucky enough I'm not yelling my face off for disturbing a pleasant dream," Louis says. "Anyways, I thought you were at a party? What's the matter?"

"I left."

"You left the party."

"Lou, it was shit. Zayn ditched me and Liam forced me with some girls. Bitches were everywhere, Louis," Louis sends a nervous laugh over the phone. "So, I left because I was just sick of it all. And... um, I have no way home."

Louis sighs. "I can't, Harr--"

"Louis, you have your licence, kinda."

"What if I get caught, Harry? I'll lose it and then I'll be stuck in nowhere and I can't explain myself. I'm already in enough shit at home. I-I can't pick you up, love."

Harry moans loud into the phone, aggravated. " _Louis_ , please."

"Hazza--"

"I seriously have no way home. Please don't leave me here. I don't want to be alone," Harry whispers. "Can you please come pick me up? Please, Louis. I'm begging you, please."

"I don't want to get us hurt, Harry! I've never driven at night before--"

" _Louis!_ "

"Oh my god, fine!" Louis barks at him. "Just... where are you?"

"I'm on Andersons, I think?" Harry looks at his surroundings, eyes catching onto a large palm. "There's this big arse palm tree in front of me. It has three coconuts--"

"Okay, I'll be there in around forty. Find somewhere to keep hidden for now, yeah? I don't want you to get hurt."

Harry hangs up the phone and smiles.  _Louis is very nice._

****

Louis opens the ute door for Harry, letting him slide in and watching him close the door. Louis is glaring with a straight face at him, hands on the wheel and the engine still running. Harry grins, batting his eyelashes like a guiltless child.

"You are an absolute moron." Louis laughs.

"Thank you for picking me up."

"If we get pulled over by Satan, I'm sacrificing you," Louis smirks, hand squeezing at Harry's thigh. He puts the car into drive and drove down the street, being careful with his driving and speaking to Harry on the way. "I brought sleeping bags and such. Mum's awake at home right now and I was close to being caught when driving out the paddock."

"Sorry."

"So I'm going to tell mum I was driving to the grassland to meet with you to have a camp out, okay?" Louis tells, smiling to the road. "You all right with that?"

"Yeah, of course."

"So tell me about the party, Hazza. Have any smoochies with some lucky ladies?" It's hard for Louis to say that. He hated the thought of Harry kissing other people, especially girls.

"Nah," He replies bluntly. "Is it bad I didn't?"

"Of course not."

"I still haven't had my first kiss, Louis," Oh. "I'm fifteen and I still haven't even had my first kiss. Look at Liam for god sakes! He's done it all! Before he was fourteen, also."

"Don't follow him up, Hazza. He's just going to get herpes and die or something."

"But still, he's got all this going and he's forcing me to be like him. _I'm a sook, I'm a pussy, I'm an arsehole_  for not even doing anything he says. I've never touched a girl that way. I don't want to touch any one that way, Lou."

"You're anything but, Harry. Don't listen to Liam. He's being a prick. He'll see what he's wasted when he's older with no one slagging off him but prostitutes," Louis says. "Besides, you're not alone, Hazza. I haven't had mine either. So if there's someone to call a loser, it's me."

"You haven't had your first kiss either?"

"Nope," Louis seems rather subtle about it - quite dandy actually. "I'm waiting for someone special to share mine with. When I feel it's right, I'll do it."

Harry leans his head against the window, a closed hand at his mouth as he grins into it.  _Louis is also really adorable._

*****

"And what is wrong with your sleeping bag?"

Louis snuggles closer to Harry's body, not as if they aren't close enough already or anything.

"Too empty."

"Bullshit, you always complain when you never get enough room on the bed!"

"Yeah, but I'm used to curling up with you."

"You're just using me for warmth, you devil."

"Shut up, H," Louis is thumbing at the smooth skin just under Harry's t-shirt hem. His thumb is so cold, but his touch is tender and warm. Harry moves just a bit closer to curve into Louis. He's not closing his eyes but looking at Harry's chest rising and lowering and moving his thumb around. "This is a nice way to spend the night, innit? We should do this more often."

"Remember the days when we always used to fight with our mums to let us stay out here?" Harry chuckles. "And then we'd always end up running inside anyway because you'd be too scared."

"I'd be too scared?" Louis laughs in mockery. "Excuse me Mr.  _Sugar Cane Plant is going to attack me and turn me into glucose_."

"Shut up, you. I thought we were never to mention that again."

"But who the fuck even says that. You were thirteen, Hazza."

"I was scared, all right?"

"Too much biology?"

"Too much of you and your stupid lessons about nonsense, actually," Harry smiles down to him. Louis sighs loudly, sounding merry. Harry chuckles lightly. "What's up?"

"I just love this, Harry," He's jovial. He sounds like he's been smiling forever. "I love how we can talk to each other like this and cuddle together. S'nice."

Harry gulps. "S'not weird, is it? Not weird to you?"

"Of course not. I'm so secure with you, Hazza. I love how you're there for my hugs and cuddles all the time."

"And you're always there for me too, you know. It's not just me."

"Ever since day one," Louis says quietly. " _We can share_."

"We'll always share. Everything. We'll share  _everything_."

"I'm so glad we did share in the end."

"What do you think would have happened if we didn't meet at the tree house, Lou?" Harry asks with a curious nature. "Do you think maybe I wouldn't have known you at all, or you known me?"

"Well, knowing you now we probably would have still met," Louis grins. "You've always ended up near my backyard and you probably would have asked your mum or something to visit us. Plus, Gemma and Laika used to hang out all the time. We would have met somehow."

"Absolute fate."

Louis laughs softly. "I guess it was."

Harry's silent. Louis' silent. Louis is still rubbing his thumb against Harry's skin, now feeling like a flame against Harry's body. Harry sighs and looks to the sky. Stars. It's the perfect night for looking at the constellations. Everything is always so much better in the country, the Milky Way is in pristine clear view.

"Look up."

Louis does, eyes gazing directly into a star which glistens into his pupils. He smiles, admiring the stars and the feeling of Harry curl his arm around Louis' back. Louis hums to himself, squeezing his eyes shut and purring into Harry's chest. He exhales affectionately.

He opens one eye to look at the stars again. He thinks maybe they're winking at him for a reason. Maybe they're telling him that this is the time. Maybe he should just...  _tell him_. Tell him everything. To tell him every little thing that has been circulating through his mind for countless years - well, actually two and a bit.

The tips of Harry's fingers press into his back. He's so safe with Harry. Harry's never going to leave him. He's never going to no matter what. Louis can tell him.

"Harry," Louis murmurs, half his lip down on Harry's chest. Harry quietly whispers a hm? "I-I... um, I... love you."

Harry smiles faintly, delicately running his fingers down Louis' spine. "I love you too."

He grins into Harry's shirt, digging his nose into his sternum and perilously kissing his chest. Harry's still smoothing his hand down his back. It's a good sign. Maybe this time Louis will be able to spit out the words he was trying to say.

He shuffles up in the sleeping bag, feeling Harry's legs move uncomfortably without Louis' to tangle in. He props himself up on his elbow, smiling down to Harry fondly.

"Need to pee?"

"Nope."

"Why did you move then?" Harry whines, pouting. "My legs were all nice and warm with yours," He grabs at his hip and pulls him in, trying to get Louis to rest on him again. He's cold, honestly. He pulled on top of Harry entirely. Louis squeaks and laughs into Harry's chest. "You all right?"

"Y-yeah, just you pulled at my hip really hard."

Harry snorts. "I'm sorry."

"Don't laugh, you big fat meanie," Louis spits childishly, forearms flat against Harry's chest - it reminded Harry too much of that girl at the party. He groans, accidentally, in disgust. "Hazza, you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just thinking about this bitch at the party," He says gingerly. Louis shines brightly looking down to Harry, his legs moving to place on top of Harry's lanky ones. Their denim rub together, Harry smirking cheekily at Louis as he felt their feet collide together. "Feet say hello."

"Mine say g'day to you," Both laugh into the same air, Louis touching Harry's feet with his own and smiling. "Your feet are cold."

"Because you left them bare a couple of seconds," He sighs unhappily. "Now they're all cold and frozen."

"You'll live." He tells, lightly tapping his torso with his hand. He smiles at him again, watching Harry's eyes flicker from the sky to his eyes. Louis admires him for a bit, a hand coming from the chest to tuck away the stray curl covering his cheek. He tucks it behind the ear, gently padding over Harry's cheek with his thumb. He's biting his lip, watching Harry's cheek rather than his eyes. His eyes are gazing at Louis' face. He can hardly focus on it; he's _that_  close.

He runs a hand through Harry's hair and pulls it away from his face. Harry's adoring him. He's so gentle. Louis is also very compassionate, and lovely. Louis is someone to marvel at. He just leans in and presses his forehead against Harry's, their noses right on top of each other. Louis' eyes are closed, his eyes flickering underneath the lids. He is breathing shakily, and Harry didn't realize it, but he's exactly the same.

It's traumatic for Louis. He desperately wants to kiss him. He wants to. There's a feeling of it being right; perfectly right. But is it really right? Kissing your best friend, having a crush on your best friend is already a minority.

He waits for it, Harry waits for it. Louis is still breathing on him. His hand comes around to Harry's shoulder and it rests there still to keep him supported. The thumb is still on Harry's cheek, not moving - just like Louis altogether.

He waits some more. He's rubbing their noses together and breathing calmly. Literally a couple of centimetres part them. Harry could lift his head and join them; however, he's in the same boat as Louis - he doesn't think it's right.

"Lou." He whispers so quietly it's almost lost within Louis' loud sigh. Harry has a hand on Louis' hip, ready to hold him and support him if this is really going to happen. He really, really wants it to happen.

"Hazza," He murmurs back. Harry opens his eyes, seeing Louis' eyes relax then furrow up with his eyebrows. He looks hurt. He brushes the tip of his nose against Harry's again before slipping down with their cheeks sliding against each other. Louis rests his head near Harry's neck, both his hands around Harry's shoulders. He speaks normally. "G-goodnight, Harry."

Harry breathes uneasily, hand from his hip sliding to the side as he sighs. "Goodnight, Lou."

Harry's heart is racing, and he's sure Louis can feel it thump against the wall of his chest. Louis was about to kiss him. Louis. Harry's stupid enough to not have a clue what this really meant.


	10. Chapter 10

He calls Zayn when he's away from Louis altogether, biting his nail as the phone rings through.

" _'ello_?"

"Zayn, I need you to come over right now. I need to talk to you!"

"W-what?" He's either hung over or still half asleep. Probably both. "Wait, who the fuck is this?"

"You dickhead, it's me! C'mon, hurry up. Come over here and bring my stuff, will you? If you didn't realize, I left last night to go back home. Now, hurry up! It's important--"

"Harry, I'm...  _ugh_ , shit, I'm not coming over."

"Why not?"

"It's fucking seven in the morning and my head is pounding for god sakes," He growls. "Jesus, Harry, what could be so important that you need to call me at an unearthly time of the morning."

"When you said you'd be there for me no matter what, I thought you'd live to that promise, Zayn."

"Yeah, but not when I'm fucking drunk, all right?"

"You're such a prat!"

"Excuse me, Mr.  _No Drinks-A-Lot_."

Harry sighs and groans into his hand. He softens his voice."Zayn, please. I really need your help, okay?" He pleads. "Please, Zayn. It's so... it's important. I-I don't know what to do."

He hears Zayn moan into the air, his voice scratchy and thick with alcohol. "From one to ten, how important is it that I have to get out of bed and see you?"

"Eleven."

"God sakes, _Harry_."

"Please, Zayn," He begs. "I can't wait until Monday, otherwise I would, but just... Louis is... _Louis_."

"You owe me a milk shake and a hot dog tomorrow after school, you hear me?" Zayn mumbles angrily. Harry can hear him getting out of bed and roughly grunt as he tugs on his shoes. "I've gotta get home before I come over, though, to change and shower, can you wait that long?"

"What, you aren't at home? Where are you?"

"Dunno," He says bluntly. "Hopefully Perrie's house."

Harry rolls his eyes. "Be as quick as you can, okay?" Zayn promises him with a small hum.

*****

He knocks upon their residence and Anne lets Zayn through. He finds Harry's room, entering without warning and Harry closes the guide to everything book and smiles to Zayn.

He still looks somewhat attractive under those baggy eyes and dull expression. Harry notices an earring is missing from his left ear. Zayn looks fatigued. Harry should feel guilty, but he's more paranoid on the fact that him and Louis almost kissed the last night. So close, _yet,_  so far. And Harry still doesn't know what it means.

Zayn throws Harry's bag of clothes to him, missing as it drops to the floor. "Fuck you, this better be important."

"Louis almost kissed me last night."

Zayn's expression is gone, covered with absolute surprise. "He did?"

"Y-yeah, he did. He like... we were on the back of the ute in the grassed area and we were like... um, watching the stars then he came on top of me and put our foreheads together but then he kinda just moved way."

"Harry--"

"Zayn, I don't know what to do, or what to think. What does this mean? Does he want to try it, should I try to kiss him next time?"

"Of course you should fucking kiss him next time! Ask for it, Harry! He was probably waiting for you to ask for it because he was worried you were going to be pissed off!"

Harry bashes himself mentally with a series of profanities. "Zayn, dammit!"

"Next time, Harry. It won't just be once, okay?" Zayn smiles at him, walking to the bed and dropping down next to Harry. He pats his back with encouragement. "Next time, you'll snag him."

"Y-yeah," Harry nods. "All right."

"But you know what this means, right?"

Harry shakes his head, but comes out with an answer. "He wants to kiss me?"

"No, he likes you, you dumb shit."

Harry refuses to believe so. " _No!_  He doesn't, Zayn. I-I told you he's the straightest person I know."

"So why the hell was he on top of you last night and almost kissing you, huh?"

"Maybe he was just... cold--"

"Harry, stop trying to force yourself to disbelieve. Everything is in front of you, and all you need to do is take it in your hands and work with it - like a vase. You need to shape out everything you want in your life in order to get the best, beautiful result."

"You're really telling me to live my life as a vase?"

"Yes, Harry. Do it," Zayn says. "Now, do you want to hit the markets or blabber on about how much you love Louis and Louis loves you?"

"We don't love each other like that yet, Z."

"Well, might as well be saying that now since you're just going to end up falling in love with him anyway."

"Don't encourage my heart to do so."

"Why not?"

"Because what if I find out this is all a joke?" Harry asks, worried. "What if Louis just wants to get his first kiss over and done with. What if he wants to experiment?"

"First kiss?" Zayn questions with bewilderment. "Harry, god, he's going to be your first kiss. If he's serious about it, of course, he'll be serious with you!"

Harry still doesn't believe him - so Zayn's advice is useless to him. "I-I don't think so."

Zayn moans at his arrogance. "Let's go to town. Mama Freddy is cookie baking today down at the railway."

Harry walks to the markets, just a twenty minute walk from the farm, and sees the variation of organic food and junk down the old railway line. He and Zayn immediately go to the stand in which their food savior is behind; _Mama Freddy - the best baker in town._

She smiles to the two lads and hands them the usual double chocolate chip cookie in the paper bag. They both pay and walk away, tempted to go back home because everything else here was either too expensive, or is fruit. Zayn decides to look around for a bit and Harry's stuck with him.

They're looking at small gnomes carved from wood. Harry yawns with boredom. Zayn's talking to the man now asking whether he should buy the gnome set or not. Harry's still sure he's drunk.

The cookie is in his hands on the side and someone has the nerve to lift Harry's forearm and rip the packet from him. Harry furrows his eyebrows together and glares at the person still by his side. Oh.

"H-hey!" He nervously laughs as he sees Louis biting a bit from the cookie. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm with Stan," He grins, pointing to the boy in a black t-shirt looking at some herbs and spices. "Boring as shit. He needs something for cooking at school so he asks me to come and help him, of course."

"Zayn's looking at gnomes. I only came here to get a cookie."

"You mean this one?" Louis asks, taking the last bit from the bottom of the paper package. He opens his mouth, ready to eat it and Harry has no intention to stop him. He can just go buy another anyway. "Open your mouth."

So he does, Louis popping in the cookie and letting Harry chew. Louis laughs at him as he scrunches up the empty packet and puts it in his pocket.

"Want to head home?"

"I-I can't leave Zayn."

"S'all right. I can't leave Stan either, actually," He chuckles at himself. "Treehouse later?"

"Of course," He can see out of the corner of his eye, Zayn's looking at him with a smirk. He decides to end the conversation there. "I'll see you later, hm?"

"All right." And Harry walks off.

Zayn kicks his shin as Harry ambles up to him. He groans and touches his leg, Zayn laughing and telling him to toughen up.

"Don't even think I didn't see that feeding the other person moment just then."

"W-whatever...  _ow_ , why the hell did you kick me--"

"You're so oblivious to it, Harry. He likes you!"

He rolls his eyes. "We're just best friends."

Harry's being annoying now. Zayn gives up on trying to tell him the obvious, walking home with Harry, who is dramatizing about his leg - which is apparently  _fractured._  They go home and they're together in the living room. Zayn forces him to read that book as he watches him like a hawk. Harry obliges and reads to himself, asking Zayn multiple questions on anything and everything.

It's the end of the sexuality chapter, and Harry still doesn't know whether he's pansexual or gay.

****

"I asked for help, not to be teased, Stan."

"All right, chill down for a minute here. It's a lot to take in," Stan throws a rock into the pond, still amused by Louis' attempt of coming out subtly. He bounced out of the trees with a smile shouting about his sexuality which echoed down the meadow. Stan was on the floor laughing, and he still is laughing instead of giving Louis the advice he needs. "You're in love with Harry, you tell me--"

"I'm not  _in love_  with him. I just... I need something to make me know he wants me back. When I tried to kiss him last night, he didn't seem up for it, whatsoever. I-I don't know whether he wants it or not."

"Well, the only way you're going to find out is if you kiss him, Lou."

"That's not going to happen again, Stan. It'll probably destroy us."

"You use all this terminology, Louis, do you realize that?  _Us, we._  You use all this like if you're already together."

"I-I know."

"So if Harry doesn't correct it when you say it to him, then what is there to lose?"

"We've been best friends since we were seven and eight, Stan. We're used to that. Don't you see how serious this is? Just because of a kiss, I could lose Harry. I don't ever want to lose him. Not over anything. He's my best friend and always will be."

"If he's your best friend and he loves you as much as you love him - in a bro way, wouldn't that mean nothing can split you apart?"

Louis is silent for a moment, but snaps back. "What am I meant to say if I do kiss him though,  _no homo?_ "

"Well, if he likes it, don't say that because that means you were just using him. If he doesn't like it, just tell him the truth. Either way, tell him the truth because then he'll know how you really feel about him and Harry will make it work."

"He'll probably find me disgusting."

"Or attractive, Louis. C'mon, you need to take a leap and find out what everything means, you know? You can't keep yourself inside for too much longer. You'll crack one day."

"I kept this in for two years, Stan."

"And do you think Niall and I didn't suspect anything?"

Louis glares at him. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, _look at that girl, she's so hot. Hmm, yeah she's all right._ Louis, you never found the hottest babes in the school attractive."

"So?"

"This was last week, Louis."

"Okay,  _fine_."

"We always thought there was something different about you, Louis. Honestly, I don't care if you go for the _hoo-hoo_ or _ha-ha_. You're still you, and that's okay."

"Just know I won't be coming for you or Ni anytime soon, okay?"

"Offensive," Stan gasps playfully. "Have you told Niall yet?"

"No," Louis shakes his head, Stan about to speak. "And don't you dare even think about telling him, Stan."

"I won't."

"Stan, I fucking mean it. You're the only person I've told, in the world. If he finds out, I'll be coming to you to shove a knife down your throat."

"Okay! I promise, Louis. I won't tell him!"

Louis is glad Stan understands. Maybe his mum, Laika and Harry might understand too.

*****

"Hey," Harry glowers at Louis from the door. Louis' smile falters. "Rough day?"

"Y-yeah, basically," Harry says, walking to Louis and resting his forehead on his shoulder. Louis sighs shakily.

"I-I'm not mad at you, Hazza."

"No, I just can't think," Harry whispers. "Everything's been difficult for me, Lou Lou. I'm... I'm sorry if I ever get angry at you, all right?"

"What's been difficult for you?" He steps away to refrain from Harry. Instead, he takes Harry's hands from his side and holds them. He loves Harry's hands and he's pretty subtle, he thinks, to try and get a good feel of them. "What's bothering you?"

"Everything."

"Great start," He says sarcastically. "Break it down to little pieces and we'll fix them into something for you to understand."

Harry sighs with his gaze at the floor. It's like two years ago. It's been that long since Harry's become all depressed and upset like this. Louis really hates it, and he's glad these only pop up every few years.

"Love, what's wrong?"

"You won't understand, Louis."

"How will I not understand, H? Everything that makes you upset makes me feel like shit too. Just let it out and I'll take it in like a sponge. We've always done this. You tell me and I tell you."

Louis laces their fingers together and Harry sighs grow deeper.

"Tell me."

He gulps and follows his gaze to the floor. He doesn't know if he should tell Louis he's one of the two sexuality's, maybe. He doesn't know if he should ask Louis about it. He doesn't know if he should risk so much just to find himself accurately.

"I-I don't want to ruin this, Lou."

"I've known you for eight years. You won't ruin anything."

"You don't understand, Louis. It's harder than that. Just because you say  _it won't ruin anything_ , doesn't mean it won't. You might think differently of me altogether. You might run away from me and keep me away from you forever. You might think that since of this one thing, everything about us for the past eight years will be down the drain and would have never happened!"

Louis keeps his mouth shut, swallowing the knot in his throat. Harry rips his hands away from Louis and walks out of the tree house. He has no idea what's going on with him and it only makes Louis feel worse about himself. He thinks Harry's angry with him and doesn't want to tell him one simple secret.

******

He's at school the next day with Zayn by his side. Liam comes up to the two of them and smiles cheekily.

"Have fun on the weekend?"

Harry nods with a fabricated smile. Zayn shyly looks to the ground as Liam continues to beam.

"Football this weekend. You coming in as our filler?"

"I thought you had a full team?" Harry asks. Liam pulls a face, glancing away from Harry. "Liar, but whatever."

"So you'll be helping us?"

"Yeah, all right."

Liam grins wide and says goodbye to the two at the lockers, keeping a sharp eye on Zayn in particular. He blushes and holds his stare at the ground, twisting his foot into the floor. Harry shuts his locker closed and glares at Zayn.

"What was that about?"

Zayn forces his head up as he remains pink-cheeked. "N-nothing."

" _Zayn_."

"I said nothing, okay? Nothing is nothing--"

" _Zayn_." His tone is sharp and forceful. Zayn gives in with a roll of his eyes and grunts, taking Harry's wrist and forcing him into the disabled toilets. Harry locks the door and faces Zayn who's pacing back and forth from wall to toilet, a little distraught.

"You know how I said I didn't know where I was yesterday morning?"

"Yeah."

"And I was drunk."

"Yeah?"

"And how I wish I was at Perrie's--"

"Yes, yes! I get it. Get on with the picture!"

"I slept with someone. I found out I slept with someone, and Liam knows who it is. And... I'm scared he's going to tell everyone who it was."

"You slept with--  _oh_  my god, Zayn. Who was it?"

"I-I don't know how it happened, Harry. I'm so worried. I wanted to tell you yesterday but... I don't think you would have understood me too well. He's going to fucking tell everyone about this and I'll be stuffed if Perrie finds out!"

"So it wasn't Perrie?"

"N-no," Zayn stammers. He stops in his tracks and sighs into his hand. He's close to crying, Harry could hear him. "I-It was  _Liam_."

Harry's eyes widen. "You slept... with Liam?"

"I was drunk, Harry. Who fucking knows who you fuck with when you're drunk. I don't even remember it and Liam was right beside me when you called. After I hung up he was just looking at me and we both screamed... like, I was so mortified, Harry!"

"Why are you scared, Zayn? You said yourself Liam was pretty hot."

"I don't swing that way, H! I go for girls. Perrie. I go for the girls only! And what about him? He's the same!"

Harry groans into his hands. He's got problems himself. The last thing he needs is to add Zayn's and Liam's problems onto his. "You can't change the past, Z. You need to just stick with it, okay?"

"I can't! He's going to tell everyone I slept with him and if Perrie finds out, she'll never be attracted to me, Harry. She'll think I go for the dick, which I bloody don't."

"J-just see how it goes, okay?" Harry says. "He's probably shocked himself too so I don't think he'll be rushing to tell anyone soon."

"We're just going to be awkward now," Zayn mutters. "We've totally ruined this for ourselves, Harry. I don't think I can ever look at him in the eye again."

Harry chokes on his words. _He can't tell Louis. He can never tell Louis. Louis can't know. Everything will be ruined._

 


	11. Chapter 11

"Wouldn't a movie be more appropriate at this time?"

Harry shakes his head; his eyes are not moving from his homework in front of him on the floor. "Can't, Lou. Homework."

"Harry, it's a Friday night. Why homework?"

"Because I'm busy all day tomorrow and knowing you with sleepovers on Saturday nights, you'd want me to stay all day Sunday too."

Louis rolls his eyes. "You can spare two hours on _Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs_."

" _Louis._ "

"We can make jaffles, with those little spaghetti o's you always like?" Louis entices with a smile. "And we can have that left over _m'n'm_  ice-cream mum bought from the truckie by the road the other day?"

Harry takes in a shaky breath. He really needed to finish his science homework for Monday. He can't risk a school detention - not on his all good interim report. Louis is making it harder for him to try and stay behind. He doesn't even know why he came over in the first place. All it usually did is bring trouble. He simply needed an excuse to get away from Zayn's babbling about Liam - which was endless.

"C'mon, this one's new! We cuddle on the couch and stuff!"

" _Louis._ "

"Donuts with jam in the middle--" Harry's ears are open as his eyes grow broad. He stands and leaves his useless pieces of paper on the floor, clinging to Louis' arm and smiling.

"You had me at  _donut_."

*****

The _Gello_  scene between Sam and Flint appeared on screen, filling the room with a dim light of yellowish orange. Louis has his head upon Harry's shoulder as they watched the movie together. Harry's stomach is bubbling with anxiety; he really needed to finish his homework.

He sees Louis' watch below him, the blue light shining a  _9:54_  into his eyes.  _Fuck_ , he shouldn't have agreed to watch this darn movie. He has football tomorrow, early. By the time he gets home, he'll fall asleep - probably with Louis still on the phone to him; Harry should always expect a phone call from Louis as soon as he arrives home.

"Lou," He hums sleepily, twisting his head to dig his nose into Harry's bony shoulder. Damn, he's asleep. "Louis, love."

"What is it?"

"I need to head home. I have a football game tomorrow, remember?"

"Yeah, that's right," He's still half asleep, yawning before grinning softly. "I'm coming to watch you."

Harry freezes. "No, you aren't."

"Yes I am--"

"Louis, it's nice you want to come to watch me, but I'd rather you not. I'm coming back here straight after the game though," He's paranoid about fooling himself in front of Louis - especially since Louis has been teasing him ever since he was twelve about the incident of falling down onto his arse. His growth spurts have made him more clumsy, and he knows Louis will probably downgrade him for his stupidity on the field if he makes one little mistake. "You don't need to watch me."

"I want to though."

"Louis," Harry sighs. "You're just going to make me nervous, okay?"

"Why?"

"B-because," He pauses, Louis staring up to him with hurt in his eyes. He doesn't want to hurt him. Harry can say  _no_ , but it's hard to say _no_  to Louis especially when he wants something like this. He's like a sea seal pup. "Okay, fine. I-I'll tell mum to pick you up tomorrow at eleven. Be ready. Game starts at twelve."

Louis preens at him and finally lets him leave. Harry thinks maybe a mistake has been made.

****

He plays well, he thinks. He met eyes with Louis a couple of times throughout the game with a smile exchanged each time. Full time is called and their team lost - much to their disadvantage to head into the finals. Harry didn't honestly care too much about the loss and it seems as if half the team were also emotionless.

All huddle and cheer before head to the locker rooms. Showers are cold - he avoids those. He sprays himself with a can of almost empty deodorant and throws it into his gym bag, along with his spike shoes and his uniform shirt. He's slipping through a blue polo when Louis scares him by hitting a hand hard against the metal locker beside him.

He's stuck with an arm through one hole of his shirt and his eyes just peering through the head hole. Louis laughs at him.

"Here," He tugs at the bottom of the hem and grins. "Helps if you had your arm in the hole, Haz," Harry obliges to Louis' subtle request, putting both arms through their designated holes and letting the shirt slide on easily. Louis straightens out his shirt with a flat palm going down his chest. Harry grins happily. Louis shouldn't really be in here. "You played good."

"Think so?"

"Well, you didn't fall over," He cheekily remarks. Harry frowns. "You're all right, Harry. Honestly, you should be a full-time player instead of someone Liam picks up on when he needs people."

"Meh, I wouldn't be able to make the team. Especially next year for the junior squad."

"You'd be able to. It's fairly easy to get in."

"How would you know? You didn't try out for the junior squad."

"I know I didn't. I spectated and pretty much they chose any one who looked hot or could kick a football straight. The minute you'd walk in, you'd be in the team without any questions asked," Harry quickly becomes hot under his shirt, grinning with his dimple predominant and blush at his cheeks. Louis pokes the dimple; the usual instinct. "Only saying what I think is true."

"You probably would have been the same, Lou."

"You kidding? Me compared to Darren or Theo? I'd be the pink eye to their gorgeous grey ones."

" _Gross._ "

"Exactly."

"You can kick a ball straight though. Remember that time when I asked you to hit me in the face and you did because you wanted to see if you could kick straight?"

"And then you got that horrible bruise on your face," Louis bursts out with laughter. "I swear to god--"

"Hazza, I need you... um, I need to talk to you." Zayn's prodding at his shoulder. He gives a small smile to Louis before taking Harry away from him. He calls he'll be with Harry's bag with Anne in the car to wait. Harry thanks him before Zayn's bombarding him with a whole lot of statements and questions mumbled and jumbled into one sentence. Harry stops him in his tracks.

"Z, slow down."

He takes out his phone from his back pocket, unlocking it before pressing a few things to give to Harry. Liam is the first thing he reads and it looks to be a whole bunch of messages from Liam.

"He's started this conversation yesterday after morning recess. He took me away when we were due for Science to the disabled toilets and he--"

"Don't tell me he fucked you in the toilets, did he--"

" _Harry!_ " Zayn shouts with disbelief. "He didn't do anything like that! He spoke to me. He started to go into a frenzy saying how everything was a mistake and how nothing should have happened. I agreed with him and then he just fucking told me he might like me and all that random stuff like he thought I was attractive and--"

"He thinks you're attractive?"

"Can you let me finish?!"

"Sorry, but--"

"He was drunk when we were... you know, uh uh, and he said he kinda remembers it because he's apparently has a better memory while drunk than when he's sober. I don't get it, Harry. H-He can't do this to me, not when I want Perrie."

Harry sighs, scrolling through the green and white messages on Zayn's phone.

_look its a little different between me and you okay?_

**_u just scared me in the bathroom. i dnt know what to think liam_ **

_im nt asking you to think about anything z. it ws a mistake, i know. but its nt my fault there might be something there_

**_what abt me? i dnt want 2 hurt you because i dnt feel the same way liam_ **

"So he likes you?"

"I-I think he does," Zayn sighs unhappily. "Fuck, H, what do I do? I can't tell him no--"

"Well, you need to if you don't feel the same way. You know, this is how Perrie feels about you too. She wants to say no to you, but she needs help from Jesy and all her crew too. It's not just you that's facing the problem."

"Is it always like this?"

"Yes, it is," Harry reminds. "You need to talk to him face to face again, Z. Otherwise, he's going to keep chasing you and you won't chase him back."

Zayn breathes out uncomfortably, taking his phone from Harry and stuffing it into his pocket. He puts his hands on his hips and follows his eyes to the ground. He's clueless.

"Do you think maybe I should take him out and just say to him that things won't work?"

"No, because he'll think you're on a date."

"But school is such a stupid place to do it. You know what Liam's like, he'll go on a fist fight rampage--"

"Good point," Harry nods. "How about Louis and I come with you? Maybe we could head to town or something after school on Monday and we can just chill with a smoothie or something?"

"So like... it will be a date still--"

"It's not a date, Z."

"But, you and Loui--"

"Oh my god, we aren't dating, Zayn. I've told you that, what, five hundred times by now?" Harry groans a hand over his face as he hides his undeniable shame. "Look, I better go. Mum's probably chatting to Louis about the girls and that jazz."

"Jealous and protective, are we?"

"Shut up. I just don't like Louis talking about girls all that often, you know?"

"Who cares if he does. He's not interested in them anyway--"

"He's not gay, moron," Harry walks off with a wave. "See you later. Text me screen shots if you have problems, all right?"

He dashes off to his car, Louis in the back seat as Harry joins him with a winning smile to hide his loss at the football game. Anne takes them home, Harry and Louis chatting secretly with a phone between them in the Notes app. Harry takes his things from the boot and says goodbye to his mum as they arrive at Louis'. Anne drives back to her house after a small chat with Jay out on the front porch.

Harry throws his bag on the bed, turning on his heel and smiling brightly at Louis.

"Do you mind if I have a shower? The one's at the field were cold."

"Shocking, you are," Louis laughs with a shake of his head. "Yeah, I'll grab a towel. Do you want some lunch?"

"Whatever's on the menu."

"Well, there's Chance's shit on some rocks - made expertly by me, or ham and cheese toasties by mum."

"Double the ham for me, tell mumma Jay, please?"

Louis writes a mental note, chasing after a towel for Harry. He throws the towel at him as he runs off for that shower he needed. Louis catches up with his mum and helps her with the cooking; he doesn't do much but take out the sliced cheese from the packet. Harry's out by the time Louis is in the room with the two plates of hot sandwiches; one on the end of the bed and one in Louis' hand with three bites out of it. Harry grins and sits on the end of the bed with folded legs and eats hungrily.

He finishes before Louis. He eats with small, dainty bites; Harry probably admires that too much. He stands and throws off his blue shirt to the side, surprising Louis as he keeps his breathing steady. Harry searches through his bag for a new clean shirt, taking out a nice white cotton one, similar to the blue. He shrugs it on and slips off his pants - another _bright_  surprise. He changes those too into a pair of black jeans.

Harry has an incredible sense of fashion for his age. Louis wouldn't be shocked whatsoever if he grew up to be a fashion designer.

He catches Louis out of his daydream by taking a bite from his toastie. Louis slaps him in the face as Harry bites and moves away like an abused puppy. He's on the floor, pouting but chewing. There's a massive bite in his sandwich. He's glowering.

"You had yours."

"I'm hungry."

"Ask mum to make you more, you silly billy," Louis chuckles. "Do you want mine?" He beams. He clearly does. He's either going to be the world's greatest fashion designer, or the person who can eat the most sausages in one minute without stopping. He throws it to Harry as he snags it and scoffs it down like an animal. Louis rolls his eyes and kicks off his shoes, one hitting Harry's knee before he rests back onto the pillow. Harry puts hands under him and flips him to his belly to make room. " _Why?_ "

"I want to rest on the bed too."

"There was enough room on the left side, but you had to move me," He complains. "You owe me a massage."

"You're asking me, the one who played football for an hour straight to massage you? In your damn dreams, Lou."

" _Mean._  You're treating me like shit today."

He rolls his eyes before he places a hand near his shoulder. He squeezes softly and dips his thumb into Louis' shoulder blade. Louis groans with a smile. Harry does everything he says, it's funny. _The slavery._

Harry's intentions don't go smoothly as he tickles Louis' neck. He screams loudly from the un-expectation and shuffles away with nervousness. He curls up to protect himself like an armadillo. Harry laughs at him.

"Don't you even dare, Harold."

"Do I dare?"

"Don't. You know I'm ticklish."

"Your point to steer me away from tickling you is where?" Harry smirks as his fingers glide across Louis' bicep. "Oh c'mon, are you afraid of a little tickle?"

"Shut up--  _ah!_ " He laughs as Harry goes for under his arms, forcing him to his back. Louis' giggling, squirming as Harry goes from the neck to the lower torso. Louis loses it, asking Harry to stop with surrender. He does; as much as he loves to torture Louis with this kind of thing.

He _tries._  He tries to get Harry back, but it only leads him to falling back down into the mattress and earning another tickle under the arms from Harry. He's twisting and slowly getting out of Harry's touch. He pounces and manages to knee Harry in the stomach, making him groan and become the weakling in the situation. Louis takes his chance, sitting up breathless to tickle Harry to oblivion. Harry's laughing into the air, muffling with his chuckles _Boo, stop!_  but most of it is incoherent. Both are interrupted with a door knock and opening by Jay.

She smiles at the two boys. "Had enough to eat?"

Harry pops up from underneath Louis. Louis grins at his mum. "We're fine!"

She exits a small blush across her face, closing the door to what she thinks Louis and Harry are doing. Harry drops to the bed with a gentle smile, forehead sweaty from his hardly tough work out. Louis looks down to him with a grin and muffled laugh from his throat. Harry purses his lips together back to its soft smile before reaching out for Louis' hand and holding it to bring it to his heart.

"It's beating faster now than when I was playing football."

"Proves you need to work harder," He sneers. "Or maybe you just need me closer to you because I'm that hot."

Harry laughs. " _Cocky_ ," He blinks to see Louis smile falter to a pout. "But it's probably true."

" _Probably_ ," Louis scoffs. "Can't admit I'm hot, can you Styles?"

"You're overconfident, doofus."

"C'mon, just admit it a teeny weeny bit."

"Do you force yourself like this to Stan and Niall all the time? Or is it just me, because otherwise I'd be sorry for them."

"You're very mean today. I think it's the sandwiches which have turned you," Louis falls into Harry's chest, his forearms keeping him up and above to keep talking face to face. "Maybe some pineapple next time to sweeten things with you, sourpuss."

"None for you though," Harry smiles. "You're already sweet enough."

He wants to cry. He's taking the piss out of Harry and he manages to come up with something so sweetly tooth-rotting, he just wants to curl up to him and cry.

Instead, he leans in and presses their foreheads together and giggles at Harry. Harry's breath hitches, Louis can hear it.

"An absolute shocker you are. Adorably sweet like pure sugar crystals which look like they've come from geodes," He whispers quickly, breath hitting against Harry's skin. "Eyes are the same, everything about you is absolute for  _me_ , for  _anyone_."

He needs to ask, that's all he needs to do. Zayn told him to. Louis can't get any closer without permission; he's just got to ask.

"I'm no one special."

"You don't think so, Hazza, but you are. Ever since we were young, you've been so special - in the bestest way possible."

" _Bestest_."

"Shut up, fuck vocabulary right now," Louis laughs. "I-I... I don't know what it is about you, H. Something about you is different and it's just... it's not something I'm used to being around. Like, best friends... and... we've been best friends forever."

Words choke in his throat. He can't say them. Not when Louis is saying best friend with their heads pressed so close together and their breaths are literally going into one another's mouth. Louis is licking his lips, Harry can hear it.

"I-I... Harry?"

"Y-yeah?" His voice is in a whisper. He's breathless. Louis takes his breath away; literally.

"You're... um, you're okay with this, right?" Louis asks, his words breaking as they slip out of his mouth. "Y-you're not... like, you're... um--"

"Kiss me," He says it. "Please, just... shut up and... please."

Louis gulps. His eyes don't flutter open with surprise, like they usually do when Harry says something absolutely mind-blowing, but remain closed. His heart's racing fast, Harry wants this too. He can't get over that Harry wants this too.

He caresses Harry's face, stroking his hair back and he touches their noses together. He moves his head on a tilt before pressing his lips against Harry's. Short and sweet; stiff and awkward. He doesn't move back, only letting their lips brush over to make his mouth tingle. He kisses him again, a little longer and his lips harder against Harry's. He breathes shallowly through his nose and doesn't move his mouth at all. He's enjoying it, the sparks are there - Louis can feel everything right now exploding through him like the fuchsia fireworks from New Years.

Harry makes an uncomfortable humming noise, Louis drawing back a little giggly and hyped up in his stomach. Louis opens his eyes and sees Harry's whose are glowing with glee. He's also blushing; Louis doesn't know why.

"I-I'm sorry," Harry frantically started to talk. "I'm-- I don't know how to... kiss, you know?"

"S'okay," Louis didn't either, and that's probably the most crucial part about this. They were both inexperienced teenagers. "We can learn from each other, hm?"

Louis draws circles just above his collarbone before pulling him in close with a hand cupping his cheek and kissing him gently. Harry smiles against him. It's been three kisses and already it feels natural. Harry's daring to kiss him more.

Louis pulls back with a smile. "I stole your first kiss."

Harry gleams up to him, a hand being pushed into Louis' hair and his fingers running through the wispy tufts. "I stole yours. S'at okay?"

Louis laughs. "Perfectly fine." Louis kisses him and lets the lips linger. Louis giggles against him, pecking his lips several times as if the affection wasn't enough already. He frames it all off with a final, long smack of their mouths and Harry's still yearning for this moment to last forever.

Though, Harry pulls Louis away by a finger under his chin. "Louis."

"Yeah?" Louis stares at him, his eyes shaking with anxiety. Harry's quite nervous to ask about what this really all meant. He's nervous to know whether this meant anything at all or if Louis is only doing for the sake of using him to get himself somewhere.

"Er... um, what... what is this?" Harry mumbles awfully. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. He starts again. "Where is this going?"

Louis looks up and keeps a straight face while he thought about it. He knows exactly what he wants, but he doesn't know where it'll head to. He still hasn't admitted anything to Harry and he plans to keep it that way until the time is right.

He kisses his nose with a small chuckle. "Let's just... well, we'll see where it takes us."


	12. Chapter 12

He wakes from his slumber with something cold pressed to his face, and the usual sound of giggling near his ear.

He has an eye open, adjusting to the light, and a yawn coming through. There's still a small giggling child beside him and Louis thinks that maybe he's come back to the few years ago where Harry would always laugh in his ear after trying to wake Louis up. All those failed attempts seemed like hours of wasted good times.

"You were snoring," Harry tells him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Was gonna go downstairs and grab a cork or something to shut you up."

"That's not nice."

"Not my fault puberty is finally getting to you, late bloomer."

"Just because you got hairy balls before me doesn't mean anything," Harry giggles hard against Louis' cheek, placing his arm around Louis' waist and bringing him in close. Louis almost forgot they kissed last night; he shouldn't have. It's like a milestone in his life. "By the way, good morning."

"G'morning to you too. Where's my breakfast?"

"You absolute pig!"

"I have been awake for almost two hours trying to wake you up. I want something to eat, you selfish snorer!" Harry teases. "I swear to god, you sleep like a log."

"S'not my fault for wanting some beauty sleep."

"It's twelve in the afternoon."

"I'm surprised, by all means, that you have resisted kissing me this entire time we've been talking."

"I have morning breath, and so do you."

"Does that really stop anyone?" Louis shifts to lay on his side, touching noses with Harry before giving him a small peck on the tip. Harry scrunches his nose and giggles to himself. "Every time."

"I'm still not used to it. It feels funny when you kiss me there."

He leans further in to brush their lips together before locking them into one another. Louis smiles softly against him, hand moving to cup behind his ear. Louis pulls away and grins.

"I'm still not used to _that_."

Harry puts their foreheads together and kisses him gently. He's not attempting to move his lips just yet. He doesn't want to embarrass his horrible kissing skills already. Louis didn't find himthat bad honestly ; not like he could compare to anyone else.

"You're an innocent little shit to kiss, Harold. It's like watching a scary movie with the fright scenes; you don't know when it's going to happen."

"Sorry."

Louis peeks through one eye. Harry's blushing. "I-I didn't mean to insult you. You're all right, H."

"Really?"

"Don't think I'm bullshitting you. You're sweet like this. I like it like this," Louis says. "You know, I'm a little nervous m'self. I-I don't know what I'm doing either."

Louis brings him in with a finger hooked under Harry's chin, pressing their lips onto each other and letting their mouths linger. He loves the feel of Harry's lips. He's mesmerized for so long about them. They're always so perfect and lovely. Louis feels so lucky to know that he's the first person to feel these for himself.

Harry's whining a little from his throat, and Louis drags himself away. Harry apologizes for his inability to breathe properly. Louis doesn't give two shits and kicks Harry in the shin, under the sheets, for being a bashful dork.

"Do you want some lunch? We can make some sandwiches and then we can go to the markets for a bit afterwards?" Louis suggests. Harry nods slowly and smiles to Louis. Both hop out of bed and change into something casual. Louis finds himself wearing one of Harry's Jack Wills hoodies over his t-shirt and jeans. Harry doesn't mind; they've been sharing clothes since they were seven and eight.

Downstairs, they meet with Johannah, who greets the two boys good afternoon. Louis is about to ask her if she could make lunch for the two of them. Instead, she grabs her handbag and grins at the two boys. She looks rather posh.

"I'm going out, I'll see you boys later."

"What?" Louis questions. "Where are you going?"

"Just out, Louis. Dad's out working in the paddocks until late so you'll need to feed Chance tonight. I'll bring dins home. Is Harry staying for dinner?"

Louis faces Harry. Harry shrugs.

"I'll take that as a yes. All right, bye sweetheart." She smooches Louis on the forehead, walking away in her clacking high heels and out the front door. Louis stares confused.

"That was unusual."

"What do you mean?" Harry asks, nudging the back of his hand with Louis before grabbing it. "She has friends, Lou. Doesn't mean she can't go out every now and again."

"She just hasn't talked about friends in a while, Haz. There's only your mum and mine. That's all I know about."

"Maybe her and my mum have planned something. Since I'm here, maybe they're just going to have those weird girl days where they shop and go to the spa and stuff," Harry says. "C'mon, I want lunch. We can make a sandwich together."

"Somehow, I know Harold, I will burn this place down just by making a sandwich."

"It's not rocket science," Harry laughs at him, pulling Louis into the kitchen area and opening the fridge. "We just need a few things. I want a simple ham and cheese, what about you?"

"Maybe peanut butter and jam?"

Harry grins. "I might have that, actually. Feeling a little bit nutty today."

"You're always nutty, you knobhead."

Harry glares dully at him, shooting a small smirk before pulling him into the pantry to find the peanut butter jelly jar. Louis catches the sight and both go to the counter with the jar. Harry finds the bread and butter, asking Louis for a knife and cutting board. Everything's set and Harry's beside Louis ready to show him.

"Get some butter, Lou," Harry smiles. Everyone could make a sandwich; he just loved giving Louis the attention. "Spread it evenly over your slices, and do the same with the peanut butter."

Louis does manage to make his sandwich. Harry kisses his cheek before biting into his own creation. Louis sits up on the counter and smiles to his sandwich.

"I can officially cook."

"So would you be able to make me a bacon and egg sandwich, heated up, with cheese and barbeque sauce in the middle next time I come around?"

"Now now," Louis chuckles at him. "Let's not get too carried away."

*****

The markets are quaint. Louis has a handful of useless stuff which was given to him for free. In Harry's hands is a bag of mixed lollies and cookies from Mama Freddy. Their walk beside the main road back to Louis' is a drag.

They head to the treehouse after some pointless thinking time at home. Harry brings the food and Louis brings another sandwich to their small abode. Louis walks inside, head ducking under the door frame as he stands. It's amazing how both him and Harry can still fit under the roof of this thing.

They both sit on the bean bags in the corner, the bag of lollies set beside them and feet touching one another. Louis is picking at his sandwich, staring aimlessly away from Harry. Harry grabs his attention by kicking his shin.

" _Ow!_ "

Harry laughs at him. "God, you're dopey."

"Says the one that just hit me in the leg!" Louis shouts, chuckling under his breath. "Mind telling me what you did that for?"

"I wanted your attention."

"I do have a name you know. You can call me and I would hear you."

"You should eat these lollies with me," Harry stuffs his hand into the bag, taking a few little gummies out, throwing one to Louis. He pops them into his mouth, chewing slowly as he catches Louis snickering at him. "What?"

"I just... I can't believe you bought a kilo of lollies."

"They were there. I couldn't have just left them there."

"You're acting like these lollies are destined to be eaten."

"So why don't we treat them like that then?" Harry asks, ditching another lolly into Louis' lap. "C'mon put one in your sandwich or something and finish these."

"We are not going to finish a kilogram of lollies, Harold."

"We will. It's going to be my life goal that we finish these," He throws a lolly snake at Louis' temple. "Whether you like it or not."

"Life goals are serious, H. Like, they're things that will be highlights in your life, and won't give you diabetes once you finish them."

Harry cocks up an eyebrow at Louis. "I swear, ever since that sandwich lesson earlier today, you've been rather sophisticated, haven't you?"

"I'm not that mature yet. I'm just starting to see the real part of life."

"After making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the first time?"

"No, you moron. Like... I want to make my future okay, you know? I don't want to turn into some potato on the couch working on a farm like this. I want to do something proper."

"Like footballing or something?"

"N-no, actually," Louis mutters. "I really want to do something in art, Hazza."

"Art?"

"I know it sounds stupid, but I love art a lot and I have ever since I was little. I want to be exhibited somewhere one day and given money for something I love doing."

"It's not stupid, Lou," Harry smiles. "You have everything all sorted already. I don't have a damn clue what I want to do."

"Maybe you could be a food-eater competitor; who could eat the most hotdogs in a minute."

"Obviously my dream job," Harry rolls his eyes. "I think I might want to do something with music, or something like Chemistry."

"Chemistry? I thought you hated chemistry?"

"It's hard, but it's interesting, Lou--"

"And music?" Louis asks, a little baffled. "I've never heard you play an instrument in your life, love. You have a good voice and all, though."

"I want to learn guitar and maybe get into a band or something. It'd be fun performing for people," Harry shrugs. "Anyways, why are we having this conversation? We're still young. We don't need to worry about this just yet."

"You're right," Louis grins at him, placing his half-eaten sandwich on the dirty floor before crawling to Harry, sitting next to him on the bean bag. He kisses his cheek before hitting lips with him. He smirks as he pulls away, chuckling lightly. "This has to be my favourite day with you, ever."

"Your lips taste like peanut butter."

"Oh, I wonder why," Louis speaks sarcastically, poking at his chest. "You're still comfortable with this, right?"

"Of course I am. What makes you think I wouldn't be?"

Louis avoids the question, smacking lips with him again. "Good," He has his palm at Harry's cheek, holding him close and kissing him with pride. He loves that he's free to do this with Harry now. It feels like the closest thing to happiness itself. " _Louis and Harry sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N--_ "

Harry pinches his stomach. "You are the biggest idiot I've met in my life."

"What? It's our first kiss in the treehouse. It'd be a waste of life if we never, ever, sung it," Louis laughs at him, lingering a hold of his lips on Harry's. He starts to whine again. Louis pulls away and softly glares at him. "You okay, love?"

Harry's cheeks are burning red. "God, I'm an awful kisser, aren't I?"

"Stop puttin' yourself down, Haz. If you were absolutely terrible, I wouldn't even bother to try kiss you again," Louis says. "We've discussed this, you're all right. I'm probably the shit one at this."

"You're so confident in what you're doing though."

"I'm always cocky, you know that. I still don't know what I'm doing though, H. It's just a matter of practicing and learning from what you've seen."

"I don't watch people when they kiss, Lou."

"It's called YouTube, and the back of your hand."

"Y-you do that?"

"Had to at one point, Hazza. Don't be embarrassed, love, even though I really do love when you blush and turn into a tomato. But you need to learn from somewhere, especially if you think you're shit at it."

"B-but--"

"You're not, Hazza. I like how you are, okay? Don't be so caught up on it. It's only day one," Louis tells him. "Just breathe through your nose and don't eat garlic beforehand."

Harry laughs at him, digging his head into Louis' neck and smiling against him. He really, really likes Louis.

*******

He arrives at school with the biggest grin across his face. He cannot wait to tell Zayn about the kiss. He cannot wait to tell Zayn about everything that happened on the weekend. It still felt like a dream.

He pulls Zayn into one of the barren corridors, smiling brightly at him. Zayn looks panicked.

"You all right?"

"Harry, something horrible happened on the weekend, and I don't know if... it's so hard to explain what's going on now. So much is happening and I can't seem to focus on one thing--"

" _Zayn!_ " Harry snaps. "Calm down and tell me what happened?" So much for happy morning news.

"When you left on Saturday, I accidentally ran into Liam in the locker rooms after he talked to a few of his friends. I said hi and stuff and I was going to leave but then he just... he pushed me into the locker and we like full on snogged for like ten minutes straight. The fucking janitor caught us, Harry! We were kicked out and then he told me to call him later, so... I did--"

"Wait, so even after everything you've said, he's still after you."

"Harry, I can't say no to Liam!"

"You were meant to say no! Jesus fucking Christ, Zayn. He's not going to stop now. He probably thinks you're interested! Especially after you called him."

"I-I didn't just call him, Harry," Zayn says into his hands. "He asked me out that night and I--"

"You said yes, didn't you?"

"I can't say no. So, he took me out to the movies and took me home after that."

Harry sighs heavily into his hand. "You're done, mate."

"Harry, please tell me what to do!" Zayn begs. "I-I... I feel like something could happen like this and I don't know whether I like it or not."

"Z, make up your mind. You need to do that before you do anything else, all right?" Harry says, placing both hands on Zayn's shoulders. Zayn looks down to his feet before staring up at Harry, eyes soft and glistening. "What?"

"Do you think you'd be able to talk to him for me?"

"Zayn, for fuck sakes!"

"I helped you with Louis, all I ask is for you to help me with something!" Zayn yells. "Please, H, this isn't normal for me."

"Tell me what you want, first of all. Do you like Liam?"

Zayn shrugs. He looks torn. "I-I don't know if I like him in that way, or... just as a friend."

"Make up you mind before I do anything, okay?" Harry tells him. "I'll do it tomorrow after you know what you want, all right?"

The bell rings as both attend homeroom. Harry's frustrated.

******

The minute he closes the door to the treehouse, Louis has him up against the door and kissing him hard into the wood. Harry has his eyes wide, glaring at the unfocused forehead in front of him. Louis steps away with a small grin, taking Harry's left hand and holding it tight.

"Hi!"

"Any harder and I'll probably be pushed through the door, Lou," Harry sneers. "Hey, I need some advice, Boo."

"Anything," Louis pulls him into the middle of their house, smiling up to him. His smile falls as he notices the seriousness in Harry's eyes. "Is it something bad?"

"Just Zayn's having a little trouble with his friends and stuff," Harry glowers. "He and Liam are kinda getting together and both of them are coming to me to try sort things out."

"Zayn and Liam? Aren't they... like,  _straight_?"

"I thought they were. Liam seems to be all for it, but Z doesn't know what to do. He thinks he might like Liam, but at the same time he still has feelings for Perrie."

"Tell him just to go with what his heart thinks is right. If he enjoys time with Liam, he should go for him. Or vice versa with Perrie."

"Perrie hardly knows Zayn exists, to be honest. I don't know what to tell him, Lou. He's loved Pez for such a long time and the moment he told me that Perrie liked me back in freshman year, I felt awful. I wanted him to be happy with her--"

"Perrie likes you?"

"I-I think so, but I wish she didn't."

"Well, maybe Zayn should go with Perrie if he likes her so much."

Harry shakes his head, snickering down to Louis. "Don't even try to hide your jealousy, Lou. I can smell it on you. I don't like her anyhow, so you don't need to worry."

"I'm not jealous, Harry!"

"Anyways, help?"

Louis sighs. "Tell him what I said; go with your heart, because that always leads you to great places."

Harry hugs him tight, lifting him slightly from the ground. Harry's growing taller and Louis doesn't know if he likes that. It's a workout standing on your tiptoes for a while. It will sure be a bother to kiss Harry.

He doesn't mind it. Nothing beats kissing Harry.

 


	13. Chapter 13

"You told him?!"

Harry's in a corner right now. He's under Zayn's sharp glare and he feels he could be chopped up in any second. Zayn's furious. Harry shouldn't have told Louis,  _apparently_. It was meant to be a secret,  _apparently._  Louis will tell everyone,  _apparently._

Zayn's making assumptions and Harry's becoming nervous. Harry knows Louis wouldn't tell anyone about this. For one, it's the least interesting topic in the entire world and two, it was said in the treehouse.  _Rule number nine; everything stays in the house_. Louis wouldn't break a silly rule like that.

"I-I didn't mean to Z. I just needed some advice that's all--"

"You didn't mean to, but you did anyways," Zayn snaps at him. He's tempted to throw his sandwich at him and ruin this skinny jean-baggy polo combo he has on today. "Louis will tell someone, I know it, Harry. You can't always trust someone like him."

"I've known him since I was seven, Zayn! He's not going to tell anyone. I told him to keep it hush hush and he will. He's not a person to spread shit around."

Zayn rolls his eyes, sighing loudly before taking a bite from his sandwich. He really can't be bothered fighting. He's got this problem to sort out and he didn't want another silly conflict added onto it.

"What did Louis say, anyways," Zayn asks tentatively. Harry smirks at him. "Well, you asked him for advice and you obviously got it. You might as well tell me."

"He said go with your heart," says Harry. "It leads you to great places."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, well, what else are you meant to do, Zayn--"

"For fuck sakes, _thanks Louis_." Zayn spits sarcastically.

"Hey, at least he gave you something to work with. Be a little grateful you got something, Z. You did ask for our help after all."

"Yeah, but how the fuck am I meant to work it go with your heart. It's the absolute obvious. It's like seeing someone crashing on the side of the road and telling someone to call an ambulance!"

"What else am I meant to say? I've never been stuck in something like this, Z. You need to find out where your heart's going to open up more; with Liam or Perrie?"

"Of course you haven't been stuck in this pile of rubbish before. Louis is right in front of you ready to take your dick and love you and the feelings are mutual for you. It's simple."

"Well, make your situation simple too, Zayn," Harry says. "Liam already fancies you and all you need to do is fancy him back. Perrie, however, you need to work with."

"So you're telling me to go with Liam?"

"Do what's best."

"Well, I don't know what's best, H!"

"I can't tell you anything more than just go with your heart, Zayn. I really can't. It's not my decision to tell you know to love," Harry sighs. Zayn shakes his head and places his sandwich on the ziplock bag. He stares at Harry seriously.

"Are you sure Louis won't tell anyone?"

"I promise, Z. We talked about it in the treehouse. We're not allowed to speak outside of that."

"Treehouse?" Zayn questions. "You talk to Louis in a treehouse?"

Harry instantly pales, realizing what he has just said. "Oh my god."

"What-- where the fuck are you going?" Zayn calls, watching Harry pack his things and walk away with his school bag on one shoulder. He's pacing away quickly. "Harry!"

Harry doesn't respond. He's guilty. _Rule number two;_  he broke it. Harry can't tell Louis. Louis will probably never forgive him.

*****

"You're rather quiet today, Hazza." Louis grins at him, poking at his dimple spot. Harry's trying to keep silent. He knows if he talks too much the truth will come out. Harry can't lie that well, especially when it's something as guilt filled like this.

"I-I just have a sore throat, that's all," He could feel Louis tensing up a little, moving his head away. Harry laughs mildly. "I'm not sick, Lou."

"Good, because I wouldn't be able to kiss you then, hm?" Louis squeezes up closely beside him on the bed, hand on his knee before he leans out to smack his lips against Harry's. Harry closes his eyes, but his lips are quite stiff. Louis pulls away and questions him. "Hey, are you all right?"

"I-I'm fine, Louis."

"No, you aren't," Louis says worryingly. "You're acting funny, Harry."

"No, I'm not. I just said I have a bit of a sore throat, you know. I don't really feel that up for anything today," Harry lies. "Can we just hug or something, or maybe do some homework?"

Louis is having none of it. "Harry, shut up and tell me what's wrong."

Harry sighs, glaring up to Louis, who's looking back at him with concern. Harry can't lie anymore. He needs to tell Louis about it. Louis will forgive him, he seems kinda happy.

"Please don't yell at me, Lou."

"Well, I have no promises, Haz," _Shit_. "Tell me, you're starting to scare me, babe."

"I-I told Zayn about the treehouse," Harry whispers, digging his head into his hands with shame. He can't see Louis and he doesn't want to. He's sure he's angry. "I-I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry, Louis--"

"You told him?" Louis asks. "You told him about  _our_  secret?"

"I'm so sorry, Lou."

"You broke rule number two, Harry!" Louis shouts at him. "H, it was our secret!"

"I-I know, I didn't mean to. It just slipped out, Louis. He wanted to know about the advice you gave him and he wasn't sure if you're going to spread it around that Z and Liam have something going on so I said that everything that was said in the treehouse is kept in there _and_  I totally forgot about it, Louis. I'm sorry." He rambled confusingly. He's tilting his head to look to Louis. He looks like he's been through betrayal. Harry groans and has his nose stuck into his palms again. He feels so guilty.

"Harry, you didn't tell him where it was, right?"

"N-no, I promise not to do this again, Lou. I'm so sorry--"

"Love, don't worry about it, all right?" Louis simpers, placing an arm around Harry's shoulders and squeezing him into Louis' chest. "As long as you don't tell anyone else, or tell them where it is. It's always our secret only."

He understands and nods, head coming out of the palms to rest against Louis' shoulder. Louis grins at him, pressing the side of his nose onto Harry's forehead. Louis kisses him gently. He wants to have some fun now.

"So were you lying to me when you said you had a sore throat?" Harry nods shamefully. Louis tisks. "You little liar."

"I didn't want to get in trouble."

"You hurt me a little, but I'd never yell at you if it were just a little thing like this. Hm?" Louis tells. "You're still my best friend, H. Don't think that just because we told a wee little secret, which you hardly said anything whatsoever, everything's going to be ruined. You can tell me anything, and the same applies for me too."

"I-I hurt you?"

"Only a little, H. Don't fret about it, babe," Louis whispers, kissing his forehead again. "Hey, I want some afternoon tea. We've had a long day and you need to perk up a little. How about teaching me to make some cupcakes?"

Harry smiles lightly, nodding and taking his head from Louis' shoulder. He gleams to him.

"Chocolate cupcakes then?"

******

Oven baking is like a workout. Louis burnt himself moments ago and his pinky is now being iced by the careful hands of Harry. They're upstairs, Louis' pinky bundled with a cold ice-pack in a cloth with Harry compressing it down. He's got Louis other hand laced between his hand Louis is whining sharply.

"It hurts, Haz."

"Shut up, you wuss," Harry snaps. "You only got a mini burn, Lou. I've been worse before."

"Really now?" Louis asks. "My pinky is very sensitive, H. It still feels like it's burning. It's probably going to burn through to the bone!"

"You are talking nonsense. It burns because it's only been a couple of minutes since you did it, love. It's not going to burn through," Harry laughs at him. "At least the cupcakes are done."

"Two injuries. What a battle it was to make cupcakes."

"At least I'm not complaining, Lou."

Louis pouts. "I'm sorry."

"Mine probably hurt more than yours."

"I don't see any burn marks in your eye, do I?"

"No, but next time you could probably take my eye out with that stupid finger of yours," Harry rolls his eyes. "Fingers don't go in those places, Lou. Eye sockets especially."

"It was an accident!"

"You always seem to harm me, Louis," Harry chuckles. "Tripping me over almost everywhere, knocking my baby tooth out when I was seven."

"Again, it was all accidents," Louis grins. Harry grows sheepish. "Oh, come on! If I wanted to hurt you, I would have stabbed you a long time ago."

"Remind me never to go near shed tools when I'm with you."

" _Oh_ , you little brat," Louis snaps his finger away from Harry, pushing at his chest to shove him into the bed. Louis falls on top with his lips meeting Harry's. He smirks against him. Harry's whining like an idiot. Louis moves and hovers over his lips. "Breathe through your nose, baby."

"You probably broke one of my ribs, you moron."

"S'not my fault," Louis laughs. "Breathe through your nose, yeah?"

Louis connects their mouths again and leaves his lips gently on Harry's. Harry is breathing through his nose and he's smiling a bit. He thinks that maybe he could try go for the real thing. He doesn't have a clue what he's doing though. He opens his mouth and Louis jerks up. He glares down to Harry and smiles.

"You all right, love?"

"Do you know... um," Harry shouldn't be so bashful to ask. Louis is his experiment. He should have just gone for it. "How do you... um,  _makeout_... you know?"

Louis chuckles at him, stroking his fingers across Harry's cheek. "You want to snog?"

"Yeah," Harry nods. "I'm kinda sick of the simple thing."

"You do remember that I don't have a clue what I'm doin' either, right?"

"You're better than me. You said you used to make out with the back of your hand!"

"Y-yeah, so?" Louis whispers shyly. "I've seen videos about it before so I guess I kind of know what to do," Louis brings himself down to hover over Harry's lips again. He's trying to remember back to the YouTube videos he watched back in the day. _What did Lush do_? They were such open people with kissing each other on camera. "Um, all right."

"Breathe through the nose?" Harry asks.

"Yeah," Louis nods. "And don't be a damn washing machine, all right? We don't have to tongue it straight away," He presses their lips together and leaves them for a moment. When he moves his bottom lip across Harry's, he feels them join again nicely. He's rather surprised that worked. He tries again and immediately there's a small click. " _Ow!_ "

"What the hell--"

"No teeth, Harold," Louis scolds, flicking his cheek. Harry shakes his head, laughing. "You're good, H. You're gentle."

"I'm following you, okay?" Harry says. He has his hand behind Louis' neck and brings him down to meet. Louis is slow to get the process going.  _It's going well_ , Louis thinks. Harry's still breathing through his nose, struggling the tiniest bit. He's worked his hand into Louis' hair and he's tugging it to keep Louis purring against him. Harry sneering; that causes more tooth clicks.

Louis pulls away. "Close your mouth, you _fish_."

"I'm just smiling."

"Stop smiling," Louis demands. Harry frowns, pouting his lip out. Louis grins and bends down to nip it. Harry yelps. "Payback."

"That hurt."

They kiss more, obviously. Harry's starting to really get the hang of it and Louis feels like they're just smooshing closer together. Louis wants to try it now.

"All right," Louis speaks between kisses. "I'm going to add the little bit more."

He does and Harry gets a bit of a shock when he feels Louis' tongue glide across his. His eyes shoot open and he closes his lips, Louis taking his tongue away and glaring at the boy below him.

"It's not a fucking snake, there's nothing to worry about."

"Don't yell at me, I'm clueless."

"You are," Louis dives down for more, kissing Harry gingerly with the dip of the tongue here and there. Harry still isn't too encouraged himself to try and battle Louis back. It's rather awkward. "Haz, I need you back. You're being a log."

"I-I--"

"Just try, babe," Louis tells, silencing himself again with Harry's mouth. He's slow and patient, then he finally feels Harry going in for it. He's tense and nervous and Louis encourages him more with his tongue. He closes their mouths and teaches Harry with actions rather than words. He opens with his head tilting to the right, letting Harry go first and entice Louis forward. It happens, and Louis is happy. They close. He opens again and Harry's going for it - but a little too much. "Hazza, bit less, babe."

"Sorry," Harry mutters with a small brush of their lips. Louis tries again, smiling slightly when Harry kisses him properly. Not too much, not too less. He's keeping this pace in which Louis likes. He's light against Louis, and Louis likes that a lot.

"You're good, baby," Louis praises, pecking his lips. "See, we're learning quite well, aren't we?"

Harry doesn't answer. He likes kissing Louis like this. He pulls Louis in and kisses him gently, tongue moving and lips curving around one another. Harry slides his hands down Louis' shoulders, squeezing them before he suddenly pushes him, scaring Louis. Harry sits up and leans over Louis to kiss him again. Louis' arms are above his head and he's playing with the sheets of his bed. Harry's teasing him now, hovering over his lips when Louis wants to play snog wars.

"Fucking kiss me, twat," Louis is so demanding, but it works. Harry's dips in for it and kisses him harder than expected. He's waiting for the moment to hear Louis starting to scold him for doing such things, but Harry's forcing him to shut up with a buttload of smooches. Louis' eyes shoot open with surprise when Harry, somehow, twists his tongue in a way Louis, he has now found out, likes. Instead, he hums and Harry smiles before continuing.

His hair's in Louis' again and they're pulling lightly to make Louis gasp. Harry thinks this is good. Eh, he keeps going anyways. Harry goes in for it with a gentle stroke of his tongue across Louis' bottom lip before nipping at him. Louis giggles but shuts up with Harry kissing him again.

Harry doesn't know what he is doing. He kisses the side of Louis' mouth and then his chin. He bends further, jawline, under the jaw, neck. Louis moans, and Harry perks up like a meerkat.

It's clearly embarrassing to Louis. He's red and hiding his face in his hands. Harry is grinning cheekily and watches Louis with glee.

"What was that?" He decides to question. Louis laughs loudly, he sounds quite nervous too, and speaks through his hands.

"Don't even ask, Harold."

Whatever it was, Harry wants to hear it more often.


	14. Chapter 14

Harry comes over just in time. 

He's got the lead on the dog and he's standing in the kitchen. Harry comes through and sees Louis with Chance. Harry grins.

"Are we walking the dog?"

Louis shoots his head up in surprise, smiling to Harry.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was bored," Harry says. "Thought maybe this weekend we could spend time with each other."

He steps closer and pets the dog, straightening up and admiring Louis below him. Harry kisses his nose and Louis steps away appearing alarmed.

"We can't let mum catch us," Louis warns. "She still doesn't know about this, neither does dad."

"Same as my mum," He sighs heavily and touches their toes. "Do you think that we should tell them one day?"

"One day. It's too early still," Louis says. "Hey, how did you get in any way?"

"Front door was open."

"You're serious?" Louis questions. "I closed and locked it."

"Your mum's car isn't there. Maybe she went out."

Louis has a skeptical look across his face. He shakes his head and breathes loudly. "I don't know, H. She's been going out an awful lot in the past week. It's starting to make me a little suspicious."

"I'm sure it's just business."

"But with what though?"

Harry doesn't want to talk about it. It'd make Louis angry and he didn't want him to be grumpy today. He wants to have fun. "C'mon, love. Let's take this little one out. We can talk outside."

Louis gives the lead to Harry, Chance bouncing around like the small puppy he once was. Louis is sure that his ticker is going to give out soon. Chance is rather old and Louis doesn't know why his mum still forces him out for walks. It's like forcing an eighty year old to run a ten mile marathon. 

At least he gets to spend time with Harry.

******

Louis doesn't know why they're watching a Barbie movie tonight. Louis has always loved the dolls, but the girl on TV is seriously freaking him out.

Cuddled into the couch is Louis and Harry with Louis' bed duvet spread over their bodies. Louis is at Harry's side with his arm curled at his chest. Harry has his lanky arm framing Louis. Their legs are beside each other. It's too cold, still. Louis hates the weather, but loves it; he gets to cuddle with Harry. 

The blonde chick is now talking to some wild animals. Louis thinks this movie would have a larger audience if the elephant just ate the island girl. It'd certainly be better. It's only a quarter of the way through the movie and Louis wants to sleep with Harry's armpit in his face.

Harry makes a courageous move, eyeing Louis and pecking his head to earn his attention. He looks up and the obscure light from the TV's making his eyelashes shadow over his eyes. He looks tired and moreso mysterious than usual. Harry grins, licking over his bottom lip and becoming weary of what he should do. He wants to kiss him; they've hardly kissed today. Snogging seems to be happening on an everyday basis ever since Tuesday.

He drops his arm down to Louis' waist, groping at his hip and enticing him upward. He meets their lips with a slight smile, feeling rather adventurous. His other hand caresses Louis' face, keeping him stable, as he moves their lips.  _Ah_ , he feels so giddy to be so hyped about their kisses. He loves how soft Louis feels against him. He loves how giggly Louis gets. He loves so much about Louis. 

Louis stops them for a moment. His hip's sore from the stretch he has to do to reach Harry's mouth. He sits up and quickly straddles Harry's thighs. The blanket's still over their bodies and it looks like a skirt around Louis' waist. He has Harry's face on both of his hands, delving in to kiss him hotly. He loves this too much.

Harry still doesn't know what this means. He doesn't want to ask because he knows that Louis will either like him back or grow offended. Harry's sure it's the first option; he's not kissing Harry for no reason. Or is he?

This time, it's Louis whining for them to stop. He pulls away and pants heavily near Harry's mouth. 

"Jesus, Harold."

"Good?" Harry asks. Louis hums happily in response. He's still breathing heavily and Harry's so sure he's sucked all the breath out of him. He's laughing faintly. "You okay, babe?"

"I didn't take enough breath," Louis smiles gingerly. "Those big nostrils of yours can probably take in more air than me."

"No, I'm just better at kissing than you."

"Bullshit," Louis laughs at him. He pulls at Harry's cheeks, contorting his face. "Mr. Teeth Clicker."

"That was only like, four times! And was the same day I first tried it with you."

"Still, the nickname's going to stay. Or it might turn back into Mr. Sugar Cane plant--"

"No," Harry immediately cuts in front. "No. I'd rather Teeth Clicker."

He giggles, thumbing over Harry's cheekbones and going in for the kiss again. He presses their lips together once, stretching himself away before dipping back in and taking Harry's bottom lip between his two. He nips, Harry scowling from his throat at Louis. He pinches at Louis' hip and he rolls his eyes.

"Going to be nasty, are you Harold?"

"Stop teasing me," Harry barks. "You're awful."

A squeeze on his bum makes Louis squirm. He jumps forward and kisses Harry again, a small gasp coming out as Harry digs his fingers into Louis' hips. Louis is really roused up by this type of thing. It makes Harry wonder how far he could get with Louis.

He doesn't want to think about that. It makes him incredibly shy. He might love kissing Louis, but he can never imagine the big S word with him.

He slides his tongue in with Harry's, keeping themselves occupied while the movie continued to play in the background. Louis would rather watch this piece of art in front of him and kiss it until the cows come home. Harry's magic with his tongue; Louis doesn't know where he learned to curl it around, or to caress straight over Louis' so gracefully. Louis is glad that he's the only one that has kissed these wonderful lips of his.

Louis giggles again and has their foreheads together. He's ready to dip down again but there's a small knock at the door frame and Louis panics, diving his head down to Harry's shoulder and hiding himself. The blanket's still over them and Louis is still straddled across Harry's thighs. It's his mum. Fuck, they've been caught.

"Hey darlings," She smiles, looking suspicious of Louis on top of Harry. She's confused. "Is Louis asleep?"

"Er... yeah," Harry lies. "He was cold so I said to him he could just use me as an under blanket. Then he just fell asleep."

Jay grins at the two of them. "All right. I'm heading to bed. You kids play nice."

She leaves and closes the door to the lounge. Louis peeks up at Harry and laughing lowly, smacking another kiss to him. Harry's so shit at lying but his mum is useless at finding the difference between a truth and a lie. 

"He could just use me as an under blanket." Louis mimicks.

"Shut up, I was put on spot."

*****

He wakes the next morning with Harry's arm still around his body. They returned back to their normal cuddling position after a while. Harry was starting to lose feeling in his legs and Louis arse felt like they were going to spread apart. Harry's still asleep, for once, and Louis wants to be the one giggling into his ear and trying to annoy the fuck out of him.

Louis has his finger in Harry's clothed belly button. He twists, trying to wake him. The shirt rides up and Louis can see a few small lines across Harry's tummy. He takes his finger out of the hole and lifts Harry's t-shirt slightly, looking at more of the cuts across his stomach. Louis has his eyebrows knit together and he's questioning where these have come from.

They didn't look deep. It looked to be maybe scratches from weeds or something. Louis just had to make sure they weren't something else.

"Hazza," Louis needs to wake him now. He's shaking at his shoulder and Harry jolts awake. He gleams at Louis, whispering a good morning. Louis gulps and Harry knows something is wrong. "Harry, what happened to your tummy?"

Harry shakes his head, chuckling softly. "You know how in my backyard those lupins have been growing?"

"Y-yeah?"

"I ran through them the other day because I threw a frisbee in there," Harry tells. "I tripped over and fell on a pile of sticks and they kinda got my shirt and stomach. It hurt a little. My stomach looks really horrible, doesn't it?"

Louis swallows dryly again. Harry doesn't look to be lying. Then again, Louis isn't looking at his face. He's looking more closely at the cuts. He takes Harry's word for it. Harry isn't the person to do this intentionally. Harry's sweet and understanding. Harry had no intention to hurt himself purposely.

Louis hugs Harry tighter.

******

Later that day, Harry leaves and Louis is stuck in the kitchen making himself a sandwich just before he needed to start off on his homework. Jay walks in looking prim and proper again, also with a new handbag.

"I'm heading out, Louis. I'll be back later, all right?"

Louis stops making his sandwich and puts down the butter knife. "Where?"

"Just out, Lou." She waves Louis off, walking out with her high heels and bag. She's definitely being suspicious; Louis isn't stupid to not see this as suspicious.

Louis is starting to think people are keeping secrets from him.

******

He's on the phone to Harry, laying flat on the bed with a mind full of boggling conspiracies and thoughts. His mum's still out and his dad's out in the shed, still working at nine at night. Louis wants to sleep, but he's antsy about the suspicious actions of his mum.

"Harry," Louis says seriously. "You wouldn't keep secrets from me, would you?"

Harry is blunt with his answer. "No."

"Are you sure, Harry?"

"Louis, I wouldn't keep a thing from you. I would never do something like that. Would you?"

"No," Louis lies. He's kept way too many things away from Harry. His feelings, his sexuality. He thinks that maybe Harry knows about this already. "I wouldn't, Hazza."

"Don't worry about your mum, Lou. She's perfectly fine, all right? If she starts to do weird stuff, you just call me and we'll be detectives together."

"Like we used to do?"

Harry laughs. "I remember Cluedo. Those moments were fun."

They end up talking until eleven with reminiscent memories flooding back into their minds.

******

He's with Liam at lunch time, Zayn in the library being insocial. It's obvious he doesn't want to be around Liam while Harry explains the dilemma between Liam and Zayn.

"Do you like Zayn, Li?" Harry asks. He's afraid he's going to get hit. Liam only nods. He doesn't seem shy about it. "I-I never knew you swung that way."

"Neither did I, but Zayn's different," Liam says. "He's special, you know? I know it's kinda awkward since we're friends and all but... he's quite cute. He's really innocent and stuff."

"And stuff?" Harry questions with amusement. "When you describe someone, you just say and stuff?"

"Look, there's a lot about Zayn I like but I hate to admit it. I don't want to fall head over heels for him. We've got a bit of a fling and I know he's not interested. I want him to be though. I'm not going to use him or anything."

"It's hard for you, Liam. No offence, but you've had a rather extraordinary past with relationships."

"I don't want to rush Zayn into it. He's just not really thinkin' about it properly," Liam sighs. "I'd love to take him out again. He seemed to really enjoy the other week."

"I think he did too," Harry grins. "Just be a little patient, yeah? I'm sure Zayn wants this too but he's still soft for Perrie. He just needs to get his mind cleared, that's all."

Liam nods, looking at his phone and typing away. He's, of course, messaging Zayn, and the small giggle coming from his mouth makes it obvious.

"What's he saying?" Harry asks. Liam looks up with his cheeks a slight pink colour. Liam shakes his head.

"N-Nothing," Liam stammers, looking down to his phone. Another message popped through and he's blushing harder. Zayn's a good flirt and Harrys going to have fun telling him how giggly Liam was. "Hey, change of subject. We're short this weekend--"

"I'll be there." Harry grins, rolling his eyes. He should just join the football team, as Louis said. Maybe it'd be better for himself and Liam.

 


	15. Chapter 15

He wakes Wednesday morning with a frown on his face. He was meant to do his Biology assignment last night. He fell asleep on his laptop.  _Shit._  Louis is fucked.

He's on the bus typing as fast as he could on his laptop, Harry giving him a few pointers here and there about some pointless stuff on transpiration in plants. Louis has half of it done, but the class is first after form room. Louis is fucked.

Somehow, he manages to get an extension for later tonight and he proudly finishes the assignment at lunch time. He spends the rest of his feasting with Stan, who doesn't seem to be interested in Louis - but his girlfriend beside him.

Louis makes his way to the sophomore area, seeing Harry with Zayn at the tables near the trees. He subtly makes his way across the oval to the tables. Once behind Harry, he strokes his back with his fingers before caressing them and sitting beside him.

"Hey!" Harry grins, throwing an arm over Louis' shoulders. "What are you doing here?"

"Stan's lovin' it up with his girl over there. Decided to come here and maybe get a decent conversation out of lunch."

"Not much is happening here either," Harry sighs, removing his arm and placing his head on Louis' shoulder. "Treehouse after school?"

Louis immediately glares at Zayn and points. "You better not tell anyone about  _our_  treehouse."

"I swear!" Zayn shouts in mercy. "I already promised."

"All right," Louis is still weary on Zayn's trust, but Harry loves him, so Louis should at least have mutual feelings. "Babe, I'll see you later then. I might just head to gym early."

He pats Harry's leg and pushes himself off the chair, walking towards the school grounds with his backpack down near his bum. Harry's sneering to himself. He can see Zayn smirking sheepishly across the table. He knows what he's thinking. He kicks his shins under the table for him to snap out of his thoughts.

"You quit it!"

" _Babe_ ," He mimics. "Jesus, Harry, if I weren't here, he probably would have snogged you deep into that tree over there, eh?"

"Shut up, Z. He's just friendly--"

" _Just friendly_ \--"

"Fuck up," Harry hisses. He's so done with Zayn.

*****

Louis said he'd be running to the treehouse after a few minutes of arriving home on the bus. It's been half an hour and Harry's clueless of where he's run off to.

He's sitting on the beanbags, scrolling through his phone. He's texted Louis a couple of times and there's no response from both. Harry sits and waits. Louis would tell him if he is avoiding plans.

He comes by twenty minutes later, looking rather irritated and conflicted. Harry stands from the beanbag and meets Louis with a kiss. Louis seems to back away from it and it only causes Harry to ask the only question of;

"What's wrong, Lou?"

Louis exhales sharply. "Harry, mum's keeping secrets from me."

Harry glares at him, hands on his shoulders and eyebrows high. "Louis, you don't know that."

"She wouldn't just run off all the time like this, Harry. It's been like this for over a week now! I'm not lying, Harry!"

"I never said you were," Harry speaks slowly, taken aback by Louis' snappy attitude. "Look, babe, she's just having fun with everyone. All right? Parents have secrets too, you know?"

" _Too_?" Louis asks. "You said to me you'd never keep anything from me, Harry."

"Well, there's somethings we need to keep from each other, Louis--"

"No, you said to me that you'd never,  _ever_ , keep anything away from me!"

"I never said _never, ever._ "

"Harry, you lied to me!"

"Oh, be a little more rational, Louis! People need to keep somethings to themselves. If I asked you to release everything about yourself, would you?" Harry questions angrily. Louis remains silent. "Point proved."

"She's just acting different, Haz. She's leaving every afternoon and comes home at nine, sometimes ten at night. I don't understand why she'd need to spend so much time with her friends like that; that is if she's even with her friends."

"What else would it be, Boo?" Harry asks softly. Louis remains stationary and sighs, head tilting down to his shoes for answers. Harry kisses his forehead and lifts his chin up. "Don't worry about it, Lou."

*****

He's upstairs later that Wednesday evening, his dog between his arms and forced down into the mattress to cuddle with Louis. He'd rather Harry right now, but Louis thinks he's too much of a bother. None of this  _mum going out_  stuff is being removed from Louis' head. In fact, it's growing to take over Louis mind.

He's talking to Chance. He seems to be a good listener - to what Louis thinks. He's a _damn dog._

"Do you think mum would lie to me, big boy?" Louis asks him, kissing the back of his head. "Do you think maybe she's doing this to hurt me? Or you? I don't understand why she'd just suddenly do this, Chance."

He's tempted to call Harry. Harry would actually comfort him instead of this damn dog who's probably half asleep and cares more for the bones he can smell, which have been dug half way down to China. There's a gentle knock at the door and Louis calls for the knocker. He walks in with a small smile, soot spread across his face and the smell of gasoline reeking from him.

"Hey, how are you?" Dan questions, walking into the room and seeing the dog and Louis bundled up. Chance struggles in Louis' grip, so Louis releases him and he runs immediately to the new human in the room. He sniffs and wags his tail. Louis remains motionless on the bed, looking away. "Louis?"

"I'm fine--"

"No, you aren't fine. I just heard you talking to the dog," Dan laughs quietly. "Mate, you've been acting up a little bit. You can tell me anythin' you know? You're an open book Louis; I can tell when you're upset."

"It's all complicated, dad."

"Well, tell me," He grins, ambling to the bed and sitting on the side. "You're all right, lad. C'mon."

Louis doesn't know whether he should just tell him what he really thinks is going on or whether he should ask if he's noticed anything lately.

He decides to try and be subtle with both. "Dad, have you noticed anything different about mum lately? She's gone out quite a lot and I think it's with a group of friends."

"I have, actually. She tells me it's just book club, Lou."

"Isn't that usually once a week?"

"Yeah, but you and Harry always say we're going to have study sessions, but they end up turning into five hours of playing X-BOX or into sleepovers."

"That's entirely different, dad," Louis groans. "Harry's my best friend who I've been with for ages. Mum never had proper friends. I only thought she was friends with Anne."

"Louis, don't worry about it too much, all right?" She's having fun and she's been a lot happier since then--"

"She's been too happy, dad. That's what I'm trying to say," Louis tells. "I-I... I think she's keeping secrets from me and you, dad. I think she's telling us lies."

He can see his father become confused. Louis feels awful now. He didn't want his dad feeling the same way he felt. Louis shifts on the bed and sighs deeply into hs pillow. His father looks to him.

"We'll just see, Louis."

He leaves after that. Louis is still clueless - and now he has no one.

*****

There's no phonecall, only the faint tapping at the window. Harry lets him in, Louis crawling through the window and letting Harry close the pane. Louis falls to the bed, head in hands as he sighs. He doesn't understand anything.

"Lou?"

"Harry, why is mum keeping secrets from me?!" He yells angrily, hands gesturing his confused state. His head plonks back down into his palms again as he stays there silently. Harry has a finger at his mouth, chewing nervously on a nail. Harry can't help anymore. He doesn't know anything beyond what Louis knows.

"Do you want a cuddle?" Harry asks. Louis huffs and relaxes, his shoulders lowering slowly before he looks from his palms, nodding his head. Harry hops on over to the mattress and falls beside Louis, taking him around the waist and dragging him up to the bed head and resting on the pillows. "Face me, will you?"

Louis turns in Harry's arms, nose feeling warm nestled in his sternum. Louis whines unhappily. Harry can't do anything.

"Love, c'mon chirp up."

"She's keeping secrets from me, Harry," Louis moans. "W-Why is she doing this? Is it that hard to tell me the truth?"

"Louis, stop--"

"Am I not good enough for her? Am I... Do I hurt her? Am I just not able to be trusted?"

"Louis, you are the best son anyone could ever have," Harry says, rubbing his thumb against his cheekbone. "Boo don't get so tangled with this. It's not important--"

"You don't understand, Harry! It is important! I want to know what she's doing. She's hurting me more keeping this secret away from me than probably what she's doing without me!"

"Maybe it's not meant to be a secret, Lou. Maybe she just assumes you know."

"But every time I ask her, Haz, _oh, I'm just heading out with friends_. Every -  _fucking_  - time!" Louis complains. "Harry, I-I... She's never like this."

Harry tisks and presses his nose against Louis' forehead. He breathes quietly, listening to Louis' shaky breath as he clutches onto Harry's shirt. Harry dips his head further down to rub their noses together. He tries to kiss him, but Louis moans miserably.

"I'm not in the mood."

"I-I'm just--"

"Harry, I'm not in the mood," He repeats gruffly. Harry stops and puts his nose against his forehead once again. He sleeps with Louis like this. Harry feels uncomfortable and he can feel Louis cold underneath him. Harry can't do anything.  _Louis isn't in the mood._

*****

He wakes with Harry still next to him, snoring softly with his curls drooping like wilted flowers over his forehead. Louis hums and closes his eyes again, but Harry wakes and kisses his nose.

"Are you feelin' all right?"

"Yeah," Louis says gently. Harry turns in his spot, looking over to see the time. He faces back to Louis and smiles.

"Looks like mum saw us in," Harry whispers. "Do you want some breakfast? I might have to do some study while we're home though."

"Y-yeah," Louis nods. "I can help you--"

"I won't need help, Lou."

" _Still._ "

Harry grins. "You can help me make breakfast, hm? Maybe learn to do up some bacon and eggs. You'll be a professional in no time."

"I'm already a professional."

"Of course you are, you water burner."

"I don't tolerate sassy people in the early morning," Louis snaps. "Now lift me to the kitchen, my legs are broken."

"Is your head broken too?"

"At least my face isn't kaput."

Harry frowns playfully. "You win this time."

"I always win," Louis laughs proudly.

******

He tries to sneak back into his room after school hours are over. He's caught by his mum the minute he walks inside and she glares at Louis immediately, dropping the ladel into the pot and focusing on the boy.

" _Louis_ ," She growls. "Mind telling me where you were today?"

Louis gulps, unable to face his mum. He looks at the wall instead. "I-I... um, I was at school."

"That's not what the school told me, Louis," Louis can hear his mum walk closer, footsteps clicking towards him in the rhythm of his pounding heartbeat. Her tone is aggressive. This isn't going to end well. "Tell me the truth, Louis."

"Why don't you tell me the truth?" Louis asks her. His face shoots up, eyeing his mum with a sharp stare. "Why don't you tell me everything. Why have you been going out? Why can't you tell me anything--"

He's cut off by a smack across the face. A blistering sting remains on his face as he falls into the wall from the force. He breathes shakily, both hands pressed against the plaster and his body weak. He can hear his mum still behind him, huffing like a mad bull.

"Don't lie to me, Louis," She hisses. "Tell me where you were!"

"I w-was with Harry!" Louis shouts. "I was with Harry, I swear--  _ah!_ " Louis' back is lashed against with her hand and it makes Louis cave into the wall. "Please, I-I didn't mean to."

"You are  _not_  to miss school!"

"I didn't mean t-to, mum, I'm sorry. Please," Louis' pleas aren't fulfilled, the back of his head being slapped and Louis being demanded to face the eyes of his mum. Louis looks at her; a monster he sees. She wickedly slaps him across both cheeks cleanly, ignoring Louis cries for her to stop.

He's on the floor moments later with his knees at his face. Dan is at the rescue, pushing Jay away by the shoulder and forcing her into a corner.

"Don't you dare abuse  _our_  son!"

"He deserves it for being sneaky! He doesn't deserve to be a bastard and getaway with this--"

"Johannah! He's your son. He spent the day with Harry because he was obviously upset!"

"He goes to Harry instead of you, what a great father you are!"

"What about you not telling me, or your son, any of your planned secrets, hm? What are you keeping from him? He's going silly over the subject and leaves himself crying in bed because you're out not telling myself or him anything!"

It goes on for what seemed to be hours. Louis' bum is numb from sitting on the cold tiled floor with his head still in his legs, Jay and Dan fighting with hands flying all over the place. Louis wants Harry right now. He wants Harry to come and take him away from the bullshit circulating everywhere. He really wants Harry.

"It doesn't matter where I've been!"

"It does to me. You're hiding something from me. Don't be a cow! Spit it out!"

"I don't need to," She snaps. "You don't need to tell me what to do, you bastard!" She turns and walks to Louis, about to kick him on the side but Dan pulls her angrily by the arm, tugging her back into the corner as he poked a finger at her shoulder, scolding her.

"Don't you dare hurt Louis!" He yells. "Don't you dare touch our son like that!"

"Fuck off!" She snarls, slapping her husband in the face. She throws her hand in his face, eyeing him widely before she slipped off the ring from her fourth finger. She throws the diamond jewel away carelessly, continuing to glare at Dan with satisfaction.

Louis hears the footsteps trotting away and the door opening and slamming closed. He looks up to see the room empty, the grunts from his mum upstairs and the sounds of his dad's car roaring at the front.

Soon, it's all silent and Louis knows what has just happened. His dad walked out on him and his wife.

 

\- - - -

 

_Just a small author note:_

**Johannah, or Jay (Louis' mum in the story), is NOTHING like this in real life. Johannah is the sweetest person ever and her and Dan love each other very much.**

**Also, happy wedding cheers for Johannah and Dan for last weekend! xxx**


	16. Chapter 16

He doesn't go to school the next day, and his mum doesn't give two shits about it. She's left Louis alone completely over the last twenty-four hours. Louis thinks that's the way she should continue - for the rest of his life.

 _Of course_ , the absence of Louis on both buses to and from school brings a ring-a-ding of concern to Harry. He calls his mobile the moment he jumps off the noisy bus, walking up the trail to his house with his phone pressed to his ear. Louis answers.

"Lou," Harry is glad he answered. "Louis, a-are you all right? Where were you today?"

"I-I..," Louis didn't answer correctly, putting his jumper sleeve into his mouth again and chewing nervously. "I don't want to talk about it, all right?"

"Louis, please tell me. I'm worried--"

"Don't worry, okay? I'm not hurt or anything," Lies are spewing from his mouth. "Just... don't worry. I'm fine."

Harry knows he's not _fine._  Whenever Louis says he's fine, he's really not. He's known him long enough to get Louis' silly, but understandable, logic.

"Do you need cuddles?"

"Don't come over."

"Louis, you can't just leave this away from me. Please, just... I can do something. Please tell me."

"I don't need to tell you everything, Harry," Louis hangs up the phone angrily, slamming back into his pillow, crying softly with tears trailing down his bruised cheeks.

*****

Louis doesn't see the light of day for the entire weekend.

Harry misses him.

*****

Harry can't help to feel at least somewhat threatened to know that Louis didn't show up at school the Monday morning. Harry sits alone on the bus and hops off when he arrives at the front of the gates. He walks to the building and finds Zayn by his locker with Liam beside him. Harry should walk away. He should give space. He doesn't, though.

"Hi!" And he's sure Zayn's plotting his cold, vengeful death right now for interrupting their chat. Harry shrugs it off and stares at Liam. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," Liam responds gleefully. "Hey, I'll see you guys around. I need to talk to coach about something. You up for this weekend again, Haz?"

"Sure."

He nods the two boys off and walks away. Zayn still has the harsh stare on Harry. He smirks cheekily, and Zayn slaps his chest.

"Are you actually fucking serious?"

Harry laughs like a psychopath, earning another hit and growl from Zayn. Harry shakes his head, continuing to snicker lightly under his breath.

"And you don't like him, you say."

"I-I'm still makin' up my mind, H."

"Well, talking about nothing seems to be doing the trick for you, isn't it?" Harry mocks teasingly. "You should just take him out, or just get to know him. Sleepovers, or something?"

"Sleepovers? We aren't _twelve_."

"Z, you're going to lead him on and at some point, he's going to give up and leave you for someone else. And that's when you'll be crawling for him."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "I'll just go back to Perrie."

"And waste the rest of your school years?"

"Why don't you focus on Louis, hm? Instead of telling me what I should be doing with Liam, maybe you should just try with Louis - and see if it really works. I don't see you two together yet, do I?"

"We're working things out."

"You're working things out, all right, with that  _fucking_  football of Liam's and that darn treehouse which supposedly holds magical bonding powers."

"It's just a treehouse, Z."

"Whatever," Zayn's pissed. "I'll see you in class."

He ambles away with his books tucked under his arm. Harry's wondering why Zayn has such a snappy attitude hanging on his tongue. Maybe it's just one of his mood days. Perhaps sexual education first up will help him perk back to his usual self.

*****

Before he even gets to his first class, he notices his caramel haired friend walking solemnly down the corridor to his Biology. Harry speeds through the crowd with his books, dodging past people to tap Louis on the shoulder. He smiles and spins him around. Louis' face is the first thing Harry notices; it's not the usual lips he looks at.

"Lou!" Harry shouts, and Louis looks down, hiding behind that fringe he never wore predominantly down. He's fencing himself back. It's obvious he wants to cover the bruise spread wide across his plump cheek. "L-Louis, what--"

"Don't worry about me, H--"

"N-No," Harry struggles to get out, taking Louis' wrist and pulling him back through the crowd to the lockers of the school. He looks around once it's barren and takes Louis into the janitor's closet, both close against each other and their books scattered on the floor.

Harry worries are growing worse by the second. He flicks on the light, the lamp just hanging right above Harry's bed of hair. He puts two fingers under Louis' chin, delicately lifting his head upward and seeing the horrible purple-black bruise on his right cheek. His left isn't so bad. His right eye is partially swollen and Harry knows Louis wouldn't be able to see through it.

Louis is ashamed of himself. He doesn't want Harry to see him like this. He doesn't want to explain himself. He tilts his head back down the minute Harry's touch is gone. Harry sighs and rests his hands on Louis' shoulders, curving his fingers around and giving Louis a small squeeze of reassurance.

"Is this why you didn't want me to come over last Friday?" Harry asks. "Or the weekend?"

Louis nods softly, and Harry almost misses it. Harry steps forward and closes his arms around Louis, his chin on the top of Louis' scalp and Harry shutting his eyes before cooing to Louis. He sighs with dread. Louis doesn't want to be here, but the only reason he's at school is because of Harry. He missed Harry too. Unfortunately, bruises can't fade as fast enough against Louis' loneliness.

"Is it.... was it your mum?" Louis nods again. "Any reason?"

Louis presses his nose into Harry's neck, breathing in and trying to reach for Harry's forearms. He clutches them and runs his fingers down his skin to finally meet with his hands. He entwines their fingers for the reassurance he needs.

"I came to you, and I missed school."

Louis doesn't want to admit this is Harry's fault. It partially is, as well as Louis'.

Harry falls cold and tense. "I... Me? _I_  did this to you?"

"It was me too--"

"Because of me, you were hit?"

"Y-yeah."

Harry can't speak. Yet again, he hurt Louis. "I-I'm so,  _so_  sorry, Louis."

Louis loves him as the friend he is, so he can easy forgive and forget about this. Louis pushes himself further into Harry's chest, taking his arms and swinging them around to cuddle himself hard into him.

"I'm so sorry, Boo," He whispers to him.

Louis doesn't speak, only cradling himself in Harry's arms.

*****

He feels victimized by society - hopeless, even. He doesn't speak on the bus home with Harry and he walks with his hands in his pockets down the track to their houses. Harry's kicking a stone forward and humming to himself. Louis has his head down to the gravel as he shuffles.

Louis suddenly stops as he sees feet in his path. He doesn't lift his head, but Harry forces him with two fingers under his chin. Louis avoids his stare, however, and looks over his shoulder instead to the trees up ahead.

"Lou, look at me," Harry demands. Louis doesn't follow. "Louis, please."

Louis still doesn't. He doesn't even want Harry to see his face. He doesn't want Harry to look at him, or get a glare back from the damaged face of pain and agony. Louis doesn't want Harry to be a part of this anymore. He doesn't want the help, but he can't be independent.

He's contradictory on everything of the above. Louis can't make up his mind on what he wants and it's making him ignore Harry's commands. Harry kisses him suddenly, sharply but softly, and Louis is back on focus.

" _Louis_."

Louis faces him now, a frown appearing on his face. Harry runs a hand down Louis' arm, nudging at his bicep lightly with a simper.

"How about we go to the treehouse, hm? Let's take our mind off things for a while," Harry leads him down the track, pulling on his arm and going down the second trail to their abode. Harry closes the door behind themselves and turns to see Louis in the middle of the room, looking glum and dull. Harry steps to him and tries to lift up his mood with a wide grin. Louis eyes at his hands instead, putting his hands forward to dance his fingers against Harry's knuckles. Harry tickles his fingers back, lacing them quickly to secure Louis as his own for the very moment.

Louis becomes moody and taps Harry's foot for attention. He grabs it easily and Harry hums in response.

"You all right, love?"

Louis could stare dumbfounded at him. It's a stupid question to ask. Louis is not okay, and when was he ever okay beforehand? Louis shakes his head just to clarify things. Harry exhales and plays with Louis' fingers.

"I wish I could do so much more to help, Lou," Harry confesses. "I-I... I hate hurting you like this. When I can't help you, or when your mum does this to you," Harry takes his hand and rubs over Louis' cheek with his thumb, grazing over the purple marks. "I hate leavin' you like this. I hate hurting you. Always."

"It's not your fault, Harry," says Louis. "Y-You're not at fault. You don't mean to do these things. It's all my fault--"

"Don't blame yourself for anything, Louis. You don't deserve to hurt yourself more with the blame."

"Then who else am I meant to give the blame too?" Louis asks. "I-I have no one else to blame, Harry! You haven't done anything wrong. Dad's been missing for the last couple of days! He hasn't come home once--"

" _Woah_ ," Harry freezes and stares shockingly at Louis. "Your dad? What's happened to your dad?"

Louis starts to sob, throwing his angry hands all over the place. "He walked out on us, Harry. Dad and mum had a fight, I got hit. Dad just walked out while mum threw her damn wedding ring away!"

Harry's speechless. So much more is going on to what he suspected. Harry's blank in the mind and his facial expression shows it. Louis is looking at him for answers, but it's unreadable.

"Harry, please say something!"

"L-Louis, I..," Harry shakes his head in disbelief, reaching for Louis' hip and dragging him in close. He pulls him into a tight hug, Louis falling into his chest and resting his head into the crevasse of Harry's neck. Louis breathes him in and relaxes into Harry. Harry kisses his clothed shoulder and looks to the window sill. "I'm always here for you, Boo. Please don't ever think I'll judge you - for anything. I don't care what it is, if you have to call me in the middle of the night, if you run to my place at two in the morning for cuddles, you come to me, all right?"

Louis nods into his neck and whispers out sobs. Harry tisks and presses his cheek against Louis' temple. Harry forces him away and takes his wrist, tugging him onward to the window sill making Louis look at the wooden engravings.

"You see this?" Harry asks, pointing to the two engravings on the sill. "I told you to write your name in this when you were nine because I knew I could trust you forever and ever to never tell anyone about this treehouse, and to always keep our secrets, and to always stay best friends forever."

Louis stares at Harry before facing the sill. He runs a hand over the engravings. They're still as permanent as ever. He smiles at them. They were so young.

" _Always_ , Louis. I mean every single word when I say to you that you can trust me with all my heart," Harry puts his pinky up in promise. "I'm always here. From then until the end."

Louis lunges forward and grasps Harry, swinging his arms around his torso and keeping his head into his chest. Harry smiles and hugs Louis back. Both of them step back and forward to try balance themselves. Louis remains still after a while, but arms are still secure tight around Harry. He's never going to let go.

"I love you, Hazza," Louis says quietly.  _"Always_."

*****

He returns home later that afternoon, heading straight up to his bedroom and slamming the door closed. He falls to his bed and breathes into it. There's a soft knock on his door a couple of minutes later, but Louis doesn't move or say anything to answer. His mum comes in without warning.

"Louis," He's scared about her plans right now. She might hit him. She might just give him a batch of sorry cookies, like she used to, and leave him alone. Louis can't sense anything right now. Maybe because his nose is blocked from his crying fit earlier. "Louis, love, are you all right?"

Louis doesn't answer. He won't answer to anyone but Harry.

His mum leans on the door frame and waits patiently for an answer. Louis doesn't give it - and soon, she leaves. The door latch is closed and Louis sits up, pulling his hands down his face and groaning out loud.

He stares at air for a moment, too bothered to remove his focus from space. He wants to call Harry, but he's not sure if he should annoy him anymore with nonsense. He's not taking his word for it; _I don't care what it is, if you have to call me in the middle of the night._.. Louis doesn't want to disturb him.

He removes his stare at the plaster and picks up his phone on the bed, scrolling through his contacts to land at Laika's name. He calls his sister and presses the phone to his ear, waiting for her sweet voice to appear. Louis has missed her so much. She's doing so much with the world now. Louis just wants his twenty-year-old sister back with him.

"Hello?" He hears. Louis simpers at the voice.

"Hey, it's me," Louis says quietly. He can hear her delight over the phone.

"Hey, Lou! How's it going? Are mum and dad all right?"

 _Great._  What a morbid way to start off a conversation. Louis lies to prevent misery. "Y-Yeah, they're fine."

"How's you and Harry? Are you still friends?" Laika asks. She grins over the phone, happy to hear her brother. "I'm so jealous if you are. Gemma and I would have never lasted that long!"

"Yeah, we are," says Louis. Louis doesn't know if she should tell him about Harry and him now. She should know that Harry and him might be more than friends. She should know that Louis is indeed gay. Maybe Louis could come out to her. Maybe she'd understand. "We're very good friends still. He's been there since day one, Lee. He hasn't changed, one little bit."

"Aw, that's sweet Lou. Maybe you could grow up together like... for the rest of your lives. Do you know how cool that would be? You could be the only two people who have had a friendship for over seventy years!"

Louis laughs at her thoughts. "I don't think we'd be the only ones though."

"Some of the few people though, you'd be," Laika smiles. "I miss you and the family a lot. I miss Harry as well. I miss all of you."

"How's travelling going?" Louis asks her.

"It's great, Lou. I wish you guys were all with me though. Jade's starting to become really boring to be with," He hears faint shouting over the phone and then a laugh from Laika. "Jade was just yelling at me, sorry."

"That's great."

Laika notices his dull tone. "Louis, are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't seem to be, love?" She questions. "C'mon spit it out, dumb boy. I'm here to talk. Jade's only going to make me eat her shit meatloaf again."

This could be the chance Louis has to tell her. It could also be the chance that he loses his sister forever. He's biting his lip and contemplating. The decision has an endless amount of goods and bads, and he thinks the bad overrides the good.

He sighs over the phone. "It's all right, Laika. I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You better not lie to me, Lou," She sternly scolds. "I don't want you to feel awful, yeah? I'm always here for you when you need me to be."

Louis nods and hums over the phone. "I love you."

"I love you too," She says softly. "I better leave now. Call me back whenever, all right?"

Louis answers with a yeah, all right and hangs up the phone. He falls back into his bed with his eyes dancing on the patterns on the ceiling. He feels even more bottled up now. He should have told her.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Louis wants to attend Harry's football match by surprise. He asks for Stan to drive him to the game, both of them on the field and taking a seat on the benches. The siren is sounded and the players fled their locker rooms to go onto the pitch.

The referee stands in the middle with a foot on the ball. Players of all sorts of colours appear and Louis is darting his eyes around trying to find player twenty-eight. It's a swarming mess of colours and Louis doesn't think Harry's even on the pitch.

He's right.

Harry isn't there, at all. He excuses himself from Stan and goes into the locker rooms himself. Harry's not sitting in the rooms, nor is he anywhere near the rooms. He's suspicious. Louis takes his phone out and texts him quickly.

**_Hiiii H where ru? x_ **

_im playin football x_

Louis glares at the message for a moment, trotting back to the fences and looking around for Harry. He's definitelt not here, he can spot the mop of curls anywhere.

**_r u really? x_ **

_yeah im about to go on the pitch x_

He's lying, and Louis is starting to grow a little anxious.

**_really?_ **

Harry knows something is up if there's no x's. He might as well tell the truth.

_r u at the pitch? x_

**_i am. x_ **

_oh._

Louis calls him and Harry answers.

"Why did you lie to me?" Louis asks immediately. "You're not playing, H. There's people on the field right now."

"W-Why are you even there?"

"I wanted to surprise you!" says Louis. "Harry, where are you? Are you at home?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Why aren't you playing? Didn't Liam ask you to play this weekend?"

"Yeah, he did. I-I'm just feeling a little ill that's all."

"Are you all right?" Louis questions. "Your mum isn't home, is she? Do you want me to come around and look after you?"

"I'm fine, Lou."

"Harry, you're not very convincing," Louis admits.

"I-I just don't want anyone over, all right? I... I don't need to tell you everything."

"What do you mean? I thought you were just sick?"

"Y-Yeah," Harry stammers. "I gotta go, Lou. I'll see you sometime," Harry hangs up, leaving Louis itching for information. Harry's never been like this, and Harry would always play football, even when he's sick.

Something's up.

*****

He knocks upon his window, waking Harry up from his peaceful slumber. He rolls over and looks to the window, seeing Louis tapping at the glass and squinting his eyes to grab a look inside. He's failing. Harry stands from the bed and opens up the sill. He's about to jump into the room, but Harry stops him with a dark glare.

"Harry," Louis frowns. "Am I not allowed in?"

"What are you doing here?" It's bitter and sharp. It scares Louis primarily.

"I-I came to see you," Louis admits. "I wanted to see you and surprise you at the game, but... you know," Louis shrugs, resting his hands on the window's edge near Harry's. Harry shifts his away and it brings Louis to suspicion. "Haz, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Lou. I'm just a little tired that's all."

"Why are you tired?" Louis questions. "You're usually up and ready by now, H."

"I'm sick," Louis knows he's lying, but he tries to give evidence by producing a cough. Louis steps away and glowers. "I don't really feel like seeing anyone today, Lou."

"Why?"

"I just don't, okay?"

"I can look after you," Louis tries to lodge himself into Harry's buttons, and frankly, Harry's had enough of it. "I-I can do your homework for you? I miss you, H."

"I just don't feel like hanging out today. Maybe tomorrow."

Louis blatantly rolls his eyes and folds his arms, looking away from Harry and groaning. "Yeah, whatever."

Instead of his anticipated request of reverse psychology, Harry turning back to be guilty of pushing Louis away, he puts his hands on the pane and shuts the window forcefully. It takes Louis by surprise, for sure.

Something is seriously up.

*****

"It's been over a week!" Louis shouts to him over the phone. "Harry, something's gone wrong, and I don't know where he is. He won't answer my calls, and he's not been seen in town by anyone."

"He'll come back, Lou."

"How can you be so sure?!"

"How can you be so sure he isn't coming back?" Harry retorts. "Things take time, Boo, you just need to calm down for a moment or two and listen to me. He's going to come back because he wouldn't leave you like that."

Louis rests his head against the wall. He closes his eyes and sighs into the air, uncertain of what to do.

"Can't you come over?"

Harry groans softly. "I-I'm just a little busy, Lou."

"It's a Sunday though, Haz. You're never busy on a Sunday!"

"Well, today I am. You can't expect everything to happen nicely, Lou. Sometimes, we can't hang out, and sometimes, we need to spend some time apart, you know?"

Louis perks up with worry. "Is this what it is, you wanting to spend some time apart?"

"N-No, I'm just busy, but you do need to think about if it was that situation--"

"I don't understand, H. Just tell me the truth, will you?"

"I promise you, Louis. I'm not pushing you away, I'm just busy."

Louis gulps and listens to Harry. He wants to believe him, but there's something that's forcing him away from believing his best friend. Louis shakes his head and groans unhappily.

"All right, I got to go."

"Louis wait--" Louis hangs up, not bothering Harry any longer. Why should he bother with Harry? It seems as if Louis isn't worth Harry's time anymore.

*****

It's heart breaking in the morning when Harry gets on the bus and notices Louis isn't on. He sits in the back with a glum expression on his face and no one talks to him. The next stop after; however, the blue-eyed boy is picked up from the other bus stop just down the street.

Harry smiles to Louis, watching him pay the bus driver as he turns to see Harry in the back seat. Harry's smile grows wider, hoping to entice Louis to the back, like usual. Louis steps forward and turns, sitting in the empty seat at the front of the bus - away from Harry.

He's gobsmacked and is left with an open mouth in shock. He sits back in his seat, feeling rejection at its worst.

*****

It's not surprising when they're picked up from school and Louis sits in the front seat next to another junior. Harry's forced in the back and the drive home is boring for the both of them.

Harry waits for Louis to get off the bus, and instead of the usual first stop drop off, Harry follows Louis off the second stop. Louis ignores Harry and walks down the dirt track back to his house. Harry shadows behind him, keeping silent with his head down in thought. He could try and stay something, or he could ignore Louis and try call him at home.

He catches up to Louis and stands beside him, grinning gently.

"Hey, Lou," He says, tapping at his arm dangling beside his body. He looks lethargic and bored. He's not interested in Harry's presence at all. "You feeling okay?"

 _Of course_ , Louis ignores him, and it only prods Harry harder to try get his best friend to speak.

"How was school today?" Asks Harry. "Anything I need to know about? Things I need to keep an eye out for?"

"Drop out," Louis mutters. Harry stops in his tracks and glares at Louis. Louis keeps walking and Harry is made to run back up to him.

"Louis don't be an idiot."

"Well, you asked me to tell you anything. If you're going to be a wimp and not find out yourself, you might as well drop out when you can."

" _Louis!_ "

"Just fuck off, all right?" Louis snaps. "I don't need anyone."

Harry doesn't move away. He's not letting this one slide, especially if Louis is acting like this. Harry steps in front and causes Louis to bump into him. Louis swears and jumps back with a dagger stare.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Harry gazes down with hurt eyes. "Don't be like this, Boo."

"M'names Louis! Fucking use the name properly--"

"Shut up, will you?" Harry shouts at him. "Stop acting like this, staying away from me, ignoring me and being a smart aleck with me!"

" _Oh_ , so now you care."

Harry knits his eyebrows together. "What?"

"Like you don't bloody know, Harry."

"What are you talking about, Lou?" Harry questions. Louis shoves at his chest and walks around him, not bothering to turn back. Harry doesn't run after him. He'll wait until later to call him.

*****

Louis walks down the stairs with a growling tummy. He faces the kitchen and notices a missing element; his mum. It's seven o'clock and there's no food on the table. _That's odd._

"Mum?" Louis calls. He hears a faint chant back from upstairs, and Louis walks back up and to his mum's room. "Mum, when's dinner going to be ready?"

His mum steps out of the room in a fancy dress which goes to her knees, her hair curled to her shoulders and make-up caked to her face. Louis glares at his mum and becomes upset.

"Are you going out again?"

"Yes, love," She kisses Louis' head with her horrid ruby lipstick and smiles. "You can order some Chinese or pizza," She hands Louis a fifty dollar bill. "Have fun, sweets. I'm going out for a while, I'll be back later."

"Where are you going?"

"Just with friends, Lou," She says with a small giggle. She walks around Louis and down the stairs, and minutes later Louis can hear the car drive away from the garage. Louis is left home alone yet again for the same unclear reason from weeks ago.

He's stuck in the kitchen with a phone pressed to his ear. He has the money in his hands and he's extremely hungry. Instead of Chinese or pizza, he calls for something better.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Louis squeaks. "Mum's gone and... I need some dinner."

Harry laughs softly. "Do you want to come over? We're having ratatouille."

"Can you come here?" Louis doesn't want to face Anne. She'll ask questions Louis didn't want to answer. "Ask your mum if you can stay the night?"

"I don't need to ask," Harry says. "I'll be over in ten, all right?"

Louis hangs up with a tiny smile tugging at his lips. He shouldn't have treated Harry like shit beforehand, but he guesses that the fight is all behind them now.

*****

Harry makes him macaroni and cheese and brings it upstairs to Louis, who's just finished his shower and is changed into a t-shirt covering over his briefs.

Harry knocks and enters, blushing lightly as Louis searches for a pair of pants in his drawers. Harry sits on the bed with two bowls of dinner in the crevasse of his thighs, waiting for Louis to change. He puts on a pair of pants and joins Harry on the bed, taking a bowl then resting a spoon of pasta at his mouth.

"S'a bit hot, Lou," Harry warns. "Be careful."

Louis blows on the spoon and takes the contents into his mouth. He chews slowly and smiles. "It's delicious, H."

Harry is delighted by the comment and takes a spoonful of food to taste for himself. His mum has made better, but all that matters is Louis likes it. They both eat silently and Louis finishes his bowl before Harry. He veils Harry down the stairs to wash their dishes, him sitting up on the counter as Harry washes and dries everything.

"Are you all right, Lou?" Harry asks, slapping his tea towel over Louis' legs. "You're a little quiet."

"Yeah."

Harry rolls his eyes. "S'not very convincin'."

"I'm just confused, that's all," Louis whispers. "Mum keeps going out, saying she's with her friends. I'm still not sure what to believe, H. It's... She's just acting funny."

"You shouldn't worry about it."

"But you've said that to me so many times, H. I-I can't just rely on that for the rest of my life. She's not going to tell me until I try get it out of her. She's never done this before, and if she has I would have noticed it."

Harry's simper falls. "You don't need to be so caught up, Lou. It's stressing you out, obviously. You should... just focus on your studies, yeah?"

"I guess," Louis couldn't be bothered trying to defend himself anymore. He hops off the bench and walks back upstairs to his bedroom. Harry follows suite and jumps into bed with Louis.

Louis is facing the wall with no interest to turn around and cuddle into Harry, so Harry puts his arm around Louis' waist and hugs him in. Louis turns and forces Harry's arm away and glares at him.

"Are you going to turn off the light?"

Harry nods after a moment of hesitance, standing from the bed and switching off the light leaving Louis and Harry in a dark room. Harry slips under the covers again and finds Louis resting his head on a separate pillow, facing the wall yet again. Harry's baffled.

He sits up and curls over Louis, kissing his cheek and hoping for a response. He misses their kisses; they were almost forgotten. Harry slides down back to his laying position and hears Louis shuffle under the covers, now looking up to the ceiling. Harry is half up and resting on his elbows. He leans over Louis and finds his lips, ready to kiss him out of breath. Louis is unaware and growls, snapping away from Harry and shooting up right against the wall.

"What are you doing?!" He shouts. Harry becomes bewildered and sits up completely also, staring at what he thinks is to be Louis.

Harry doesn't understand. Did Louis forget, or is it just not the best time for a kiss? Louis words weren't too fond and he's clearly upset.

"I-I'm sorry," Harry mumbles. "I-I..."

Louis realizes what he has done. Harry's blabbering on with apologies and Louis is sitting with the sheets up to his chest, petrified he's just demolished this fling the two of them have together.

It's what brings Louis to think really deeply for the next couple of minutes, completely shutting Harry out from his mind as he thinks to himself. Louis still doesn't know what to think, what is this thing between the two of them. Louis could admit his feelings, and he's sure Harry feels the same way. It just didn't seem... right. Harry's only fifteen and Louis doesn't want to fall in love with someone at such a young age.

 _This isn't right._  Louis doesn't feel okay with leading Harry on like this.

"Louis?" Harry touches his knee, hoping to get some reply back. "Louis, please speak to me."

"Harry," Louis whispers. "Harry, I'm sorry."

"N-No, I'm sorry--"

"Shut up," Louis cuts in front. "We need to stop."

Harry gulps. "Need to stop what?"

"We need to stop with... this, yeah? I-I... I'm not too sure what it is, H but... we just need to stop," Louis stammers. "I-I just don't think it's right anymore, Harry."

Harry's so baffled. "Not right?"

"Yeah," Louis whispers. "You know, you're my best friend. I-I don't want this to seem like... I don't want to make you think this is something else. I'm not... I'm not going to be that type of guy, H."

He's hurt inside, really hurt. Harry's gaze falls to the bed as he nods. "Y-Yeah," He fists the sheet with anger, but really he's full of misery. "All right, yeah."

Louis smiles. "All right," Louis has his hand tight on his pillow and he stands on the bed, crossing over it and jumping to the floor. Harry hears him step through the room and the door suddenly opens. Louis looks at Harry, the light from the outside shining to his face. "I'll see you in the morning."

He leaves Harry in his room and sleeps on the couch that night. Harry cries to sleep.

\- - - -

_sooo i haven't updated in a while because of this ([xxx](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpyGVmRD5lo&feature=autoshare))_

best trip ever, so it's pretty cool to watch. literally all of australia is in this video. x

 


	18. Chapter 18

A week passes by and he's standing by himself in the treehouse, looking out the window and leaning on the sill. He doesn't understand, he's confused. It's been a whole week, and Harry's still baffled on the entire subject of why Louis just let him go like a rotten fish.

He doesn't understand why Louis keeps doing this. He doesn't know why Louis changes from one thing to another; Harry's noticed it. Louis seems happy one day, but then at night he turns into a moody bastard who doesn't want to talk to Harry until he falls asleep. It's been a week, and Harry's starting to notice that Louis is changing.

He doesn't know why, and Harry's sure he doesn't want to know why. It can't be puberty, it can't be his friends... or maybe it _is_  his friends. It didn't seem right, Louis always made his own decisions - he'd get upset otherwise. Why did Louis let him go?

The knocking on the door takes Harry away from the window. Louis walks into the treehouse and smiles to Harry. He's happy today, with him he brings a smile and a small giggle. Harry wants to grin, but he can't. He knows this will be all gone within a matter of hours.

"Hey," Louis says, poking at his dimple spot and laughing softly. Harry feigns a grin, but it's not wide and merry. Louis does notice. "Bad day at school?"

Harry nods to take them away from the subject. Louis  _aww_ 's but doesn't do anything to try and comfort him - a hug, a hand hold. There's  _nothing_  and Harry's left cold.

Louis leaves a couple of minutes later with no excuse. Harry didn't care. Louis walks away from Harry and runs back home. Harry sighs. He's starting to lose his best friend.

Louis remains at home for the few hours after that, listening to his mum once again come into his room and tell him she's heading out. Louis doesn't care anymore. She walks away with a fifty on the bench for dinner. Louis lays in bed instead. He's hungry, but he doesn't care. He's annoyed, but he doesn't care. He's not perfect for his mum, or Harry, and that's what he cares about most of all.

Months pass by and miraculously everything remains the same. There's still sleepovers, there's still the meet ups here and there but it's mainly studying over seeing each other. Harry's focus on Louis deteriorates over the next few months, but it's not too dramatic. Their friendship still dares to grow as fast as the spring flowers are shooting up in Louis' backyard, even though Harry finds himself in his room more often studying rather than going to Louis' house to spend some time with him.

Louis finishes his artwork called _Blue_ , and Harry thinks it's absolutely magnificent. He enters it in a competition with the local library and only a few weeks later, Louis receives a call to say he's won the 400 dollar prize in his category. He informs Harry immediately and Harry comes over to shake Louis' hand a _well done._  Louis wants to hug him, the handshake just made Louis feel miserable.

Louis doesn't take it to heart. Harry's his friend and friends shake hands all the time. Louis has to live with it; he did shut off Harry after all.

They spend their winnings on XBOX games. Harry sleeps over on a Saturday night after his football game with Liam. They're laughing, they're smiling. Louis is so happy with Harry by his side again. They spend hours in the living rooms having a marathon of gameplay. They both have dinner, some casserole Louis' mum had prepared earlier. Louis' mum appears in a dress of burgundy and Louis rolls his eyes.

"I'm--"

"I know," Louis says bluntly. "Just go."

She trots out of the house in her glam wear, and Harry's doesn't seem to be fazed by his rude behaviour. Louis sits at the dining table, picking at his food with a fork. Harry joins him on the other side of the table, chewing on a piece of carrot from the meal. Louis keeps his stare on his food and sighs. Harry might as well try and get it out of him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Louis perks up and eyes Harry. They haven't had a serious conversation in months, and Louis is certainly feeling rather bottled up inside. So much has happened, and he's told no one but his personal little diary. His mum always hits him, his dad still isn't home - Louis has lost all hope for him coming back. Harry's his friend; Louis can trust him again.

"Everything's falling apart, H," He's told Harry this so many times, and Harry's always there to tell him  _it's not._  But it's a little different this time.

"I know," He says back, and Louis' face falls flat. "My mum's changed a lot too. She doesn't go out anymore except for work and shopping. She doesn't do anything with anyone. Gemma, she doesn't call home and... I-I... I think that everything between us is kinda fading away too."

Louis sighs, dropping his fork to the side of the bowl. "I miss you, Harry."

"I miss you too," He responds. "I miss you a lot, you know? I'm always just in my room thinking about how I could just come over like I used to and stay with you, do my homework with you in the meadow, but... something happened."

"What's happened to us, Harry?" Louis asks sadly. Louis thinks he may know the answer, but Harry responds with something different.

"I think we're just growing up."

Louis faces his bowl of casserole again with a slow exhale escaping his mouth. Louis wants to keep Harry for forever, like he always dreamed of doing. Louis' sure the real reason behind all of this is because he told Harry to stop being the friends with benefits they were. Louis will never be able to get those moments back with him, nor could he take them back. Louis will always look at Harry and see the boy who he shared his first kiss with. He can't rid the image, it's stuck in his mind.

"Harry," Louis says. "Are we still best friends?" Harry sighs softly and nods.

"The _bestest_ ," Harry whispers. "It's been a long time, Lou, but you're still my best friend. Always."

"Really?"

"You know I'm always here for you. And... just because other things happened before doesn't mean you can't trust me, Lou. I'm always here," Harry tells him. "Don't be afraid, all right?"

Louis, at that very moment, put everything behind him. He nods with a gentle simper on his lips. He finishes dinner with Harry and does the dishes with him. Both play the XBOX for a couple of hours more before Harry stays on the couch to sleep, and Louis goes to his bedroom.

Louis guesses things are starting to work out between them.

******

School holidays approach and Harry finds himself staying more at Louis' place than his own.

They're rekindling things, and both of them have put their past behind them. There's still no hugs, or anything touchy. It's usually studying and XBOX playing they waste their time on. They take the ute out every now and again and sleep out in the paddock. It's as close as they've ever been, in terms of sleeping near each other after everything started to come back together.

There's still those days, Louis would ignore Harry - but Harry wouldn't take it to heart. He knows what's going on. However, the days when Harry would ignore Louis, Louis would baffle himself more with why Harry is pushing him away. Harry would be perfectly fine the next day, though, and Louis would be okay also.

Louis has noticed a lot of things about Harry. Every time Louis starts to grow a little upset with him, Harry would act funny the next day, or even a couple of hours later. Louis can't help to think he's not the  _perfect_  best friend for Harry, and that every time there's a disagreement, Harry would get sooky with it. Louis keeps this perfection thing in his mind, and it's destroying him.

Holidays come to a close and both of them end up in a fight. They both feel like they're back to square one. Louis cries to himself after Harry hangs up on him. He can't be the  _perfect best friend_  if Harry keeps disagreeing with him. Louis is _always_  right.

Harry cries also. He's hurt Louis all over again. He's alone in the bathroom and disciplines himself with sixteen razor cuts across his thighs.

Louis goes to Harry's window the next morning with an apology hidden inside himself. Harry opens the sill up and glares at his best friend. Louis does apologize and asks if Harry wanted to go out to the dried lupin meadow behind his house. Harry shakes his head.

"Sorry, I don't feel too well," Harry fakes a cough. He closes his window and waits for Louis to go away before he settles himself back into bed with sore legs.

*****

It's August when Louis finds out he has a new daddy.

He walks into the dining room and he sees his mum with a stranger right beside her. Louis glares wide-eyed at the mysterious man with a Jesus beard and eyes greyer than a hurricane. He smirks at Louis and Louis gulps. His mum turns to face her son and smiles.

"Louis," She calls, her voice is shaky. "Louis, this is _Phil_."

Louis doesn't say hello, nor does he bother to keep his harsh stare on the stranger. The man speaks to him.

"Hello, Louis."

He's chirpy and his voice seems merry like Santa Claus. Louis swallows his harsh words and looks at his mum. She simpers gingerly.

"Phil is my boyfriend," She informs. Louis runs to Harry's.

*****

Louis knocks at his window and Harry looks up from his study notes scattered across the bed. Louis' eyes look pouty and wet, but Harry's sure it's just from the mild mid-summer rain they've been having. He's wrong.

"Lou?" Harry says. He clambers through the window and holds Harry tight. Harry perks up with interest, this is their first hug in months. Harry relaxes from his tense state and wraps two arms around Louis, holding him in close and smiling gently. " _Louis_."

"Please don't let me go home," He mumbles wistfully. "Please don't let me go. Please Harry--"

"I won't let you go," Harry breathes. "Lou, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong."

"Everything's a mess," Louis states. "Everything is bombing down to a complete mess. I-I can't do this anymore, Harry. I want to run away, I want everything just to be okay."

Harry freezes up with worry. "Louis, w-what are you talking about?"

He doesn't say anything, only squeezing Harry tighter into his chest and crying loudly. Harry needs to know. He doesn't want to see Louis hurt like this. Not again.

"Louis, please. Simmer it down properly for me," Harry presses his lips against his cheek. Louis notices, but isn't questioning it. "Please, love. Tell me."

Louis clutches onto Harry's shirt and sobs into it. His eyes shine up to Harry and they glisten with the lights. Louis watches Harry smile sincerely. Louis can trust him.

"Mum has a new boyfriend," He hiccups. "He's at home... and I didn't know he was coming over today and... He's replaced dad, Harry."

Harry's grin falters. "I-Is that why your mum's been going out all the time?"

Louis' face looks panicked. "Oh my god,  _Harry_ \--"

"Sh," Harry coos to him, kissing his cheek again and holding him closer. Harry breathes into Louis' neck and sighs. Louis is still wailing uncontrollably. Harry misses this. He misses how much Louis relies on him, and how everything seems to be put back together when Harry calms Louis down. Harry really loves being the one Louis can lean on when he's down. He has ever since they first met.

He walks with Louis to the bed and lets him curl up beside Harry with his legs tucked at his chest. Harry's arm is around him, framing him away from the hurt he's feeling. Harry keeps him safe. His cries turn soft and Harry's wiping the tears from his cheeks. He looks to Harry and admires the subtle beam he has on his lips and how his eyes of green tell him everything is going to be all right, and always will be.

Harry sings to him. Louis stays with Harry for the rest of the night and doesn't go to school the next day.

*****

He returns home later that evening to see Phil standing with his mum in the kitchen. They're giggling and kissing and Louis opens the door quietly hoping he can evade them and run to his room. That doesn't work.

"Louis!" She calls. She's cheery and it seems as if she doesn't give two fucks about where her son has been for the past twenty-four hours. "How about some delicious shepherd's pie, made by my lovely Phil here."

Louis glares at the both of them with solemnity and walks away without care. His mum is clueless, but she shouldn't be. It's not usual to bring a stranger home, let alone someone who's going to be Louis' new step-dad.

*****

Louis has the phone between his ear and the pillow and he's talking to Harry. He can hear his mum and Phil in the kitchen still. It's been five hours since Louis came home, and the two wouldn't shut up with the laughing. Louis is shedding tears, but he keeps his feelings away from Harry.

"Lou," Harry says. "Do you want me to sneak in?" Louis mumbles from his throat in response, breathing sharply and listening to Harry's sweet words. "I'll be over in a few, all right? Chocolate chip muffins and my iPod to watch a few Disney movies, how about that?"

Minutes later, Harry's throwing rocks at Louis' window. Louis opens it and points to the ladder near the window. Harry climbs up and steps through Louis' window, meeting Louis and smiling to him. Louis hugs him and sighs happily.

"Are you all right?" Harry questions. Louis nods and gives a toothless smile to Harry.

"Now that you're here," whispers Louis. "M-Mum's downstairs with him, and... they keep laughing--"

"S'all right, Lou," Harry says. "They have each other, and we have eachother with our chocolate chip muffins and Bambi on my iPod."

Louis giggles. "Bambi?"

"You love that movie," Harry opens the box of muffins and asks Louis to take one. He does, holding it at his mouth and taking a hesitant bite. "It's not raisins, Lou, don't worry."

Louis chews quickly and laughs shortly in his throat. Harry takes his iPod out and sits on Louis' bed, enticing Louis to come forward and join him. Both sit with their backs against the wall and the iPod between themselves, watching Bambi on the small screen.

Louis tilts his head and leans on Harry's shoulder, eating his muffin in small, pick out pieces. Harry keeps a sneaky eye on Louis, fonding over the boy picking at his muffin so slowly and savouring it, even though there are still five left in the packaging. He watches Louis' blink, how his eyelashes are curled and thick and how they make Louis' eyes pop beautifully. He watches how Louis eats, he'd always lick over his lip with his tongue but then graze over it with his top teeth, leaving his lips chapped. He's kissed those lips before. He'd love to again.

Things just don't work like that though. They're best friends, and Louis said himself months ago he'd like to stay that way. Harry respects Louis' decision. He respects Louis enough to forgive him for every wrong thing he does. He hates leaving Louis in the dark, even after a horrible fight. He hates to leave Louis just in general. He respects Louis' decision to stay best friends, even if it did mean that Harry wouldn't be able to do all the things he loves doing with Louis, because he'd rather keep what he has than lose it all.

But it's not honestly helping that Harry's in love with Louis.

_________________________

**_Author's note: You need to read._ **

Heya! I got a comment from someone on my AO3 telling me she was a little confused about everything in the last chapter and why Louis and Harry are ignoring each other, but seem perfectly fine afterwards.

Hopefully, this chapter kinda explained it. I'm glad she told me this because it helps me develop a better understanding of what you might not understand. Sometimes, I don't portray things as well as intended and I'm sorry about that.

So I think I might just add a little summary just for this chapter if you were hella confused :) Especially for you Vicky. x

 **Why does Harry ignore Louis?**  In the story, I mentioned a while ago Harry had cuts across his stomach. He told Louis they were just from the weeds, but yes a lot of you have guessed and know that this was actually intentional. When he ignores Louis, he's hurt himself - and he hurts himself as a discipline act for hurting Louis. (That's the warning for self-harming)

 **Why does Harry forgive Louis after Louis treats him horribly?**  Harry loves Louis as a friend, and now as something more. If you love someone a lot, you wouldn't care about the bad things they've done, unless it was really bad. If it's a simple fight like Louis and Harry always have, they can forgive and forget - even if it isn't the best thing to do. That probably confused you a lot.

 **Why did Louis push Harry away, even though he wants everything back again?**  That's something you'll find out soon, and has something to do with the warnings. You may be able to guess it already if you've looked carefully into the story and focus a lot on Louis' character.

Just to make it a little clearer, of course, this story is going to confuse you in some chapters because this is a work in progress (WIP). It'd be better if this was all completed, but I don't work things like that, so some chapters my confuse you but the chapters afterwards will explain everything, all right?

thank you again vicky :) I hope everything is a little bit clearer now? I hope I haven't completely ruined the story with the chapter before :) x

 


	19. Chapter 19

He finds himself growing more and more distressed with Phil being around the place. He moved in; he's been here since September. He won't leave Louis alone, and he's persistent on trying get  _buddy-buddy_  with him. Louis wants to run away and try find his real father. Louis would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised that Phil is making such an effort to try and settle in with Jay and Louis. Louis is making it ten times more difficult, and he thinks that's rather okay. The more uncomfortable he is, the better. He can't hide behind that Jesus beard forever.

Phil knows Louis hates him; it's not hard to see. His mum can even see it, and Harry can sense it every time he comes over. Louis and Harry are always around Phil, and it seems like Phil has a strong dislike towards Harry. Louis didn't care; Phil was the intruder - not Harry.

It's Louis' seventeenth birthday. Harry arrives on time with a grin plastered on his face and his hair covered under a beanie. He hugs Harry, holding him tight before stepping away and dragging Harry behind him to the kitchen. His mum and Phil are there, as always, and Louis greets them kindly and tells them about Harry's stay for the day.

" _Oh_ ," Jay mutters. "Don't you want your birthday present love?"

He never knew presents were still a thing at his age. He rolls his eyes and folds his arms. He glares at his mum.

"What is it?"

"Well, Phil picked it out for you," _Of course_ , he had to be the _nice_  one. "It's out in the shed; I'll go grab it for you, yes?"

She kisses her boyfriend on the cheek and rushes off outside. Louis remains in the kitchen with Harry and Phil, stepping closer to Harry for assurance. Phil smiles at the two boys.

"Hello Harry," He nods to him. "How are you today?"

"Fine," Harry says in short. Louis wants to laugh into his shoulder. Harry hates him too. He leaves Phil to look at the cutting board on the bench, awkwardly tisking to remove the silence. Louis flicks at Harry's cheek and chuckles softly. Jay comes back with his present and settles it on the dining table. It's blatant what the gift is, and Louis is mildly disappointed.

"Here you go, love," She chirps, moving away from the present for Louis to go nuts on. "Happy birthday."

Louis rips off the wrapping and frowns. A canvas. He might as well have received nothing. Louis doesn't like to be selfish, but it's  _Phil_ 's present.

"Thanks. I'll just add this to my other collection of fifty canvases."

"Louis don't be rude!" Jay shouts at him. She looks at her defence system - Phil - and he answers Louis back with a _listen to your mother._  Louis rolls his eyes, taking Harry's wrist and leading him up the stairs to his bedroom, leaving the five dollar canvas on the floor.

*****

"Don't think about him on your birthday, Lou. He's not worth your time."

"It's hard, you know? He's just there. I can't avoid him all the time, especially with mum also pushing him in my face."

He turns his back to Harry and sighs with a hand to his face. He hates the man. It's been five months and Louis hates him with all his might. He's acting like a child; Louis didn't care about that too much. He has a right to act silly if there's someone who's trying to enter Louis' life.

Harry moves forward and rests his chin on Louis' shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind. He grins and hums, trying to make Louis feel at ease.

"You're older than me, but you're still tiny."

"Teasing me on my birthday, are you?"

"Nope, just admitting the truth."

"Look at you, a damn giant," Louis looks to his side to view Harry. He closes his eyes, and a fond smile is across his face for the dimples to pop out. "Feels like forever."

"It's been eight years, Lou."

"Still," Louis chuckles. "Remember my ninth birthday and you gave me that silly little bracelet?"

"The one that Niall broke?"

"Yes," Louis laughs hard, looking to the ground with a smile. "Yeah, that one. I'm still sorry about that."

"Took me ages to make. I remember I had trouble getting those blue beads, not to mention the colour pattern right. I just told myself that you were going to be so happy when you got this, and that's what kept me going."

Louis breathes comfortably, tilting his head to rest against Harry's. "I did love it a lot."

"I loved yours too."

"Do you still have that?"

"Of course I do," says Harry. "It's in my memories box up in my cupboard. I put everything that's precious to me in there."

"Of course _you_ 'd have a memories box."

"Everyone has a memories box."

"I don't," Louis grins. "Am I meant to have one? Or is it the curls on the top of your head telling you these things."

Harry shakes his head. "I have your bracelet, that striped shirt you gave to me--"

"I still have your dino shirt somewhere."

"I'm glad you do," Harry simpers. "Hey, do you want your birthday present?"

Louis breaks out of his embrace with Harry and glares at the boy. "You got me a present?"

"It's your birthday, silly billy. Of course I'd get you a present!" Harry chirps. "But... it's only a present for today and tomorrow. I'm sorry I couldn't get one for Christmas too."

Louis frowns. "H-Harry, I didn't get you anything."

"I didn't ask you to," Harry clarifies, smiling and reassuring Louis from his guilt. "I got you a present because I wanted to."

He takes out of his back pocket a flat piece of wrapping paper. He hands it to Louis and asks him to take care while opening it. Louis fumbles with the present between his fingers, ripping open the easier parts first. He can see metal. Louis hurries to open the gift and shreds apart the sticky tape. He drops the wrapping paper, as well as his jaw.

" _Harry_!"

Harry has his hands behind his back, a soft grin on his face with his cheeks firing up red. He's twisting his foot and giggled bashfully.

"Do you like it?"

It's a _new_  bracelet this time, one of silver and only silver. There's a small key at the bottom of it - a charm with a blue diamente on it. Louis stares at it in his hands and admires the beautiful chain.  _Shit_ , now he really feels horrible about getting Harry nothing.

"Lou?" Harry questions his lack of speaking. "Louis, do you like it?"

Louis clutches it hard in his hand, jumping forward and kissing Harry tight on the lips. Louis holds his head close with his arms messy around Harry's neck. Harry's eyes are wide open, but they close for the couple of seconds to feel butterflies in his stomach.

Louis pulls away with realization hitting him. He pales and looks down to the gap between himself and Harry; his arms still around his neck and keeping their breaths mingled. Louis stutters nonsense and trips over his words.

"I-I... I didn't mean to," He manages to let out. "Sorry."

"Um," Harry doesn't know what to say. This is the most-unexpected thing to come out of his Christmas holidays. "I... yeah. I'm sorry too."

Louis steps away a feet or two and opens his hand between the gap. He eyes the bracelet again with a wide-spread grin. "I really love it, Harry."

"Really?" Harry says softly. "I-I was hoping you'd like it. Maybe it's better if you don't wear it around Niall though."

Louis snorts, grasping the bracelet tight in his palm again and holding it to his heart. "I promise I won't break this one."

He takes Louis into his arms, pushing him into another warm embrace. He wishes Louis a _happy birthday_  again, hoping to relax him from their uncomfortable kiss just before. Both of them are still tense. Harry just wished the entire moment lasted longer.

*****

"Don't you think maybe a little renovating is needed, H?" Louis asks him, poking at the walls of the treehouse. "I'm scared that one of those stairs are going break and make me fall to my death at one point."

"Do we have time to renovate, Lou?"

"Maybe," He shrugged. "Maybe a few of our old paintings over there, we can clean the window and maybe replace it? Maybe take out all these little fridge bits and stuff--"

"Lou, I don't think we should."

Louis faces him with gentle eyes. "Why?"

"Don't you think if we made this whole place into something new, all our memories would be forgotten?" Harry questions. "I still remember everything that's happened in here specifically. You ran into that wall when you were ten because we were stupidly playing chasey in here. You made me fake food when you were nine, and I was still seven, for my birthday, and I almost chewed and swallowed the plastic!"

"Those memories will live on, H."

"But I know that one day if we ever came back, we'd see teenager Louis and Harry, not the actual Louis and Harry that discovered the treehouse and pinky sweared never to tell anyone about it, and promised to share it."

Louis finds it sweet to know that Harry really did care about this. It's a symbol in Harry's heart, as well as his own. He might not like the old smell of rotting wood, or the ancient toys you can't even buy from the store anymore, but he really likes the fact that every little inch of this area has a memory.

Louis smiles up to him. "Do you think we'll be back here, maybe in twenty years time?"

"Of course," Harry grins. "Maybe every birthday we should come here. After you go to college, and I'm still in school, we'll come here every birthday and celebrate it together."

There's one more year. After this year, Louis is leaving Harry back here for college. Louis sighs. He's seventeen. This is the second last birthday he's spending with Harry for the entire day, or maybe even the last.

"You're going to college too, right?" Louis asks. He doesn't want to leave him behind.

"I will, after I figure out what I want to do," Harry sighs. "It's not helping that you're leaving me before I go. I don't want to spend a year without you at school, Lou."

He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life without Harry. He steps forward and hugs him. "I'm going to miss you so much when I leave, Harry."

"Perk up, sunshine," Harry tells him. "It's your birthday; we're not meant to be talking about what we're going to do when we leave each other. We're meant to be talking about how charming you look with that pretty little bracelet on."

Louis makes space between them to look at the bracelet. He grins. "Thank you so much for this, Harry. It's really beautiful."

"It matches your eyes," Harry whispers, finger touching the charm on the bracelet. Louis' eyes flutter up to Harry's. It really does match his eyes; a perfect blue colour Harry could sit and watch for hours on end. Louis is grinning at him still, small crinkles at his eyes just to make him look like the uttermost perfect boy he is.

His lips tug into a small smile, and if forces Louis to giggle and turn his head away. Harry uncontrollably leans in, his forehead on Louis' temple and his nose digging into his cheek. Louis caves in and hugs him around the torso, breathing calmly to himself. He moves his head to press his nose against Harry's and breathes his air, foreheads coming together as they hum quietly simultaneously.

Harry lifts him from the ground and pulls themselves into a hug. Louis digs his head into Harry's neck and gives it a sneaky kiss - Harry doesn't know, nor does he need to know. Harry smiles into Louis' shoulder, resting him down back to the wooden flooring and keeping their bodies together. Harry's not letting this moment go, and Louis doesn't want to lose their time either.

*****

He walks home at ten at night after spending the evening at Harry's. He walks into the house quietly, hoping not to receive any attention from his mum who will more than likely give him a smacking for running out for the day.

It's _him_ , however, who's attention is caught.

He hears them in the nearby lounge room. Both of them are obviously cuddling with Neighbours on or something. Louis could care less about the TV show; the noises are soft enough to hear his mum and Phil speaking.

"Don't get upset about the present thing,"  _Of course_  they're talking about Louis. It's always the usual topic. "He just needs some time settling down with you. I promise you one day that he'll see you as the good person I see."

"It's not a bother to me, I understand," He whispers. "I just think that maybe I could try a little harder, you know? Take him to a concert, a football game, the art gallery? Maybe I should try and bond with him," That's not what Louis wants at all.

"Maybe."

"Maybe a football game. I always see him on that phone of his. A little exercise might do him good."

Johannah laughs at her boyfriend. "Too many cookies, I suppose."

"Too much loving from you, probably. Maybe he could hook a few girls with a bit of toning. He probably needs a girlfriend to get him out of the house. I can see him getting a little big around the tummy area."

Louis becomes blank. He's getting big. He's _fat._  Phil just called him  _fat._

"And it's like you're all Mr. Superman perfect, aren't you, Phil?" Louis steps in with a hiss in his voice. They both glare at Louis with shock and guilt. Louis stands with his hands on his hips, trying to take the dominant role but honestly, he wants to run to his room and cry. "I-I've had this stomach for a long time, you had no right to call me big!"

"Louis, please--

"No, you just shut up! He scowls at his mum. "Tell your piece of trash to get out before I take my fat arse and kick him out myself!"

"Louis!" His mum shouts.

"How... How can you let him say those things about me?" Louis asks with a sob. "I-I... I can't... Just because I'm fat doesn't mean anything," Louis runs off and away, crying mid-way when he got to the stairs. He falls into his bedroom and cries into his pillow with his legs up to his chest, feeling disgusted when he can feel his stomach at his thighs. He's _fat._  It's his mum's fault for doing this. He might be big, but Phil didn't have to admit it.

He's seriously offended. He can't believe that Phil would say such things. He's big; he needs to lose weight. Louis needs to lose weight. He's only seventy something kilograms now--  _wow._

_I am fat..._

His phone buzzes in his pants and Louis fishes it out, looking at the caller. He brings the phone to his ear and tries to hide away his tears. It doesn't work.

"Louis," Harry says. "babe, are you crying?"

"N-No. I'm fine, Harry."

Harry knows he's not. He rolls his eyes and smiles gingerly. "How about I come around with some movies and some marshmallows? We can make a little fire outback and roast them with some graham crackers--"

"Just stop," Louis snaps harshly at him. Harry's breath hitches. "Fuck off, Harry. I don't want anything."

Harry drops the phone in awe, Louis hanging up with nothing but carelessness in his soul. He curls up and cries into his pillow, unable to shade away the fact that he's nothing more than a growing piece of worthlessness.

Harry sits on his bed with a taken aback look across his face. He doesn't know what just happened, and he doesn't know what to feel. He knows something though, and it's making him itch with guilt.

_I've hurt Louis, again._

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

Louis refuses to eat dinner that night and stays upstairs. He plays with his phone, hoping that Harry would respond to his text and hopefully take him out of his lonesome misery.

He hasn't seen or heard from Harry for a week. Louis is always weary of him, and it's not helping Louis at all knowing he's probably too imperfect for Harry Styles. He's too imperfect for anyone, even his troublesome twenty-year-old sister, who decided to surprise Louis yesterday when she announced she's staying home for a few days.

She met Phil for the first time yesterday, and they're cooperating, so far. She didn't feel comfortable around him - she told Louis. She's somewhere of the unknown, probably out in the backyard trying to graze grass for a small fire. Louis should try find her. He's bored out of his mind, and his growling stomach is close to making him want to binge on junk food.

He wants to take the ute out, maybe with Harry. Maybe to release some fireworks for their yearly tradition. Maybe to sit in the moonlight and admire every little star, including those in Harry's eyes. Maybe to create a New Year's resolution with Harry. He didn't create one this year, and he's slightly disappointed in himself for not doing so.

It's ten o'clock, and Louis tries for him again with a text message and call. Harry doesn't answer, and it leaves Louis groaning and slamming himself head first into the bed pillow. He has nothing to do, This might be the worst way to enter 2011.

He's tired by the time it's eleven o'clock, and Louis has officially given up on trying to get Harry's attention. His saviour comes along with a barging into the room, Laika simpering to Louis on the bed and cheering for him.

"Louis!" She calls loudly. "C'mon, let's take the rugs and go to the meadow!"

Louis shakes his head and moans in distress. "I don't wanna--"

"Louis, c'mon. It's the first time I've seen you in ages," She grins with her voice sounding needy. "Babe, c'mon. Be a good little brother and come with me."

Her coaxing and soft puppy eyes of joy didn't make things easier. Louis takes his duvet from the bed and runs with Laika out to the paddock, walking down a trail to the green meadow. It's freezing tonight, and Louis is sure rain, or even snow, is set to come in by mid-January. He drops to the plants on the floor with his sister, both huddling each other with the duvet wrapped around their shoulders.

He's worried about his stomach and how it might growl loudly enough for his sister to hear. He never wants to tell her about how he's stop eating frequently, Laika would worry. Louis begs for his stomach to cooperate. Both cuddle and look at the stars together, spotting the dipper, and some other useless constellations.

He remembers himself and Laika out here when they were little. She'd always bring marshmallows and peanut cups. Louis misses their times together so much, and since Laika's not home anymore, Louis misses her a whole lot more than anything else in the world. Louis didn't know how much he really did love her until she left.

"We haven't even spoken properly since I got back," She whispers to him. "I've noticed you're heaps quieter around mum now, Lou."

"Why do you think?" He bites back harshly.

"I know it's hard. It's hard for me too. I miss dad a lot."

Louis sighs and hugs his sister's arm. "Me too."

"I would go all around the world to find him if I could," Laika admits. "I miss him so much, Louis. I didn't know that night before dad and mum called it quits was going to be the last night I spoke to him."

"You haven't gotten into contact with him at all?"

"No," She says softly. "Louis, Phil's trying really hard. I know it's going to take time getting used to him, but mum loves him a lot."

"She lied to me for so long, Laika. You weren't here when she snuck around all the time. I had to deal with the lies, and you weren't here for myself or dad to find out. Mum lied to you too, she told you nothing except for the first time she called you last week to say  _you have a new daddy_."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here." She puts her forehead on Louis' shoulder, sighing shakily and apologizing with a few small kisses on his arm. "I'm so sorry I left you so early, Louis."

Louis tilts his head to meet his temple with his sister's head. Both breath anxiously, feeling nervous of what to say to each other next. Louis wants to apologize for never staying with Laika, and Laika wants to apologize for everything. There're no words though. Enough has been said.

Louis has wanted to say something to her for months now, and he doesn't know whether or not he should tell Laika about his sexuality just yet. He knows honestly that she'd understand completely. What he doesn't know is that maybe Laika would spill it somewhere so his mum and Phil will hear it. That's  _not_  what he wants.

"You have Harry, right?" She questions suddenly. "Harry's been there for you all the time. I asked him to look after you, to make sure you're all right? Has he been okay?"

Louis nods with uncertainty. "He's been fine. He's helping me, sometimes."

"What do you mean by sometimes?" She asks. "Does he avoid you? Does he still annoy you?"

Louis laughs. "He's never annoyed me, love."

"You always said that he annoyed you when you were younger--"

"Yeah, but you know we're best friends now," Louis says. "He's great. He still hasn't changed since I first told you about him. He's still as sweet as a lolly, Lee. He treats me... like..." Louis had to think about this. Harry treats him like... how? "Harry treats me like I'm the only one on Earth."

"What do you mean by that?"

Louis smiles fondly. "We always fight, and they're quite frequent, but if I call him an hour or two later after a fight and ask him if I could have some help, he'll be over within a couple of minutes. I'd run to his window and knock, and he'd let me in and he'd cuddle me for the rest of the night. He never lets go of me, and it's so good just to know I can lean on him."

"He treats you like that, all the time?"

"Y-Yeah," Louis whispers. "It sounds weird, I know--"

"No, s'not weird, Lou," Laika tells him. "It's sweet. I want someone like that. Harry's genuinely nice and he's a person you should never lose, Louis."

"I-I'm not going to," Louis doesn't want to let him go. He's almost in love with the kid and Louis sticks to the ones in his heart. "I've missed you a lot, Lee."

He feels his sister's grasp around his waist tighten. He grows a little anxious about his bubbling stomach. She sighs happily into the air, her breath being seen in the cold weather.

"I've missed you too, Lou."

*****

Laika leaves after three days, heading back and travelling the world again with her best mates. Louis is left alone again in his room listening to his mother and Phil giggle downstairs with leftover Christmas and New Year cookies. He's playing with his phone,  _Temple Run_  seeming very interesting at this very moment. He opens the app and runs to a million points, and then Harry texts him.

His eyes blink with alert. Harry hasn't messaged him in a week, and he has simply started off the conversation with a  _hey_  and an _x_. He seems serious, but if Louis sends him a couple of smiley faces, it should get him perking up again.

_hey x_

**_hiiiiiiiiiiiii xx :))))_ **

He looks to be too enthused, but he sends the smiley face with three extra mouths. It should bring the joy back into their conversations.

_how was your new years? x_

Louis is wrong.

**_fine hw was urs x :)_ **

_good x_

This is odd, Louis says to himself. Harry seems too serious for this to be an ordinary conversation. Louis doesn't want to continue it; it's morbid. He drops the phone to the bed, too bothered to reply and he lays with his eyes gazing at the ceiling. He's bored, and Harry's being boring - a deadly combination.

A small popping noise is heard and Louis sits up to look at his phone. Harry's sent him another message.

_i miss u xx_

Louis misses him a lot too, but he doesn't know how he should reply to this. Maybe it's better off Louis just avoids it to save time and credit. He drops the phone again and falls back to his bed. He's up again when yet another message comes through.

_and i miss ur voice :(_

He, from then on, sends messages consecutively.

_and i miss ur little jokes_

_and ur laugh_

_and how u perfectly make those jam donuts :(_

Louis blinks confusingly at the messages. He's sure Harry's drunk, but he probably isn't. Besides he's admitted to Louis, he'd never drink until he reaches the legal age. Harry's never one to lie about rules of his own. Harry's probably trying to get Louis' attention for god sakes. His best friend's a bit of a goose.

Harry calls this time, and Louis has him on speaker. He falls down to his pillow and keeps the phone near his mouth. Before he could choke out a  _hello_ , Harry's coming forward with literally everything.

"I miss your eyes, and how your nose wrinkles when I make you laugh so much with irritating jokes. I miss how you'd always kiss my nose for when I deserve it."

Louis is close to crying with Harry's stupid words. This is so pointless, and Louis doesn't know how this entire _I miss everything_  occurred in the first place. Harry's still going with millions of compliments. Louis cuts him off quickly.

"Harry are you drunk?" is the only thing that comes out of Louis' mouth. Harry comes forward with a small no. "Haz, w-what are you doing? I--"

The reversing truck sound is the thing that makes Louis more than confused. Harry hung up on him. The conversation was utterly pointless. Louis is left glaring at his phone for the rest of the night, wondering if Harry will ever text back.

He doesn't.

*****

Harry doesn't visit Louis at all for the rest of the winter holidays. The question still remained on what Harry was actually talking about on the third of January, nearly four weeks ago, and whether or not he was drunk. He hasn't bothered to try catch up with Louis. He's barely been on Facebook, or on his phone. He didn't bother to text Louis after that night. He completely avoided Louis for the entire holidays.

The first day of February arrives, and the first thing Louis does is message Harry a _happy sixteenth birthday_. Minutes later, Harry's at Louis' bedroom door and he walks in without a knock. He closes the door politely, and it frightens Louis. He sits up with the covers over his chest and he glares at the boy with massively open eyes. Harry doesn't say a word, taking off his shoes and smelly socks before lifting up the covers and sliding under them. He rests his head on the pillow and grins cheekily.

Louis admires him with a cocked up eyebrow. This is much more than baffling for Louis. He didn't expect a minute ago that a minute later Harry would be right next to him with closed eyes and a grin sitting on his mouth. Louis wants to laugh, so he does - only mildly though.

He slides down to fit under the covers again, nice and warm with Harry beside him still faking his unconsciousness. Louis kicks at his shin and Harry beats him back with an arm around Louis' waist, hugging him in with a growing smirk on his lips. Louis breathes easily against Harry.

"Hey," Louis calls out in a childish voice - a voice like something you'd use on your pets, almost. "Just because it's your birthday, doesn't mean you can sneak in whenever you want, let alone come into my bed and expect me to let you hog my doona."

Harry sighs. "I've missed you."

"I wasn't busy all holidays, H. Where were you?" Louis asks. "We can't make up a month's worth of play within two days."

"Why not?" Harry questions him. "There's no rule saying we can't."

Louis laughs gently. "You're a weird child."

"I'm an adolescent now, Lou. Sixteen years old is a fucking milestone, believe it or not," Louis laughs a little louder. "Don't laugh, numbnut."

"I can do what I want, I'm older than you."

"Pity that. I don't see you being as tall as I am." Louis pinches at the arm around his waist, Harry retracting it with a small whine. "Is it normal to be this rude to the birthday boy?"

"You were rude to me when I turned seventeen," Louis reminds. "And you've disturbed me from going back to sleep. It's a peaceful morning without mum and Phil, and now you've come to ruin it."

Harry frowns playfully. "I can just leave and eat the birthday cake to myself."

"You brought cake?" Louis feels sick to his stomach. _Of course_ , Harry would bring food. "What did you bring over?"

"A few things. I'm planning to spend the night here for not spending time with you all holidays."

"Where were you?" Louis questions him, yet again. "W-Was there something going on at home? Did you just forget about me for a while?"

"I would never forget about you, Louis," Harry says sternly. "I-I'm sorry I didn't even bother to call, or text, or anything. I've been really caught up to be honest with you. I've started to take tutoring lessons because apparently, B grades aren't good enough for my mum. I've been hyped around chemistry all month, and I've started to take guitar lessons."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's good so far. My teacher's pretty punk, Michael's his name," Harry informs with a beaming smile. "Liam's been asking me if I could train with him for the junior squad, so that's been happening too. Somedays I would have loved to hang out with you, Lou. I've been a busy bee though."

Louis understands, kinda. He still doesn't understand what happened on the third of January. "I've kept the treehouse clean for us."

Harry falls fond. "You have?"

"I almost fell off the balcony at one point," Louis says with a small giggle. "I was cleaning the gutter and the wood broke. I almost fell down, and I probably would have died that day if that fold out chair weren't there for me."

He sighs with relief. "Don't hurt yourself, Louis. Please."

Louis has. He hardly eats anymore. It's been a month since this all has officially started, and even during those periods, he's binged on a lot of crap hidden secretly under his bed. He's never been afraid to throw it up after, however. He's hurt himself internally. He's hurt his vital organs. He's taken away his lovely tummy, only minimally. He can still hear Phil's words. He's _fat_ , and always will be until he learns to take off the excess weight.

"I-I won't," He lies to Harry. Louis is allowed to lie - he isn't perfect.

Harry smiles and tucks Louis in closer. It's hot under the covers now, but it warms their bodies and fuses them together. Louis drags his fingers down the curve of Harry's stomach and rests his hand upon it. Their breaths are close together and Louis can feel Harry's fresh, mint breath glide coldly on his skin. Louis really does have a massive urge to kiss him.

He hates how this is. It's been close to a year ago since Louis left him off. It feels like last year all over again, Louis trying to make out his real feelings for Harry, and him trying to determine what he really wanted with Harry. Just April was a really fucked up month for Louis, and Louis kinda wishes, that he didn't break Harry off.

He doesn't know if he could rekindle everything again. Louis kissed Harry on his birthday, maybe this could just be a friendly present. Louis didn't buy Harry anything, and maybe just a small little peck will be worth it.

"Harry."

"Hm," He hums back in reply. Louis shuffles in and pecks his nose. Harry wrinkles it and giggles to himself - the usual reaction. "Hey, not  _these_  again," Harry's face is burning red, and Louis loves it a whole lot. "You're a little shit today, you know that?"

"It's a milestone in your life, Hazza. You need to make sure it's one to remember."

"If you keep going with these silly nose kisses, I'll be sure I'll remember it because my nose will be permanently crinkled, probably."

Louis grins timidly with a small chuckle. " _Kitten_."

"Cute nickname," Harry whispers. "I don't have one for you."

"Just call me Lou."

"Or Boo. Maybe  _Boobear_ , that's definitely your favourite."

"Don't you even dare," Louis warns him. Harry simpers sheepishly, and he earns a bitter pinch on the stomach from Louis. "Do you want your birthday present?"

Harry looks surprised, and a little worried. "A present? You didn't need to."

"Don't worry," Louis tells him. "It's free."

"Great to know you put so much thought into my present,  _Boobear_ ," Harry sneers with a mocking tone. "Lou, what did you get me?"

"Something for me to know, and for you to find out."

Harry's face becomes dull. "It's my present, Lou. I should be given it the first moment I walked into the room--" Harry freezes up in his spot. "You're not going to prank me, are you?"

Louis scoffs. "Me? Prank you on your birthday? C'mon, Harold! I'm not  _that_  cruel."

" _Louuuuu_ ," He whined unhappily. "I want my present."

"You want it now?"

"Yes, Lou," Harry says with irritation rushing within his blood. Louis grins cheekily and continues to tease Harry.

"Now, as in now now?"

" _Louis_ ," He growls impatiently. "Where's my present, Boo?"

Louis' fingers run across Harry's sides again. He licks over his bottom lip with the underside of his tongue and exhales nervously. Harry wants his present, now. He's pissed with his teasing mood today.

"What is it, Lou?"

Yeah, Louis needs to do this. He moves close enough to press his growling stomach against Harry's. He takes the perilous step and finds Harry's lips between his within a few short seconds. Harry's hand smoothes down Louis' back and makes Louis smile. Louis infers no movement and keeps his lips still. Harry could keep this going for a long time, but Louis moves away to talk to the birthday boy.

He sits up and crosses his legs, eyeing Harry still laying on his side and glaring back at Louis with glowing eyes. Louis becomes flustered and faces away. He's hoping that was a little bit of a surprise to Harry, and maybe a good enough present for him.

"So," Louis says first. Harry sits up with him, their knees touching under the covers. "Treehouse? Or X-BOX? The lake's full, maybe we could--"

"No,  _no_ ," Harry bounces off his knees and stands on them. He leans over and slams his hands on the mattress either side of Louis' body. He's right up close to Louis' face, and he can see every little lovely detail of his favourite boy. "More. I want  _more_."

He blinks at Harry, his pupils sharp with bewilderment. Harry pushes him against the wall and confines Louis to kiss him hard. Louis' hands are at Harry's face, on each of his cheeks, and he's forcing him onto his mouth. He uncrosses his legs and lets Harry fall through. Harry gasps and twists a hand up into Louis' hair. It's messy and oily. He sloppily moves his mouth on Louis'. He's never had something as hardcore as this.

He's so glad Louis taught him to do this. He breathes easily and tangles his tongue between Louis' mouth, biting to leave Louis' lips bright red. Harry stables his hand at Louis' hip, running his hand down Louis' thigh and grasping at it to lift it and bracket himself. Harry pulls away slightly, and he can see their spit between their mouth come apart from their lips. Louis grunts and breathes rapidly. Harry caresses his leg and Louis fists his hands in Harry's t-shirt and pulls at it needily.

"More," He says. "More,  _more, more_."

He's restless against Harry. He's kneading at the shirt ready to rip it within seconds if he really tried. He curls his toes and digs them into his bed, pushing upwards and letting Harry dip down to kiss at his jaw line. Harry doesn't want jaw line. He wants lips. He leans higher over him to kiss him hungrily. Louis has missed this so much. He's missed Harry, how Harry can make everything feel like popping candy inside his stomach, and how Harry does _that damn thing_  with his tongue all the time.

He's breathless, but he keeps going. He doesn't want to waste his birthday present while he had the chance. His hand slides under Louis' shirt, but not too far - he didn't want to scare him, just enough to rouse him up a bit. Harry wants  _that_  noise to come out of Louis again. He loves to make Louis smile, and just to know that maybe Louis could squeak from Harry's touch really just makes Harry feel...  _great_.

Harry slows them down to experiment, his fingers dancing at Louis' stomach and making him groan unhappily Harry continues to kiss him, Louis joining in with his tongue flicking over Harry's lips. Louis puts his hand on Harry's jittery one and stops it. Louis doesn't like that, not when Harry could notice a certain something to do with his loss in weight.

"No," He simply states. Harry understands and pulls the shirt over Louis' stomach. He bends down and sucks against Louis' neck, not hard enough to do one of those things called lovebites - Harry reminds himself. He's still clueless on those. He just nibbles and peppers the kisses evenly over Louis' neck, collarbones, and back to his lips again. Louis makes the noise, a small _oh_  coming out breathless, and Harry's not surprised from it this time. He smirks and pecks at his nose, before hitting lips for a messy kiss.

The door opens, and both don't hear it. All he could see is Louis and his best friend snogging on the bed before him, Louis tense up the wall with his friend between his legs. He glares in horror and screams for Louis.

"Louis!"

Louis' eyes snap open and he's prying Harry away from himself, not pushing him back too far. He's lethargic with Harry still between his legs, and Phil is absolutely petrified with the sight in front of him. Louis looks at Phil, and there's a pleading look that sweeps his face.

"Phil," Louis whispers, a broken sob cracking his voice. "Please don't tell mum."

Phil doesn't seem to have any less of an expression but mortification. Harry's embarrassed, but he's got the puppy eyes also. He doesn't want Louis to get in trouble, and he doesn't want to get in trouble himself with his own mother.

Louis is begging for hope. His new dad would be a true father if he did this for Louis. Just one little favour. Louis just needed one little favour--

Phil storms away and Louis can hear him down the hall shouting for Johannah. Louis begins to cry, and he lets Harry hug him and kiss his tears away.

*****

Both Louis and Harry come down the stairs after half an hour, and Harry's forced home. He hugs Louis goodbye in front of his parents, and he can feel the glares of death upon him as he left. Louis is left alone in front of his mother, and Phil, who both look extremely annoyed and disappointed.

"Louis," She starts. "Is what Phil said true?"

"What do you bloody think? It's not like you'd believe me, anyways," Louis snaps back. "Just because I kissed him, doesn't mean anything."

"It means everything, Louis!" Phil shouts. "You  _like_  a male. He's your best friend. You always sleepover each other's houses, and fuck knows what you're doing!"

"This is only one off, I swear--"

"I don't care, Louis. You've broken a house rule."

Louis becomes perplexed. "What rule? There's no rule! You're the one who said I needed a girlfriend back in December!"

"I'm not letting my son be gay!"

"You're not even  _my_  dad!" Louis hisses. "You can't tell me what to do. I love who I love, and I will like who I like. Just because I kissed Harry, it doesn't mean anything. Keep it that way!"

"It does," Phil spits. "It's disgusting and horrible. I'm not letting my girlfriend's son to that to himself."

And Johannah doesn't even seem to be disagreeing with anything Phil says. Louis is left gaping at his mum. He knew she wouldn't understand if Louis told her this. No one ever understands.

"What's so bad about kissing someone I might like? Huh? Is there something wrong with me? There's not!"

"There is."

"There isn't!" Louis growls back. "D-Don't you think that you'd be disgusting if you found out my mum was a male instead of a female? I thought you'd love someone for their personality, not their fucking appearance!"

"Your mum isn't a male, and if she were, I'd throw her out right on the spot!"

Louis shakes his head at the awful man. "How about you go fuck yourself? How about you, mum, find a real man who loves everyone for who they are. Like my real dad? You, Phil, will _never_  be my real dad. My real dad understands me."

"Well, why did he leave then?" He bites back. Louis is left speechless.

Johannah is forced to leave, and Louis is about to run off to Harry's. He's dragged back, however, and a crude punch in the face is given. Louis is left dumbstruck on the floor as Phil glares at Louis with his hellish eyes and terrible beard.

"Everyone fucking hates you for who you are, Louis. No one will ever accept you this way."

Louis sobs, putting up his hand in defence, but that's smacked away and he's given a slap to the same bruising cheek. He curls up and doesn't look at his mother's boyfriend. He doesn't want to be in the same room, or be called a part of his family.

"Can't even fucking stand up for yourself. You're a disappointment to your mother, and you're a horrible son. No one will ever look up to you, and I'm glad, because you will never have children of your own, you poof!"

So Louis decides to stand up for himself, moving to his back and leaning up on his elbows. Phil sneers and him and Louis decides to smirk back.

"Hey Phil, guess what?" Louis quizzes him. "I like _boys_."

He's given a kick to the stomach, and then he finally leaves. Louis runs away to their treehouse, not bothering to go to Harry's. It's too far, and Louis wants to be alone. He wants to be alone for the rest of his life.

 


	21. Chapter 21

****

It's his last first day of school. Final year. Louis is finally a senior.

He catches a bus, not bothering his snickering parents in the kitchen. Louis makes his own lunch, which is very poorly made and is sure to bring out  _Gordon Ramsey_ 's worst, and walks alone to the bus stop. He meets with Harry and hugs him good morning. He hasn't forgot about that kiss three nights ago. In fact, that's all he's been thinking about.

"Final year," Harry whispers to him. "You lucky bugger."

"Are you trying out for junior squad today?" Louis questions him. Harry nods. "I'm making sure I get out of block three to come watch you."

" _Noooo_ ," Harry moans with a grin. "For all I know, you're probably going to embarrass me in front of the crowd."

"I'm not that awful to you, Haz. Don't you like a little support?"

Harry shrugs. "I guess so," Louis hums and blinks happily to Harry. Louis' wearing long sleeves today, and it's probably weird considering that the weather is going to heat up later on. His eyes flicker to Louis' lips, and he uses all his willpower to stop himself from scooping Louis up and kissing him sweetly.

The bus arrives and the rascally two head to the back, Louis on Harry's lap despite all the room left, big enough for two more people to fit in. Both play around like children and talk nonsense on the way to high school. They're dropped off, and they depart from each other to their own group of friends.

Harry isn't surprised when he sees both Zayn and Liam talking by the lockers. He hasn't seen them all holidays, and he wonders if Zayn has still tried to pull a move on Liam. He knows they're both interested in each other, and Zayn has even confessed it while mildly drunk. He wants Zayn to go for it, but it seems a little hard since little Miss Perrie Edwards is now starting to take a shine to Zayn.

Liam touches Zayn's hand before walking away to his own destination. Harry stands beside his best friend and grins to him, poking at his cheek with a devious giggle.

"It's been like a year, Z. Just fucking ask him out."

"No," Zayn says coldly. "Harry, I just don't want to... right now."

"He's not going to stay here for forever, you know? He's going to find a fuck, and he's going to stay with her like his dick belongs in her arse."

Zayn sighs and shamefully faces away from Harry. He becomes shy and crosses his arms over his chest, shaking his head with depreciation. "I-I just don't think I'm good enough for him, H. Liam's so nice, and he's good looking. I still don't understand why he's chosen me."

"There's a reason why he's choosing you, Zayn, and that's something you need to stick with. Liam's been there for you for so long and I still don't understand why you're not asking him to be yours."

"He's just my best friend, H. I-I don't know how long I'd last if I were with him all my life, you know? You either break up or marry that's the rule with relationships."

"Don't think about marriage yet, it will just put your mind off."

"Same about the break ups, Harry. I'm scared I'd hurt Liam's feelings, and that someone better could find him and stay with him. I'm not sure if--"

"Hi!" Perrie walks over with a winning smile, leaning against the locker next to Zayn and purring up to him. "You comin' this weekend, love?"

"I-I..." Zayn stammers and Harry can see the sweat on his forehead. Fuck, Zayn's definitely not over this chick. "Um... sure, yeah. I'll meet you there... honey."

Perrie giggles and clicks away in her high heels with her three girlfriends. Zayn admires her from afar. Harry slaps him across the cheek to earn his attention back, and it's fierce. Zayn becomes worried.

"Don't be like this, Zayn. You're literally cheating on Liam by being smooth around her."

"We aren't dating, so no cheating rules apply," Zayn hisses back. Harry rolls his eyes, ending the conversation before they trot off to form room together.

*****

Louis meets with Stan and Niall, both seeming pretty keen with their lucky ladies beside them. Final year's sure to be hectic, with one-day relationships buzzing here and there, and the usual one night stand for everyone in the cohort. Not Louis, though, he's staying faithful to his best friend.

Both send their girls away and hug Louis with a g'day mate and such. Niall punches his arm and Louis whines harshly and tells Niall to avoid a particular area, claiming it was a needle which made his arm sore. Niall leaves to find his babe, and Louis is pulled over by Stan, who questions the noticeable bruise on Louis' cheek.

"Lou," Stan sighs. "W-What happened?" He points out the bruise, it's only visible in the sunlight and when he tilts his head. Louis looks to the ground with shame.

"N-Nothing."

"Louis don't," Stan scorns. "C'mon, bro. Did Harry hit you or something? Did you get into a fight? You look pretty battered up."

He sighs. "I came out to my family."

Stan tisks with worry, stepping forward and encasing Louis in another hug. He embraces him lightly to not give Louis pain. Louis hugs back with en extreme force. He's too fragile to be tampered with, and Louis really hates his family for giving him the treatment he honestly doesn't deserve.

"It's going to be okay, Louis," Is the only thing Stan can say properly to him. "Everything will be okay."

*****

He catches the bus home and Harry's smile is the only thing Louis notices, and cares about.

He's on Harry's lap again, making sure to hide away his jawline from Harry. Harry's buzzing with glee, telling Louis about that kick he made in the goals with an epic spin. He's on the junior squad, and Louis is so proud of Harry. He keeps Louis bouncing with a grin, tickling at his sides. Louis feigns happiness when Harry puts pressure on the bruises. Harry doesn't see through him, for once.

He's home and he's planning to see Harry at the treehouse. He feeds Chance at the doorstep before running upstairs to set his bag down. He slips on the silver charm bracelet Harry bought for his birthday. He's never really worn it; he's scared about breaking it. He wants to show it off today, however, it's Harry's special day today. Maybe he could score a few kisses out of it too.

He's downstairs, telling his mum he's going to Harry's. He's stopped though, and Phil appears out of nowhere next to his mum. Louis glares at his mum and the bastard with that wiry beard. They both want something.

"You're not seeing Harry," He says to Louis gruffly. Louis stands his ground and puts his fisted hands on his hips.

"You can't stop me," He bites back. "I'll be back before seven."

He turns but is forced back around by the wrist. Louis' eyes are dead on Phil's, and he's not intimidated. He's getting what he wants, and he'll fight until he gets his way.

"Let me go."

"You're banned to see Harry," Phil growls. "You're not allowed to see him anymore. That's final--"

"No!" Louis screams. "No, no! You're not taking Harry away from me!"

"Louis, you're not allowed to see him," He repeats. "Now go to your room and study."

He has a vicious grip on Louis' wrist and Louis is trying to pull him off. He struggles and mewls, unable to avoid Phil's wrath of avoiding Harry. He sobs and falls to the ground, his wrist still in Phil's hand. He sighs and cries softly.

He doesn't want to be hit again, so he whispers: "Fine."

He's literally dragged up the stairs by his caring new step-father. His bedroom door is locked from the outside, a new device installed by Phil himself, and Louis is left in his bedroom, sitting on the bed and messaging Harry with tears splattering on the screen.

**_i can't come harry :( x_ **

Harry's at the treehouse, and he's left with his heart feeling hurt.

_ru alrght xxx_

He knows something's up if Louis can't come. He doesn't know whether if it be something to do with family or the other personal issues Louis seems to have. Harry's sure it isn't him who's caused this. He hasn't hurt Louis in any way, or so he thinks.

**_phils bein a dick xx_ **

Louis sets his phone into his pocket and he tries again. This time, he has a tantrum, slamming his foot against the door and screaming like a maniac. He punches at the door and shouts for Phil to let him out. He kicks shrieks, cries and attacks. The door opens and Louis takes a swing at Phil's face. It's accidental, but Louis would like to think it wasn't.

Phil's eyes turn violent and he takes Louis' wrist again and pulls it up, almost dislocating his shoulder. Louis whimpers and scrunches up his face in instinct. The bracelet falls down to his elbow line and Phil glares at it. Louis is still facing away from his step-father with no intention to meet his scolding eyes.

"Where did you get this?!" He asks furiously. "You didn't steal this from your mother, did you?"

"N-No!" Louis shouts. "I-It... It's from--"

"Who is it from, Louis?!"

"It's from Harry!" He says breathlessly, his arm becoming numb. He wails out for Phil to drop him, but he doesn't. Louis has the courage to look up to Phil, and he's red with fury. Louis hiccups and cries harder.

He puts a finger under the loop of the bracelet and admires it, but his eyes are frenzied, and he looks devious. Phil lifts it back to mid forearm and pulls on it to put pressure against the arm. Louis thinks he's going to finally get go, but he doesn't. He pulls tighter and now, the bracelet is really digging into his skin.

"No," He cries out softly. "No, please... don't please," He's going to break the bracelet, and Louis doesn't want this one to be broken. Anything but this. He doesn't want this one to go. This one is in Louis' heart. "Please... I beg of you, please. Don't...No."

He smirks and hauls a little more. Louis is pleading now.

"Please, don't... Don't do this. No, please," His cries are quiet and inaudible. He stretches the bracelet, and, finally, tears it apart. It snaps, and Louis is thrown to the ground with the split silver chain on the floor. Phil slams the door on him and Louis is left wailing on the floor with the broken bracelet in his hands. The key is off the bracelet entirely, and the set is left in two pieces.

His tears drip down to the bracelet. He's broken another thing from Harry's heart. He's hurt another part of Harry's, and his own, heart.

*****

Midnight it is, and Louis is tapping at Harry's window. Harry's still wide awake, and has been since Louis had texted him early afternoon. Harry lets the poor boy in, Louis clutching onto Harry instantly. He's attached to his side, and Harry shuffles themselves around to fit Louis on his front. Harry rests his chin on Louis' head. Louis begins sobbing.

"You're perfect, Louis," Harry whispers. "Don't cry, you don't deserve to cry."

He presses his head hard into Harry's sternum, pulling at the back of his shirt. He wipes his tears on Harry's heart and listens to the beat to slow his breathing. Harry kisses his forehead and forces his toes underneath Louis'. Louis stands on Harry's feet, and Harry walks them to the bed to rest him down gently.

He realizes there's something in Louis' hand. He sits beside Louis and waits for him to also perk up and show what he has. He crosses his legs and sniffs back tears, revealing what's inside. It's the bracelet - and it's broken.

"Louis--"

"He broke it," Louis cries again, clutching the broken chain in his hand. "I-I... I hit him and... he broke the bracelet because you gave it to me."

"Me?" Harry questions. "W-What's going on, Boo, does he have something against me?"

"When he caught us, H-Harry," Louis reminds. "He doesn't want me to be with you. H-He put a ban on me seeing you, Harry. I can't even see you anymore, I'm not allowed to. We're not allowed to see each other, Harry."

Harry sighs sadly and puts a hand to Louis' thigh. "Y-You're not going to listen to them, are you?"

"No," Louis whispers. "I love you, Harry, I'm not going to let them take you away from me. You're my best friend, and I'm not letting them take away our friendship because of... what happened."

He opens Louis' hand and takes out the bracelet. He places it on the carpet below and meets his eyes with Louis again, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together.

"You know what?" Harry says quietly. "No bracelet can do anything, Louis. He can break the bracelet, but he can't do anything to us, all right? I'm there for you, always. You're here for me, and even if it's not always, I'll make sure I keep my promise to you that I'll always be there for you."

Louis sniffs and blinks. "I'll always be there, Harry."

Harry lifts their hands to his mouth, kissing each of Louis' fingers and smiling against his hand. Louis has a small smile on his face, and he looks to be calm and settled now. Harry's happy that he's the only one he can make Louis feel like this, and he's happy that he always needs to come to Harry in order to be happy. Harry's glad he's the only one that Louis can completely trust with anything and everything.

He kisses Louis' lips gingerly and lays him down, bringing the covers by the pillows over them. They're laying the wrong way, but they didn't care. The duvet is uneven and smothers their faces. They turn to each other and cover themselves with the duvet, both hidden under the darkness and needing each other's touch to figure out where one another is. Louis cuddles into Harry, and easily dozes to sleep. Harry follows soon after.

The morning nears, and his mum spots them under the covers together with their legs tangled and arms around each other. She knows she needs to wake them for school. It's the second day, and Anne can't allow Harry to miss any of this year. His grades were awful last year and he made a pact to make sure he tries harder.

She coos to Harry only and it wakes Louis too. She asks them what they would prefer for breakfast before walking away. Louis groans and stretches, arms tight around Harry with a smile on his lips.

"Morning."

"G'morning," Harry moves the fringe away from his face and takes a proper look at the smiley boy. He's beautiful in the mornings, or every day as a matter of fact. "School today, what a bummer."

"I don't mind," Louis giggles. "'s'my final year and I just have fun."

"How mean," Harry sighs with a simper. "You can have the first shower, love. I'll find some clothes for you, I'm sure we have some here and there from past sleepovers."

"I'm sure I have a drawer full left here, H."

Harry laughs. "Probably true."

Louis sits up and goes to the bathroom to shower, and Harry does find a stash of clothes for Louis, picking out a pair of skinnies and a white t-shirt. He comes out with wet hair and a towel around his privates; Harry giving him the clothes and letting him change in the corner. The t-shirt is snuggly around Louis' torso, and it gives Harry chest pains.

Harry showers while Louis has breakfast downstairs. Anne smiles to him and hands him a plate of toast, bacon and eggs. He sits and eats after thanking her. Anne decides to converse with Louis.

"Are you all right, sweetie?" She questions. She knows Louis comes here when family stuff occurs, and Anne understands. She's seen a massive change in Johannah, and she's going to offer Louis some motherly comfort.

Louis nods. "I'm fine, thank you Anne."

She takes Louis' word for it. Maybe later she could find Louis and have a small chat with him. She might as well get it out of him before Louis comes crashing down and pleading for Harry to stay with him for good.

She doesn't mind the company. She just doesn't want her boy running off with Louis at such an early age.

*****

They kiss before turning the corner to the bus stop. They get on and get off, separating from each other to their own crowd of friends. Harry finds Zayn and Liam and all bunch around by the lockers as usual.

Louis walks in and tries to find his regular crew. He's in the corridors and left and right he sees people hooking up and others close to actually having dry sex in public. Louis is disgusted and manoeuvres through the people in order to find his two friends.

He passes through people, a clan of sophomores crowding his way with a few new freshman kids staring wide eyed at Louis with horror. Louis loves being the taller guy. He's surprised he's taller than a few of the kids in senior year. It's a miracle, really.

He gets to his locker to take out a few school books. He's called for from behind, and Louis turns with a smile. His face is covered with silly string and Louis is left with pink strands of chemicals on his face. He groans and takes it off, pretending to laugh as the two boys spray more on him, chanting  _poof, poof, poof_  to his face. Louis furrows his eyebrows together and shoves the boys away, glaring sternly at them.

They run away with a snicker, and Louis is left confused. If he knew so many people were rude in senior year, he wouldn't have come. It's odd, though. That's never really happened to him before.

He closes his locker and walks away with a grin to hide away his embarrassment. Next few steps later, he is tripped by a junior. He falls flat to the ground, and the crowd behind him laughs and also shouts _poof!_  He looks behind and the crowd is all laughing together and walking away. Louis stands and picks up his books, shaking it off and laughing to himself. He ambles down the corridor and ends up at his form room, taking out his phone and messaging Harry.

**_ugh ur going to love senior yr been silly stringed and tripped over already x_ **

_ur not hurt r u? xx_

**_of course not ahaha jst a little fun n games babe xx_ **

"Hey, Tomlinson," someone shouts for him. Louis looks up from his phone with a small smile. He's really hoping it's not a tomato or something being thrown at him. "Who are you texting, your boyfriend?"

Louis pales suddenly. "Of course not."

The jock on the other side laughs. "Aw, petty little boy can't even get a cock up his arse.  _Poof!_ "

Once again, the name is chanted.  _Poof, poof, poof!_  Louis glares horrified at the people who are constantly calling him name, and finally, it's revealed.

"Louis likes  _boys_ ," is slipping out of their mouths and they're singing it like third graders. Louis' mouth is wide open and he's tearing up, glaring back and forth and the growing crowd bashing Louis with teasing words.

Louis runs away, wiping at his eyes and barging past every human being who is throwing the name at him.  _Poof, gay-boy_ , everything to do with Louis' sexuality. He runs out to the oak tree and hides behind it, crying into his skinny jean knees and clawing at his thighs.

It must have been Stan who told. Louis told no one else.

 

here's a gif/pic au of the story http://daisylouu.tumblr.com/post/95624782910/frame-of-hearts-larry-stylinson-au-word-count. please reblog or like or something. x


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Use of the word "f*ggot" in this chapter. Also in chapter 24. It's only mentioned once here. x

_unedited chapter. i'll come back to it later. it's extremely long, so hm okay_

It worsens during the day.

Louis avoids everyone at all costs. He doesn't go to block one or two, but he's forced for the rest of the day to face the daring eyes of the young adults in front of him. He's mocked and abused, they see him as an individual who doesn't fit in. Louis doesn't fit in with anyone, and he nears the people who used to love him for who he was. They've turned their back against him and ran with their own friends away from the person who is just too different.

He's seen Niall, but not Stan. He's probably a coward for not showing up, knowing he's spread this deadly disease of bullying upon Louis. He goes to Maths in block three, and he's at the front of the class. Spitballs are launched at him, and Louis picks them out of his hair during class. He hears kids laughing at him still, and the teacher doesn't stop them. The end of class arrives, and Louis is shoved once again by his classmates. He's on the floor with his books and the clan chuckles. Louis stands and wipes himself off, walking with his head down to his Art class.

Art is fine and simple. It seems as if none of the girls in the class really cared about what they've heard, or maybe they don't want to talk to Louis at all. He paints his feelings on the paper and scrunches it up and throws it out. His class ends and it's lunch. He ambles down the corridor with warning, but the warning isn't enough for Louis as he's pelted down with a school bag. He lands on the ground yet again with people laughing. Louis cries shamelessly on the floor and people throw names at him again. _Poof, dicky-boy, faggot, boy-lover_... all sorts.

He manages to run away from them again to the oak tree to have lunch alone. He doesn't try to find Harry, Harry's probably found out as well, and he's probably reacting the same way. Louis doesn't have anyone to go to anymore.

He's alone.

*****

"Look," Harry starts, grabbing Zayn's hands between his. "If you go out on a date with him, maybe he'd ask you out. We'll come with you if you want--"

"Are you seriously that desperate, H?" 

Harry really is, because he's that sick and tired of seeing Zayn lead Liam on without doing something they both obviously want to do. "I am, c'mon, what have you got to lose, Z? You're flirting like fifth graders and you've already fucked--"

"Sh!" He snaps. "Harry, keep your voice down, will you? Jesus fucking Christ."

Harry apologizes and whispers. "Why are you being like this, Z?"

"Like what?"

"You're pushing him away like he means nothing. You like him, you can see it every time you speak and Liam is exactly the same with you. Doesn't matter if you've been friends for a while, that's makes things easier."

"Like you and Louis?" Zayn asks. Harry hums nervously and sounds disapproving. "You're bein' a little bit of a hypocrite, Harry. Why won't you turn and face Louis like you're telling me to do with Liam?"

"Because I know Louis doesn't like me back in that way, Z."

"Bullshit--"

"Just because you kiss someone doesn't mean they like you, Zayn," Harry rebuts. "I'm telling you, Louis isn't like that. He'd never like someone like me. I'm a boy, for starters, and Louis doesn't seem to be keen on any other guy but me, really."

"He could be experimenting?"

"Yeah, but it's Louis," Harry says. "Louis makes up his mind and he sticks with it. He's always been like that, ever since we were seven and eight," Harry sighs and noises of a person pacing down the corridor is heard. Harry turns and sees Liam with an enormous grin on his face. He stands beside Zayn, and Harry rolls his eyes at the shy, black haired boy. "What are you all smiley about?"

"Massive fight outside just now," Liam tells. "The poor kid got smashed," Liam starts to laugh and Harry is extremely interested, but mildly concerned. "Feel sorry for him, really. Are you ready to go, love?"

Harry smirks and eyes Zayn. "What's this? Organizing a little fun without me?"

"He's just taking me home, Harry," Zayn says. "I'll see you in the morning, H. Text me later, will you?"

Both Zayn and Liam walk away with a conversation between themselves. Harry sighs and remains in the school, beside his locker for a little bit. He still had a while before his bus comes. He decides to text Louis. He's rarely alone in the corridors, and maybe him and Louis can sneak around in here for a bit.

**_hey come meet me inside xx_ **

He puts his phone away and checks in his locker for any homework he might have accidentally shoved away. It's odd that Louis doesn't text back, and Harry maybe thinks his parents pulled him out of school to get his driver's licence. Harry shrugs on his school bag and trots happily out of the school, sitting by the school steps and fishing out his phone again to message Louis.

**_where ru? xxx_ **

He looks up from his phone and searches pointlessly. It maybe isn't so pointless when he catches eyes with a boy in the middle of the oval in a pile. He looks like he's just fainted. Harry drops his bag and stuffs his phone into his pocket, walking to the boy to help him out. He's midway, and he realizes it's his favourite boy with a blood nose and scratched forehead on the ground.

Harry runs to Louis and skids across the ground on his knees, panicking as he turns Louis over and pats at his face. He calls his name and Louis blinks up to Harry. He's perfectly okay but looks lethargic. Harry sighs and inspects the marks on his face. There's a bruise across his jawline that's faded, and there's the cuts and everything from what seems to be recently marked.

Liam was talking about Louis. Louis got into a fight.

"Lou," Harry says softly. "Louis, why did you do this?"

It's not Louis' fault, of course. He was dragged out and bashed down by a jock - in fact it was the same one who first called him names when he was on his phone. He was attacked brutally, and Louis doesn't want to move from physical pain.

"I-I... I didn't mean to," Louis cries. Harry moves the fringe out of Louis' face and smooths his thumb over his cheek. 

"Boo, please don't get hurt," He whispers. "Don't pick fights. I don't want you to be hurt--"

"It's not my fault, Harry," He tries to shout. Harry doesn't understand.

"W-What do you mean, Lou? Did you accidentally hit him? You should have used your words."

"Didn't you hear?" Louis asks, managing to sit up from the grass. "Are you seriously asking me how this isn't my fault? I can't change who I am, Harry. I-It's how I will stay, and just because I'm different, they're picking on me like I'm an alien."

Harry tilts his head and glares at Louis. "This has never happened to you before, Lou."

"Of course it hasn't. I don't go telling people about my private life all the time, now, do I?"

Harry's now extremely baffled. "Louis, what are you talking about? Why did you get in a fight, what happened? Tell me."

"I-I..." Louis glares open mouthed at Harry. "You actually didn't hear?"

"No," Harry says bluntly. "I-I don't really listen to rumours, Lou. No one tells Zayn and I anything anymore, even Liam's stopped with the gossip. Tell me."

Harry doesn't know. Louis doesn't think he should tell, but Harry will find out soon enough. He should just say it to Harry, get it over with. Over a hundred people know about this already. It's best if he tells Harry right now when it's clear in everyone's mind.

"Can we go home first?" Louis asks. "I-I think it'll be better if we're somewhere private... like the meadow, or the lake."

Harry knows if Louis wants to be in private to have a conversation, it's serious. Harry nods and stands from the ground, picking Louis up who whines sharply from pain. Harry collects Louis' things, scattered across the field carelessly. He puts the bag on Louis' back and the two walk together to the stairs to retrieve Harry's stuff. Louis pulls out his wallet and stares at Harry.

"I wanna catch a cab," Louis tells. "I'm... I don't want to go on the bus." 

Harry accepts and calls for a cab, the driver picking the boys up and driving them to the farm. Both Louis and Harry pay with the limited cash they had and walk down the path to the lake near the meadow. They pass the blossoming flowers beneath them, and the wispy trees around them. Spring is absolutely beautiful in this area, and it seems as if it's come early this year. 

The lake is sure to be still partially full from the rain and little bit of snow from a couple of weeks ago. Louis throws his bag down in the grass right beside the lake. He loves this area. It's so isolated, so quiet. He doesn't know why he doesn't spend all his time here with Harry. The grass is long and the flowers surround the area before the trees enclose it in. The lake is flat beside them and as a few frogs in it. Louis remembers his goldfish he released in here back when he was eleven. It's dead now, he thinks, or probably mutated.

Harry's in front of him as they drop to the floor, making a spot for themselves. Louis sits with his knees bent slightly up and he's got his arms draped over them. Harry watches him and puts his feet on top of Louis'. Louis looks at him, and he's still got a little bit of blood near his nose and the cuts are all clotted. Harry still admires him through the minor imperfections.

"Do you want to tell me, Lou?" Harry questions. He doesn't pressure his best friend into doing something he doesn't want to do, it's always been that way. "Because you don't--"

"I'm gay, Harry."

Harry's breath catches in his throat and he glares at Louis. He's shocked and can't find a way to breath. Louis notices, and he suddenly feels so disappointed in himself. He looks away and shuffles his feet away from Harry's touch, beginning to sob softly to himself.

Harry realizes and he becomes very concerned. "Louis?"

"Just... just go, Harry," Louis whispers brokenly. "I-I understand if you... if you can't deal with this. No one likes being friends with someone who's different, anyway."

Harry is mind-blown. "Louis! I'm not leaving you," He shouts, scooting forward to put his feet on Louis' again. Louis eyes up and sees that Harry is indeed not going anywhere. He's smiling, actually, and he looks to be pretty okay so far. "Louis, don't ever think I'd leave you over a silly thing like that!"

Louis becomes guilt filled for not telling Harry sooner. Of course Harry would understand. He understands everything that Louis says. He's always there for Louis. Just like Louis will always be there for Harry.

"Lou, you should have told me," Harry says quietly. "How long have you felt like this, Boo?"

Louis knew ever since he started to have feelings for Harry. He's sure those feelings still haven't gone away. "Since... um, since I was fourteen."

Harry looks sympathetic. "Lou," He drags. "Three years? You... You couldn't have told me three years ago?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Lou Lou," Louis doesn't even perk up at the old nickname. Harry's grin falters. He leans forward and crawls towards Louis, sitting in view of Louis' frowning face. "Hey, look at me," Harry puts two fingers under his chin and tilts Louis' head up to see Harry. Harry smiles gently. "I understand now, I would have understood last week, I would have understood three years ago also. Never think I'd leave you because of your sexuality, Louis. You like boys, so what? You're no different to me than what you were five minutes ago."

Louis really does love Harry a lot. "I wish people at school understood as well as you, H."

"They're low lives to tease you about your preference, Boo. Don't listen to them, and don't cop their shit either. If you ever need me, you can come find me, all right? I'll be there for you in an instant."

"But," Louis begins to laugh through his small droplets of tears. "You wouldn't kill a butterfly for a million dollars, H. I doubt that you could step up to Jon."

"Love, these are idiots we're talking about, idiots who deserve to be mistreated for hurting someone like you. You don't deserve it, and the people that are hurting you need to be taught a lesson. I might not be able to do something, but Liam could. Everyone listens to him, and the minute I say something to Zayn, and Zayn says something to him about this, Liam will go cop the shit out of the fucktards, Lou."

"Don't hurt people for me, Haz. Two wrongs don't make a right."

"You've done nothing wrong, though. It'll be myself who does the wrongs--"

"Harry, please," Louis pleads. He knows Harry will be hurt from this, and he doesn't want Harry to get the beating because of Louis. "D-Don't do this for me, please. I don't want you to get hurt because of me."

"But--"

"Harry, listen to me, please!" Louis shouts. "I-I'll... I'm going to stay alone, all right? I promise you I'll come to you if something goes wrong, okay? I don't need... help from anyone right now. It'll go away," Louis whispers. "It's senior year, it'll go away some time."

Harry doesn't seem to be convinced. "I don't want you to be hurt..."

"Neither do I for you," Louis says. "Harry, you'd hurt me more if you fought back for me."

Harry sighs and nods. He understands. He crawls his fingers towards Louis' and rests his hand on top of his. "All right."

"Promise me, Harry."

Harry brings up a ginger smile. "I promise, Louis."

"Cross your heart and kiss your pinky," Louis commands. Harry rolls his eyes and snickers. "Do it, Harry!"

" _Alreeeet_ ," Harry laughs, crossing over his heart and smooching his pinky in front of Louis' face. He finishes and kisses Louis' nose before sitting back down, his hand replaced on top of Louis' again. "Tell me something, Lou."

Louis sniffs his last tears away. "Yeah?"

"A long time ago, I asked you about this," Harry says. "Y-You were so against it, Lou. You left the room to let me sleep by myself because... apparently what we were doing was... um, like not friendly."

"I was confused on who I was, H," Louis states. "W-What do you mean not friendly, Harry? Like--"

"Like if... you know, we were something more than friends," Harry tells. Louis gives a breathless oh, sounding dull and unimpressed. Harry shrugs. "But you know, that was back then. Us twelvies, hey?"

Louis laughs nervously, his nails digging into the earth beneath. Harry dances his fingers on Louis' hand and makes him giggle from his throat. Harry smiles and looks to the lake beside him. Still calm with a few birds perching at one of the willow trees. Warmth cradles near him and he's got Louis attached to his side again with his face close to Harry's.

"Oh," Harry chirps. He grins. Louis kisses Harry's nose unexpectedly and Harry bounces back a little, blinking to Louis with smiles in his eyes. His nose scrunches up, the usual, and Louis laughs.

"Still happens."

"Don't tease me, you," Harry pokes at his stomach, and Louis sharply hisses and Harry's eyes go wide. "Shit, I'm sorry, Lou--"

"S'okay," Louis informs. "Just a little bit of bruising, that's all," He lies. It's actually because his belly is growling so much that Louis thinks he might vomit if something touches him so suddenly. "C-Can... um, does this... er, affect us?"

"I already told you, of course it doesn't--"

"No, I mean," Louis freezes and stumbles on his words. "Just... because I've told you, does that mean our... kisses need to stop? I-I... really don't want them to."

Harry simpers delicately. "Not unless you want them to, Lou," Harry says. "I-I'm... um, I'm not sure what I am yet, Lou. So you can go nuts on me, if you want."

"You're making it sound like you're my toy," Louis chuckles. "Do you think you're gay, or--"

"I'm not sure, Louis," Harry repeats. "I'm... yeah," Harry might be kinda in love with Louis, or maybe a lot, but it's still not enough to say so much about who he really is. Louis looks hesitant to kiss Harry, and he doesn't like that. "Hey," Harry pecks his lips hastily. "Now kiss me, you fool."

Louis giggles and has Harry's face between two hands. He presses his lips on his and settles him down to the grass. Louis falls on the side and keeps a hand steady at Harry's head, the other running down his neck and chest. He closes their mouths and opens to let Harry's tongue trace through. Shit, Louis really could fall apart from Harry's ways alone.

Louis becomes tired of leaning on his arm and drops suddenly. Harry's quick to spring up and surprise Louis again with needy, dry lips. He has a tongue flat against Louis' and Louis finds it so amusing and bites Harry. Harry snaps back and pouts, licking over his lips and kissing him out of breath once again. He tangles their mouths together and he tries new things like nipping at Louis' tongue with his lips, and humming happily when he comes into contact with Louis. Louis' gut turns from it, in a good way, but maybe in not such a good way if Harry finds out that Louis may be growing hard downstairs from his petty moans.

Harry's lips trace down his neck and dot point every few seconds. Each time, Louis would whine lowly and sigh softly. He's peppering over the bruises and kissing away the pain. There are so many marks, and it really does scare Harry. Some of these have faded. Some of these were not from today.

"Lou," Harry whispers. "Louis, did your mum hit you again?"

Louis shakes his head and exhales unhappily. "I-I... um, I only came out to my family a few days ago," Louis tells. "They... are... um, homophobic, I guess. Phil didn't take it well."

Harry growls with disgust. "The idiots," Harry smacks a kiss on Louis' lips. "Those fucking idiots don't have a clue who you are, Louis. You're beautiful in every way, no matter what you like, or who you like," He runs a hand through Louis' hair and presses his lips on his forehead. "You will always have me. I've known you for less time than your own mother, and I still can't believe she disrespects you for her own bastard. You don't deserve to be in a family who mistreats you, Louis."

"Not everyone is the same, H," Louis says. "Some people are... just... different. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions."

"But theirs is fucking wrong," Harry bites back. "Louis, I-I... god, I hate seeing you get punished for nothing. You don't deserve any of this."

"It's okay--"

"But it's not okay! You don't see how much it hurts me as well. It's not only affecting you, Lou, but it's affecting me too. I hate seeing you so upset all the time because it makes me cry too. I want to see you smile so much more, I love your smile so much and I miss it. I miss the old us, you know? We never had problems, our mums were friends, we'd have sleepovers in the backyard and... now you're being abused, constantly, by your step father!"

"Harry," Louis croaks out from the ground. He has his fingers in Harry's hair, playing with strands and tangling his fingers in a mess. "I-I... I just really don't..." Louis eyes away from Harry and tears form at the rims of his eyelids. "Never leave me. Don't ever leave me, Harry. I can't... I won't be able to live... without you."

Harry bends down to pick Louis up, bringing him into a knee high hug on the ground. Harry kisses his neck and sighs into his shoulder. "Don't hurt yourself, Louis, please," Harry murmurs. "I can't live without you either."

Harry tucks him in tight and cries, wiping his eyes on Louis' shirt. Louis remains still but his grasp grows tighter every second. Harry breathes shakily. He doesn't want Louis to go home and face his parents. He doesn't want Louis to be hurt at all. He needs to protect Louis. It's his duty to protect him.

 Harry gulps and whispers: "I love you, Lou Lou." The speaking ends there.

*****

The next day, Louis sees the bracelet on Harry's wrist. Louis gasps and points at it. Harry really did keep it.

"Harry, I swear it's going to break," Louis warns. "It's been eight years. That elastic doesn't last around forever."

"Still," Louis doesn't even know why Harry's wearing it. He looks rather silly with all these bracelets on. There's probably ten on Harry's right arm at the moment. "How'd it go last night?" Harry whispers into his ear. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Louis craves something right now, bread, water, something to stop this endless growling. His family doesn't buy him proper foods anymore, low calorie foods. He's stuck with junk and he's left hungry. "I stayed away from them. They went out partying last night I think."

Harry's disgusted, but he doesn't show it. They both catch the bus and sit with legs over one another, Harry giving Louis headphones to block out horrible comments being thrown to him. Unlike the usual days, Harry stays with Louis instead of disbanding. Despite Louis' disregard for the protection he says he doesn't need, Harry stays. He doesn't want Louis to get hurt and if that means he gets hurt himself, it doesn't matter. Harry's staying with Louis.

The minute Louis walks in with Harry, Louis storms straight ahead. He's not avoiding Harry, he's storming up to someone else and pushing him straight into the lockers. It's Stan, Harry remembers him. And Louis has just given him a good beating across the face.

"How fucking dare you!" Louis screams at him. He's caught the attention of everyone in the corridor and Harry makes sure he stands close by just in case anymore trouble around Louis occurs. "You think it's funny to tell everyone about me? You fucking promised!"

"Don't blame me!" Stan shouts back. "If Niall didn't fucking tell everyone--"

"It was for your ears only! You kept it in for a year, and you had to tell him now?!" Louis shouts. "You're an absolute dick!"

Stan shoves at his chest and makes Louis fall to the ground. The crowd oohs, and Harry's charging forward and forcing Stan away from punching Louis out. Harry had him at the lockers again and Louis is eyeing Harry and Stan together. 

"Don't hurt him," Harry says lowly. "Don't you dare hurt him."

"Oh, look, superman to the rescue, huh? How cute, Louis," Stan mocks. "Can't even defend yourself."

"I chose to stay with him, because Louis is no different to what everyone here learned yesterday," Harry shouts. "And you caused all this, you fucking prick. How would you like it if I just told something so special to everyone in the cohort, hm? Funny, wouldn't it be?"

Stan cackles. "Stop standing up for him, will you?" Stan appoints. "You're being an idiot. You're a damn junior."

"I'm an idiot?" Harry retorts, and he comes back with a swinging arm to Stan's jaw. Louis is left gobsmacked, and his mouth falls open as he sees Stan blink to Harry. "I'm not the one sleeping with a pink blanket at night, am I?"

Stan becomes red with anger and embarrassment, and soon everyone around the fight is talking and laughing at Stan. Stan glares down to Louis and grinds his teeth. Harry can hear it.

"You said you wouldn't fucking tell anyone!"

Louis gulps and watches Stan move away from the crowd angrily. The people follow him, however, and soon the bell rings for form room. Louis and Harry stay in the corridors, and Louis remains on the floor with his stare away from Harry. It's on purpose.

"Lou," Harry whispers. Louis stands and brushes himself off, still not eyeing Harry properly. Harry touches his arm. "Louis, are you--"

"Don't touch me, Harry," Louis snaps, his stare still not direct. "You promised you wouldn't hurt anyone."

"Louis--"

"No!" Louis shouts and his glare, this time, is fierce. "You promised, you crossed your heart! You said you wouldn't hurt anyone for me. I told you to leave me alone, Harry!"

Harry grabs him by the shoulders. "Listen to me, Louis," Harry's right up close and Louis sobs quietly, his face not towards Harry's. Harry kisses his cheek. "Boo, please. Don't be upset. I-I didn't mean to hurt Stan, all right?"

"I don't care if you hurt him, Harry," Louis admits. "I care about how much you hurt me by breaking a promise."

"Stan doesn't count."

"He's a fucking person, of course it counts!"

"He hurt you because he caused all this, Louis! I have a right to be angry at him for hurting you before anyone else!" Harry says. "Louis, c'mon. Don't act like this. Stan deserves the shit he gets now, all right? I promise I won't do anything more. I promise with a pinky," Harry kisses his pinky, "and a cross over my heart," and Harry crosses his heart. "See?" He says. 

Louis looks to his high pinky and the seriousness on Harry's face. His eyes are genuine, just like everything Harry has ever said in his life. Louis reaches forward and kisses Harry's pinky, holding his hand within two and sighing.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry," Harry tells him. "I shouldn't have said that, neither should I have really lashed out on Stan but he deserves it, Louis. He deserves to get pelted by pumpkins, and all the sorts," Harry grins. "And you deserve to be treated like royalty."

Louis giggles, falling into Harry's chest and hugging him. "We could play princes and dragons at the treehouse, like we used to?"

"Maybe prince and princesses," Harry laughs with Louis. "I could come rescue my darling princess from a horrid curse and only a kiss can revive her."

He snorts loudly. "I'm sure I have a dress in my old dress up box."

"See?" Harry smiles. "We're all planned," Harry holds him and kisses his cheek. "I'm at the tables at lunch, okay? Liam and Zayn will accept you, Lou, don't worry, okay? If not, we can go somewhere by ourselves. And I'll meet you straight away at the front of the school after three to catch the bus, okay?"

 "Okay," Louis nods. He parts from Harry to form room. He feels so insecure without Harry around, and his self esteem grows worse during the first two blocks without his superman around.

__


	23. Chapter 23

The week is solemn, a little bright with a tinge of bullying on the side. It's mainly Harry that's keeping him sane and is the reason why Louis hasn't tried drowning in his bathtub just yet.

There's still significant bruises and little scratches. The mild abuse from his cohort and family is scarring Louis' skin. Harry makes sure to kiss these wounds secretly every lunch time when Louis comes to sit with him. No one has bothered to hurt Harry again, or Louis when he's with Harry. Practically, everyone's scared of Harry, and Liam's probably the reason no one wanted to touch Louis either. Harry's told Liam about the situation afoot, and Liam's gladly took the role of hurting anyone that's tripping Louis up. Liam's close to an in house suspension for already attacking three people in the last two days.

Weekend rolls by to what seemed like took forever. He sneaks to see Harry at the tree house that afternoon with a bag packed full of gear just in case he was to sleep over Harry's later that night. That seems to be the case after a few minutes of discussion, and Louis made the decision definite after Harry told that his mother was making a home-cooked favourite between the two - a nice pot roast lamb. Louis is just anxious he might not be able to eat as much, and that kills him. He loves Anne's roast.

Harry's cuddling him from behind and watching him as he messages his sister. Louis shrugs Harry away from himself, his stomach feeling a little churny from the brownies they just had. Louis shouldn't have ate them and honestly, if he were at home right now he'd be at the toilets trying to throw it back up. But that's something Harry doesn't need to know.

Night comes and dinner is served. Louis eats minimally and claims that it's just his gurgling stomach that's making his appetite not that great. Anne understands and foils his plate up for Louis to eat later. He watches Harry eat and both head into Harry's bedroom afterwards. They're sitting on the bed and on their phones, being extremely antisocial and introverted. Louis feels hot under his sweatpants and t-shirt, so he makes a random suggestion.

"Can we go on the roof?" Harry wants to bark out laughing, but Louis is dead serious. Harry's never roof climbed just out of random, but out of curiosity he wants to try it.

He agrees, and five minutes later both him and Louis are getting the ladder from the shed and lining it up to the roof right above Harry's room. Louis climbs first, then Harry, and they're sitting on the tiles carefully, looking up to the moon and stars. Louis sighs. It's cool outside, and it's much nicer with Harry right beside him.

"You're weird, you know that?" Harry speaks suddenly. Louis scoffs and rests his hand over Harry's, leaning back and getting a clearer view of the mysteries above him.

"Can't even go roof climbing with my best mate without being judged, hm, Harold?

"Never heard of roof climbing before, Lou," Harry admits. "First time doing it anyways."

"You get to see so much more of the world, and you're closer to the stars. You can see the stars more openly like this, and it's so magical." Harry's grin grows wider with fond. Louis is talking nonsense about the stars again. He loves the stars, and it's something he's noticed. Louis always had stars everywhere and it took him nine bloody years to figure out Louis really loves stars.

"We could go out in the ute and we could see stars still."

"We could lay in the meadow and see stars," Louis says, his voice a little slurred and Harry thinks it's probably from overjoy. "Can you see any constellations? It's like dot to dot, we can make new ones and write them down."

Harry laughs softly. "That one up there looks like a very sharp flower."

"Sharp flower?" Louis questions. "What about a thorny bush or something?"

"No, it just has five points and a star in the middle of it. _Sharp flower_!"

"That would be a five-pointed star with a dot in the middle, Harry," Louis giggles. "Silly one you are.  _Sharp flower_ \--"

"Now excuse me, Mr.  _I Hate Being Judged For My Decisions_ ," Harry mocks. "Sharp flower could very well one day be a new species, and it'll be called  _Harrionus stylocus_  and then we'll see who's laughing; me, the billionaire specimen identifier."

"Couldn't think of any other scientific name for your plant?"

"I think it sounds perfect," Harry grins."It'd be amazing to have a plant named after myself anyway."

"Well, you're already a plant Mr.  _Sugar Cane Plant is going_ \--" Harry shuts him up with a fat lick up his cheek. Louis groans with disgust and wipes his cheek roughly, pouting at the younger boy. "My face doesn't need washing right now, Styles."

"Let that moment go, will you? It was over three years ago."

"It makes it even funnier when you say you were thirteen."

Harry moans unhappily. "One day, I'm going to find something and embarrass the shit out of you with it all the time when you least expect it, and you'll be begging for mercy."

"How so, Harold?" Louis smirks. "Goin' to kiss me out of breath?"

"Might as well," Harry becomes sheepish and reaches forward for Louis' jawline, coaxing him to meet lips. Louis frets about their safety on the roof and stops the kiss as soon as he could. Louis smiles against him and draws back, feeling for Harry's hand right behind him. He knocks into his arm that is piled high with bracelets up his forearm. Harry's got an excellent collection going, but it's worrying Louis that the bracelet he made is stuck in the middle of them, ready to break anytime soon.

"H," Louis whispers. "Are you going to take these off anytime soon?"

"The bracelets?" he questions. Louis nods. "Nah, I like them."

"They jingle too much. And you're going to break that little one I made for you," Louis says worryingly. "I-I'm just--"

"Paranoid? Don't be, Boo," Harry reassures. "Trust me, these bracelets give it support. I love all of these, they're good for my arms, help me get the muscles I need quicker since there's so much weight."

Louis chuckles gingerly. "You've got more muscles than me."

"Just the way things go, doesn't it? You're the little, skinny one, and I'm a giant, muscly guy who's always at your rescue," Harry jokes. He kisses and presses his nose hard against Louis' cheek, whispering to him afterwards. "Always."

Louis is starting to feel a little chilly and Harry doesn't decide to cuddle him up on the roof. Instead, he moves with Louis back into his room where Harry lets Louis have the first pick of where he wanted to sleep on the bed. Of course, he takes the middle and Harry works around it to snuggle up to the older boy with the duvet securing them nicely to the mattress. He tangles their legs together and nudges Louis' foot with his toe. Harry falls asleep giggling into Louis' neck, and Louis also rests with his best friend right beside him.

********

Harry picks out a sandwich for Louis and feeds him. Louis reluctantly bites but doesn't make it too obvious he didn't want food. He moans, feigning delight, and turns around to look out the window of the tree house. He sighs sharply and runs his fingers over the window sill, looking down when he feels the engravings; ** _LOUIS HARRY._**

"Lou," Harry calls chirpily. "Do you want another? I made plenty."

Louis talks with his back to Harry. "No thanks, H. I-I... um, I still feel a little sick from last night... actually."

Harry gives him a skeptical glare, closing the picnic basket and standing up from the chair. He trots behind Louis and stands with his chest to his back. He raises his hands to Louis' shoulders and gives them a squeeze.

Louis groans. " _Shit_."

"You're tense, Lou," Harry tells him. "What have you been stressing about, hm?"

"Just art. I need to finish a project soon, and... I kind of need this one done before the end of the month," Louis informs. Harry nods and moves his thumbs on Louis' back in hard circles. Louis rolls his neck and exhales, feeling relaxed. "I-I don't want to go back home."

"Phil still acting like a dick?"

"He hasn't stopped," Louis sobs. "He's... just not a part of our family. Mum loves him so much and she's following him. He can't deal with us being together. I-I find it so hard just to sneak out and see you."

"Have you told your mum and Phil about last night?" Harry asks. "Do they know you're gone?"

"I just told them I went to Niall's."

Harry frowns, digging his thumbs deeper into Louis' shoulder blades. "Make it more believable, Lou. What if they call Niall one day, or hear you complaining about his stupidity and bullying? They're just going to become suspicious."

"I-I can't be anymore hurt than I am anyways, Harry. It doesn't matter."

"Don't think of it like that--"

"But I have to, Harry. I've been living like this since I was fourteen!" Louis shouts, twisting his body around to pull Harry's magical fingers from his back. Louis groans and pinches the bridge of his nose - he hates yelling at Harry. "It's hard, Harry, okay? I-I don't know any better than to expect what's expected."

Harry stands and thinks for a moment. Louis does the same. He's met with a pair of arms around his torso, and they're strong enough to lift Louis from the ground. Harry nuzzles his nose into Louis' hair and kisses his scalp.

"We could always move in together," Harry laughs. "Like we discussed a long time ago, remember?"

"Eight and nine," Louis reminds. "Jesus, I totally forgot about that for a moment. We were really serious about that."

"We even made a plan."

Louis giggles. "A swimming pool room, which needed extreme sealing just in case the water leaked out from under the door."

"Your little Barbie doll room," Harry whispers. "Where all your favourite dolls were being kept and it was the only room which was allowed to be pink and have frizzy carpet."

"The X-BOX room seemed like the only logical room. We didn't even have a kitchen, or bathroom, and it was just the one bedroom."

"I don't mind sharing a bed with you," Harry tells. "Except for the times you complain when you have no room."

"I just cuddle up to you now."

"Because I'm your under blanket, aren't I?" Louis laughs hard into Harry's shoulder, clutching at back of his shirt. Harry kisses his neck. "One day, this house will happen, and it'll be the best house in the entire world."

"I'll build it after college," Louis says, "and then I'll let you move in with me."

"Plans done. We're going to build this house."

He really, _really_  likes Harry. "Wish college was over already."

"Ah, but the fun is still here."

Louis grins when Harry leans back and stares at him directly in the eyes. "The fun started nine years ago, when I met you."

 _And_  Harry really,  _really_  likes Louis. "Sappy idiot, you are."

"Only for you," Louis locks their lips together and presses his feet on top of Harry's. He runs his fingers down Harry's back and asks for Harry's tongue with a slip of his own between his lips. The spark is there, and it feels like the twinkling in Harry's eyes just a few moments ago. Louis stops and pads at Harry's chest with his two palms. He needs to take a breath.

Harry starts to mock Louis with sing song. "I'm a better kisser than you."

"You and your big mouth can suck on some dog shit," Louis bites. "And then we'll see who's a better kisser - and it'll be me because I'd be making out with this tree rather than your shitty face."

"Wow," Harry says dully. "You wouldn't be able to resist me."

"I could."

"But you shouldn't," Harry simpers. "Maybe you should kiss--"

He's cut off by his phone buzzing on the table, and Louis shuffles along with Harry to grab it. Harry looks at the screen and grunts. He doesn't look to be too happy. He presses the phone to his ear and sighs out a hello.

It's  _Zayn_ , by what Harry had just said.

"Don't you think you could change it to next week?" Harry says. Louis remains confused, trying to translate the conversation through the soft muffles over the phone. Harry becomes pissed. "Seriously, why did he organize it today?"

Now he knows Zayn's going to take Harry away from Louis, and Louis is hoping Harry won't accept and spend the rest of the Sunday with him. Louis doesn't want to go home.

"For fuck sakes," Harry curses. "I'm not third wheeling alone, I'm bringing Louis with me."

Louis lights up at that, but he's worried. He doesn't know where he's going, and it seems as if this is something like... a date, maybe. Third wheeling? Maybe it was Zayn and Liam like Harry's been yapping about for the past year. Maybe himself and Harry could make it a double date.

"Whatever. I'll see you in an hour." Harry hangs up and puts the phone to the table. He faces Louis with a gentle smile. "Hey, um... Zayn wanted to go out with Liam in an hour and... like maybe you'd like to come with?"

 _It's a date. It's a date. It's a date_ \-- "Sure," Louis squeaks out. "Um, where... are we going?"

"Just to the movies and to town, a little bit of shopping," Harry says. "So, do you want to get ready, or do you want to--"

"All right," he nods, smiling to Harry. He's going on a fucking date with Harry.

******

To be frank,  _Breaking Dawn_  wasn't that great. It may also be due to the fact Louis hasn't seen or read any of the other books to the _Twilight_  series. He focused on Harry all throughout the movie and even snuck in kisses with him here and there. He's always dreamed of kissing someone in the cinemas while being hidden in the dark corner. It's a weird dream, but it was Louis so...

Town is the next destination and the local shops are in the four boys' minds. Harry and Liam depart to grab a few smoothies for everyone and Zayn is stuck with the different boy. Of course, Zayn doesn't say this aloud.

"So," Louis mutters. "You and Liam, hey?"

"You and Harry, hey?" He mocks back. Louis blushes and hides under his jumper sleeves. "C'mon, don't be shy. Harry likes you too, you know."

Louis fucking shines at that. "He does?"

"He's never come to school without a word about you. He loves talking about you," Zayn grins. "Always your eyes."

Louis grins so hard like his muscles are about to collapse. Then again, Zayn could be lying to him just to stir up shit. Then again, Zayn could be telling the truth and Harry could very well indeed like Louis as much as Louis liked him back.

Before Louis could ask questions, Harry's back with Liam and all of the smoothies are handed out between them. They go to the food court and sit by the fountain, enjoying the sunlight coming through and letting the chatter between themselves evolve. Louis is quiet and he feels left out. Harry takes him out of the feeling and asks Louis to come with him to the bin to drop the empty cup inside. Louis is about to head back, but Harry takes his arm and waves Liam and Zayn off. They're going shopping, apparently.

"Where do you want to go?" Harry asks. Louis beams up to him. There's one place he wants to go, and it's to find new things to wear for the summer. Harry takes him around and enters H&M. Heading into the men's department, Louis spots something he thinks could be pretty nice to wear casually. Maybe an option to wear on another date sometime...

Louis picks it out and shows it to Harry. He smiles and touches it, feeling the material between two fingers.

"Do you like it?" Harry questions. Louis looks at it a second time and nods. Harry takes it off him and hangs it on his forearm. "A pair of bottoms, Lou, to go with this?"

Louis stares at him with seriousness. "You're going to buy this?"

"For you, of course."

"Where did you get the money from, Harry?" Louis asks sternly. "You can't just be throwing money around. Don't buy this for me, I can buy it when I can afford it--"

"Sh." Harry puts a finger on his lips. "You talk too much. Go find a nice pair of jeans or something."

He's a fucking sixteen-year-old who doesn't know when to stop treating Louis like a damn princess. Louis likes it, but not when he's spending money on Louis. Louis will somehow break these - it always happens.

Much to Louis' denial, he goes off to find a black pair of jeans. He hands them to Harry and Harry gives him a sneaky kiss on the forehead. Harry's got a few pairs of outfits with him too and they were soon done. They go downstairs to pay, via elevator for some odd reason, and Louis glares at him.

Harry gazes back. "Hey."

Louis rolls his eyes, but simpers. "Hi."

They exit and pay and both of them are holding their bags with their articles of clothing. Harry takes him all over the place, spending more money on Louis rather than himself. Louis is pissed about it, apparently, but he can't help himself when Harry tells him no, I want to do this. Louis doesn't know why, but he likes it.

They've finished shopping with a total of four bags each. Harry's sure Liam and Zayn have left to their own fun and games. Louis and Harry get a cab back home and arrive at fourish. Louis rests all his things on Harry's bed and falls into the mattress. Harry follows suite.

"Fun day?" Harry asks him. Louis nods.

"You're a damn elephant. You're suffocating me."

Harry pouts playfully. "I'll just run off back to Africa then, and you can stay here all by yourself without any cuddles,  _or_  kisses,  _or_  hair playing,  _or_  anything."

"No," Louis shakes his head and smiles, pulling himself closer to Harry. "Kiss me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [random fun fact: out of the 68,675 words of frame of hearts (before this chapter), 4,083 of those words are either louis or harry.]


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning for the word "f*ggot" being used. x

He wakes the next morning alone. He showers alone. He eats a quarter of his breakfast alone. He walks to the bus stop alone. He's met with Harry.

He grins immediately and runs to hug him, kissing at his neck and holding his best friend tight. The night without him was lonely and Louis just wants to get to school to keep Harry to himself. There's no other place Louis can be alone with Harry freely without the littlest bit of worry about getting in trouble.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Harry asks. Louis shrugs and keeps his head against Harry's chest, not caring about anything in the world but his arms around Harry and Harry's arms around himself. Harry kisses his scalp and enjoys the company.

The bus comes moments later and both step onto it and head to their own seats at the back. Harry has his back rested against the window and Louis is sitting in his lap, both their legs spread out and Harry's arms around Louis' waist. Louis is playing with his fingers and he's so, so glad Louis is letting Harry do this. Harry doesn't give fuck all about the rumours which may circulate him. He has his fists, and his back up - _Liam._  Louis really likes that.

Arriving at school, Louis clings to Harry as they walk through the corridors to meet with Zayn and Liam flirting it up at the lockers. They all greet each other with hello's, and as the usual, Liam walks off with a small wave to the lads, leaving Zayn, Harry and Louis to chat amongst themselves.

Normal classes are done through to lunch time, the usual bullying, the many spitballs in Louis' hair, the name calling, the lot. He leaves his Maths class to see Harry at the opposite end of the corridor. Both smile and walk out together for lunch, sitting with Zayn and Liam.

All of them eat, except Louis. This has been a pattern and Harry thinks that maybe Louis is embarrassed to eat in front of people. Louis is sitting on his phone and not caring about a thing in the world. Harry drops out of Zayn and Liam's conversation about the past weekend and taps at Louis' thigh, earning his quiet attention.

"Lou," Harry says, "are you eating, love?"

Louis shakes his head. He needs an excuse. "I didn't pack lunch with me today."

And of course Harry brings up a solution. "Here." He pulls out his container full of food - apples, a banana, the other half of Harry's sandwich. He gives it all to Louis. "Take it, you need to fill your tummy, Boo."

Once again, Louis shakes his head and declines the offer. "I'm not really that hungry."

Harry frowns. "Do you want to talk about it after school?"

"Talk about  _what_  after school?"

"You've been like this for a week, Lou. You're not eating at school, and you're rejecting food. Is there something wrong? Are you just--"

"I just don't feel like eating," Louis tells. Harry leaves it from there.

Art class is last for Louis. He walks with Harry down the corridors to the art rooms, and he's soon tripped by one of the seniors. Louis falls, and Harry soon has the guy up against the locker with a menacing glare.

"How about you fucking leave him alone--"

Louis looks from the floor. Harry's about to break a promise. "Harry!" Louis screams. "Harry, no."

Harry stares down at Louis, and he realizes. He steps away from the senior, but not softening his death glare to the attacker. Harry drops down to pick Louis up and walks with him to class as a bodyguard. They don't speak of the encounter on the way, and Harry kisses Louis' temple before letting him run into class. Harry dashes away to his health class with the ever-growing worry of Louis being hurt.

******

Harry's at the front of his art class before he walks out. He meets him with a smile and both head to their lockers to get their study books out. Zayn and Liam step into their conversation and Louis is the least interested on the topic.

Somehow, he grabs some unwanted attention.

"Hey, faggot!" Someone calls, and Louis turns to the caller. "Hey, look! The poof knows who he is!"

Someone pulls at his shirt and he's elbowed into the middle of the corridor. The caller comes in and pushes him forcefully to the ground and laughs. Harry reacts and he shoves at the attacker's shoulders, pushing him into a girl against the lockers.

"Fucking leave him alone!"

"Look, it's superman again, innit?" The caller mocks. "You're a little junior, you can't do anything to someone as superior as me."

"Just because you're a senior, doesn't make you smarter," Harry growls. "Doesn't make your dick any bigger either."

The attacker laughs. "Why are you protecting him? He's a moron."

"He's not a moron. He's a senior who is the same person as he was weeks ago."

"Doesn't give you a reason to protect the bastard." Harry's had it _. Fuck the promises_. He takes a swing at the guy's jaw, smacking him into the ground. The man calls out for mercy. "Hey! _Hey! Hey!_ "

"Next time you try and hurt him, I won't make any hesitation to knock you out," Harry hisses through gritted teeth. "You understand me?"

The guy nods and cowers away from Harry. He steps away with an angry bull huff and picks Louis up as quickly as he could, jogging him out of the school and going behind one of the oak trees near their sitting spot.

Harry holds Louis' wrists and glares at him, checking his face, checking his emotions, everything. Harry puts his hands to Louis' cheeks and pats, frantically worrying about Louis.

"Are you okay?" Harry questions. "Did he hurt you, are you hurt? Did he--"

"Harry," Louis says, laughing a little mid-way. "Harry, I'm fine."

Harry softens his eyes at the older boy, smiling weakly. "Louis, I-I'm sorry I didn't--"

" _Harry!_ " Harry turns to the caller, and it's Liam and Zayn running towards him. "Harry, you're going to be late for footie training, mate. C'mon!"

Harry shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Li. I'm not coming. You can roster me off for this weekend too."

Liam glares bewildered. "Harry, this isn't a very good start to your squad season."

"I-I know, I'm sorry," Harry says. He steps closer to Louis and takes his hand, holding it tight with their fingers laced. "There's just a few other things that are a little bit more important than football right now."

Liam nods. "All right, then. But no excuses next week, okay mate?"

"Definitely." They wave each other off and the pair disappear. Harry focuses back to Louis and sees that he is indeed frowning to Harry. Harry becomes partially disappointed. "I'm sorry I broke the promise, Lou."

"I'm not worried about that, H. What about your football? What's so important that you had to quit training, let alone this week first game?"

Harry sighs. "I care about you much more than some silly football game, Boo."

"Harry, you can't just do that. You're not protecting me on the weekends, or after school. You don't need to give up your time for me, especially if it's something as big as football, love," Louis says with anxiety. "Harry, please don't do this again. Okay?"

"Okay," he acknowledges. "You're not angry at me for hitting the guy, are you?"

"No, but I should be. You did break a promise."

Harry glowers. "I'm sorry."

"But thank you," Louis smiles softly and launches forward to hug around Harry's torso. "Thank you, H."

Harry grins against Louis' neck and closes his eyes, breathing Louis' scent and taking in the moment. It's rare to have a moment like this on public ground. Harry just wants to get home to go to the treehouse and spend the rest of the afternoon with Louis there.

"Treehouse this afternoon?" Harry announces. Louis nods without hesitation.

*****

Louis comes home at five after spending time with Harry. He avoids family at all costs and runs up the stairs, slamming his door closed. It is enough of a statement to the parents to not disturb him. Louis sits on his bed with his head stuffed in his palms. He's done with society, he's done with the world, and no matter how many times Harry said everything will be okay, it won't. Even if he does kiss every little spot on Louis' face, and give him all the attention he needed. It just isn't going to work. Louis will never be accepted.

Showers seem to be the only thing that does relieve the pain for a while. It's like alcohol, and Louis would drink alcohol if there is any in the house - but Phil refrains the family from using it ( _apparently Louis is still a child and could poison himself, yet there're three bottles of bleach lying around near the dog bowl_ ). He pads to the bathroom, throws his clothes off and looks at himself in the mirror. He sighs. He's seriously _not_  perfect.

He turns the taps on and wavers his hand in the middle of the water jet. It's warmish, an appropriate temperature. He steps in and hisses. He stares blankly to his feet, letting the water hit his back and run down to cover his ever growing body fat and arse larger than a hippopotamus'.

He continues to stare and think longingly. There's nothing much else to do but just to stand and overlook at what his life has become. His dad had almost left a year ago, his mum has stopped with the abuse, but Phil's taken the job right out of Johannah's hands, schooling is a mess, his friends have ditched him, he doesn't have a job, he doesn't have his licence, he's fat, he everything no one wanted.

Louis sighs shakily, intaking a whole lot of steam into his lungs. He sits on the shower floor, his back resting up against the tiles. He bites his lip and rests his forearms on his raised knees, the water dropping down to his body like hail. It's bruising Louis' skin; that's how fragile he is. He tilts his head back and gulps, closing his eyes and letting the droplets splash on his face. Louis doesn't know if he's crying or not, his face is burning from the shower and his tears are hot.

He is crying. He opens his eyes and blinks, water dropping in and Louis brushing them away from the back of his hand. He sniffs, the steam unblocking his nose and letting him breathe freely. He leans forward and puts his head on the top of his knees. He avoids the water and cries to himself. He definitely knows he's crying now, and he's not ashamed. He keeps crying and letting the hot water rain onto him. He doesn't care. No one can stop him. No one cares enough to stop him.

He turns off the taps and wraps a towel around himself half an hour later. He stands in front of the mirror again, meeting eyes with his reflection. They're red and puffed from the salt and the steam, so is the rest of his face. Louis looks to the ground and wiggles his toes, before pushing them forward to feel under the bathroom cabinet. He pulls out the scales and stomps his foot on it to turn it on. He waits for the all go and then he stands, watching the numbers disappointingly increase.

 _Fourties, fifties_ , and Louis had finally reached the  _sixties_. Louis shakes his head and whispers a  _no_  to himself. He's  _sixty-three_ , still. He's  _still_  bloody sixty-three kilograms. He's lost five kilos in the past two months. Only five kilos. Louis steps off the scales, growling to himself - and it's his stomach too that's making the noise.

He drops the towel and looks to his stomach. There's grabbable gut still. Louis changes into his clothes and walks out of the bathroom and into his room, sitting on his bed and shoving his head into his hands again. Only five kilograms. He might as well not lost any at all! He's disappointed in himself. He is meant to be in the fifties by now. Louis is sure he kept to the calorie count. He can't have been over sixty.

He checks his phone where the app is hidden between the very few apps he never uses, and that's the folder Harry would never go into. He checks his count. 400 calories should have decreased him down to fifty by now. He doesn't understand why this isn't working. He's still fat. He doesn't want to eat anymore. Harry's been feeding him, and that's probably the reason why he's gained these extra few grams.

_Damn._

It's not surprising to Harry later that night when he hears Louis is tapping at his bedroom window. Harry answers and lets him in, and Louis sits on the edge of the bed ready for a good night sleep. Harry smiles gently and moves to the same side as Louis, dropping down on his knees and resting his forearms across Louis' thighs. Harry looks up to him. He likes this position - and it's not for the dirty reasons you're all probably thinking of.

"Anything on your mind, Boo?"

Everything's on Louis' mind. He's lonely. He's fat. He's got no one. He's  _fucking_  fat. "Harry," he whispers. It's so small and anxious that Harry begins to worry a whole lot. "Do you think I'm fat?"

Harry couldn't have heard a more preposterous thing come out of Louis' mouth. "Louis, no!" He's glaring bewildered at the smaller boy and Louis shakes with fright. He faces away and whimpers and Harry's up on the edge of the bed, taking Louis into his arms. "Jesus Christ, Louis. I would never think you're fat. No, no, no!"

Louis sobs into Harry's shoulder, letting Harry pat his back and praise him with sweet nothings.

"I-Is this always on your mind, Lou?" Harry asks him with concern. "Louis, is this the reason why you haven't been eating?"

"I have been eating--"

"No, you haven't, Louis," Harry almost sounds aggressive, and it's frightening Louis even more. He doesn't want Harry to leave him because of his weight. "Boo, please don't starve yourself. Please don't do anything to harm yourself. You're perfect the way you are, you and that little tummy of yours, all right? You're absolutely gorgeous with that tummy of yours."

Louis wants to say sorry, but he can't. He truly can't because he's not sorry for losing weight, or wanting to lose it. He wants to lose it because he knows he's fat. Harry's always trying to make him think otherwise, but Harry can hide things away. He knows Harry can lie, and it's making Louis more paranoid by the second.

"Louis, say something, please," he calls. Louis looks to Harry and blinks when he sees the green gems he's loved since forever.

"I'm here," he says back. Harry gives a flat smile and presses his lips to Louis' forehead.

"Stay with me," Harry coos to him, rocking him back and forth slightly in their tight hug. "I'll make everything go away. I'm always here for you, Louis. Don't do anything to yourself. Don't listen to anyone else because they're idiots for calling you names. You don't deserve it. Listen to me. You're beautiful, and you need to know that."

Louis knows he isn't beautiful. " _Okay._ "

"Louis," he's not convinced. "I-I know it's hard for you, but one day I want you to stand in front of a mirror and smile at yourself because you'll see that you're beautiful. You are really beautiful, Lou. In my eyes, you're the most incredible person - to go through everything and stay as strong as you are. You are strong, stronger than me, and even though you might have tiny muscles like you said, you're so, so much stronger than me."

"Y-You don't know that."

Harry sighs. "One day, you'll find out, Louis."

"Find out what?" Louis becomes interested, but Harry shakes his head. He isn't going to tell Louis tonight, or maybe never. He stands up from Louis and walks to the other side of the bed, picking up the duvet ready to slip under it. "Find out what?" He repeats.

"Bed time, Lou," Harry whispers with a faint grin. He slides into bed and Louis follows suite, pressing his back right up against Harry's and letting the younger boy protect him with an arm around his waist.

 


	25. Chapter 25

"I'm sorry."

Liam isn't that mad, honestly, but he really didn't mind all the sweet talk from Harry. He's begging, pleading, for forgiveness for missing out training the day before and hopes Liam understood the situation he's going through right now with Louis.

Liam plays sharp and folds his arms over his chest, flattening out his lips and looking stern. Harry's heart is beating fast and he's sure that Liam's going to kick him from the team.

"Okay," he says simply. "But when I ask for a favour, you better do it for me."

"Anything."

"All right," Liam nods. "You're playing this week too, okay? We need a good player."

Harry smiles brightly. "I'll be there, promise."

"Eleven, H. Otherwise I'll force you to third wheel on another outing, without Louis."

Harry laughs at him before walking to his chemistry class.

*****

Zayn hits Harry's shin under the table and it provokes him. Harry groans and slams a fist down onto Zayn's thigh and Zayn holds in a squeak. Their health teacher really doesn't give - he shouldn't even have a job. 

This hitting thing has been going on for far too long; the entire lesson almost. It's mainly because Harry can't convince Zayn just to ask Liam out. Apparently, Perrie's holding a party at hers this weekend and Zayn's tempted to go after spending the afternoon at Liam's. Harry knows it's not cheating, but it's fucking cheating in his eyes.

Zayn kicks his heel into Harry's bone again and he glares, hard and mean. Zayn raises his eyebrows and snickers under his breath, pretending to focus on the work the teacher knows no one is going to do. Harry pauses and then launches over Zayn's writing arm, scribbling over his work and ruining the printed words. The teacher shouts for Harry and Zayn to stop mucking around, and moments after, they're sent outside the class.

Both are clueless. It's not like they were bothering anyone. Harry's probably going to get in the shits for this with his mum when he gets back home. Hes frightened of how things are going to go, maybe he won't be allowed to play football. It was hard enough trying to convince her that he wanted to play. He's struggling hard enough with school tutoring and guitar lessons, and now football's taking up precious study time. And Louis makes every situation difficult - in a good way, probably. Hopefully.

They sit with their backs against the wall, not speaking and letting their lonely sighs take up the sounds of the corridors. There's only a few minutes left of this class; until the end of the school day. He just wants to get home and spend time with Louis. 

"Hey, what was that thing you were worrying about at lunch time?" Zayn questions him suddenly. Harry stares at him oddly. 

"What thing?"

"With Louis," he reminds. "He wasn't really... He didn't seem too impressed when Liam offered his food, that's all."

"He ate earlier, he said," Harry knew what the problem is exactly, and he's so, so afraid that Louis is indeed trying to starve himself. He shouldn't, but Louis couldn't stop. "It's nothing to worry about. I just thought maybe he felt sick or something."

Zayn laughs quietly. "You two have some serious issues with each other."

"That's nice."

"No, I really mean serious issues. You fucking treat him like a princess. _Oh, Louis is sick! I must help him_. You remember that time I vomited at one party and you weren't even there to hold my hair back."

"You didn't even have long hair, Z."

"Still, it somehow got into it, and I fondly remember picking out corn from it in the middle of the night," Zayn says with disgust. "Not the point, but you just don't really see it. You always tell me you're always so happy to see him and that you go over to his. You protect him like a bodyguard and bash anyone that's in his way. I've never seen you as angry as you were yesterday, H. Never. Not even in football."

"I hate seeing people get hurt."

"Same, but I don't go all defence squad on the people I care for when they're being pushed over."

Harry frowns. "You just don't know what Louis has been through. It's not just protection from people here. It's keeping him safe everywhere," he mutters. "Z, I love him, to death. He's my best friend, and I told him I will always be there for him. I'm doing this for him."

Zayn scoffs with a smile. "See?"

"See what?"

"You love him," Zayn smiles. "Why don't you do something about it?"

"I love him as a best friend, Z. I don't.... love him like that. I don't want to marry him, or anything, if that's what love means."

Zayn sighs. "You fancy him though."

"So?"

"Well, that's one out of two steps to falling in love, Harry."

"I'm not falling in love with Louis," he denies.

"But you're--"

"Leave it, Zayn. Honestly, don't pester me about someone who probably doesn't like me back in the same way. I can do all I like to you and Liam, because I know that's true."

"I know Louis likes you too--"

"Zayn," he growls sternly. "Drop the subject."

Zayn rolls his eyes and does drop it. One day, he's going to make sure Harry knows what he's missing out on and then he'll do what's best for himself and Liam.

*****

Louis holds his hands on Harry's and stops them from tickling under his shirt. They're on the bus home and he's settled between Harry's legs at the back of the bus, resting against his back with Harry's arms around his waist once again. He sighs merrily and sinks into Harry. He's safe all over again.

"Hi," Harry whispers. The bus roars and drives out of the school yard. They're out of hell. "How was the walk here?"

"Not violent," Louis chuckles softly. "Few names here and there, I'm okay though."

"Hope you are. I hate leaving you alone," he admits. "I wish my mum and dad could have just done the dirty earlier so I could have been in the same year as you. I would be going to college with you, stayed in the same classes as you..."

Louis nuzzles the back of his head into Harry's shoulder, humming happily. "I like it this way though."

"Me too."

Louis plays with the bracelets around Harry's wrists and relaxes. Both of them sit quietly, watching the windows and seeing the many houses, then soon trees, pass by them as they drove from town to countryside. Their stop arrives and both Louis and Harry hop off with a goodbye to their driver. 

They don't even walk home, both walking onward from their paths towards home and towards the meadow of green grass and tall trees. They sit on the small bump in the middle and smile to each other, Louis crawling to Harry and sitting beside him like an affectionate puppy. He's rather cheery today, Harry has noticed.  He's smiling without his teeth showing but he looks absolutely adorable and cute, almost mischievous. 

Harry rests a hand on top of his. "What's on your mind?"

It's like a  _Facebook_ status, Harry asking him this every time they meet. It happens a lot now. Louis really loves it, and he could spend all day talking to Harry about what's on his mind, but he keeps it within as locked up secrets maybe to never tell Harry.

Louis pounces and giggles, an arm coming over Harry's waist and bracketing him between Louis' two arms. He gives a teeny smile and pecks Harry's lips quickly.

Harry snickers lowly in his throat. "So, anything on your mind?"

"You," Louis whispers, kissing his favourite pair of lips since forever. "Always you."

Harry brings up his thumb to stroke across Louis' cheek. He's so, so happy today. Harry hasn't seen him like this, naturally, for a very long time. He smiles and takes in Louis' beauty, crinkles nearing at his eyes and the fine lines appearing at the edges of his mouth. His eyes are literally sapphires, but his smile is something more precious; a diamond.

Louis straddles his thighs and sits in his lap, letting Harry pet his cheek and pull on it for a bit. They both blink gleefully at each other. It's surprising that one of them doesn't make a move to kiss the other. Instead, Louis falls to Harry's chest and pushes them both to the grass, Louis purring and resting on top of Harry. He rolls off eventually to the side of Harry and uses his arm as a pillow. Both look to the sky and cloud watch, just like old times.

"Do you want to go out again this weekend?" Harry asks quickly. He sounds pretty nervous than what seemed to be a normal question. He doesn't specify what go out really meant, but Louis could put the tone to the question and see it as a date. It's a date -  _another date._

But he doesn't say a word, just in case he's wrong. "Where to?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe we just head into town and decide from there, you know? Like last weekend. Maybe we could go to the railway markets before hand, get some cookies."

"With Liam and Zayn?"

Harry tenses up and Louis can feel it in the muscle underneath his head. "I-I... um, I wasn't planning for the two to come with us, unless... you want them to? I don't mind, you know. It's a hang out so I don't mind."

 _It's a hang out. Oh_. "I was just wondering if they were coming with us, that's all. I wouldn't mind spending a weekend with you downtown. We never do anyways. I might have to tell mum and Phil I'm heading out for some party or something and maybe I can spend the night at yours."

"Sure," Harry grins. "Maybe come to my football game this weekend, and then we could go to town. Unless you want to do the railway markets?"

"We can do that next weekend," he says. "Town sounds lovely as is. And of course I'll come to your game. First game, H. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"'s'not my first ever game, you know?"

"Still your first game as a junior, silly. I'm going to call for fifty cheerleaders, all with your face printed on their t-shirts, and make sure they dance when you kick the ball or get it in the goals--"

" _Noooo_."

Louis giggles into Harry's side, smiling so hard he thinks the blood vessels in his cheeks might burst.

*****

He goes downstairs to fetch a few low-calorie crackers to eat. He's stopped by Phil, however, who's got his wrist in a tight hand lock and Louis whimpers. He doesn't want to be hit today.

"Look at me, Louis," he growls, and Louis does as he says. He wants to avoid anything which might involve him being hurt. He wants to get his food, go upstairs and stay there with Harry on the phone to him. He just wants Phil to let him go.

He sees his mother and Phil both glaring at the smaller boy. 

"This weekend we're going to see the wild flowers, Louis," his mother says. "We're going to have a picnic together, on Saturday morning, yes?"

Louis gulps and remembers. No. He can't see the wildflowers. He's got a date-- a hang out with Harry. "I-I can't."

Phil tightens his angry grip around Louis. "Why not?"

"I have plans."

"With who?"

"My friend... he's... ah, he's organizing a party and I'm going over there for the night," Louis squeaks out the lie, barely. Phil keeps his stare on Louis - vicious and intimidating. Phil pulls at Louis wrist and forces Louis to cry out slightly. 

"No," he says aggressively. "Your mother wants you to go to see the wildflowers with you and I, you're coming with us."

"I can't," he really did not want to cancel plans with Harry. He wants to stay with Harry. Fuck the wildflowers, there's more things which are beautiful and it's not Phil's heart. "Please, can we change it to next weekend, or--"

He's smacked to the ground and Louis' nose begins to bleed. Jay is sent out of the room in partial tears while Phil kicks him in the thigh. Louis covers his face and uses his arm to stop the nose bleed. Phil doesn't stop throwing horrible comments at Louis and kicks or whacks Louis every few seconds.

"I-I'm not changing plans, please," Louis begs. "I-I can't change my plans..."

Phil bends down and points a finger at Louis. "You fucking listen to me, you little brat! You're going to go with your mum and I to see those wildflowers whether you like it or not. Be a little more appreciable to your mother who has spent so much time looking after a little, gay shit like you!"

One more kick to the shin and he walks away, leaving Louis in a bleeding mess on the floor to mix with his tears.

******

He calls Harry after a shower and a weight check. He's lost a couple of grams - it isn't enough. 

The phone is pressed to his ear and he tries so hard not to cry, but it doesn't happen. He knows Harry's disappointed in the cancelling of plans, and Louis is even more disappointed in himself. 

"I'm sorry--"

"Don't apologize, Lou," Harry mumbles softly. "Please don't apologize. I completely understand, it isn't your fault."

"I can't defend myself here, Harry. I can't do anything to help myself," Louis cries. "He hits me and I... I just take it like a little bastard. I can't do anything right."

Harry becomes extremely defensive. "Don't say that, Louis."

"B-But--"

"Louis, you have taught me so many things, and I'm still alive, aren't I? You're doing something right, and that's staying with me. Don't say you can't do anything right, because you can. You kiss like a fucking genius, you do it right."

"But I--" Louis is cut off by the sound of footsteps. "H-Harry, he's coming up the stairs."

"Come to me if your in trouble, Lou. I have the window unlocked." Louis quickly hangs up the phone and hides it between his legs. He sits on the edge of the bed and pretends to be thinking over his life. Phil opens the door and glares at Louis. He doesn't bother to turn to the ugly monstrosity of  his step-father.

"I thought I heard you talking?"

Louis scoffs. "You're wrong."

Phil leaves the room with a slam of Louis' door. Louis sighs shakily and takes the phone between his hand again, quickly sending a message to Harry with worry.

**_hes gone. i thght he was goin to hit me :(((( xxx_ **

_whn they go to bed come over lou. pls i need to see u xxx_

Louis' tears drop onto the phone. There's another two hours until Phil goes to bed. He needs to sneak off now. He needs to see Harry now.

He's whispering to his phone, it's how desperate he is. It brings the worst. Phil has heard him and he's smashing through the door and glaring at Louis who is blinking to Phil with tears in his eyes. Phil storms over and stands in front of Louis, eyeing down to the weak boy.

"Using your fucking phone, are you?" He questions. "Calling your friend to organize more plans, are you?"

"N-No, I was cancelling them--" Phil rips the phone from Louis' grip and he soon sees the message that was just sent from Harry. Phil's eyes literally bulge from his head and he becomes extremely disgusted by the first thing he sees.  ** _Harry ♥_**

"Harry?!" Phil shouts, Louis shrinking into his shoulders with fright. "Harry?!" He screams again. He scrolls through the messages. "Always stay with me, Louis. Okay? I'm always here for you-- is this the friend you're talking about Louis?"

"No, I-I--"

Phil presses the phone to his ear. It's ringing. He's going to call Harry. Louis begins to yelp. He stands and tries to snatch the phone back but Phil pushes him at his forehead and forces Louis back onto the bed, him hitting his pretty head against the wall. He hears Harry answer and the words he's saying.

"Louis, please tell me you're okay, love. Are you on your way?"

"No," Phil hisses. "He is not on his way, and neither are you ever going near my son again!"

Louis screams out. "No! Don't listen to him, Harry!" Louis stands up and tries again for the phone. He's slapped across the cheek this time and Louis throws a tantrum, punching at Phil's arm and trying to shove him away and release the phone. Nothing works. "Harry, please! Hang up the phone!"

"Please, sir, can you please just leave Louis alone?" Harry is trying to fight back and Louis knows it isn't going to work. It's going to make things worse. "Please, Louis just needs a friend to help him--"

"He fucking doesn't need friends. He doesn't need you. You don't need a worthless piece of shit like him!" He shoves Louis away with a hand and he's on the floor in a sweaty mess. Louis barks and stands again. He's never going to give up until he and Harry win. 

"He isn't worthless!" Harry snarls back. "I love him. He's been my best friend since I was seven. You can't take him away like this. You're acting like a horrible father and I'm sure Johannah doesn't like it as much as Louis!"

"You wouldn't fucking know," Phil snaps back. "Don't fucking go near him again, otherwise I'll fucking beat the shit out of you too, got it?"

Louis' eyes widen with stress. "Harry!" Louis tries once more, but he's pushed away once again and he hits his head on the edge of the bed. He becomes dizzy and falls to the floor. Harry can hear the noise and Louis isn't calling back for him anymore.

"Listen to me, Harry, you don't ever touch Louis, or go near him, don't breath in his air again, otherwise you'll get the same treatment as my son here."

"You're not his fucking dad."

"He's going to be," Phil bites back. He kicks Louis in the stomach to wake him up but he's slightly unconscious on the floor. "Louis, fucking sit up and tell Harry what I've just said."

Louis doesn't respond. He's close to unconsciousness. He can't see straight and he feels lethargic. Phil kicks him in the stomach again and he weakly calls out for Harry. Harry can hear it.

"P-Please leave him alone," Harry begs. "Don't hurt him, please. I promise I won't go near him again if you don't hurt him."

The phone is shoved into Louis' hand and Louis has a hold of it. Phil forces Louis to say the words, a kick in the stomach each time Louis wouldn't speak. 

He finally speaks. "I-I..." He's kicked again and Phil demands, growls madly, for Louis to say he never wanted to see Harry again. Harry knows he won't be able to say it and he knows that he'd understand if Louis did say it. "I love you, Harry."

Phil shrieks with fury and kicks the phone out of Louis' hand. It slides on the floor, away from Louis and Phil walks out of the room. Louis is still on the ground, unable to get up from the pain in his head. He can hear Harry on the phone, and he's frantically calling out for a response from Louis. 

"H-Harry," Louis croaks out. Harry calls out _yes, yes, yes, I can hear you, Louis please talk to me_. Louis can't talk for much longer. He's going to pass out. "H-Help me, Harry."

__


	26. Chapter 26

He wakes up in his bed the following morning, a pounding headache throbbing in his head like a bitch. Louis groans and fails to sit up. He looks to his right and sees Harry right beside him, cuddled into his blankets and still fast asleep.

Louis shakes Harry lightly with two fingers pressed to his shoulder. He croakily calls for him and Harry wakes almost instantly with worry marked on his face. He sits up and looks down to Louis, a thumb stroking over his cheekbone and a long sigh slipping past his lips.

"Are you sore, Lou?" Harry questions. Louis nods softly with his eyebrows curving down. He's close to crying. He doesn't even remember Harry coming over last night, or Harry even talking about coming over. "I-I came over as fast as I could the minute you stopped speaking to me. I got here and climbed up the window and saw you on the floor; you were knocked out cold."

"Didn't Phil see you?"

Harry shakes his head. "Thankfully not. I was nervous about it though. I know he's serious when he said he'd flog me if he knew I was with you again."

"Go home, Harry. P-Please," Louis pleads. "The last thing I ever want is for you to be hurt because you're with me."

Once again, Harry disagrees with a shake of his head. "I'm here to protect you, Louis. I'm not going to leave just because he said he'd hurt me. We just need to be more careful, love. If he hurts you, you call me and I'll come over. And if he hurts me, I'll tell my mum and she'll do something--"

"No!" Louis shouts. "Harry, don't tell your mother, please. I-I don't want anyone knowing about this."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to be taken away from here. I'm still young enough to be taken by a social worker, Harry. As much as I don't want to be with Phil, I don't want to let mum go. I don't want to move away from here, H."

Harry breathes uneasily. "Oh."

Louis feels guilty. There is nothing he can do to try prevent the abuse right at the very moment. He's only got a few more months of school left - it isn't that much. After that he's going to college and will be out of his parents' view for a while. Louis can deal with that.

Louis uses his hands to find Harry's shirt under the duvet and he pulls at it to ask Harry for a kiss. Harry smiles and pecks him lightly, grazing his fingers over Louis' collar bones.

"What's the time?"

Harry checks his phone just beside the bed. "It's only five thirty. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?"

"Of course," Louis says. "You need to go otherwise it's going to be a little difficult to try get you out of here when Phil wakes at six."

He nods and kisses Louis nose. "You're going to school, right?" Louis smiles - it's a yes. "I'll see you in a couple of hours, okay love?"

Harry leaves the bed and it feels significantly colder. He jumps out the window and clambers down the ladder, running home quickly before the first light of sunrise appears. Louis sleeps in bed for the extra hour, hoping to get rid of this hammering headache.

*****

Harry's there to kiss his forehead the moment he appears at the bus stop. Louis frowns and avoids staring up to Harry. His face is bruised and his eye is partially swollen. He's embarrassed about his looks, embarrassed about his father, embarrassed about everything. He's still amazed Harry can look at him.

"I'm sorry--"

"Don't you dare," Harry snaps, thumbing at Louis' hips. "I understand, Louis, I really do. I don't want to cause trouble between you and Phil. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt again and I'm not going to force you to go out with me unless they allow you to."

"I-I might be allowed."

"Louis, don't do it if it's going to hurt you."

Louis sighs unhappily and hugs around Harry's torso. "They hate me so much, Harry. I-I don't know what I've done wrong."

"You've done nothing wrong," Harry says sharply. "You haven't done anything wrong. It's all Phil's fault for changing your mother. It's not you who's making up these rules."

"They don't want me to be gay, Harry." Louis cried softly into Harry's shoulder. "They don't want me to stay with you, they don't want me to be around you. They worry about us, Harry. They worry a whole lot that... I..." He trails off nervously and Harry panics.

"Worry about what, Lou?"

 _I might fall in love with you._  "They just worry a lot."

Harry nods and holds Louis closer. "You're okay now, aren't you?"

"I'm better," he sniffs. "I'm a little better."

"I promise to look after you, okay?"

"Okay."

"And you promise not to try do everything for me, okay?"

Louis nods weakly and closes his eyes, hearing Harry's heartbeat pump fast. "I promise."

*****

Louis is called over the P.A. and Harry can hear it in his classroom. Louis had to make his way tot he principal's office, and Louis is shocked to see his mother and Phil at the desk. Both smile, as innocent as they can be, to Louis and sign him out. The moment they walk out of the school, Phil grabs his wrist and shoves him into the car. They drive away before Louis could escape.

"W-What's going on--"

"You're getting your licence, Louis," Johannah tells. "We're not allowing you to catch that bus anymore."

Louis gulps. "Why?"

None of them answer, and it's perfectly reasonable to why they're doing this. Harry, of course it is Harry. Louis wants to fail this test and make sure he can still catch that bus. Those bus trips are the reason why Louis wants to wake up in the mornings; to stay in the back with Harry with his arms around Louis and cuddle. He doesn't want his own car, he doesn't want to leave Harry alone on the bus.

He arrives at the department of transport and sits inside for his number to be called. He's met with a driving instructor and sits in the car with him, driving around the town and hoping he'd be called up for not checking his blind spots or mirrors. He arrives back after the hour test and he's back inside with Jay and Phil. He's called to the counter and he's given the sheet. 

He passed.

Louis glowers but furrows his eyebrows together. He should have lost around 10 points, which would have failed him horribly. He _passed._  How did he pass? 

His photo is taken and he's given an eye test. He leaves with Johannah and Phil back home. Louis runs up the stairs and hides himself in his room with his new licence and the horrible twist of fate circling around him.

*****

_lake ?? x_

Harry would hate to leave bed right now but Louis wouldn't message him at nine o'clock at night for no reason, especially if it's down at the lake. 

**_okay xx_ **

They meet at the trail and walk together to the lake, partially empty and the frogs croaking. It's scary at night and Louis only had his phone light accompanying them. Both sit on the grass and settle with their crossed legs touching at the knees. Louis can't see Harry, but he can hear him smile - somehow.

"What's wrong, Boo?"

Louis gives a small, lighthearted huff and rests his hand over Harry's knee. "Nothing."

Harry becomes confused. "Nothing?"

"I didn't see you at lunch so I wanted to see you," Louis smiles. "Every time we meet at night doesn't have to be because something's wrong. I just miss you."

"I don't know how we're going to leave each other for a year, Lou. It seems impossible."

"Skype, the phones? There's an endless amount of possibilities. We aren't going to just stop talking, Harry. Of course it's going to be hard but if we just commit and keep talking, we'll be just fine. It'll be like we never lost time."

Harry grins. "You're sure about this?"

"Of course," Louis nods. "I wouldn't leave or forget about you for the world, Harold. It's not like we're going to disappear from one another. It's just a few hundred miles."

"Few hundred miles," Harry sighs.

"Better than a few thousand, innit?"

Harry gives a short laugh and rubs his palm over Louis' hand, interlocking them from behind. He shuffles closer to Louis, leaning over and resting his temple on Louis' shoulder, keeping their hands warm together.

"I guess it is."

Louis grins. "Promise me you won't show other people the tree house when I'm gone."

"I kept a secret for nine years. I can keep it for a million more."

"You did tell Zayn, let me remind you."

Harry rolls his eyes. "It was an accident. Besides, he still doesn't know where it is."

"Very true, and he'll never find out, will he?"

"Never," Harry says. "I don't want anyone finding out about it. I don't want anyone but you and me to know about it, because it holds everything between us, Louis."

 _Us_. He loves that word so much. Louis kisses Harry's hair and simpers, nuzzling his nose into his scalp. Harry perks up and kisses Louis chastely and both settle for a quiet moment alone. Nothing beats this.

*****

The rest of the week is smooth, the bullying is milder and the car trips to and from school are much more quieter. Harry misses the bus on Friday afternoon, many quotation marks around the misses the bus and Louis drives him home. Louis sneaks to his house on Friday night and comes home early Saturday morning just before Phil comes in and yells for him to wake up.

Louis doesn't see Harry at all on Saturday, chores being done around the house and even though he had finished scrubbing the house up and down with a toothbrush, Phil shouts for him to do it again, and again, until every living germ is destroyed. Louis falls asleep beside the stairs, and that's where he wakes on Sunday morning.

Right now, he's in the car driving his mother and Phil to the wildflowers. They arrive and Johannah takes out the picnic basket and Phil's hand, walking with her boyfriend with Louis trailing solemnly behind. They find a spot after a while, gazing at the pretty wildflowers. They're brighter than Louis' future, and they're perkier. Louis sits with his mum and Phil and they open the basket, setting out the food in the middle. Louis feels sick to his stomach.

"Chicken, Louis?" His mother asks. Louis shakes his heads, avoiding his stare from the family and playing with the daisies beside him. Johannah frowns and takes the chicken herself. Louis is very surprised Phil didn't beat him up for rejecting the offer.

Louis doesn't eat. The family doesn't care. Both Johannah and Phil are chatting and Louis is sitting alone, wishing his phone was in his hands so he could message Harry. He was hoping home time would be soon; he wouldn't like to spend yet another day without Harry. 

He doesn't try to be subtle about it. He complains every five seconds about how the sun is burning his skin, and obviously the blame's on him because he didn't wear sunscreen. He sneezes and coughs and both Phil and Johannah have had enough of it.

So they finally tell him.

"Louis," his mother grins. "We have some important news to tell you."

"Is it we're going home?"

"No, honey. We want you to be very happy for us and hoping you'll help with the contribution of the wedding!"

Louis freezes. He stops breathing, his heart stops, his stomach drops. "Wedding?"

"Phil proposed!" Johannah took the man's hand and laughs with him. Louis sits and watches the two blankly. His mum says more things but Louis doesn't listen. He can't listen. There's the words running mindlessly through his head. Phil proposed. Phil is Louis' now to be step father.

They're in the car ride back home and Louis is tempted to run it into the tree. He saves it for when the time is right and drives safely back to their house. He runs up the stairs, slams the door and cries with his heart bleeding out in tragedy.

*****

"No."

"Yes," Louis glowers in the moonlight. He's not glowing with it tonight. "What is wrong with me, Harry? Why is someone punishing me? Why is someone making sure I suffer with this? Why does it have to be a wedding?"

Harry sighs and tugs Louis in closer, minding the fact that they're on a high sloping roof. "Things happen."

"Shit happens. Lots of shit happens."

"Louis, why didn't you say something?"

"What could I say, Harry?" Louis questions harshly. "Phil would beat me to the point where I'd look like one of the purple wildflowers, and mum doesn't give two shits about what I think! I'm closed off for options, H. I have nothing to stop this."

Louis is right. Harry seriously can't do anything about this wedding unless he kills Phil himself. Louis isn't even meant to be here right now. Harry has told Louis to go home, but Louis refuses to. He's staying here tonight. He doesn't want to go back to his deranged family.

Harry kisses him tenderly and holds his hand. "One day it'll be okay."

"Yeah, and when will one day be, Harry?" Louis barks. Harry stares taken aback at Louis, and Louis' head falls in depreciation. "I-I'm... sorry, Harry. I don't mean to snap but... just nothing's working out for me anymore."

"Family is bad, Lou. School is bad. You still have me? I'm working things out for you, aren't I?"

Louis gazes back up to Harry, his eyebrows high but curved into a sad expression. Harry inspects him and tilts his head slightly, baffled that there's no answer from Louis.

"Aren't I, Lou?"

"Of course," Louis nods. "I-I just don't think you'd be there for me to rely on your forever, Harry. One day there might be a day where you and I will fall apart and... something will happen and that I won't be able to come to you to cry things off on your shoulder."

"You said yourself that nothing's going to happen to us. So why worry about me leaving you, Boo?"

Louis exhales loudly. "I'm a handful, Harry."

"Don't worry," Harry presses his lips onto Louis' cheek. "I have two hands, don't worry."

Louis smiles softly to Harry and takes his hands. He holds them together in his little ones, viewing them with a fond grin. 

"Think you can hold everything in here for me?" Louis questions. Harry opens them so Louis can see inside and Louis dances a finger over both palms. Harry nods seriously and Louis smiles wider. "You're incredible, amazing."

"See yourself, Boo," Harry whispers. "Seeing you power through this everyday makes me wonder how you keep a smile on your face at school, or anywhere else."

"It's you."

Harry hums sweetly into Louis' cheek and kisses just under his ear. Both head down the ladder and into Harry's room after a couple more minutes on the roof. School's an unlikely decision tomorrow, Louis thinks. Harry slides into bed and watches Louis getting changed into one of Harry's big sweaters and with nothing but his briefs on underneath.

He slips in with Harry and goes to his side, Harry switching off the lamp and Louis adjusting comfortably beside Harry's bracketing arm. Louis curls into Harry, kissing at his pecs and smiling when he hears Harry sigh softly.

It somehow happens. Harry's hovering over Louis with his forearms on either side of Louis' face. He's kissing Louis messily, nicely however, him settled down between Louis' legs with Louis' feet being felt on his calves. He slips the tongue in and Louis breathes hotly into Harry's mouth with his hands clawing at his big sweater. Louis takes it off with Harry's helping hand, and he can feel Harry's shirt against his chest which is rising ever so quickly.

Harry kisses the side of his mouth, then his chin, then his neck and nibbles on that for a bit. He kisses his collarbone and smacks his lips on Louis' sternum. His hands are flat against Louis' chest as he makes his way down; each breast bone, mid torso, the stomach.

"Lou," Harry whispers. "Let go, don't suck in."

Louis breathes nervously before he releases the air he used to suck his stomach in. His belly shows and Harry kisses it with the recognition it deserves. He blows a small raspberry on Louis' stomach. He giggles. Harry's lips are in the danger zone a few short seconds later.

He's never had lips here before, just above his crotch - his waist line. They tickle, and they give Louis butterflies. Harry caressed over the elastic brief line with his lips, not going any further than--  _oh._

"Oh, god, Harry," Louis groans loudly, digging his toenails into the mattress. Harry's kissing his crotch. Harry's  _fucking_  going for the crotch. He pecks the outlining bulge lightly. This isn't good. "Oh..." Louis shoves his hands into Harry's hair, pulling him away from kissing the outline of his dick under the briefs. Harry feigns innocence. He just wants to see Louis' reaction. "N-No."

"I'm sorry," Harry apologizes, appearing back to hover over Louis' face again. "I-I didn't mean to hurt you..."

Louis stares blankly at Harry, the only source of light from the moon. "You didn't hurt me, H. I just don't want..." Louis gulps hard but the words don't stay down. "I don't want things to grow complicated between us, love."

So they fall back into position, Louis curled against Harry with his damn boner sticking into Harry's thigh. Harry doesn't notice it and think it's his leg, close to falling asleep. Louis is hoping for it to go away sometime soon before Harry notices.

"Lou?" 

Louis perks up at the sound. "Yeah?"

"I... um, I just wanted to say..." Harry trails off, his hand nervously rubbing against Louis' back. "You sound really pretty when you moan."

This boner is definitely not going to go away.

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

Anne wakes Harry in the morning. She's surprised to see there is another being under the covers just beside Harry. Louis is topless and curled like a slater. She would have missed him if she didn't pull the covers down.

"Oh," is all she simply says. Harry sits up in bed and Louis follows after weakly squeaking and opening his eyes. Both blink to Anne, and she smiles to the boys, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Is it necessary for me to call up the school?"

Harry could say that he didn't want to miss school from his grades last semester, but if his mum is offering. "Yeah," he looks to Louis. "Yeah, that'll be good."

Anne leaves the boys alone, closing the door behind herself and heading to the kitchen to phone the school. Louis panics and clutches Harry's hand in fear.

"Harry, if my mum finds out I'm not at school--"

"Mum will call in for you," Harry says. "They can't call your home if my mum calls in for you. Everything will be okay. I'll walk you home later."

"But the ute, Harry?"

"Just say you wouldn't have had enough fuel or something so you took the bus just for today," Harry tells. Louis bites his lip in worry but Harry reassures him with an arm around the back of his waist and a kiss to his cheek. "Don't fret, Lou Lou. It's all right."

Harry decides to shower after relaxing Louis for a bit longer. Anne comes upstairs and knocks before entering, seeing Louis sitting on the bed looking at his phone. She closes the door and sits on the side of the bed. Louis looks to her with a smile.

"Harry's showering."

"I know, love," Anne nods, grinning gently at Louis. "I came in to talk to you."

Louis sets his phone down to the bed and blinks to Anne. "Talk to me?"

"I worry about you, Lou. Remember we talked a couple of weeks ago? I said you can tell me anything? Anything at all. I'm here for you because I know you're having a rough time with your mother and new father, and even though I know my son's there for you, I want you to know you can tell me also."

Louis sighs. "You're like my second mother, Anne. I know I can tell you anything but... I just feel like sometimes it isn't really your duty to listen to all my problems. I feel the same for Harry too, you know? But I can't help going to Harry because we've been there for each other since we were seven and eight."

"I don't mind, Louis. If you really do think it isn't my duty to look after my son's best friend, then I wouldn't have taken you home that night the first time you slept over," Anne laughs. Louis laughs with her. "Still remember that. Harry was so upset you had to leave. But just things like that should tell you I'm always here for a chat and I'm always here to listen to you."

Louis twiddles his thumbs. Harry's still in the shower and he thinks he might be able to tell Anne the whole lot before Harry comes out. He can trust Anne with these secrets, he can trust Anne with everything. She's still smiling to Louis, waiting for a response. Louis looks down to his fingers then back up to the mum, smiling weakly.

"C-Can you promise me not to tell Harry?"

Anne nods. "I promise, Louis. But I thought you would have told him about... everything."

"I haven't told him everything," Louis whispers. "I-I don't know if I should tell him everything."

"Tell me what's on your mind and we'll figure it out together, okay?"

Louis acknowledges her with a quick smile. He frowns and looks to the bed sheets, twisting his fingers into the linen and thinking to himself. He can trust Anne with everything. She won't tell Harry. He needs to tell Anne.

He starts off with Phil, before explaining the new news of the wedding. She listens, stays silent - no noises or hums or laughs or anything. Louis talks about his sexuality and he comes clean to Anne. Still, no noises, or hums. He talks about Harry, how he's there for Louis, how Louis always thinks about Harry when he's upset and that's how he helps himself. He tells Anne about his eating habits - why he doesn't want to eat, and why he's trying to lose that extra body fat. Louis avoids telling Anne about the abuse. He tells Anne the truth about everything which has happened in the past nine years and how Harry had changed everything for him, how Phil changed everything, how his mother changed everything.

Anne's not confused, she's not surprised. She's more worried on how much Louis is relying on Harry. It's not a problem, but it's the fact that not Harry tells him everything about Louis. Anne's never discussed about Harry's sexual orientation; she's never really had the courage to. She's worried that Louis is going to end up hurting himself more when Harry's not around to help him. What will happen then?

"I-I know it's hard to... take in but... I hope you kinda understand."

Anne nods, resting a hand on Louis'. "I completely understand, Louis."

"You do?"

"I know your mother has changed and your father is being very difficult. I'm not going to agree with their decisions on not caring about you, Louis. That's the worst thing a parent can do to their child, especially when their child doesn't deserve it."

Louis breathes uneasily. "Phil just doesn't care about me. I feel so... worthless all the time because they don't want me there, and that's when I always come to Harry because he knows the right things to say to me... and he's always there to help me back up."

"I don't mean to... sound presumptuous, Louis, but," Anne looks uncomfortable. She finds eyes with Louis and speaks out. "Is Harry the reason why you're homosexual?"

"I-I," Louis is baffled by the assumption, but then again it isn't a bad guess. He doesn't know himself. "I-I don't know, I don't think so. I think I just like boys... maybe."

"It's okay if you can't answer. It's just something I wanted to make clear, that's all," She says sweetly. "What have you and haven't told Harry, love? Just so it's something we can or can't speak of together."

Louis hasn't said anything that he hasn't told Harry. "I-I... um, I haven't really said it yet."

"So everything we talked about is what's been discussed already?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to tell me what you don't want to tell Harry?" Anne doesn't want to force him. She waits for a reponse, and with a blink of an eye you could miss it. Louis nods softly and he exhales anxiously. "You don't have to, Louis."

"Please don't tell him," Louis whispers. "I-I... I don't want to ruin our friendship, Anne."

"What is it, Lou?" She questions. He stresses out, raising his knees to his chest and fitting his face between his legs. He sits and sobs a little. He's so confused with himself. He's so worried Harry's going to find out.

"I-I think I'm--"

Harry walks in with a towel around his waist. Both stare at him as he glares back, his eyebrows high and his hair wet.

"Uh," he holds his towel and closes the door behind himself. He stares at his mother. "Is there something I need to go back outside for or--"

"No," Louis shakes his head. "No... it's okay."

Anne leaves without another word and Harry trots over to his drawer, dropping his towel to appear in briefs. Louis watches him and Harry returns beside Louis again after a change into some sweatpants and a small polo. He still has those stupid bracelets on.

Harry smiles and rests his hand on Louis' knee. Louis doesn't move, he looks petrified. He's noticed Louis hasn't said a word since Harry's changed into his clothes. Harry begins to worry.

"Lou," Harry calls. Louis hums and it's not cheery. "Louis, have you been crying?"

Harry lifts his chin and gazes at the rims of his eyelids. They're shiny and little pricks of salt water are on his eyelashes. Harry tisks and rubs a thumb over each closed eye, kissing the eyelids afterwards. He hugs Louis, he remains motionless. Harry draws back with ever growing worry.

"Louis, what happened in here?"

"What do you mean?"

At least he's talking. "You're... not talking to me. Did something happen in here with mum? Was she being an idiot?"

"No," Louis denies. "We just talked a bit."

"About?"

"Phil and stuff," Louis smiles up to Harry, nice and mischievous. "It's all right, Harry. I'm just... thinking about a lot of things, that's all."

"What like?" Harry asked. "What's on your mind?"

 _It's literally Harry._  "Just something."

"Something nice? Something pretty?"

 _Yes._  "Maybe. Something like that."

Harry gives a low giggle. "Would you like some breakfast? Mum can cook something easy for you if you want. She's staying in today, no work for her. Maybe some pancakes?"

That makes Louis feel sick and he gulps down his disgust. "C-Can it be something a little less... sugary or... fatty?"

Harry frowns. "Lou, you're not going to get fat from a few little pancakes. What about those piklets we used to make, those ones with sprinkles?"

"I-I don't want to gain weight."

Harry glowers harder. "Lou, you're a perfect weight," he compliments. "Love, you're not going to become obese any time soon. I know that you're trying to keep it down but you're not going to gain the weight if you eat something. I know you, you have a fast metabolism."

"But--"

"I don't want to see you hurting yourself, Boo," he whispers. "You're my strength. I can't see you hurting yourself."

"You don't have to watch me."

Harry wants to cry, Louis has completely let himself go. "Oh, Lou. Please don't say that."

Louis begins to sob. Harry takes his hands and holds them tight, keeping them warm. He's watching him cry, Louis' head down as small teardrops splash onto his knees. Harry holds his hands. He's not planning to let go. He holds them for hope, he holds them because he wants Louis to be the one who doesn't suffer. Harry wants to take that all away.

Louis sniffs. He's done with his cry, and Harry's still got his hands. Louis removes them from Harry's and sits with them in his lap. He nods and sniffs again.

"You're my strength too, Harry," Louis croaks. "You're the reason why I want to smile everyday."

Harry puts his forehead on Louis' shoulder and sighs. "I don't want you to worry. I want you to be happy, always. I only want you to be happy and I don't care if that means I'm unhappy. I don't want you to be the one suffering from so much."

Harry doesn't let him talk and pecks him gently. Louis finally agrees breakfast may be the way to go, so Harry leads him into the kitchen and makes him a bowl of cereal by request. He sits with Louis, also eating his own bowl of puff things and keeping themselves entertained with small kicks under the table.

There's a knock on the front door and instead of Harry retrieving it, it's Anne who runs to the door and opens it. Both boys listen for the conversation, interested. Anne says a small hello, and a familiar voice screeches a very disturbed hi back. Louis becomes paranoid.

"Here's an invitation to my wedding, Anne," Johannah speaks. Louis panics and glares at Harry. Harry doesn't have a clue on what to do. "Hope you're having a great day."

Harry can hear his mum stressing about the situation at hand. "I-I am, yes. How are you?"

"A little stressed, mainly because of the wedding. Have you seen Louis about anywhere? I didn't see him pick up lunch this morning, neither did he take the car to school."

Both boys freeze and panic. "They're not here, obviously. My Harry's at school too. Maybe he just was rushing late and the bus was the way to go."

Johannah hums. "Do you mind if I come in for a bit? My legs are killing me from the walk up that track of yours. Wow, it's a workout."

"I... um," Harry's begging for his mum to think of something. She does. "May I please just shove a few things away? I was in the middle of putting away groceries and everything is kind of all over the place right now."

Johannah agrees, so Anne slams the door in her face and rushes into the kitchen. She sees the two boys and she hurries them up to stand and run down the hallway.  _Hide in the closet!_  she yells at them and both Louis and Harry hide inside Anne's wardrobe with legs on top of each other.

They can both hear Johannah and Anne in the kitchen, having a chat with a cup of tea. Louis and Harry open the wardrobe doors after a while, the atmosphere growing humid very quickly. They don't move, however. They can't make a sound.

"Do you think she'll find us?" Louis asks Harry. Harry shakes his head.

"Mum's got it under control, Lou."

"But--"

"Sh."

"Harry--"

"Sh," Harry repeats. Louis glares at the boy and becomes slightly upset. He's about to speak again, but Harry covers his mouth with a hand. There's no point in being mouse quiet. A conversation should be allowed. 

He speaks through Harry's hand, words muffled and incapable of understanding. Harry launches forward and settles between Louis' legs, replacing his palm with his mouth and his words with soft pucks between their colliding lips. He rests his hands on Louis' chest and keeps him grounded on the carpet of the wardrobe, the voices of Johannah and Anne fading from their minds. 

Louis has his hands in Harry's hair, tugging gently and hoping he'll draw back soon. He really doesn't want to be caught by Harry's mum in here, snogging in her closet. What would she think? It was a bad enough reaction from Phil when he caught them in Louis' room! 

Louis becomes subtle with it and pulls back a little. Harry takes this as him losing breath and continues to kiss at his jawline and neck. Louis calls for Harry, but it's breathless and whiny and Harry takes that as a moan to keep going. Louis fists at Harry's shirt as he bites at Louis' neck. He screams and Harry jumps with surprise, looking at Louis with a partially angry glare.

"You're going to get us caught."

"Don't fucking bite at my neck, Harold," Louis whispers harshly. "You're not a fucking vampire."

"One, I can be whatever the hell I want. And two, I wanted to mark you--"

"Do you realise we're seeing your mum soon? She'll question the new bruise on my neck if you kept going!" Louis glares at Harry, not blinking to show he's rather serious. Harry laughs, rolls his eyes and kisses Louis' nose. He smirks to Louis after. Louis can't remain angry - fucking idiot has made Louis head over heels for him. "I swear to god, you're going to be the reason for my death, Harry Styles."

"That's not a good thing."

Louis giggles and taps Harry's cheek with two fingers playfully. "You're a child."

"That's not a good thing either, you little boy kisser."

"But you're kissing older boys, you little slut."

Harry gulps and breathes in shakily, his gut bubbling from the nickname. He shouldn't have got so fired up from the name, but he did, and he'd probably kiss Louis out of breath if he didn't hear his mum enter the bedroom. They both separate and stand, Anne walking in and seeing the boys in view. She smiles and nods. 

"You're fine now," she says. "Your mother is convinced, Lou. You better head off back home a little after four though."

"That's fine," Louis accepts. "Thank you Anne."

They go back to Harry's room after Anne asks the what they wanted from the markets. Apparently tell Johannah about the groceries reminded her to get a few things from the shop. They're left alone in the house and instead of doing the things both Louis and Harry had in mind, they both curl up and fall asleep, with their chests and hands together, in bed.

*****

Louis wakes with the sound of cutlery tapping against the bedside table. He peeks open with one eye, seeing Anne pop in and out of the room as he remained still next to Harry. Louis sits up and looks at the food, a nice salad wrap for the two of them. Louis smiles. Anne really does care about Louis' weight decisions.

He goes to wake Harry, smiling down to the sleeping boy with his arms all over the place. He picks his right arm up, entwining his fingers with Harry and forcing it up hopefully to wake him. Harry undoes their hands, Louis catching his bracelet filled wrist before it slams to the bed. Louis grins happily, chuckling as he looked at the wrist with triumph. The elastics have moved. He sees red lines.

Louis drops his arm into his lap slowly as Harry blinks awake. He chuckles too while Louis inspects. He moves one of the green bracelets, exposing more cuts across his wrist. Harry suddenly realizes what Louis was doing.

"Hey!" Harry snaps his arm away from Louis, tucking them away from show. Louis glares at him, a word not being said as he tries to reach forward and grab at his arm again. Harry refuses. "Don't, Louis."

Louis doesn't listen. He reaches and snatches Harry's arm, tugging it away from Harry's protection. He has a hold of it and Harry knows he's lost the secret game. Louis moves away all the bracelets to the middle of his forearm. He's not taking his eyes from the cuts. There's so many small cuts, and the large ones which cover half the wrist. There's over 20 at least. Louis begins to shake with Harry's arms in his hands, sniffing back his runny nose and facing Harry with water brimming at his frail eyelids.

"Harry," he doesn't hold it in; he begins to cry. "These weren't intentional, were they?"

Harry sits up with shame written on his face. He doesn't look at Louis but at his other arm which is filled with the same amount of bracelets.

"What am I expected to say?" he mutters unwillingly. "You already know the truth."

Louis clutches at Harry's hands. "Harry, no, no, no..." Each _no_  is a squeak higher. He brings Harry's hands to his lowering forehead, crying into them. "Harry, please... no, no."

"I'm sorry, Lou," he whispers. "I-I told you I wasn't as strong as you."

"Harry, no..."

"And I told you that sometimes we needed to keep secrets."

Louis eyes up to the embarrassed, disappointed boy who's now crying himself. His blue eyes are no longer bright, they're no longer happy. Harry has done this to himself. Harry's not strong - and if Harry's not strong then there's no strength. No strength, no Louis. 

"H-How long, Harry?"

Harry breathes out heavily. "Over a year now."

Louis lets out a soft wail of  _no_ 's again, resting their wet hands together in the gap between themselves. He asks about the cuts on his stomach from a while ago. Harry admits they were self harming cuts too and Louis doesn't get upset from the lie, he cries because Harry's been struggling this entire time and Louis hasn't done anything about it. It's been about him the entire time. Louis feels guilty, so, so guilty.

"What happened to staying strong?"

Harry looks up at him. "That's you, Lou--"

"No, you're my strength, Harry. I can't see you hurting yourself when you say you don't want me hurting myself either!" Louis snaps. "You can't expect me to go through this alone, Harry. Same as you!"

"You wouldn't have known if you didn't check under the bracelets."

Louis shakes his head, his voice breaking mid-sentence. "It's not like that, Harry." He kisses Harry's hands and stares at Harry, letting his tears drip with his. "Why?"

Harry sighs nervously. "I-I... I don't like hurting you."

"What do you mean?"

Harry doesn't want to tell, but he does. He says it all quietly, and anyone could miss it if they weren't paying attention, but Louis could only hear Harry. He whispers the times he's alone and he doesn't want to see Louis. He explains the times where he sometimes pushed him away but then he'd come back. He says how he hates to hurt Louis; when he gets upset, when he tells Harry to go away - it triggers the harm; the discipline. 

Louis blinks to Harry, eyes softening. "Me?"

Harry knew he'd take it the wrong way. "It's not just you..."

"Harry, don't do this," Louis kisses his cuts. "Don't, don't, don't. You're hurting me more by doing this to yourself, baby," he kisses his cuts a couple more times, looking up to Harry the entire time. "I promise you I'll stop if you stop."

"I promise I'll stop if you do."

Louis breathes out, keeping the silence between them sharp. He kisses Harry's knuckles and leaves his lips resting upon his skin.

"Please, never again."

Harry nods sincerely. "I promise, Lou."

"Promise for forever?"

Harry takes one of his hands and crosses over his heart. Louis does the same, and they entwine hands. Harry opens his arms wide and Louis crawls to him, sitting in his lap and nuzzling his nose into Harry's neck. Harry rocks them back and forth and the amount of apologies spilling from Harry's mouth is endless. He promises for forever.

For how long forever may last.

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "life is like a bow and arrow, you get pulled back into something bad but then you shoot into something great."

Immediately, there's an apology spilling from the boy's mouth. Louis stands without shock. He'd smirk if he could, but he's a little aggravated at this moment in time. 

Harry was hoping that the bullying would calm down. It's the start of April, and Louis has been mistreated since the second day of school in February. He releases the boy and shoves at his chest once more before tapping Louis' hand beside him and walking to Louis' maths class. He sighs whilst walking. He's bothered by how much he had to deal with this every single day; the rude calls of names, then the attack, the apology and then the walk away like nothing happened. He doesn't mind protecting Louis, it's just that people shouldn't be picking on him. They should get it into their fucking heads Harry's ready to pounce. They should be scared of Louis and Harry, but they aren't - surprisingly.

Harry leaves Louis to his class while he heads to his chemistry. He attends, settles down and hardly listens to the teacher, departing solemnly when class is over. He picks Louis up from the maths class and heads with him to the carpark. No names, no attacks - for once. Louis takes Harry home in the ute, their hands resting on one another on top of the clutch on the drive home. They're silent most of the way, unusually. Maybe it's just because it's the end of the week and everyone, even the car's sounding tired.

He drives and drops Harry off, kissing his cheek and telling him he'll sneak in later. Harry glowers and warns for being caught sneaking out but Louis rolls his eyes and snickers. He heads back home and doesn't bother to say hello to his mum and Phil, running upstairs and locking himself in until his parents headed off into bed.

Rocks are thrown. Harry's not sure why Louis just doesn't knock. Louis crawls through when Harry opens the window and he kisses Louis' forehead. Louis pushes away from it, sort of, and runs to the bed. He sits cross legged and he bounces up and down on the bed. Oh, he's excited. Harry grins at the sight.

He takes it as a sign to sit on the bed with him, so he follows with legs crossed and a smile on his face. Louis sits up on his knees and trots to Harry, grabbing something from his back pocket before sitting down on his calves. He has a sharpie, and Harry becomes confused.

"Lou?"

"Arm out," Louis demands. Harry does as asked. Louis puts the sharpie in his mouth and moves the bracelets. He's been checking every day for the past two weeks since he found out about the self harming cuts. There's new lines. Louis doesn't get upset. There's always been new lines, every single day, but there is less new lines every time. Harry's trying.

He did say promise but even Louis knew Harry wouldn't be able to keep this one. Louis hasn't kept his promise either.

Louis drops the sharpie from his mouth into his lap and reaches forward to kiss Harry's wrist. Harry sighs unhappily. 

"It's only three lines this time, Lou--"

"I know," Louis whispers. He grins softly to Harry. "I'm proud you're trying."

Harry nods and smiles to himself. He's proud too. "What's that for?"

He points to the sharpie. Louis takes it in his hand and undoes the lid by sticking it between his teeth and pulling. He takes Harry's arm out again and holds the sharpie at his wrist. Harry glares at the felt pen near his cuts.

"L-Lou, isn't that going to hurt?"

Louis avoids the cuts and starts drawing on Harry's wrist. Harry has no clue what he's doing, curves and weird lines Louis is drawing. It looks like a flower with a few spots. Louis draws two lines with spirals at the end. He's an artist, but this doesn't look to be magnificent. Maybe Louis was just bored and wanted to draw over these ugly cuts of his.

Louis caps the sharpie again and he throws it to the side. He takes Harry's wrist and blows on the dried marking. He kisses it quickly before looking at Harry.

"This is a butterfly, Harry," Louis whispers. Oh, Harry looks down to it and nods. He still wonders why there's a prety butterfly on his wrist. It's definitely to hide the horrible cuts. "I-I searched this online for you. It's called the butterfly project, and it's something people do if they want to stop self harming."

Harry glares at Louis. "The butterfly project?"

"You draw a butterfly on your wrist, or you get someone else to. Once they draw it, you can't cut it, and if you cut it, the butterfly dies. The butterfly will fade once in a while so you redraw it, but you can't ever cut the butterfly," Louis tells. Harry gulps and stares at this new monster on his wrist. "I saw also that if someone else draws it on your wrist, you need to look after them the most, because you wouldn't want to hurt my butterfly, would you?"

Harry shakes his head, his focus still on the butterfly. "N-No, never."

Louis smiles weakly. "I'm doing this because I love you, Harry. I'm doing this because I know you can turn away from this so easily. You just need a little butterfly to take you away, that's all. My little butterfly."

"Your little butterfly," Harry repeats to himself. He looks up to Louis and nods, looking parched for words. "I won't hurt the butterfly, Lou."

Louis hugs him.

*****

The meadow is their spot for the morning, the dew soaking up in Harry's jeans and his legs the comfortable spot for Louis, who didn't want to get wet. Louis is in his lap with Harry's arms around him warmly, Harry's chin on top of his shoulder. Louis looks to the sky where the clouds are turning a brighter yellow colour. It's close to sunrise. Louis still had no clue why Harry wanted to come down here so early.

Louis looks down to Harry's wrist where the butterfly is still dark in colour. He entwines his fingers with Harry's and sighs. The clouds have changed again, and the sun is just peeking over the horizon. Louis grins and nudges his cheek with Harry's, pointing to the sun.

"It's here."

Harry smiles to him. "See, I told you it was worth waking up at five in the morning to watch this."

"Yeah, but you have a football game to get to and you're going to be tired, H."

"I'll be fine," Harry tells, rubbing the tip of his nose into Louis' neck. "I'm not going to fall asleep on the pitch, I promise. I'll get a goal for you."

Louis glowers. "I'm sorry I can't come to the game."

Harry hums and squeezes his arms tightly around Louis' waist, making Louis feel a little queezy if he is being honest. "You don't have to be there, Lou. You'd make me nervous to be frank."

"Why would I make you nervous? You don't have to impress me with your amazing skill. I already know it's there."

"I just don't want to disappoint you, that's all."

"And since when," he turns in Harry's lap to be side on, leaning back with an arm around the back of Harry's neck. Harry looks to him and Louis has a playful scowl on his face, "have I ever been disappointed in you, Harold?"

"Maybe more times than I've seen."

"Negative one, _good!_  Now you know that I've never ever been disappointed in you," Louis kisses his cheek and purrs. "I wouldn't waste my time on you if I was disappointed in you, H. Remember that, will you?"

Harry presses his lips into a small smile. He's not confident in himself. He never has, really. Louis tells him a lot of things he doesn't know about himself. He appreciates it. He kisses Louis gently and draws back, Louis coming forward and biting his nose quickly. Harry crinkles his nose and whines.

"That's not nice."

"Your nose is soft," Louis laughs. He shuffles to be in Harry's lap again, facing forward - chest to chest. "What a better way to start the morning, innit? Biting each other's noses."

"Is that permission for me to bite yours?"

Louis laughs and shakes his head. "Hey, lie down a minute."

"And get my back wet? Excuse you but I think you're using me as your water protection, Mr. Hydrophobic!"

"Just lie down," Louis giggles to him, watching Harry roll his eyes but settle down into the dewy grass. He complains for a bit,  _the water's soaking my back, Lou! For fuck's sake, Lou!_  but he calms down when Louis falls on top and grins right over him. Harry sees a ball of sunshine, and it isn't that sun from the horizon.

Louis tilts his head and shines, beaming brighter and brighter. God, Harry loves him. 

"I've been teaching myself, a little thing," Louis whispers. By the way he's speaking, it's probably taboo. "Hold my hands."

Harry does, and Louis brings them on either side of Harry's face. He bends down and pecks carefully at Harry's neck, Harry softly respiring and enjoying the pixie kisses. Louis licks over one spot in particular, which Harry groans at, then Louis starts to nip, and suck. Then, he's sucking harshly and it makes Harry squeak loudly. He bucks up his entire body to try and remove Louis, but Louis doesn't pucker off. He stays on like a nasty bee sting. Harry cries out lowly and Louis kisses over the spot once more before pulling up with Harry's hands, holding them at Harry's chest.

He runs a thumb over the spot, his eyes bulging widely at the bruise. "Holy shit, it's really purple."

"Lou," Harry whines. "Dammit, now I have to go to football with this!"

"Just say you ran into something."

"With my neck?"

Louis suppresses a loud giggle. "Just say you accidentally  _clothes-lined_  yourself or something. Looks pretty on you, I must admit. You didn't seem to like it very much."

"Hurts like a bitch, Boo," Harry pouts. "Jesus, I thought love bites were meant to be good?"

"You're causing your capillaries in your body to break, H. Of course it's going to hurt," Louis says. "I've been doing this to myself for weeks, trying to practice because I remembered you said you wanted to learn how to make love bites. They call them hickeys sometimes, as I've learned from the internet."

"Love bites sound better."

Louis nods with agreement. "So, your turn?"

"You want me to viciously bite you?"

"You did the other day, you twat."

Harry sits up to face Louis, letting him fall into his lap again. He holds Louis up with his hands spread across his back. "Tell me what to do, I'm rather clueless."

Louis points to his neck. "Here, nip and suck and keep sucking until you can't anymore. When a person starts to squeak, that's when you should stop otherwise you'll be sucking up blood in no time."

Harry pulls a look of disgust but leans in to caress his nose along Louis' neck again. He kisses him first and gets his skin prepared. He then bites, a small nibble and sucks on one certain spot. He hears Louis sigh softly and grip at Harry's shirt at the back, pulling Harry closer to himself. Harry sucks harder and Louis finds himself tucking his head into Harry's shoulder, feeling the exhilarating pain of Harry marking him. Harry doesn't let go and Louis starts to groan a little. 

"Ah, Harry!" Louis snaps out and forces Harry away, pain in his voice as he tries to look at the bite. He fails. Harry admires it. It's a beautiful purple colour. It's Harry's marking. It's wonderful. "Fuck, how is it?"

"Cool," is all he says. He smiles and pecks the spot, letting Louis fall into his chest with a large huff. "Hm, love bites at sunrise, how lovely."

"Who knows what we'd be doing at sunset."

Harry is honestly hoping it's something involving him and Louis taking a shower together.

*****

He comes home from football with a message buzzing through his phone. 

_hey !! mum n phil hv gone out 4 weddin planning. come over! i need ur help with smthin xxxx_

Harry smiles, going into his room and changing quickly into something casual fitting. He runs to Louis' with no stop, meeting with him at the back door and quickly kissing him against the wall. Louis breathes breathlessly, glaring shockingly at Harry and watching his sneer grow wider. Louis grins too.

"I need to do something for an art project," Louis tells him. "I want your help."

"Lou," Harry begins to laugh. "You know I can't paint for shit."

"It's not that type of painting. It's fun, I swear," he smiles to him. "I went into town after mum and Phil left and I bought a game for us, and some pastel colours, and a sheet of canvas."

Louis isn't kidding. He brings everything down, and the game Twister with him. They lay it ouside, the large sheet of two metre canvas on the grass and the bottles of pastel paints next to the white sheet. Louis takes out the twister game, throws away the plastic playing surface and keeps the spin board. Harry looks at him confusingly.

"Lou, what are we doing?"

Louis takes off his top and Harry becomes a little blown away from that. He throws that aside and walks to Harry, smiling as he thumbed Harry's hem line.

"Hey, top off you too. Don't want the art work to be a little scrappy."

So Harry does, reluctantly. He has scars across his stomach but Louis has seen them, and he doesn't mind them. He's kissed them away, it's okay. Harry throws it away to Louis' pile and Louis stands on his tiptoes to kiss up to him easily, then he goes to the bottles. He tips a dollop of each colour four times across the canvas, red, yellow, green, blue. Hey, funnily enough that's the same as the colours on the twister board-- oh.

"Are you serious, Louis?"

Louis glares at him after capping the yellow paint. "Wanna have a bit of fun with you, and I need something creative and full of happiness."

"And you and I playing messy twister is going to create a lovely piece of art work, is it?"

"Of course it is," he says with his nose in the air. "Don't complain, Styles. You're going to love this as much as I am going to love watching you try do the splits." He spins the spinner,  _right foot yellow_  and he steps right into the paint. Harry watches him as Louis grins, squishing his foot right into the paint. "Eh, this doesn't feel that great."

"Your idea."

"Shut up and spin the fucking thing," Louis hisses, grinning over to Harry who rolls his eyes and spins.  _Left hand green_. "Ha! Karma is a little bitch, innit?"

Harry frowns. "I'm going to make sure this hand smothers your face afterwards." He dips down and puts his hand into the pain, bent over on all fours with his right hand resting beside the blue paint. "This isn't going to end well, Lou."

"Bullshit," he laughs. Louis spins and it's  _left foot red_. He steps in easily. Harry takes his turn,  _right foot red_. Louis begins to cackle. "You're getting all the difficult ones. Ha!"

Harry moves and rests his foot into the red. "You've jinxed yourself."

Louis spins himself; Harry's right. He has _left hand blue_ , all the way to the other side. He stretches and settles his hand into the paint, looking to Harry and grinning. He's very flexible in a way. Harry spins and receives left hand blue also. Harry puts his hand a dot closer to Louis, and he's smirking to him. Harry's stretching out across the board and he hasn't got his right hand or left foot messy yet.

 _Right foot green_ , and Louis hisses as he brings his leg up on the board. He looks like he's about to start a running race. Harry laughs at him, Louis' foot squelching in the paint. He squeals, he's about to slip. Harry's hoping he does - but he's unlucky this time.

Harry gets a random colour for any body part. He takes his right hand and forces it into the blue paint to stabilize himself. He looks to be doing push ups, his back to the sun and is met with Louis' sticky left hand as he wipes blue paint over his back. Harry hisses at the cool paint and growls at Louis.

"You're a cock."

Louis grins like the little munchkin he is and spins his turn. Right foot green again, out of all his luck. He moves to the the furthest dot on Harry's side and has his leg underneath Harry's body. If Harry falls, he'll break Louis' leg. Harry looks at the leg underneath him and chuckles.

"This is getting a little fun now, innit?" Harry lifts his hand from the blue dot and settles it close to Louis' leg. Louis barks at him.

"Harry, no--"

"Should have thought about that before you put paint on my back."

"I didn't mean to," Louis whispers. "You were getting sunburned, I helped you--  _Harry!_ "

Harry smothers his hand against Louis' calf, painting it with the blue and giggling. Louis falls and his body mixes in the first row four paints. Louis groans and turns over, his hair mixing in the blue paint as he whines to Harry. Harry is still up, tempted to keep going.

"Perk up, time for some more fun and games."  Harry spins and it's left foot red. He puts his foot down in the unused red paint and Louis glares at him. He's not continuing. "Oh, so it's just me left in the game, is it?"

Louis grins. "Let's see how well you can play this, hm?"

Louis steps from the board, foot prints of paint on the grass as he sits down in front of the spinner. He spins for Harry. 

"Right hand red, babe."

Harry blinks at him. "Let me see that!"

"I'm not lying, H!" Louis laughs, showing him the spinner. "See! C'mon, right hand red. Just a bit of a stretch--"

"I'm not a fucking mutant, Lou! I can't stretch that far."

"Just try."

Harry does, moving his hand from the blue paint and trying to keep his feet on the red paint and now his right hand in the red. His left is still above in the green and he's so surprised he manages to stay up. Harry looks up to Louis and laughs nervously. He's going to slip up in a minute.

"Lou, spin quick!"

He listens and giggles. "Left foot green."

" _Louuuu_ \--"

"You can do it, Haz," Louis praises him. Harry moans uneasily, taking his left foot from the red and placing it in green. He fucks it up and slips head first into the green paint. Louis is in a fit of giggles on the floor as Harry relaxes with green paint covering half of his face. He's laughing so hard, clutching his stomach and trying to open his eyes, but every time he tries to he sees Harry in a mess on the floor and he begins to laugh again. 

Harry sits up, coated in paint from head to toe. His shorts are ruined and his torso is a gay flag. He sees Louis laughing at him and becomes upset. He pulls at Louis' leg and drags him from his spot, Louis screeching as he makes eye contact with Harry. He smiles and screams with his giggles, Harry pulling him onto the canvas bit by bit. He has his ankles, then calves and soon his thighs and Harry is between Louis' legs in no time, kissing at his jawline and rubbing paint against Louis' cheek. 

Louis takes a firm hold of Harry's hand and digs his feet into Harry's calves. He tilts his head to meet their lips. Here's small splatters of green on Harry's lips, and some yellow on Louis'. Harry kisses him into the canvas and smiles, crooking his fingers underneath Louis' chin so he can kiss down his neck again.

He does the love bite thing again just under his jawline, nipping and sucking briefly to make a small bruise. He runs his hands down Louis' chest, mixing the green and red which predominantly over ruled their bodies. Harry has a grip on Louis' hip and he shuffles himself up a bit and--  _fuck,_  he rolls his crotch straight into Louis'. Louis bites his lip to hold back anything which could cause an awkward boner right now. 

Louis pauses themselves and looks to Harry above him, lime green over his lips and the green starting to plaster to his face. Harry's glowing down to Louis, a fucking sun he is. Louis can't tell himself how much he actually might love Harry. He's sure he's in love with Harry, but  _whatever._

They both stand off the canvas, looking down to the finished project. To what Harry expected to be a huge mess of ugly paints, it looks absolutely beautiful. There's some footprints, some splatters of paint and other things. Harry can trace every thing in the picture and say what happened. It's significant where himself and Louis were just a moment ago. This artwork is actually stunning.

"Hey," Louis whispers to him, catching his hand and grinning. "Are you staying over tonight?"

"I'll leave when your parents come home later."

Louis nods and tucks himself into Harry's chest, colouring their torsos even more. The paint smell is clogging Louis' sinuses, so he tells Harry he's going to shower. Harry stays outside and cleans himself off with a hose. He should have asked if he could go in with Louis.

*****

They're napping through until seven o'clock, Louis tucked into Harry's chest warmly and topless. They're dry now; they hopped straight into bed with water droplets still on themselves. 

Seven o'clock is when the time became dangerous. A loud door slam is heard, and the small scream coming from his mother. Louis shoots up in bed and blinks, his heart racing fast from mortification. He begins to panic. Harry didn't wake. He begins to whisper-shout for Harry to waken, Harry slowly waking with a smile on his face.

"Harry, wake up!" Louis stands from the bed and pulls at Harry's arm. "Harry, you need to go now! Now!"

"W-What?" Harry still half asleep, trying to move his body as fast as his brain. It's not working. "Lou, what's going on--"

"They're home."

Harry glares horrified at Louis, taking his arm and pulling himself out of bed. He goes straight to the window and looks down. He won't make it in time. They can hear Phil coming up the stairs. Louis starts to cry. He's going to be strangled for this, for sure.

"Harry, get under the bed!"

Harry dives down with no time to waste, scurrying and shoving at everything Louis has underneath the mattress. Phil bursts through without a knock and Louis spins on his heels to glare at his step-father, close to having a panic attack when he sees the fury in his eyes.

Phil looks speculative and he eyes Louis down. He knows Louis is hiding something, he can sense it. Louis is tensing up and twisting his foot, now avoiding contact. Phil growls at the boy before stepping forward and shoving at Louis' arm. Louis barks out and stands his ground. 

"Fuck off!"

He looks amused to hear such a whiny scowl from his useless step-son. He tilts his head and feigns sympathy. Then he trots over to the bed and flips the sheets over the top of the bed, bending down and finding Harry. Louis screams, kicking at his step-father's bicep but Phil ignores the blunt stabbing in his arm and pulls Harry out by his hair. Harry cries out, forced from under the bed out into the open in the middle of Louis' room. Harry sat up on his elbows, looking at the bellowing man before him with the most vicious face he's ever seen in his life. 

Louis kicks his step-father in the shin and he's kicked back, Louis knocking his head against the wall and falling to the ground. Harry panics, screaming for Louis as he tries to crawl over like a running puppy. He's stopped by Phil  knocking him back with his foot locked into Harry's jaw. Harry's on his back, sitting up to his elbows again. Phil takes a swing. It cleanly cracks into Harry's cheek and Louis shrieks.

"Leave him alone!" Louis stands and runs to Phil, launching from the ground onto his back. Louis begins to scratch at his face from behind, Phil absolutely manic and pulling Louis off easily and pushing him into the drawer. Louis hits the edge with his chest; he's sure he's fractured something.

He can't see easily, his vision blurred from pain as he watches Harry take it all. Phil abuses him with words of hatred. He tells him how much Louis hates him. He shouts how worthless he is, how pointless he is. He digs it into Harry's head until Harry's sobbing on the floor with bruising cheeks. Harry curls up, pleading for him to stop, but Phil doesn't.

"Leave him alone!" Louis wails out again. "Please, leave him alone!" Phil eyes the begging boy and  leaves Harry alone as requested. Louis begins to back up against the drawer, the fear in his eyes the feast Phil needs to empower himself. "He--  _Harry!_ "

He's not worried about being attacked, so the moment Phil smacks his fist into Louis' temple he's out cold. Both boys on the floor asleep as Phil trudges over the bodies carelessly, slamming Louis' door closed. Harry's tears mold into his face, they burn. When he wakes, they burn more. It's twelve at night when he wakes from his unconscious state.

He sees Louis on the floor and crawls lethargically to him. He places a warm hand to his cheek, a bright red colour and swollen. Harry's the same. He cries over Louis' body and kisses his cheek, weakly standing up and picking Louis up who's as boneless as a rag doll. He puts Louis in bed and kisses his lips, cut and also swollen. He cries over them and stays with him for a while, sobbing with their noses and foreheads touching.

He can't stay, he needs to go home. He leaves half an hour later with bed covers over Louis and one final kiss. He jumps out the window and runs home, tripping too many times to be normal. His window is locked, so he faces his mum at the front door after knocking. He's bruised, cut and dirty from the trips. Anne is horrified at the state of her son.

Harry tells her. He shouldn't have told her. Harry tells her it was Louis' father, and it's when Anne scowls at Harry and tells him he is never allowed to see Louis again.

 


	29. Chapter 29

He screams at his mother, and the screams continue through the next morning when Harry wakes. His eyes are sore and puffed, his pillow is soaked of his tears of anxiety and horror. His throat is sore, he can't feel his legs.

He knows he can't leave Louis alone. He can't be allowed to not go see him ever again. His mother knows this. His own fucking mother knows that Harry's his strength, that he really does need Harry to keep him healthy and proper. He can't take him away. 

He's at breakfast and he refuses to take his plate of bacon and eggs. He stands with his arms folded and a glare which Anne never hoped to see her little boy pull. It's vicious, deadly like venom. Anne sighs and sets the plate to the counter, shaking her head and making eye contact with her son. He hasn't moved.

"Harry--"

"You can't take me away from him," Harry says lowly. "You can't make me--"

"Harry! I'm worried about your safety! Can't you see that?" Tears are rimming at her eyelids. She worries so much on Harry's safety, she's worried next time Phil might attack him brutally to the point where Harry needs to go to hospital. She loves Louis, but she can't let Harry get hurt. 

Harry doesn't understand, and he can't see what's so bad about letting him see Louis. He understands if he can't go to his house, but he doesn't understand why Anne should ban him from seeing Louis altogether. It's cruel and heartless. Harry can't let it happen.

"You can't make me, mum. Louis needs me--"

"He can help himself, Harry! I don't want him bringing that bastard over to come hurt you! It's bad enough he attacked you!" Anne screams, walking around Harry towards the phone. "I might as well call the police--"

"No!" Harry shrieks, stepping forward and grabbing the phone from the wall, holding it into his chest and locking it away from his mum. "No, don't... please--"

"Harry--"

"Don't... please don't hurt Louis... Please don't let--"

"Harry, we need to tell--"

"No, Louis will get taken away!" he cries to her, hiding his head into his chest and sobbing harder, "please don't do this, don't take my Louis away from me, mum. Please."

She doesn't understand either. Harry wants to help Louis, but he doesn't want to take away the main problem of Louis' problems. She doesn't want to see her son wail, he's gripping so hard on the phone that his knuckles are turning white. Tears are down his cheeks and he looks up to his mum with those green gems of his. He's too precious to hurt, and that's the main reason why Harry can't ever see Louis again.

"I won't call them," she whispers, stepping forward and taking the phone from Harry. She rests it back into its holder, opening her arm and taking her boy in, cradling him into her arms and kissing his hair. Harry sobs softly into his mother's chest and wipes his tears on her shirt. "But I can't let you see him again."

Harry breaks down into his mum's chest and clings on tight. He's lost him.

*****

"Y-You can't--"

"It's just going to be like college anyway, Lou. Like... it's just come a bit earlier though, yeah--"

"Harry," his voice is so high and Harry hates to hear him cry. That's one thing Harry doesn't want to do and wants to take him away from, but he's the causer, and it makes him feel terrible. "Don't leave me alone."

"Lou, I-I--"

"You can sneak out all the time, can't you?" Louis asks him. "We managed to do it before. P-Phil and mum hardly knows you're here when you are, and we can be quiet at your house too--"

"Lou, it's just going to be too difficult."

Louis sighs shakily, and Harry's sure he's got the phone pressed right up against his face in worry. His parents are probably home, and Louis is then most likely hiding in the corner of his room with his legs up to his chest.

"D-Don't leave me alone, Harry."

"Louis--"

"Please don't leave me alone."

He's whispering, and all Harry wants to do is go to him and cuddle him close, tell him everything's going to be okay. This doesn't seem to be okay though and now Harry's starting to lose faith.

"I-I have to--"

"I love you Harry, please don't leave me,"  he whimpers. Over the line, Louis is shaking and pressing his forehead into his knees. He needs him to stay okay, and knowing that Harry is slipping away faster than a bar of soap between wet hands is making him extremely nervous. It's making him feel more vulnerable, less strong. "Please..."

Harry sighs and rests his free hand in his lap, turning over his forearm to look at the butterfly drew on his arm just yesterday. He bites his lip, glaring down at how the black marker is protecting him from the harm. Louis' little drawing which is protecting him from harm, and Harry made a promise to himself, years ago, to protect Louis as well.

He can't leave Louis and even if he needs to disobey his mother with horrible lies, he needs to protect Louis. He knows he'll get worse with his weight loss if Harry tries to leave. He knows Louis won't be able to smile without seeing him. Harry needs to stay.

"I love you too, Lou," he says gently. "W-We'll figure something out at school tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay..." Louis speaks softly. "I-I'm sorry, Harry--"

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't you, it was that fucked up monster which you don't deserve to have as a father."

Louis nods in agreement and gives a little mumble of approval to Harry. They hang up after that and Harry leaves his phone on the bedside table, ready to slip into bed and cry himself to sleep. Louis texts him just moments after, however, and it lights up Harry's room from his darkness.

_i miss you beside me xxx_

Harry's heart aches.

_**i wish i was beside you xxx** _

*****

The moment Harry sees his car pull up at the carpark, he runs and taps at Louis' window. Louis jumps out and hugs Harry, both stumbling and leaning against the car. Harry tucks his head into Louis' neck and draws in a shaky breath. Louis begins to cry.

"I-I didn't sleep last night," Louis confesses softly. "I'm so scared, Harry--"

"You have me," he whispers, kissing his neck secretly. "You'll always have me, don't worry."

He cries and hugs Harry tight around the torso. He's never felt so miserable to come to school and see Harry. He's never felt so anxious to try and survive a day knowing that when he goes home later, him and Harry won't be making plans to see each other. He's never felt so much chest pain to know that he's going to lose his best friend all because of Phil.

*****

The week isn't smooth at all. In fact, the amount of times the bus bumped over the hundreds of potholes on the way to and from school is how Louis would describe his week. 

Every night since Monday, he's been having half an hour showers which always end with Phil bashing at the door with a fist for him to get out. Every shower is Louis sat on the floor with his forehead against his knees with the thought of Harry slipping his mind. His heart's throbbing, and has been constantly, for the past five days, and Louis is sure it could be some type of medical problem. But really, it was the worries chewing on Louis' heart, and the growling of his stomach is from the lack of food over the past week.

He's definitely lost weight this week, he's sure of it. He hasn't taken in breakfast or lunch since Harry told him that he'd never be able to see Louis at home again. He's eaten a small amount of dinner and is finding it hard to keep it down. He never purges, he doesn't feel like that's necessary yet. He's lost a stone since starting back in December and he simply thinks it's not good enough. Phil still hurts him, calls him names. It's not good enough. He's never good enough.

It's a lonely Friday night and Louis is working on the project himself and Harry had created last week. He's tracing the patterns with white paint, trying to form some dot to dot piece. His phone buzzes and it's his one and only. It feels weird for them to be using this form of communication. They'd only usually text each other when something was important or they were forcibly away from each other like on camps and the such. But never like this. Not when Harry's not even a kilometre away from him at home, sitting and aimlessly staring at space. Not when he can easily go see him and crawl through his window and tuck himself away safely from any harm, from any horrible person who will attack and maim Louis.

_tmrw what ru doing?? xxx_

Louis knows his mum and Phil are planning to head out for wedding things again. Louis is actually thinking about heading to Harry's tomorrow night for them to probably head out to the tree house to stay together there for a bit. 

**_wsnt planning much. what ru thinking? xx_ **

_i told mum i ws going to stay out at z's tmrw so i was gng to ask if u wanted to take the ute and stay out for th night? xxx_

Louis doesn't even think properly and says  _yes_  immediately with triple the x's. He just needs the moment to spend time with him again. He just needs the moment to plan what's going to happen from now on, whether or not this is the end of trying to help each other forever, whether this is the end of their close together friendship. Louis sighs. He knew _forever_  was impossible.

*****

Harry tells his mum that his friend is coming to pick him up, so when the horn sounds at the front of the house, Anne doesn't even bother to check out the front for who this friend is. She simply kisses Harry's forehead and made sure he'd packed everything before he walks out of the house and sees Louis in the ute, waving to him. Harry runs to the gate and picks up his sleeping bag, two pillows and his guitar before putting them all on the back of the ute, jumping in the front and giving Louis a quick peck on the cheek. He demands for Louis to drive quickly and the ride started.

Harry thinks they're heading to some place like the meadow, or maybe even the grass which has died down and left an open field from the summer heat waves months ago. But when he sees the road, his mind becomes blocked and suddenly he's confused on where the hell Louis is planning to take him.

"Lou," Harry whispers. There's the faint noise of the late night radio being played and the small breathing sounds of Louis, concentrating on the road as he drives. He doesn't answer to Harry's calling, so Harry puts his hand on Louis' which sat stable on the clutch. "Lou, where are you taking me?"

"You're making it sound like I'm kidnapping you."

"I don't know, are you?"

"If that meant I could stay with you forever, then yes," he speaks softly. "We could run away together, Harry. We could try and make a living out of sleeping bags, a guitar and travelling around the country."

Harry laughs lightly. "It'd be the life, for sure. You singing, me playing guitar."

"Um, no," Louis shakes his head, giggling. "I'll be playing some kind of homemade tambourine. You'll be singing and _guitarering_."

Harry snorts. " _Guitarering_."

"Well, there's no proper word for it."

"Playing the guitar, maybe?"

"Hey," Louis snaps playfully, a grin spread wide across his face. "This is meant to be a nice night, and you teasing my vocabulary isn't going to get you anywhere."

They drive for another twenty minutes, deep into the country where Harry can't see the city lights anymore. Louis turns onto a dirt road and drives for a bit, turning again to a soft track where motorbikes would usually go. The grass isn't thick and tall here, just short and stubbly and it's easy for Louis to see where he's going. They stop once Louis is satisfied with their spot, their camp out not being covered by trees. Louis gets out without notice and Harry follows suite. Both jump into the back and Harry moves the guitar to the side and both set up their sleeping bags across the mattress. 

They both glance at each other while smoothing out the sleeping bags and both of them knew there is no point having separated areas to sleep in. Both unzip the bags and rest them one of top of the other like an extra thick duvet. They sort their pillows into a nice arrangement, too many pillows for the two of them. There's food to the side right next to the guitar, two water bottles standing up at the corners of the ute.

Everything's set and the torches are turned off. Louis puts them against the trailer wall and turns around to see Harry laying with his body propped up on his elbows. Louis smiles and crawls up to him, legs straddled on either side of his body as he bends down and kisses Harry sweetly. He hasn't done that all week, and to know it's been almost a week since he's kissed Harry pains him a whole lot more than it should.

Harry drags him down with a hand through Louis' hair and the tongues slip in and out soundly. He has an easy grip on Harry's cheeks, holding Harry close and letting their lips collide beautifully. He rolls to the right, Harry pushing himself to be on top between Louis' legs. Those lovely legs wrap tight around Harry's waist and pull him in, making them both gasp hotly into each other's mouths. Louis brings their mouths together again and glides his hands down Harry's back, scratching at his body and smiling into their kiss. 

Louis accidentally - well, he thinks it's accidental - rocks his hips up into Harry, and Harry nuzzles his nose into Louis' cheek, bending down and kissing at Louis' neck and jawline. He marks him with a harsh love bite just under his ear. Louis moans weakly at the sharp tinge of pain he feels from it and gasps out breathlessly before Harry comes back up to meet their lips together.

Louis pulls at Harry's hair, whimpering against him. "Don't ever leave me, H."

Harry pecks at him quickly. "I won't," he gives him another kiss and smiles, "ever."

Louis smiles with him and Harry finally stops them, tucking his head into Louis' neck and letting him breath. Both lay together and keep their breaths going as an act of comfortable conversation. It feels nice, his lips are warm, his body is warm and he's pretty sure his crotch is warmer. Louis' face heats up at the thought of getting a boner with Harry laying right on top of him. It's enough of an embarrassing thought to tell his dick to stop where it is and receded from its swelled state.

"Parents can't tear us apart, Lou," Harry says to him. Louis hums in agreement. "No one can tear us apart."

Harry rolls to the side and both duck under the covers, Louis moving in close with Harry and using Harry's bicep as the meaty pillow he always uses. Harry's arm is bracketing around Louis' shoulders and it's enough of a safe feeling for Louis to sleep happily. He hasn't felt this safe all week.

They lay like this for a while, and it's probably eleven o'clock by the time Louis starts to yawn and tell Harry he wants to sleep. Then, Harry starts to talk, so Louis perks up and listens to the mono-toned voice of what he knows he could listen to for forever.

Then he asks a very interesting question. "Lou, how did you know you're gay?"

Louis doesn't think too much of it and shrugs. "Just kinda happened, you know. I didn't really think I was normal, and... I guess one day I found my preference when I started looking between girls and boys."

Harry nods and takes in the information. "Were you scared?"

"Scared?"

"Because... I mean when I first asked you all the questions about sexuality, you were kinda off put... like you didn't seem to like it when I talked about it. Were you scared of who you were, Lou?"

Louis frowns and presses himself closer to Harry. "I-I was. I didn't know whether liking boys was going to affect me so much... and I mean I don't really care what anyone thinks now. I like boys, and I don't care, H. I just like them and even if Phil beats me for it, if people at school beat me for it, I know that they can't change me because I'm me."

He feels Louis nudge his nose into Harry's side and Harry brings him in closer. Harry fondly smiles down to Louis, eyes shining up to the stars as he speaks. 

"You're really brave, you know that, Lou?"

"I'm not that brave," he whispers back in denial. "I've seen much stronger people," and the touch he gives to his hand is implying that it's indeed Harry who he's talking about. Harry chuckles and presses a kiss into Louis' hair.

Louis wants Harry to sing to him, but right now he's comfortably tight in Harry's arms. He's so warm and it feels so good to have the affection from someone he really loves-- _likes_. Louis doesn't know what to say when it comes to Harry. Simply Harry is one of the most beautiful people to live on this Earth, and he hopes Harry can see that. He hopes that one day, there will be someone who loves him as much as Louis almost does.

Harry doesn't know what he says after a couple of seconds of silence, but it's probably the worst four words of his life. "I have a secret."

Louis tenses in his arms. He hates it when Harry keeps things from him, but personally, Louis is also keeping a secret from Harry. It's no secret to himself anymore that he fancies Harry, a whole lot. He doesn't know whether or not he should tell him because he knows their friendship can be destroyed so easily with three words.

"I have a secret too."

Harry blinks becomes a little paranoid. "What's your secret?"

"Pfft," Louis snorts. "I-I'm not going to tell you."

"Why," Harry whines. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"But what if mine's an incredibly huge secret and yours is just _I wear bunny slippers still._ "

Harry laughs heartily, kissing Louis' hair again. "I can assure you the secret is much bigger than that, Lou Lou."

Louis flinches happily at the nickname. "Tell me yours first."

Harry nuzzles his nose into Louis' scalp and chuckles lowly. He's feeling all sorts of emotions, and he's not sure if he should confess to Louis that he loves him, and not in _that_  type of way like he tells Louis easily but in the  _real_  way. He's definitely in love with Louis, and he shouldn't fall in love at 16 but he has, and he doesn't know how to change things. So the best way is not to change things and accept the fact that he's in love with his best friend. 

He tries to act subtle and sweet. "Lou, how do you know when you're in love with someone?" but Harry already knows. He'd love to spend the rest of his life with Louis, maybe even marry Louis. He hates himself for knowing that he can see himself marrying Louis, but really he can't imagine it with anyone else.

Louis becomes alert and thoughtless on the question. It's an odd question really, because Louis doesn't know himself. How would he know when he's in love with Harry? Is the feeling just there, or is there something that tells you, like some damn pixie or something.

"I think you just know," Louis whispers. "I think you just have the feeling you'd like to spend the rest of your life with the one person you're in love with and you kinda... you don't see anyone else in the world but them." He can feel Harry nod against him and Louis becomes curious. "Why's that, Hazza? You still need to tell me your secret, you dumbo."

Harry becomes a little smug. "I-I... um, I kinda have."

"What?" Louis questions gently, but he sounds very surprised. "W-What? Are you in love with someone?"

"Maybe," Harry grins. "Or maybe just really, really like. I don't know for sure, yet." But he's definitely sure he's in love with Louis. He just wants to keep cool, just in case he outbreaks and lets his feelings out.

Louis feels very worried because he knows Harry's a very determined person, and if he likes someone he won't stop and he'll constantly ask for advice on this girl. Then the moment him and the girl get together, Harry will be taken away from him. Louis doesn't want Harry to be taken away by some bitch. Louis wants everyone to back off and let him keep Harry for himself.

Louis suddenly becomes very protective and he clutches at Harry's shirt. It brings Harry to question.

"Is everything all right, Lou?"

"Yeah," Louis lies. "Perfect."

"So, since I kinda told you my secret, I guess you can kinda tell me yours too, right?"

 _Oh, shit._  Louis completely forgot about that. Maybe he could be subtle, maybe he could tell Harry he likes him but he just won't tell him properly. Yeah, Louis tells himself. It might be the best way to go.

"I really like someone too."

Harry tenses. "You do?"

"Yeah," Louis smiles, thinking about Harry. It's all about Harry, always. "He's a really great guy, always been there for me even after all this shit. I've been stuck in a muddle up with him for a while though."

Harry frowns and rubs Louis' back. "That's great, Louis."

Both fall asleep after a few more comforting words to take them out of the misery that one another didn't like each other, or so they thought. They keep each other safe and warm anyhow and morning approaches all too quick. Louis drives Harry home after a small sing and Harry showing off his silly guitar skills, dropping him off with a quick kiss by his house. Louis drives back home and shoves everything in his closet, slipping down into bed and waiting for his mum and Phil to wake up.

It's an hour later when his mother comes in with a scowl for Louis to get up. Wedding planning is occurring and both Louis and Johannah plan to create wedding cards for the tables. The fun is all too much for Louis who is bursting with joy.  _Ha_ , Louis would laugh at his sarcasm harder than he would with Harry.

He keeps the thought of Harry in his mind while doing the cards. He keeps the thought of how Harry likes someone else, and the thought that Harry might replace Louis some day with this bitch ass hoe who doesn't know how to cook those jam donuts perfectly like Louis does.

It makes his chest ache, a hole in his heart he's sure is forming. But it's being filled every second with  _HarryHarryHarry_. It's trouble for Louis, because now he knows he's definitely falling in love with Harry.

__


	30. Chapter 30

Harry sighs before he walks down the hall to see his mum in the kitchen. His hair is combed back nicely and he's putting on the saddest of puppy eyes. Hopefully it'll work, and hopefully she'll see that her son really does need Louis in his life.

So he stands beside the counter, ready to take breakfast from her and ask her. When she hears a clearing of a throat, Anne turns and smiles telling Harry breakfast will be out in a few. He hangs around and waits until the two pieces of toast pop out and Anne settles them on a plate next to some baked beans and bacon. She hands them to Harry, and Harry hurriedly rushes out:

"Mum, can I see Louis this afternoon?"

Anne doesn't look at him. Instead, she heads to one of the counters with her back facing Harry. She starts to wipe at the oily spot and continues to ignore Harry as if the question hasn't been asked. Harry frowns.

"Mum, can I see Louis--"

"You have football training, Harry," she reminds sternly. Harry shakes his head and puts his plate on the bench, stepping forward to talk to his mother directly.

"I know that, mum," he says softly. "I-I mean like... afterwards. I wanted to take him into town again and--"

"What do you think the answer is going to be?" she spins around and eyes him sharply. Harry narrows his eyes and furrows his brows. His mum doesn't seem to be budging her answer to anything Harry wants to hear. "I told you no."

Harry forgets about breakfast, storming away and walking down the trail where Louis drives. Louis picks him up and drives themselves to school.

******

Once they're out of the corridors, Louis pulls him over to the side and tugs at Harry's long sleeves. Harry fears Louis is going to reveal his cuts - which there are indeed more - but Louis looks up to him with the most feared eyes. Harry becomes worried.

"C-Can we sit by ourselves for lunch today?"

Harry stares at him baffled, but he understands, kind of. "Is there something up with Zayn and Liam--"

"No, I just... I want to sit with you today, that's all."

Harry sighs and nods, guiding Louis with a hand flat on the small of his back. They sit by the fence of the school, where the dead leaves have collected with the darkest trees above them. Louis likes this spot and would probably sit here all the time if he wasn't with Harry. Both sit in front of one another and Harry takes out his lunch. Louis doesn't bring anything out.

Harry glowers. He's hoping Louis packed something. "Lou, did you bring anything--"

"I'm fine," he tells bluntly. Harry shakes his head and looks down to his box of food, taking out a sandwich and unwrapping it, giving a half to Louis who refuses to take it. "Harry, I said I'm fine--"

"You're not fine, Louis. You haven't eaten anything."

"I-I ate in art."

" _Lou._ "

Louis gulps and stares at the sandwich. He knows he'll probably gain at least a pound by the end of the week if he keeps eating at lunch. He's seriously not hungry, well, he keeps telling himself that. His stomach is growling and he's sure Harry can hear it. Louis doesn't want to eat. He knows he'll fail trying to lose the tummy of his if he keeps eating unnecessarily.

But Louis takes it to make him happy, and he eats in small bites and chews too many times on one little piece. He's hoping it'll disintegrate in his stomach and not do anything to his fat cells. It's all he's hoping.

Harry crawls next to him after he finishes an apple, his half of his sandwich and some other drink Louis claims untitled. Harry takes his hand secretly and holds it in the gap between their legs. Harry kisses his shoulder and watches while Louis eats. He's only finished half, and it's been over twenty minutes. Harry grimaces. He hates to see Louis like this. He should be eating normally like their old selves.

"Don't watch your weight, Lou," Harry whispers to him. Louis drops his hand to his lap and shakes his head. He closes his eyes and breathes out slowly. 

"You can't tell me what to do--"

"You told me to be strong, Boo, and you know I can't do that if you're trying to losing weight."

"What's so bad about me losing weight, Harry?"

Harry glares at him with the most absurd look. "Louis, what do you mean what's so bad? What if you become underweight? You won't only be unhealthy but you'll be too tiny, Lou. I don't want you to become anorexic."

"I'm not going to become anorexic, Harry!" he shouts loudly. "I-I just need to lose a few pounds, that's all--"

"Lou, you're perfect. Don't keep doing this to yourself."

Louis can't promise anything, so he doesn't answer. Harry frowns harder and he keeps their hand hold together until the end of lunch. Harry takes Louis to maths, and tells Louis he'll meet up with him after school. Maybe Louis will be easier to talk to after football practice.

*****

Zayn gives a small wave to Liam, giggling to Louis as he mumbles something into his ear. Louis is absent minded, completely ignoring everything in the world but Harry who's now running topless on the field and guiding the team around in a new practice method. Zayn has to slap him out of his wonder.

"Lou, I asked you what you were doing this afternoon."

Louis inhales and exhales, smiling to Zayn and blinking. He's still a little confused. "I'm... um, I'm heading out with Harry for a bit in town. Do you want to come with?"

"Nah, I was going to ask if you wanted to come with Li and I to the movies tonight, but looks like you and Harry have some nice plans." Zayn winks to him, petting a hand down to his thigh and Louis rolls his eyes.

"It's not a date, Zayn."

"Ah, ah, you think that, but you don't know."

Louis just laughs it off and faces back to Harry who is now dribbling the ball around nicely. He's curving so smoothly around the cones and his hips just look so nice and grabby. When he gets the chance he's definitely going to sink his teeth into those during one of their snog sessions. 

Training ends and Louis is more than excited to spend time with Harry. Louis doesn't know how he managed to trick his mum into letting him stay in town, or whether he even asked. Phil and his mum are oblivious to Louis spending time with Harry today, both too worked up in their plans for the wedding instead. Louis likes the way things are now, actually. Other than the constant beatings and other things like that, Louis likes how mum and Phil don't question him when he says he's doing something. He just wishes Harry's mum would be the same.

So Louis messages his mum saying that a tutoring session at school is going over time and he'll be back later. Harry's the only one left on the field and he runs off to the showers when people start coming out. Zayn meets with Liam and both walk away to Liam's motorbike, driving off like a love couple in the sunset.

Louis walks into the bathroom after waiting a few minutes, a little paranoid of all the families and people watching the scrawny boy like him. He knocks upon the door and enters to see no one in the locker area, no one changing. There's a faint sound of water running, and Louis thinks that might be Harry. Louis smiles and walks into the shower area, ready to sit down by a bench and wait for Harry. He calls out for him the moment he's sat down and takes out his phone, ready to occupy himself for the minutes of waiting.

Harry comes out of the shower and smiles to Louis, head to toe dripping wet with the towel being pressed against his face. It's hardly covering up anything, and Louis can see his damn dick. He blushes so hard and covers his face, hiding in his hands with a gasp and quiet scream. 

Harry laughs so hard that he throws his head back and the cackle echoes the room. Louis is still hidden in his hands and Harry doesn't have a clue why.

"Boo, you can look, it's fine."

But it's not fine because the amount of times Louis has fantasied doing so many things with Harry, and how big Harry would be compared to his little hands is making him gush up. Louis doesn't even know how to store the new information given; Harry has the biggest fucking dick he's probably ever seen. His best friend has a bigger dick than things he's seen online. Louis is fucking falling in love with a guy who has an elephant trunk downstairs.

"Sorry, it... um," Louis looks up and Harry has the towel around himself now, _thank god,_  "it was unexpected, that's all."

"It's funny how we've never actually seen each other naked, Lou," he laughs at him. "Over the past nine years. I've seen all my friends, but you."

Louis doesn't know if that's an invite or just a statement. "It'll probably happen one day when I'm comfortable."

Harry frowns and tisks, stepping forward and standing in front of Louis on the bench. He puts two fingers under his chin and tilts it, Harry bending over and kissing Louis chastely. Water droplets drip from Harry's hair and it makes Louis flinch under Harry's touch. Harry chuckles at him and kisses his nose, Louis purring into their atmosphere.

"I'll get changed and we'll head into town, 's'that good?"

Louis nods and looks to Harry's arms mindlessly. He can see new red lines further up his arm, just below the joint of his elbow. Louis sighs and stands, ignoring the new lines and waiting for Harry in the locker room. Louis watches him change, helping him get his t-shirt on properly and letting Harry kiss him into the locker. Both sit in Louis' car and drive into town together, Harry parking at the mall and stepping out to the air of a breezy spring.

Harry wants to stop at a place to eat, and that makes Louis' stomach turn awfully. He doesn't want to eat in public anymore, and tries as hard as he can to prevent it. Harry buys him a nice, low calorie smoothie just to keep him happy for the afternoon while he pigs out on a hotdog which Louis voluntarily took a bite out of. Both shop and stop after a while, sitting in the courtyard by the fountains to steady themselves.

Louis has a seat next to Harry and both are excluded from the main area, so Louis takes his chance to roll up a little of Harry's sleeves to reveal the cuts Harry was, probably, trying to hide. By the way he reacts and pulls his arm away, it's obvious he didn't want Louis to see them.

The butterfly is still there, but it's faint from the showers he's had. The new red lines are there, the old ones now turned into small scars which are hardly noticeable. Louis runs his fingers down the new cuts and looks up to Harry who seems pissed off on the fact Louis won't leave him alone with the self inflicting.

"Harry, I told you not to cut the butterfly."

"I didn't," Harry tells, cheekily remarking and trying to make Louis smile. But he's doing everything but that. It causes Harry to pout. "Lou, I didn't cut the butterfly--"

"But you still cut, Harry. It's still on the arms. The butterfly's there to protect you, to keep you safe. You're not supposed to avoid the butterfly, otherwise I'd be drawing them all over your body."

"Lou, you can't stop me that easily."

Louis sighs and grips Harry's wrist harder. He can't bare to see Harry like this, and he can't bare to keep making sure he stays strong for Louis. He pulls the sleeves down for his sake and picks up his smoothie, sipping at it lightly while Harry caresses his thigh with his thumb.

Both finish up and head back to Louis' ute, ready for the journey back home. Louis sits and sighs, lounging back in his chair. Harry sits and waits for Louis to turn on the engine, but he doesn't. Harry decides to speak to rid the silence.

"Lou, you can't expect me to be strong when you're not either."

"But you're not trying."

Harry moans unhappily. "Louis, I am trying. It's you who isn't trying--"

"I am trying!" Louis screams at him. "Why would you think I'm not trying, Harry!"

"Because look at you!" Harry remarks, pointing at his shoulder. "At school, you say to me you don't want to eat, and then you fucking lie and tell me you have eaten, and you're expecting me to believe it, Louis. You're trying in the wrong way, you're trying to lose weight, not gain it."

"Why the fuck would I want to try and gain weight, Harry?"

"Because you're becoming unhealthy!"

Louis slaps his thighs with his palms, growling up to Harry. "Do I look like a damn ghost to you? Am I dead yet? Am I in need for hospital care? I don't think so! I'm not unhealthy!"

"Any type of eating disorder is unhealthy--"

"I don't have an eating disorder, Harry! I told you I'm managing just fine. I'm not going to becoming anorexic!"

Harry turns away from him and folds his arms over his chest while Louis drives them home. He lets his tears fall silently down his cheeks, rubbing them away subtly so Louis wouldn't question him. Louis is upset for the journey home, but the moment they arrive at the trail to drop Harry off, Louis turns to him and stops Harry with a hand clutching at Harry's wrist to stop him from moving away. Harry faces him and blinks away his watery eyes but Louis leans forward and kisses under both of his eyes, a thumb coming up to wipe at his cheek.

"Please don't cry, H. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to yell at you. I-I... I sometimes get paranoid to think that you might think I'm becoming a freak, calling me unhealthy and subjecting me under disorders and stuff."

Harry sighs and presses their foreheads together. "The last thing I want is to lose you, Lou. I-I just want us back before all this happened..."

Louis agrees by kissing him quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you for today. I really needed it."

Harry only smiles and leaves the ute, Louis driving back home to seclude himself from his demented family.

*****

_asjsauicasfkjsNDOAOAKEKUFJ!!!_

Harry blinks at the message Zayn has just sent him, and he thinks maybe it's a accidental pocket message but there's another message which comes through, and it's exactly the same as the first.

He doesn't know why he's texting Harry at ten at night, but Harry isn't asleep and it's probably good to get his mind off the other things for a while. He messages back with something more human than alien.

**_hey whats up? x_ **

_hARRY IA SNAFIAJNSK !!!_

He'd laugh, but he's so confused and felt too morbid to try and chuckle at his best friend having an attack over something exciting. This rarely happened, not to say Zayn's life isn't exciting but there isn't enough excitement to appear anywhere.

Harry immediately thought Liam.

**_Tell me evrythin x_ **

_LIAM AND I WENT OUT ON A DATE I THNK IT WS A DATE ANYWY BT HE WS SO NICE HARRY AND HE GOT ME FLOWERS N HE PAID FOR MY FOOD AT T MOVIES AND STUFF AND THEN HE TOOK ME HOMEAJASDSAK_

Harry smiles weakly and shakes his head. Of course Zayn would get so overworked about something like this. Maybe Zayn wanted to ask Liam out which is why he's shouting and sending all these random letters. 

_hE ASKED LITERALLY 5 MINUTES AGO IF WE WANTED TO BE BOYFRENDSAHSAHD_

Harry knew it, so he gave himself a little chuckle and replied back.

**_did u say yes? x_ **

_I HAVENT REPLIED H_

**_wHT DO U MEAN U HVNT REPLIED_ **

_I DNT KNOW WHT TO SAY LIKE ? ? ?_

Harry thinks it's the most confusing thing he's read in his life. Zayn and Liam have been going at it for over a year now, and it's so, so baffling to think Zayn is even bothering to think about this. It's simply a no brainer!

**_u like him dont u?_ **

_i do but im so worried things r going to happen x_

**_like what ?? x_ **

_like... u knw_

_like louis_

Harry doesn't know if he's insulting or just stating something, but it's probably too offensive for his liking.  _Like Louis_  sounds like a stereotype, almost. _No one wants to be 'like Louis'._   _Everyone will be hated if they're 'like Louis'._

**_do wht u want_ **

_harry i dont knw wht i want_

**_well do smthing bc thnk of ur future z_ **

Harry turns off his phone and sets it aside, falling asleep clutching at his pillow and pretending it's the love of his life.


	31. Chapter 31

He's spent the time worrying about why Zayn didn't turn up to the football game, rather than Harry scoring three goals for their school in the soccer match. He feels kind of guilty in a way for not concentrating but Harry told Louis the moment he arrived on pitch to wait for Zayn, and it's two minutes until the end and Zayn still isn't here.

The game ends 5-2, Harry's team the winning team. They all do the hand claps things, the congratulations which the losing team never mean when they say good game, you deserved to win, and then huddle for final cheers. They all split and Harry is left with the other captain of the other team to chat to the coaches. Most of the boys are out by the time Harry and the other guy head into the showers, and Louis follows suite.

He waits at the lockers this time, not wanting to catch Harry in the nude this time for certain reasons. He may or may have not had a wet dream the other night about it, but he doesn't need to tell anyone about that. He sees Liam leave alone, looking rather disappointed, but he doesn't try and talk to him to provoke him. He simply waits with the thought of Zayn's absence and Harry's dick in his mind; two very different things.

Harry pops out with a smile, his hair wet and sticking to his forehead. His cheeks are rosy and his lips look pinker than usual. Louis stands by the lockers and waits for Harry to take his hand to walk out together, hoping they are not going to be watched by people. Instead, Harry barracades him into the locker with two arms either side of Louis' head and kisses him hard. Louis whines with surprise and grips onto Harry's polo, laughing mid-kiss.

Harry pulls back with a winning grin and Louis flutters his eyelashes to him. "Hey, beautiful."

"Hey yourself," Harry grins, kissing his nose and brushing away a strand of hair from Louis' forehead. "Did I play well?"

"Of course you did," Louis tells, because even though he didn't watch half of it he still believes that Harry was an absolute angel on field. He knows. "Did you tell your mum?"

"Yep," Harry says proudly with the pop of the p. Louis giggles and runs his hands down Harry's shirt, pulling at the hem and kissing Harry afterwards with a needy passion. "Gonna be s'fun, Lou. I miss the weekends together."

Louis hums with agreement and takes Harry's hand, leading themselves out of the locker room with a smile. They jump into Louis' car, taking out into the small shop just down the road. They, meaning Harry, buys loads of junk including those lovely jam donuts. Louis cringes at the sight of all the calories. They're definitely not going to store down well in his belly.

They drive home after a bit and arrive at Louis'. His parents are out for the weekend, so Harry took his chance to stay with Louis for the time being. He lied with I'm staying at Zayn's, and even Zayn lied when Anne called up his house pretending to be Trish. Harry thinks he should have spent the weekend with Zayn though. He's in a ball full of guilt. 

He said no to Liam and there are many reasons to why which Harry think are complete absurd. It was the one about he didn't want to be like Louis which made him crack and tell Zayn to piss off at lunch time. They're stuck to the hip again since the Tuesday incident. Zayn doesn't think he's done anything wrong and Harry doesn't want to push him to think that maybe Liam will go on a rampage and destroy everything like Godzilla. But he will - it just hasn't happened yet.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are the way to go for lunch. It's Louis who makes the sandwiches for the both of them, spreading an even amount of each ingredient over the four slices. He hands Harry's bread to him and both take a bite out of their own sandwich at the same time. Louis grins and tries to seem pleased. It's delicious, but he can't help to think this is horrible for his weight.

"Tastes like heaven."

Harry looks up from his sandwich and smiles. "Well, an angel did make it."

Louis gleams gently and sticks his nose into Harry's bicep, cheeks blushing lightly. "Harold, you sweet thing, you."

They link hands and walk out of the kitchen, taking their sandwiches and eating lunch out on the lawn. Louis throws his crusts to the dog, who eats them up cleanly. Harry frowns but not with concern. It's playful.

"I still can't believe you don't eat the damn crusts," he laughs and pats Louis' thigh. Louis nuzzles into his touch and lets his head fall to Harry's shoulder.

"They're everyone's least favourite thing."

"Ha, so I'm not part of this survey? I love the crusts."

"Yeah, but you're also the boy who's scared of sugar cane and keeps a memory box in his room." Harry slaps his leg, Louis biting Harry's shoulder in return. "You lead yourself right into that, don't tell me to shut up."

"I'm only letting you off this once because you made me lunch."

"Hm," he hums, closing his hands around Harry's bicep, "maybe I should make you lunch more often."

"And how often will we get to do this, Lou? Looks like you won't be seeing nice Harry for a while."

"Sad," he smiles. "Looks like young Harold won't be getting warmed jam donuts tonight while we watch some Barbie movies."

He glowers with the last piece of his sandwich in his mouth. He chews bluntly and gives the same stare which bore into Louis' eyes. "Don't be satan."

He reaches up to thumb at the corner of Harry's mouth, wiping away the little bit of strawberry jam preening at the side. He tucks the thumb into his mouth, sucking and letting it slide out with a pop. He feels Harry shift uncomfortably next to him.

"Pig," Louis teases. "You can't even eat without getting jam all over the place."

"Being a dick to me isn't going to make yours bigger."

"It doesn't need to be," he winks slyly. Harry gives a halfhearted laugh but kisses Louis' temple to show his sarcasm. 

Louis lays on Harry's arm when they lay back, looking at the clouds like they used to. Their imaginations fly and it's probably amazing to think that their childhood can bring back so much, like policeman vs. criminal - just one of the many games seven year old Harry and eight year old Louis made up.

So it's what brings them into a small game of tackle the other person as much as you can, rather than teasing and the pretend use of a pistol with the shape of their hand. They're on the grass again, Harry crouching over Louis and he kisses him hard into the ground. It's messy, and Louis is tugging on Harry's hair so much it might fall out the next time he touches it.

If this was the life of childhood, Louis never wants to grow up.

*****

He's sitting on Harry's lap with a blanket around them, popcorn in Louis' lap and a stupid Barbie movie on TV. Louis sometimes forgets he's 17.

It never seemed to worry him though, because most of the time it's not even watching the movie. It's used to be talking, maybe some platonic cuddling, then that lead to a few kisses when they first desired each other but now they're just full blown snog sessions into the couch with hands flying all over the place.

And _Jesus Christ_ , Louis did not have a clue Harry knew so much about how to please him. It's so hard to try and stay soft downstairs and he still wonders how he managed to not awkwardly pop a boner in the middle of Harry lying on top of him, biting at his nipples and giving lovebites just under the collarbones. He's thankful for so much during the past thirty minutes.

Louis feeds Harry popcorn which he sometimes dropped to piss Louis off. It's a funny thing though, and Louis thinks it's good to probably get payback for it later - maybe a few showing love bites for everyone at school to see. He smirks at the idea.

Dinner's yet to come by. Louis isn't honestly hungry and he's been trying to discretely hide his bites from Harry, or tries to avoid it. Harry's always observant, however, so it's been difficult to try and surpass food when Harry's trying to shove it down his throat. Louis' stomach bubbles sometimes, feeling too full even after a few snacks. He surpresses the feeling of anxiety within himself though, and it's usually Harry who's rubbing against his stomach to calm him down anyhow.

The pizza comes around and Harry pays for it and brings it back to the lounge. It's only one box and Louis only has two slices from the eight. Harry keeps two left over in the box, hoping Louis would eat them. He refuses, but Harry doesn't push him, taking the box and leaving it in the fridge for him later.

They're upstairs ready for bed, slipping under the covers with the lights off and resting beside one another, facing each other. Louis sighs and puts his hand on the dip of Harry's side, caressing his skin with his thumb. Harry looks so fucking good topless, and it's even better that they're in bed together in only their boxers.  _God_ , Louis knows he probably needs to get off somewhere soon.

"Hey," Harry whispers, shifting closer to Louis with a grin Louis can hear, "kiss me, Lou."

He groans involuntarily, but it sounded more like a grunt to Harry when he moved on top of him. He has his forearms resting on Harry's chest and he's kissing him down into the mattress, Harry's big arse hands on the small of Louis' back. They're warm and inviting. As is Louis' tongue. Harry giggles between their kisses. He's so, so happy.

Louis doesn't remember how they ended up falling asleep that night, but he wakes with Harry behind him. His arms are tight around Louis' body; they are spooning. And Louis can feel Harry's breath against the back of his neck. He can also feel something hard prodding into his thigh.

Now, it's not as if Louis has never seen or felt a hard dick before, but it's Harry. It's fucking Harry and Louis begins to panic but in the best way possible. He can't move, he doesn't want to wake Harry because it'll be so awkward to explain. Louis gets hard over Harry all the time, but this boner is definitely not for Louis. Out of all people, he can't be dreaming about Louis.

Fuck, Louis can't move and Louis wants to move because he's getting hard himself. Dammit, Harry's hard behind him and Louis knows how massive Harry is and now he's going to probably hyperventilate because he can't fucking touch himself, or move at all.

So he lies there for another ten minutes and nothing has changed. Harry's still hard and he's hardly moved at all. He's breathing soundly and tightens his grip on Louis every few minutes. Louis is whining. He needs to get out of here before Harry wakes up and finds out he's hard too. God, this situation could be a happy ending or a very, very bad one. He's sure it's the second one. It's always the second one.

Harry loosens his grip slightly, but it's good enough to release himself from Harry without waking him up. He doesn't sit up or try and get out, he lies for a minute because how often does he get the chance to see Harry sleep. He's usually up before Louis, and it's a miraculous wonder why he's still asleep now. It's probably only seven though. 

He turns over so he's facing Harry and he's really adorable. Louis smiles and giggles softly, his two hands under the sheets to be held under his chin. Louis stays silent and thinks absentmindedly. Only one time he'll probably ever see this. He wants to make the most out of it.

So he lifts the covers up partially and looks down to Harry's crotch, where there is definitely a tent in his briefs. And  _fuck_ , it really is massive. Louis wants to shoot himself for checking out his best friend, but honestly he's asleep, who cares. He's dangerous, and horny. Seeing Harry's bulging pants really did no help to his own cock.

"Hazza?" he calls with no touch to Harry. He wants to see if he's actually awake, to see if he'd respond. There's nothing, so Louis continues with what he wants to do. He takes a hand from the covers and puts it close to his own clothed hard on, pressing it hard with the heel of his hand. He hisses out sharply and swears mentally. That's the worst thing to do. He sighs and removes his hand, placing it back down to the mattress to stop anymore damage. He's bringing it up to his other hand where it holds the sheets and somehow, the fucking uncontrollable bastard of his hand, decides to brush so slightly against Harry's tenting shorts. 

There's a gasp of _oh_  and a slight whimper of agony. Louis feels horrible and he watches Harry's face contort. He's still asleep. Louis knows what he's feeling. _Fuck_ , Harry's so hard and Louis feels awful to know that he's getting off from this. Louis just can't help himself to cop a feel.

His fingers dance close to Harry's briefs again and he glides them from bottom to top. The noise Harry makes just doesn't seem comprehendable in Louis' mind because it's pure sex. Louis didn't think it was possible.

He does that for a while, feeding off the small moans Harry's seething out through gritted teeth and sharp inhales of breath. He swears a bit too, tiny  _oh fuck_ 's coming out lowly and so, so fluently. It only turns Louis on more that he swears when he tosses. Crap, he's really hard.

He bites his lip to stop any noises from coming out as he continues to please Harry with little touches against his cock, on his hip or just near the groin area. It's around five minutes in when Harry begins to move a lot. He can feel Harry rutting up against him so softly, his eyes clenched shut and his breaths so out of time. Louis is starting to find it hard to keep quiet.

His palm glides over his briefs and it brings out a very strong groan which is breathless. Louis closes his eyes and whimpers. It's the most beautiful thing he's heard. He continues to rub, the noises he makes even more breathless and quite happy. He runs his hand over one certain spot and he feels a warm wetness in the area. Louis freezes.

The moment he realizes he made Harry come in his briefs, he flies out of bed and runs into the shower. He forgets about checking himself out in the mirror, or pissing in the toilet, he shrugs off his briefs and dives under the cold jet to wank. He definitely made the record for the quickest orgasm in his life but _fuck_ , he did _that_  to Harry and he can't forget something like that. 

He comes out of the shower and weighs himself. He's lost only a hundred grams, but that's okay. He heads back into the room with a towel around him and sees Harry's no longer in the room. Louis blushes to himself. He would have woken up realizing he had a wet dream in his best friend's bed. Louis has to giggle at that situation.

When he changes, he goes downstairs and sees Harry in the kitchen making breakfast. Both smile to each other, Louis finding it hard to make eye contact with him but he feels comfortable still. Harry greets him with a kiss on the nose and pops him up on the counter while they make toast together.

They eat soundly, but Louis can't get those noises out of his head. He doesn't know whether or not that's a good thing, but it's certainly not when he wants to stay soft in front of Harry. It's a sad relief, however, when he leaves. It gives Louis an hour to pace himself with a wank yet again. He can't help to feel somewhat guilty that he did that to Harry, but then again, it was probably the best experience he's ever had and Harry was fucking asleep the entire time.

 


	32. Chapter 32

Quick months flutter by and July arrives with constant heat waves. Unfortunately, one of those waves occur on Harry's semi final game.

His family is away again, enjoying what is said to be a pre-honeymoon time for the two. Louis doesn't mind the time alone. He's been with Harry constantly for the past three days and Anne seems to be rather casual with letting Harry go out and stay over at _Zayn's_  place. Harry's assuring to spend as much time with Louis as possible, because that's the only time Louis is forced to eat.

He's reached 114 pounds and Louis just doesn't eat. He's constantly been forced to and Harry is close to making sure he keeps a record of what he eats to ensure Louis does eat three full meals a day, including snacks. He's even bringing extra for himself for Louis to eat at school and Harry watches him like a hawk. It's blimmin' annoying, but it's doing the trick for sure.

Louis has never had the desire to throw food up. It hurts, and he refrains from it as much as he can. Whenever he feels disgusting though, he's never reluctant to run to the toilet and chuck up something. He doesn't even use his fingers, it comes out naturally. It's how small his stomach has shrunk, and how much he's expected to eat. 

He cries to himself sometimes because he hates to disappoint Harry. Harry tries to not look disappointed when Louis refuses to eat, or cries into his neck with a pleading howl of please don't make me eat. He's trying so hard to keep himself from eating, and Louis grows extremely anxious when he sees the scale is much higher than the day before. His stomach now con-caves and his ribs are showing. Harry can feel them when he runs his fingers down his chest sometimes when they're kissing. It's a massive turn off, but he loves Louis enough to keep pleasing him, but he honestly begs for something to change.

But that doesn't stop Harry from anything. Louis sees more cuts every fucking day and it hurts. It may be one or two on one day, but some other days it's ten or twenty. They're small enough for Harry to lie they're just bush cuts to Zayn and Liam, but Louis knows better. The butterfly has been cut so many times, and Louis fucking hates to know that yet another promise has been broken. Promises are always broken.

Louis always kisses them away when they're alone and he begs Harry to try and stop. He claims he would, but it really does bring out the worst later. Louis has stopped trying to prod him to stop, since it worsens the guilt in Harry, which triggers him. It's been a while since Louis has kissed so many cuts away and that's probably good progress, unless he's starting to hide them away from Louis again.

But he's mainly been trying to hide them away like right on his thighs rather on show. It's hard especially when he's playing football. He wears high cut pants and his shirt always rides up when on the field like it's doing now. He's been avoiding his stomach for a while, and Louis hasn't seen cuts on his thighs either. They're mainly along his hips and a few minor ones on his wrists. Louis kissed them before he and Harry drove to the football field for the game. 

Zayn's beside Louis and Liam's playing on field. It's Zayn's first time here since the dilemma a few months back which did cause some serious dysfunction within the group of friends. Liam sat with another group for two whole months and only decided to come back after him and Liam chatted in the bathrooms for two hours, missing Maths and their non-core classes. They sorted things out, and both are more distant with their interaction. It's good for them but Harry still thinks Zayn is full of regret for not taking the chance with Liam.

Harry kicks the ball to some random on the field who looked more than happy to be playing in the semis. Harry's overjoyed too, and he's been chatting non-stop about how nervous he was for this game. It's three minutes left now and Louis thinks he hasn't seen enough of Harry play about like a little duckling. It's the cutest thing, he thinks. He kinda wants the game to hurry up so their team could win and Louis could snog him deep into a locker or something romantic like that.

Louis calls it the incident, and Harry still doesn't know about it and the more Louis reminds himself, the more hot under his shirt he gets. He feels like maybe it's necessary to tell Harry he's touched him in his sleep but Louis can't help to keep it in. It happened like four months ago. Louis vaguely remembers his moans, and whimpers and--  _shit,_  Louis needs to stop.

But everything is getting really close now and Louis knows it gets real close to the point where they could take it a step further but there's always that gut feeling in Louis' stomach that stops himself. Harry has the same. Louis knows it's his best friend, and Louis knows that if Harry doesn't want to take it a step further it'll cause awkward tension that Louis really can't be bothered having right now. 

He should talk to Harry about it. Sex that is. Louis has already taken Harry's first kiss so  _eh_ , why not take his virginity as well. But Louis doesn't want to talk about it. He'll blush and giggle and call dicks doodles and the entire process  _do the frick frack_  or something weird. Harry would probably back away to the point where he'd fall out the window. The point is, Louis doesn't want to talk to Harry about it and that's problematic, because Louis is finding it much harder to keep himself hidden in and dreams about Harry occur almost every fucking night.

To the good side, Louis thinks, they've showered together. Louis finds it really hard during those moments not to get hard. They kiss a lot in the shower, as Louis has found out, and Harry has really nice shampoo that he's lent to Louis for a while. They've gotten to points in the bedroom where they'd kiss non-stop and take each other's shirts off, Louis needing more coaxing from the abnormal eating effects, and Harry or Louis would kiss lower and lower until their hands are playing loosely around their boxer briefs and it'd stop. Right there. Stop and both of them would sleep next to each other either painfully hard themselves, or feeling a boner stick into their thigh.

Either way, morning wake-ups for Louis are much more prodding than usual. 

Thirty seconds, and the opposition have the ball. Harry's got this. He's in defence and he's got his arms up to balance himself and he goes for it; a sliding tackle straight for the ball. He completely misses, and the opposition get the ball straight into the goals without any effort. Harry stares horrified at the goalie who seemed more than disappointed in himself. Harry sighs and sits on the grass. The bell rings. The others have won it.

They huddle and disband after some handshakes. Harry's team has the walk of shame to the locker rooms and Louis follows with Zayn closing in behind him. Louis waits for the first person to pop from the shower rooms and asks if Harry's coming out any time soon, which sounds funnily ironic. The guy tells Louis he's in one of the private showers in the next rooms on the other side - wherever that may be.

So he takes his word for it and goes outside, ambling to the extra bricks which have probably just magically appeared over the last week. He enters, and there's no one inside currently. There's a stall for the disabled and Louis can hear faint noises of the pitter patter of water droplets. It's Harry.

Louis knocks and rests his forehead on the door, sighing and calling, "Harry, love. Can you let me in?"

He's hearing the water for a little more and the small dissonance of footsteps padding to the door. Harry opens it and he's naked, of course. Louis hops in and Harry locks the door on themselves. He turns and sees Louis taking off his shirt, lifting it over his head and it getting caught in his hair. Harry helps him and throws the fabric aside to his pile on the dry shelf. Louis unbuttons his shorts, stepping out of those with his briefs and shoes. They're left standing naked, as usual, and Harry just downfalls, resting his head on Louis' shoulder and exhaling loudly.

The shower's still running, wasting water, and Louis pulls them both under the pressure jet. Harry still stands with his forehead on Louis' skin, the water splashing straight to the back of his head. Louis lets him stay, two arms around him and his finger tips digging into Harry's shoulder blades. 

"I played horribly," he suddenly states, giving Louis a little shock. Louis immediately protests.

"You know without you on the field it would have been more like ten to one, rather than five and four."

"Still, if I didn't let them get that in, I would have been in penalty and then we would have been in the finals," he mutters so, so sadly. He's so fucking disappointed, and Louis hates to see him disappointed.

Louis kisses his temple and scratches his hands up and down Harry's back. "You always have next year, H."

"And you're not going to be with me to support me, so what's the fucking point," he curses, growling lowly with the steam making him sound gruff. Louis gulps and listens to him. "Mum probably won't let me play next year, my interim grade was shit enough. I still can't believe she let me out today."

"I'm glad she did," Louis says softly, "it seems as if a few cuddles on the trampoline might be necessary for tonight."

Harry agrees with a hum, lifting his head and blinking into the water. He presses their feet together, Louis' toes instinctively overlapping to decrease their space. They press their chests together, their stomachs, their crotches. Everything is touching. Louis is still caressing Harry's back with his finger tips and now Harry's breathing close. Louis bounces up and kisses him timidly. Harry swoops him back and smooches him harshly.

Nothing much happens, Louis thinks. They both dry off after a couple of minutes of snogging under the shower, pretty much a you did so well today kiss if there is such thing. They change and both get into Louis' car. Harry takes out his phone and messages Zayn, who replies back with:

_im with liam_

Harry blinks at the message dumbfounded. It's definitely not a message he was expecting. Louis starts the engine and is focused on reversing out. Instead, a phone is shoved into his face with the message in bold letters in front of him.

Louis takes the phone and glares at it. He's perplexed too. "So, like is this becoming a thing for them again?"

Harry shrugs, taking the phone from Louis and seeing if there's anymore green bubbles on the side. There's none. "I wouldn't have a clue. Maybe they're sorting things out again. It's good for them. Zayn's been lonely, I guess."

Louis lets the conversation slide, reversing out of the carpark and driving the small kilometre home. They arrive with a sigh. They're alone once again and Louis kinda feels like it's just their home now, their dream house just without the added rollercoaster room and stuff. Louis would love to live here alone with Harry. Louis would just love to live with Harry in general, away from the family and just with Harry. Only Harry.

They enter inside and head up to the bedroom, despite having the entire house to themselves. They don't do much. Harry sits with a note pad in front of him, the paper blank, while Louis sketches something on his own sketch pad which may or may not be to do with Harry. Harry looks just as blank as the paper and a tad stressed. Louis looks up and notices.

"H," he calls, dropping his pen to the pad, "is it math homework?"

"No," Harry answers, sighing and letting his own pen drop to the paper, "it's something for english, and I can't think of a way to start this damn essay. I can never think, it's so fucking hard."

Louis frowns. "I can't believe they gave you an essay for the holiday period."

"Tell me about it," he hisses, pushing his things forward. "Can we go to the treehouse for a bit?"

Louis nods and stands. "It's been a while since we've been there," he smiles, "so why not?"

Holding hands, they walk along the trail and into the bushes. The treehouse is an easy climb and both walk inside and stretch out on the couple of beanbags in the corner. Harry has his guitar in his arms and he's playing with the strings softly, a tune Louis does not recognize. While Louis sketches some more, Harry begins to hum a lovely tune. Louis asks him what he's singing.

"Oh," Harry stops playing immediately and becomes bashful, "n-nothing, it's fine."

Louis becomes perplexed and he sits up with interest. He looks like a puppy with his ears turned. "Sing it for me."

Harry hides his face away. "No... you know I can't sing in front of you--"

"Bullshit, c'mon. Sing it all proper and stuff. I'll sing it with you if I know the words."

"You won't know the words, Lou," Harry whispers, holding the guitar flat across his lap now. "It's... um, it's my song that I made."

Louis brightens up with delight, cowering in close to Harry and now preening against his side. "Now you definitely have to sing it for me."

"Lou," he moans.

Louis laughs and squeezes his hand around Harry's bicep, grinning wide and giving his shoulder a kiss. "Do you have lyrics written in somewhere? I'll sing it with you if I can?"

Harry sighs again. He's probably annoyed, but Louis doesn't care. He stands and trods over to the other side of the room, taking out a book from behind their fake fridge. He sits back down with a huff and takes his guitar in his arms again before giving the book to Louis. Louis opens it, and sees words left to right filled on the lines. 

"Page 13," Harry tells, "it's called All of Me."

Louis runs his fingers along the side of the book and flicks to page 13. He settles on it and the lyrics are written in Harry's lovely cursive. The lyrics extend over two pages and Louis scans through them. The words sound beautiful so far.

"Do you want to play the guitar while I sing it a bit?"

Harry shrugs. "You don't really know how it goes."

"I was listening to you just before," Louis mumbles back, thumbing back to the first page and starting to read the top lyric, "I'll give it a go, and if I don't do it right you can just correct me with your pretty voice anyway."

Harry smirks and rolls his eyes. "You're probably going to purposely make a mistake so I'd have to sing it for you."

Louis laughs because  _yes_ , that was the plan before Harry caught him out.  _Damn bastard._  "Fine, I promise not to do that, okay? I'll try the best as I can."

Harry begins to play, picking at the strings in this weird little tune which Louis really does love. Harry stares up to him, nodding his head lightly when Louis should begin singing. Louis does.

"What would I do without your smart mouth, drawing me in and you kicking me out. You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down," Louis laughs mid way, rolling his eyes and keeps going with the music notes. It sounds perfect so far. "What's going on in that beautiful mind, I'm on your magical mystery ride. And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me but I'll be all right."

Louis gulps and sucks in a breath. The words sound so much better coming out alive and properly and Louis begins to try and think of the meaning of the song. He currently doesn't have a blue's clue.

"My head's underwater, but I'm breathing fine. You're crazy and I'm out of my mind," he pauses and blinks. The chorus "'cause all of me loves all of you, all your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning, even when I lose I'm winning," and Louis knows this part goes up high. "'cause I give you all... of me, and you give me all... of you."

Louis smiles to him, watching how Harry has a little bit of his tongue poking out the side of his mouth and he keeps strumming. Louis rests his hand on his thigh and settles his thumb to stroke along his leg. He sings with the music again, and Harry joins in at the last chorus where they both end on a final note together. Harry has the guitar flat across his lap again and they stay silent. Harry holds his hand.

Louis stares down to the lyrics again and reads them so softly to himself. Curves and edges, smart mouth; Louis is sure this is about someone who isn't him. Maybe Harry just wanted to make a love song, but what sixteen year old makes a song like this for no flipping reason? Then again, Harry is a weird child, always has been, always will be.

"It's beautiful, Harry," Louis compliments sweetly. "Is... is the song about someone?"

Harry suddenly tightens his grip and tenses his muscles. His lips form a tight straight line and he looks down to his lap. It's difficult, more and more difficult every day to keep his feelings in. He might as well say shit since he's poured it all on a page for Louis to read, and fucking sing. Louis sounds fucking amazing with the song, and Harry thinks his voice is precious. It's so, so hard to not say I love you in a way that means I really want to spend the rest of my life with you, not in the way they always used to say it - as friends.

"Yeah," he admits shyly. He moves his guitar and rests it against the wall of the treehouse. He shifts closer to Louis, the two of them might as well be using one beanbag together considering how close they are. Harry reaches up and kisses the back of Louis' hand. "You won't freak out when I tell you who it's about, will you?"

Louis grows nervous. "Wait... is this the person you're in love with Harry? The one you said a few months back and said you're unsure about?"

Harry's definitely sure he's in love with Louis. "Yeah."

Louis doesn't want to hear it. It's a girl. Louis knows it's a girl because why on Earth would Harry be talking about him in this song? 

"You know what," Louis smiles, trying to keep subtle with his passive anger, "don't tell me, keep it a surprise. Maybe it'll be better for the both of us."

Harry thinks not because it's all bottling up inside him even more. He only nods and Louis keeps him grounded with a soft kiss on the nose, Harry scrunching up his face and earning a ginger giggle from Louis. They tickle and play a bit. Louis ends up in Harry's lap and they're giving each other warm lovebites. Harry's so fucking in love with him.

*****

He wakes the next morning with a hard cock. Harry rolls his eyes and nuzzles his nose into Louis' neck. He's still fast asleep and Harry would like to keep it that way until he gets out of bed and tugs himself off in Louis' shower.

He does exactly that and he steps back into the room naked, Louis still lightly sleeping but waking the moment Harry slips his shirt on. It's definitely a good morning greeting, and Louis is smirking at him - or more so his dick.

Harry kisses his forehead and tells Louis that he needs to head back soon. His mum wanted him back by ten, and he's already pushing the limit not leaving around half an hour ago. Louis doesn't mind and he tells Harry to try and figure a way to let him stay over again tonight. Harry's going to make it happen.

He runs along back home and sees a familiar car at the front of his house. Oddly suspicious why it's here, but he heads inside and the first thing he's met with is a bite on the shoulder. Harry snaps around and lightly taps his sister on the face.

"And you always have to greet me like that," Harry hisses cheekily, Gemma grinning wide and bringing her brother in for a warm hug. Harry kisses her cheek when they're diving in with arms wide. Harry's missed her so much. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"

"Why do you think? Surprises are fun."

Harry rolls his eyes and draws back from the hug. He shoves at his sister's chest. "Surprises aren't fun, you bastard."

"Yeah, and there's another surprise for you too. C'mon, you need to pack your bag."

"What?" Harry questions, tilting his head to the left and growing anxious. "Pack my bag for what?"

"Surprise--"

"No, Gem," Harry says with a very stern tone, "I really need to know. It's important."

Gemma is slightly bewildered, and she breathes sharply. "Is there something going on that you'll miss if I take you to the seaside for a few days?"

 _Fuck_ , Gemma's organized some lovely vacation with him. He's going to leave Louis.  _Dammit,_  he can't leave Louis here. He can't take Louis with him. Louis is going to be alone.  _Shit_ , Gemma should have fucking told him about this--

"Beach vacay?"

"Yeah," her smile is insignificant now, "I was just going to take you out, you and me only for a week. I got us a nice hotel and stuff but... you know if you have other things here I can cancel the plans--"

"Don't," Harry intrudes. He doesn't want his sister to feel bad. He hasn't seen her in such a long time and Harry just wanted her to be happy. Louis can last a week by himself... kinda. Louis can always call him, and better yet it'll be Gemma who he's with, so no hiding that he'll be talking to Louis. "I'll come with. When are we leaving? Mum knows, right?"

"Of course she knows, dumbshit," she teases, "We'll leave when you're done packing. The check in is very early so the earlier, the more explorin' we get to do!"

Harry runs down the hall and into his room, shoving a few things into a suitcase and slinging a quick message to Zayn and Liam he is heading out for the week. He sends a longer message to Louis and the message he sends back really breaks his heart.

_i hope you have fun. im going to miss you and your kisses and your songs and guitar playing so much. say hi to gems for me xx_

Harry sits and glares at the message for a bit, feeling so worried that Louis is just going to let himself go for the entire week. He'll probably be clueless on what to do for the week and he'll starve himself more. Fuck, this isn't a good idea. Harry should have said no--

"H?" Gemma calls out, knocking on Harry's door and entering the bedroom despite the lack of permission. She sits next to him on the bed and becomes concerned. "Can't you think of anything to bring? I see flip flops over there you might need."

Harry shakes his head and his lips curve into a deep frown. He's so worried for Louis. 

"Harry, what's wrong, love?" she asks worryingly. Harry tucks his head into his palms and sighs into them. There's a small buzz coming from his phone in his lap and Gemma takes it rudely. She reads the message and tisks. "You know, Louis can come with us--"

"He can't."

Gemma hears the hurt in his tone and it's horrible to hear come from her usual chirpy brother. "Mum doesn't need to know."

"Yeah, but his family will know. I don't want to leave him Gem. Everything's so difficult for him and I'm... I'm so scared there's going to be things that happen while I'm away and I can't be there for him."

"We can cancel the plans, H. I don't mind. If you think Louis is more important--"

"Gem, I'm not going to give up something you did for me just for him. I'm... there's nothing I should be worried about and... I'll just feel better if I feel some sea breeze, I guess." Harry stands and takes his phone away from Gemma, sliding it into his pocket. "C'mon, I want to leave too. Help me pack."

They leave fifteen minutes later. Louis sits on his phone waiting for a reply from Harry. It comes through after twenty minutes of waiting.

_im calling you every morning and every night and whenever inbetween. always tell me when theres something wrong and ill facetime you and do whatever to help you. i love you lou lou and please please please dont do anything to hurt yourself xxxxxxx_

Louis sits and grimaces at the message. Harry knows well enough that promises are always broken. Louis knows that his promises will be broken, but still:

_i promise. love you hazza xxxxxx_

 


	33. Chapter 33

He shoves Louis down the stairs. He tumbles down to halfway, wincing at his shoulder feeling everything but okay. He sees Phil growling at the top of the stairs,  _get downstairs and help your mother with the washing._

A simple query would have been just as effective; the abuse just made him more dominant, Louis guesses. He trudges down the stairs, hiding the pain which throbs at his joints and meets his mother outside to take the basket of washing off her hanging the clothes himself.

*****

_**hows ur day been? xx** _

_do you want to guess? x_

_Fuck,_  Harry doesn't want to hear horrible things again. He's end up cornering himself away from Gemma. It's a risk he needs to take, just to make sure Louis is okay.

_**tell me everything xxx** _

He's hoping Louis is actually okay and nothing is really happening at home. It's only day one away from him and to know that Louis is probably trying to cope with shit alone daunts Harry. He'll stop eating for the week, he'll probably cry himself to sleep, maybe Louis might end up self harming or worse--

 _No_ , he can't think about that. 

It takes a while for him to respond and Harry thinks it's maybe because he's fallen asleep, or maybe he's being hit. Now, Harry expects something from Phil instead, but in comes a huge paragraph in three different messages; all about today.

_i woke up and stuff and the first thing that happens is mum shouts for me to make breakfast but i didn't hear her so phil pulled me from bed by my hair. i went to school and i think zayn and liam were looking for me but_

_i didn't go to them. i stayed in our spot under the tree and i ate lunch. i promise you i ate lunch. then i drove home and phil pushed me down the stairs and told me to help mum with the washing_

_so i did and i cooked dinner but then he threw it away and i was left hungry. im on lockdown now in my room and phil says if i try to message anyone i'll be thrown out for the night with the dog. xx_

Harry blinks and replies back hurriedly. 

**_get off the phone then lou !!!! xxx_ **

_i'm fine h. theyre asleep xx_

Harry rolls his eyes at that. He always says he's fine but then he's fucking not. It always ends bad. Louis doesn't fucking listen to him and that's probably why half of the things that happen always happen.

**_i don't want you to get hurt lou. pls dont do this xxx_ **

_i said im fine. x_

But instead of texting back to coax him to stay on his phone, Harry doesn't reply and turns off his phone. He sets it down on his hotel bed and walks out of his room and meets Gemma on the couch to watch some late night television.

Louis is left clueless and wonders if Harry's just suddenly forgotten about him.

*****

It's three days later when Gemma catches Harry crying in the bedroom. And she knew immediately what it was about.

She sat beside him, an arm around his shoulders and cuddling him in. Harry didn't refrain from her and nuzzled his forehead in close, sobbing softly to his sister. She coos, hoping he'd stop and maybe they could go out for a nice dinner at the restaurant, a few hundred metres from their hotel. Harry doesn't.

"I-I'm so worried about him, Gem," he wails to her, concern full in his voice and Gemma knew so, so well Harry cared for Louis so much. This are heartbroken sobs, however. "He hasn't messaged me back in three days. I-I... He's capable of so much when I'm not there and... fuck, we left at the worst time. I shouldn't have left him, Gem--"

"He's going to be just fine, H--"

"No!" Harry shouts at her, ripping away from her and wiping his tears away roughly before growling again. "You don't know what he's capable of! He's been like this for so, so long and he can never be strong by himself! I'm there to keep him eating, to keep him away from doing anything to himself, to keep him alive, Gemma! And now that I've fucking ignored him, he might have just fucking stopped all three things!"

Gemma glares blankly at her brother and sits tensely. Harry shakes his head and hides his face in two palms again, dragging them down his face to collect more tears. He still tears up uncontrollably.

"I love him so much, Gem; so unbelievably much. I-I can't imagine losing him over something as careless as ignorance."

"Harry, he's your best friend, and Lou knows you love him. He wouldn't do something as rash as hurting himself knowing you love him."

And she's so naive to Harry's words Harry could laugh. He forgets he has told Gemma as much as Louis knows, so Harry shakes his head once more and looks to his sister with the saddest eyes imaginable. Gemma's nervous.

"I-I think I'm gay, Gem," he admits softly, embarrassed. Gemma doesn't flinch. "I don't... want to label myself just yet but I-I know I love Louis," he continues, "like... love love."

Gemma puts her arm around him again and rubbed her hand on his bicep. "I always thought that, it was at the back of my mind. You do look at him like no one else exists, you know? I just never really thought, and I was afraid to ask because you might have been offended."

"So," Harry shakes, "y-you don't think I'm disgusting?"

"Of course not, you idiot!" she hisses. "That would be one of the most absurd things I've ever heard come from your mouth, H."

Harry sniffs and smiles gingerly, tears dripping over them as they drop like the nervousness in his stomach. "I-I told mum a while ago, about how I thought I'm gay and stuff," Harry whispers. "I haven't told her about Louis though."

"You should, love," Gemma tells him. "You know, this is the only thing really separating you two, mum not realizing you love him. The family is a bit of an issue and I know if mum just heard you through, maybe Louis could stay over more often, stay with you."

Harry sighs. "Johannah and Phil will never allow it. They'll punch him out, or punch me out."

She stiffens. "That Phil is a crook monster, I tell you."

Harry agrees with a small hum, falling back into the touch of his sister. "I wish he was brought up a little better. I felt like everything is my fault sometimes, not being there so often, not standing up for him as much as I could. He probably would be safer, not suffering through the shit he goes through."

"Don't blame yourself."

"Sometimes I need to." Harry blinks up to her and sighs again. "If I just... If I knew better maybe I would have caught him before he started losing weight, and maybe if I just kissed him a bit more and hugged him for longer, then maybe he wouldn't be this way--"

"Sh," Gemma whispers into his ear, holding him around the waist now and kissing his temple. They stay together like this for three hours, missing dinner and falling asleep on the double bed together. Harry just wants Louis by his side.

*****

Louis wants Harry by his side.

He holds the pillow tight between his arms, hugging it against him so tightly that he can feel his arms being crushed against his ribs. Phil calls out for him to open the door at once, but Louis has put himself on his own lockdown. 

It's one more day, one more bloody day until Harry comes back. He can last. He knows the moment he comes home, despite the no seeing rules between Anne and his own parents, he's going to see him. Louis needs to hug him. He needs to kiss him. He needs everything back. 

"Louis!" is all he's been hearing for the past twenty minutes and the constant banging against the door. It's demonic and his voice is croaky and disheartening. He ran away after being called fat at dinner. Phil picks at his pudgy tummy, he pointed at it with his fork the moment Louis appeared downstairs. Louis ran back up without dinner and now Phil's aggressive for avoiding his lovely mother's dinner. Louis doesn't want to eat.

"You fucking fat arse, get your arse out of this room this instant!" he hisses, using his foot now to knock at the door violently. Louis tucks his head in and cries harder. He can't call Harry. He'll be hit to a blackout if Phil finds out he's talking to him. Louis holds on tight. "You're so fat you can't even get up to fucking open the door. You little wimp; gay and a fat arse. What mother would want you?"

Louis' hands whiten against the sheets as he clenches at the heartless words. He curls himself up more, and it's worse when he feels skin on top of skin when his belly is rolled up. He's fat, just like Phil says.

The knocking stops abruptly and there's almost a soft sigh of relief that he's gone. There's footsteps down the stairs and Louis releases his tight grip onto he pillow but still holds it between himself. Phil's done for the night, it seems. Or so he thought.

There's a whine, and Louis almost thinks it's coming from his mother. But it's a old, ratchet whine only his aging dog can make. Then he hears "you bastard of a dog, get your arse outside!" and maybe it's Chance who managed to get inside again for the fun of it. He knows when Louis is hurt. He has always known since Louis first got him.

Louis listens out and there's a slam of a door. The house becomes eerily quiet, then outside Louis can hear the noise of a car down on the ground floor. He stands up and looks out the window secretively, hoping Phil doesn't catch him and storm back up the stairs to pound Louis into the hellish ground. It's Phil in the car, and he slams his fists down into the steering wheel. He reverses it and the ute bumps up like a horse kicking it's hind legs out, then the car stops. Phil gets out and walks back into the house, knocking on the door just as Louis hides back into his bed. 

"Fucking get out, Louis," he knocks with his shoes, his voice still monstrous. "Fucking worthless piece of shit. Just like your fucking dog, huh? Just as worthless as it is  _dead._ "

And that's when Louis freezes, eyes shot open as he tenses around the pillow he's holding once again. The dog. What did he do to Chance? The dog is outside, Phil said he's outside. And so was Phil just moments ago, reversing over a bump--

Louis is at the door, opening it wide open and his eyes teary, but so aggressive and blood shot that it could slice someone open. Phil stares back with a sneer, a shit eating one.

Louis growls through gritted teeth. "Where the fuck is my dog?"

And Phil turns around and walks left down the hall to his master bedroom. "Under a tire, a lovely pattern on it from the wheels. Quite a lovely rug it'd make." He slams the door on Louis and more than likely cackles to Johannah. 

Louis' heart drops as he stares blankly down the flight of stairs. With all of his clothes shoved into a carry bag, his phone in his pocket, he runs for Anne.

****

She's startled when Louis jumps to her and clings on for dear life. It reminds her of the first time Louis slept over, but this is seventeen year old Louis, falling down and gripping so hard on her top that it may rip. There's a bag next to him and there's wet tears pouring down his face like streams overflowing.

"P-Please," he stammers with a horrid cry for help, "don't let me stay with them. P-Please don't throw me away. Please let me stay. I-I don't want to stay with them anymore. They're not family. Please. Anne, please--"

He screeches out when Anne tries to pry him off, but when she does she brings Louis back into an embrace and closes the front door. She kisses his shoulder and lets Louis cry hard into her chest. 

"What happened, Louis?"

Louis scratches his hands down Anne's back, his sobs muffled by her torso. "T-They call me fat, they hurt me, hit me, they always torture me, they have since Phil came in. H-Harry's been helping me. I-I know I wasn't meant to see him but I always see him. We always see each other. H-He comes over all the time and makes sure I'm okay, and I-I'd come here. I-I'm sorry Anne--"

"That's not important, Lou," Anne whispers to him, brushing her fingers through Louis' hair. "Love, why didn't you come earlier? Tell me this?"

Louis cries out with sorrow. "They killed my best friend. M-My dog. They ran him over... I-I don't know why--"

Anne screams out a profanity and Louis is pulled back from her and she stares at him right in the eyes. "Love," Anne says softly, but it comes out harsh, "you stay here tonight, take Harry's room, okay? He's coming home tomorrow, and the first thing I'll tell him is that you're here. Is that fine?" and Louis nods with gratitude. Anne pulls him in and kisses his forehead. "Aw, baby,  _shit._  You should have come to me earlier, baby. Here, come here, stay here. Don't be afraid to cry."

Louis isn't afraid, so he stays with Anne on the couch crying to her for two hours straight, Anne never letting him go.

 


	34. Chapter 34

Anne is left distraught next to Louis, still petting his hair even after hours of him falling straight to unconsciousness. It's early, four in the morning, and she hasn't had a wink of sleep, neither is she planning to. 

She knew it was bad, Harry has told her before but this is over the top reaching past the extremity of animal and family abuse. Anne doesn't want Louis to go back to a family like that, neither is she planning to let him go back. Louis will probably agree with her.

But, Anne also knows Harry can't be involved. She knows if Louis and Harry get involved, Johannah and Phil might as well just charge to the Styles' and run the two boys over. She loves Louis; she has since Harry told her about him. She loves  _her_  boy more. She can't let Louis' actions affect Harry.

Anne watches him hold the pillow closer. It's heartbreaking just at how much Louis misses Harry. He's curled into his pillow and his nose is stuck right into it, the duvet right at his jaw. He's wearing one of Harry's shirts, also, and Louis is stupid to think Anne wouldn't notice. She doesn't mind. It tells her a lot.

She's always known, secretly. She's always had the feeling that maybe Louis is in love with Harry but she never really had that much proof to convince herself. It's always been floating in the back of her mind, ever since Louis told her he's gay. She's always seen them touch, seen them play around and cuddle up to each other in bed with their legs jumbled like forced puzzle pieces which now fit together, seen how Louis' head always folds into the crevasse of Harry's neck and always stays there. But now everything makes sense, the way Louis always needed Harry even though there were strict rules against seeing each other - they made it work, and the way he's acting now. He hasn't had him for six days and to Louis, it's like separating some eternal bond shit that's way to complicated for Anne to try and figure out.

Morning approaches fast and Anne finds herself calling Gemma first, immediately speaking to not put it on loud speaker for Harry to hear. She continues to pet Louis' hair, him still sleeping soundly with his nose still deep in the pillow, and talks to Gemma about how Louis is home and she will need to go with Anne as soon as possible to the large office down at main street where the best of the best social workers are found. Gemma sighs and tells Anne okay, then hangs up before Harry starts to scream and shout about the way Gemma's ignoring him. It continues even when Harry comes inside the house, but Gemma is quick to tell him shut up. Anne comes out of Harry's room and steps in front of him, giving him a hug and taking his case from him.

Harry becomes confused. "I can put it away, mum--"

"No," she says bluntly, to add to Harry's confusion. "I need you to go to your room, and--"

"What?" and Harry's certainly worried that maybe she went through everything and sorted new things out, and maybe she found a few old razor blades. "M-Mum, what did you do--"

"I need you to go to your room, get under the covers and hold Louis, Harry." She puts a hand to his shoulder and nods. Harry thinks this is some kind of sick joke, maybe Louis is fucking dead for all knows. "I'll make some tea for the two of you."

He's reluctant because why would Louis be here? He pads slowly, his eyebrows still furrowed as he looks to his mum who shoos him forward. She walks off with Gemma to the kitchen to boil tea, and Harry is finally at his bedroom door. He opens it and  _yes_ , a soft bed of hair rests on the pillow and a curvy body is under the duvet laying so very still.

Harry opens and closes the door so fast and goes around the other side, shoving off his shoes, his pants and shirt before diving into bed and scraping Louis up in his arms so damn fast. Louis is just as quick to move and he holds Harry so fucking tightly he's finding it hard to breathe without wheezing. He's awake and probably has been for a while. Harry tangles their legs and entwines their fingers. Louis is biting at the junction between his neck and shoulder and crying softly with sweet whimpers which don't honestly sound too good. Harry sighs to him.

"Lou." It's breathless and high. Louis doesn't stop with the kisses and cries. "W-What did you tell mum? What happened--"

"I-I'm never, ever fucking returning to that house," Louis mumbles against his chest, his nose running down his sternum. "They're f-fucking arseholes. I told your mum about the hitting and the name calling and... and they ran over Chance last night, H. T-They killed my fucking dog because I-I didn't come out of my room."

"Chance?!" Harry screeches. "T-They killed your dog?"

Louis nods weakly but grips Harry's hands tighter. He's right underneath the duvet that Harry can't see him anymore, but he can still feel him against his chest with rugged breathing and wet sobs. Harry doesn't let go.

"W-What's going to happen to you, Lou?" Harry asks quietly, Louis' soft sobs leaving the room away from silence. "Are you... are you going to live here until you're 18? Are you going to see if you can live by yourself now?"

"Emancipation?" Louis question him and Harry nods. "I-I... I don't know. I only have such little time until I turn 18, H. Maybe... maybe I could ask Anne if I could stay with you, just until I go to University. Only six more months."

Harry agrees with the idea and kisses Louis' hair. "I shouldn't have left you, Lou."

He feels their hands unlock but they're around Harry's body, warming him. Louis cuddles himself in and digs his nose into Harry's sternum once again. "You're here now, that's all that matters to me."

Harry drags his hands down Louis' back, clutching at his hips just where the bottom of his spine is. He brings Louis up from under the duvet, blue doe eyes appearing, looking very red and freshly stained with tears. They glisten against the morning light, but not in the good way. Harry leans forward and kisses his tears away with soft peppering pucks. Louis sighs to him and twists his fingers in the curls on the nape of Harry's neck. He wants to stay here forever.

"I was so, so worried when you never messaged me, Lou," Harry whispers to him. "So, so worried. I-I thought something bad happened to you... like, you  _left_  me."

Louis shakes his head. He's close to laughing at how absurd he sounded. "I would warn you, H."

"No, no," Harry says sharply. "I mean the other left, leaving me," and Louis stays silently confused. "The clouds, Lou."

Louis pauses and blinks another few tears involuntarily. He gulps and squeaks out, " _Oh_."

Harry suddenly reaches forward and hides his head in Louis' neck, arms tight around his chest. He begins to speak with stress. "Never leave me, Lou. Please. I beg of you please. I don't think... I  _know_  I wouldn't be able to live without you. Especially if I didn't see you when I came home. I-I can't imagine it without you. Never. Please."

He screws up his face and closes it in with Harry's. "I could never live without you, too. I promise to stay."

"I promise to stay too," Harry whispers. "For you."

An eavesdropping Gemma sighs and finally knocks on the door, bringing in the pot of tea and two cups. She rests it on the night stand and looks at the two boys cuddling together in bed. It's like they've shut Gemma out entirely, or have been so enveloped in love that they couldn't even hear her come into the room. 

"Haz," Gemma calls and both just hum with their eyes closed, still in each other's warm arms. "Mum's gone out for a bit. When she comes back, she wants to talk to Lou, all right?"

Harry's hands shift lower down Louis' back and he pulls him in impossibly closer. "All right."

"Do you two need anything else?" she asks. Harry shakes his head and it's all it takes for Gemma to leave. Once alone, Harry opens his eyes and sees blurry blue eyes staring solely at him. He gives Louis a small chaste kiss, which forms into a slow snog which lasts for a life time. Louis' lips are full and wet by the end of it and it makes him look much more lively than he was earlier and Harry's so, so glad he can make Louis happy again. He's so, so glad he can do this whenever. He's so, so glad he's in love with Louis.

When his mum comes back home, Harry gives Louis a quick kiss on the nose and leaves the bedroom for Anne's request. She enters. Harry is told to stay with Gemma in the kitchen while she talks to Louis. She doesn't want eavesdropping or any funny business, and when Louis hears this, he becomes very weary of what's about to come.

He's up in bed, under the duvet still with his legs folded and hands in his lap. Anne sits on the edge of the bed and settles a hand to Louis' thigh and sighs.

"Are you feeling better?" she asks him and Louis nods solemnly. Anne knows it's a lie. Louis eyes don't even meet up with hers. Louis is still upset. Of course he would be. "Lou, I had a talk with your family," and Louis' eyes shoot at her and cut into her like a thousand knives. Anne rushes into her next sentence. "And I had a talk with your mother. She and Phil are wondering where you are and I told them right now, you're with a social worker and that you went and saw them yourselves."

"W-What?" Louis stutters. "How? I... they wouldn't have believed you."

"But they did, and they told me they didn't care, Louis," Anne sighs. "I'm... I'm appalled with the way they're treating things right now. I don't know you've come to manage it but I know that you are incredibly strong for holding on."

Louis plays his fingers through the duvet and says, "it's Harry who keeps me strong."

She smiles softly at those words. "I know," Anne says. "You make him really happy, Louis, you know that? I'm a little surprised about how well Harry managed to keep things from me. I was wondering how he was always so happy when you weren't around, but you were and... I shouldn't have pushed him away from you entirely, Louis--"

"Don't worry," Louis exhales. "I-It's fine. I understand that you didn't want Harry getting hurt. Neither did I but he said he'd do his best not to get caught and... we didn't, most of the time."

Anne grins at him, petting Louis' hair and rubbing at his shoulder. Her smile fades when she sighs. "Louis, you know I can't keep you here until you're eighteen love."

She expects maybe a question from Louis, but it's only a, "I know," that pops out. She's stunned.

"I-I would love to let you stay, Lou. I would look after you until you were thirty for God's sake but I just don't think you're safe enough here with that bastard of a step dad you have," Anne says softly. "I want you to know that I'm going this for you, love. I want you to have Harry still but I'm afraid that things are just going to turn wrong if you stay here with us."

Louis nods weakly. "I know."

Anne brings her hand down to his leg and squeezes around his thigh. She brings herself closer to lightly speak to Louis, but first she kisses his cheek. She draws back and sighs out. "I called for a social worker to come pick you up Saturday. They need the time to find a family for you, Lou, so I told them you can stay here until they come get you."

Louis nods again and breathes, "all right."

She squeezes his thigh again and kisses his nose. "You're brave, Lou," she admits to him. "Really brave."

She leaves after a minute of silence. Harry doesn't come back in straight away, but he can hear the bickering from the kitchen. There's a noise of a collapse, maybe chairs falling, and a scream of _Harry!_  ringing into his ears. The door swings open and Harry's storming in and slamming the door back so hard that it shakes the house. He charges to Louis and puts two arms under his pits and cradles him in before diving onto the bed and crying hard into his neck.

"No..." he whispers to Louis. "They're not taking you away from me, no."

Louis screws his eyes closed and he clenches onto the back of Harry's shirt. He nestles his head into Harry's neck and breathes out shakily, not saying a word. He can't cry. He can't do anything but breathe, and feel and listen to the broken sobs of his best friend against him.

 


	35. Chapter 35

Sighing to the window, his breath fogs up the glass. Louis draws a smiley face for good measure and hopes that he'll be happy soon. He can't, though.

He doesn't know how he'll imagine himself happy after today. He sighs again, deeper this time, and feels his body sink lower as he leans against the window sill. They're blocked from the sunset's heat, still radiating off the ground from the hot Friday afternoon. They've been locked in the tree house for virtually three hours now and they don't want to leave.

This is Louis' final day at their tree house.

Of course, it'll always remain their tree house, but Harry knows the moment tomorrow comes, there will be no more meet ups at the tree house. There will be no more keep the secret from others so no one else will know. There will be no more no food no entry. There will be no more secret kisses and soothing hugs. After this, Louis will be gone, and the only few chances Harry will see him is at school. Hardly two hours of Louis a day. In the morning for ten minutes, in the afternoon for another ten and then the rest of the time between for lunch and recess. It isn't enough.

He's not going to be able to get Louis to come over whenever he's sad, because he'll be in town, literally half an hour to an hour away. There will be no more outback adventures with them on the back of the ute. There will be no more guitar playing, no more lazing around in the meadow, or snogging deep into the dirt next to the lake. None of that. It's disappearing in less than twenty four hours.

This is the end, Harry supposes. It feels like it. He's stuck in the corner snuggled inside a beanbag and he's called Louis over to join him. Despite the heat wave, he's shivering all alone. He's got little time with Louis and that little time needs to be made up for.

But Louis doesn't move from leaning against the window sill. He's been standing there for a while and Harry's not too sure what he's looking at. His hands are tightened up in a small balls of anger, Harry supposes, but his eyes remain blank, emotionless. 

Harry stands from the beanbag and ambles slowly to Louis. He's tentative of what would happen. Louis hasn't spoken for at least an hour. Harry didn't think that anything was needed to be spoken, but it does. Harry misses his cheery voice, and even if he speaks now, Louis' voice wouldn't be merry. It's toneless like it has been all week.

Two arms around his torso from behind, Louis doesn't jump with surprise. He stays still leaning against the sill and his eyes fall on the LOUIS and HARRY etched into the wood. His fingers run over it. It still felt like forever, hopefully always will be. 

Harry's chin rests upon Louis' shoulder and he sighs, the breath hitting Louis' face like a gust of wind. Louis also breathes out heavily and removes his hands from the sill to set on top of Harry's. He looks to the wooden flooring and bites his lip, watching their hands together on Louis' concave belly. Louis slips his fingers between Harry's gaps and holds him. Harry holds him back.

"I love you," Harry whispers to him. "You'll always be my best friend, Lou."

He obviously means the love of a best friend, and not the other way, unfortunately. "I-I love you too," Louis whispers back. "Always."

Louis undoes their hands and twists in Harry's arms. He faces his best friend and guides a finger under Harry's chin to pull him into a kiss. Harry steps forward and presses Louis on the sill, where he jumps and sits on the wood. Harry settles between his legs, hands on Louis' knees before he kisses his lips again.

He'll miss this for forever, he thinks. This is the last time in the tree house together. This is the last time Harry will kiss him in the tree house. This isn't right. This is all a mess. Everything's fallen to a mess and Harry wouldn't be surprised if the tree supporting the house were to break right now. He'd be happier in the clouds with Louis, maybe. This entire thing isn't working out anyway.

Night closes in and the two boys walk home with arms around each other's backs. Louis is shivering cold now and it still isn't particularly chilly outside tonight. Harry just tries to give him as much warmth from his body as he can until they're both home. Anne asks the two if dinner seems all right just about now, but Harry shakes his head when Louis does. Anne lets them through to their room and tells them she'll bring it up for the two later, and watches how Harry holds Louis with a hand curled around his hip and Louis' body, as whole, pressed close against him. She admires it and smiles, but frowns knowing that all this is going to be a fading memory tomorrow.

They don't care about dinner, both changing out of their slim jeans and t-shirts and into matching sweatpants. Mid-changing, Harry's arms are around his torso again and he feels Harry's chest bare against his back. Louis pulls up his pants and ties the drawstring before smiling and turning around to look at Harry. He's smiling softly and it's the first proper smile he's seen all day.

Louis kisses his grinned lips, hoping some of it would rub off on him. And it does. He's smiling too and brushing small tufts of hair from Harry's forehead. 

"Bed time?" Harry asks him and Louis nods. They slip under the duvet, it above their heads as they rest under the covers, staring at each other. The light is still on and makes the area under the blanket obscure but serene. They stare in silence, Harry's thumb delicately circling at Louis' sides as he watches Louis' eyes. They blink so slowly and there's still a hint of a smile on his lips. Harry's going to miss him.

"I love you," he says first this time. Louis' smile falters and he shuffles in closer, pressing his chest on Harry's. "I love you so much, Haz."

Harry touches his nose against Louis' forehead. "I love you too."

Louis tangles their legs together and presses his lips above Harry's collarbones. He finds his hands, lacing them and keeping them low between their bodies. Anne comes in an hour later with Gemma to hand them dinner and a pot of tea, but they see two bodies under the covers sleeping soundly right up against each other. They both smile, but then glower. It's going to be only one under the covers tomorrow night.

He dreams of sweet things and the hopes of one day he'll be able to be free in University. He'll never have to see his family again. He'll never have to come back. He hopes he'll find his real father one day, maybe stay with him. Maybe Harry could come with.

Morning rises and when Louis wakes, he's suffocated by Harry's grip around his body. Harry's head is tucked into his chest and he's curled up like a baby holding onto an oversized blanket. He pets Harry's hair and calls, lolling his head to his left to watch as Harry tilts his head up to look at him. 

His eyes are red and wet, and Louis' soft smile falls into a frown of concern. Harry's lip's out in a miserable pout and he takes his eyes from Louis and puts his head against Louis' chest again. He sobs and tightens his hold around Louis.

The sound of a door knock makes them both shoot up, sitting with each other still in one another's arms. Anne's face pops through and she looks at the two boys, a flat smile on her face.

"She's here, Lou," she whispers, leaving the room immediately. Louis gulps and slowly turns his head to see Harry staring right back at him with anxiety. His knuckles are white where his hands are fisted in the duvet. Louis sucks in his lip and gives a timid smile to Harry, but he shakes his head and lets out a dark tear.

Louis kisses it away. He feels Harry's eyelashes blink on his cheek while he presses in close. Drawing away, Louis steps out of bed to collect his things, and Harry remains under the covers watching Louis shove his stuff in a bag. It's so quick, even though it took over twenty minutes. He's at the door and he's waiting for Harry to come with him to the front to say goodbye.

They stare at each other, Louis still wanting him to come with, Harry still so frozen in bed. Louis' hand is on the door knob and he twists it to open. He's quite sure Harry's just going to stay here, let him leave without one last goodbye. Harry's just watching him, almost like a statue, and Louis really does not like it.

"H," he calls. "Are you... are you staying in here?"

Harry doesn't answer, his head falling down to look at his duvet. Louis looks at to where his fingers are, still tightly bound in the fabric Harry's laying under. "I know if I go out there, I'm going to have to let you go."

Louis blinks nonchalantly at Harry. "You're going to have to let me go anyway," and the words are like fifty punches to Harry's stomach. "But I'd rather you let me go after we say goodbye."

Harry's face screws up in angst and the circulation in his fingers have been cut off from how tight he's holding the blanket around his hands. Louis sees the glisten of two tears fall to the duvet and they crash down louder than a clatter of pans right against your ear.

"Haz," Louis says. "I-I... I can't hold them up," he continues, opening the door slightly. "I need to know if you're going to come out there, or... if you're going to stay in." He opens the door fully and steps a foot into the corridor. "I would really like it if you came to say goodbye."

Harry's face doesn't pop up and once again, he doesn't answer. Louis' hand curls around the second door knob and he steps out fully into the corridor. He begins closing the door behind him, continuing to view Harry through the decreasing gap. Harry doesn't move but he begins to cry harder. He lets the tears drip to the duvet; he doesn't try to wipe them away before they fall.

And the door closes and Louis hears the lock click in. He holds his hand around the handle of his bag and walks with it to the front of the house where Louis sees a black car, a woman of dark coloured skin and a formal uniform looking like she's about to attend a funeral. Anne and Gemma are outside and are astounded when Louis walks out alone with his bag.

He shoves the bag in the trunk as asked and there's a few words from the lady, Sandra her name is, telling Louis to say her final goodbyes to the family.

He hugs Gemma first and thanks her for giving Harry the time of his life a week ago. She tells Louis she'll look after Harry for him and make sure that he stays happy for Louis. Louis thanks her again and kisses her cheek.

Anne brings Louis in and immediately asks in his ear, "where's Harry?"

Louis swallows nervously. "He's in his room. He... he didn't really want to say goodbye," and Anne grunts miserably. "I-It's okay, this week was our goodbye anyway. I-I understand that he didn't want to come out here."

"He loves you, Lou. Always remember that, yes?" Anne says. "He cares too much to say goodbye. I know what he's like with these things."

"Tell him that I love him too, please?" Louis cries into her shoulder, arms cold around her torso. "Please? I always will. Tell him please."

Anne nods with her head against Louis' neck. "I'm sorry things turned out this way, Lou," she whispers to him. "I hope things are better for you, you and your future."

Louis takes the words and locks them into his heart because  _no_ , this isn't better for him. He's being secluded from Harry. Isolation from Harry has said enough when he was gone for a week. This is six months, with only two hour a day meet ups, for five days! Six months isolation, and then how long after that when Louis is in University?

Sandra looks at him and nods solemnly, then Louis steps towards her. She opens the car door and Louis slides inside, and soon Sandra has the car started up and looks behind her to see Louis with his seat belt on and his head hung low in depression.

"Hey," she calls softly and smiles to him. "The fam you're going to is really sweet, I promise, Louis. I think you'll love it there." Louis doesn't look up and approve, just keeps his head low and the thought of Harry in his mind. "I promise."

Louis just nods for her to stop talking and they're driving down the drive way. Louis looks to the rear window at the front of the car and sees Anne and Gemma still standing at the front of the house. No Harry. Harry's still inside. He cares too much to say goodbye. The road is bumpy, the house is further away from view. The dust of the dirt track fogs up the mirror view and by the time Louis can see the background clearly again, the house is gone and he's on the main road into town.

He stays quiet for the journey there, even if Sandra tries to make conversation. Harry stays silent too, in the bathroom, where Gemma is knocking and asking if he's okay.

Harry's okay. He's in the bathtub with a razor and ten new bleeding slashes down his thighs, but he's okay.

*****

On Tuesday, Harry waits at the steps of the school and he sees a yellow bus drive past and drop off a load of kids from the rich area on the other side of town. Louis happens to get off that bus.

Harry walks up to him but Louis had no intention to stop. Harry has his hands on his shoulders, stopping him from moving any further. Louis' eyes didn't meet Harry's and stayed straight to the ground, so Harry tilts his head up with two fingers under his chin but still there's no eyes met.

He's avoiding Harry, it's obvious now. It's even worse at recess when Louis has to be told to meet Harry at the lunch spot by the fence because Louis just stayed in his art class motionless. Harry dragged him out and kissed him when the corridors were clear, and made sure Louis listened. Louis does, and says a soft yes and meets Harry at the fence at lunch.

Harry tells Zayn and Liam to maybe leave today off for sitting together, and both obliged without question. Harry spoke to Zayn over the phone early Monday morning and the news was shocking to him. Zayn had permission to tell Liam, so he did and Liam of all people wailed out in tears hearing the full story. It's easy to see the effects of what's happened just by seeing Louis' skin colour. He's pale and looks like he lacks sleep. Probably the case since the transfer of homes.

Harry holds his hand and gives him lunch, but Louis refuses to eat it. Harry doesn't pressure him this time but the words hurt. He can't check when Louis eats anymore. He can't go over and make him dinner. He can't make sure he gets enough food. Louis' belly is going to invert and turn even more concave. Louis is going to blow away as skin and bones.

He doesn't speak but his behaviour says enough. Louis hates this home. Louis absolutely hates it. Harry can tell and he feels as if this is his family's fault. If Anne knew better to maybe keep him in for the next six months, then maybe Louis wouldn't be like this. Maybe Harry wouldn't have so many cuts up his leg. Maybe Louis and him would be happier and Louis could go to University happy.

Nothing is turning out okay.

Harry's worried, and he continues to be worried until he goes home and sees Gemma. He tells her about Louis, and honestly he's surprised. She questions him, maybe give him a call and maybe message him and make him feel safe. Harry does.

Harry sends him five messages, all but one being ignored. 

**_I love you x_ **

_I love you too x_

Louis sits in his bedroom and stares around. Sarah opens the door and smiles to Louis through the gap, but Louis doesn't smile back.

"Are you all right, love?" and she's one of the nicest people Louis has come to know over the past four days. Her husband is rich and dandy, owning fifteen stores down town and works like an overworked robot. The house is posh. It's massive. Louis hates it.

Louis doesn't answer but gives a small nod to hopefully make her go away. She does. Louis will never call her mum. Louis will never call Geoffrey dad. 

This isn't home. Harry is home. Louis hates it here. 

 


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im since-he-was-eighteen on tumblr :)

It's a week later Harry notices Louis is starting to keep to himself.

He doesn't speak anymore, and when he does it's as silent as the hot breeze sweeping through the town. Harry always sits alone with him; it's the only time he talks. Zayn and Liam have been ignored and despite knowing what was going on, they were baffled by the quick change of behaviour.

It's a Thursday, a very hot Thursday, and Harry holds Louis hand when they're both in the music room. They're alone, of course, sitting on the same piano stool and Harry hitting the keys every now and again to break the silence. Louis sits and does nothing. He doesn't eat, he refuses to. As much as Harry tries to make him without the harsh pressure, he can never get him to open his mouth for even the smallest of bites.

Harry doesn't know if he's been eating. Harry hasn't asked him about it. He doesn't feel comfortable asking it, knowing that Louis would just shut him down with silence. It's worse than getting Louis fighting you back. Silence is excruciating. Harry hates this.

Patting Louis' thigh, his other hand occupied by half a sandwich, Louis looks up to him and licks over his bottom lip with his tongue. Harry gives a small smile, leaning forward and kissing him softly. His head immediately drops to look to his legs after Harry drew back, and Harry feeds himself some more.

Zayn ends up walking into the room with a book in his hand. It must be the homework he needed to copy down. He puts the book forward for Harry to grab, but his hands are full with his sandwich in one and Louis now in the other. He rests it in the middle of Harry's lap, stepping back then giving a smile to Louis.

"Hey, Lou," he waves, hoping there's something that will light up in his eyes and he'll say hello back, but he doesn't. Zayn glowers. "I... um, I think you got some questions wrong, Haz. So I redid some of them for you."

"Thanks," Harry says. Of course some of his answers would be wrong. He'd be sure that he put _I love Louis_  in some of his comprehension sentences.

His hand tightens around Harry's and... Jesus, it's really tight. Harry eyes him and notices Louis is still staring down at his legs and not attempting to look at anything but his view of his jeans and Zayn's feet.  _Oh_. Shit.

"I'll see you in English," Harry says with a nod. Zayn waves goodbye, another soft directed bye to Louis who doesn't respond. The moment the door slams shut and Zayn's out, Louis' hand loosens around his. Harry has pins and needles in his fingers.

It's odd for Louis to be nervous around Zayn, and sure, he might have a little bit of anxiety around people but it shouldn't have come so quick. Especially if he's been around Harry's friends for six months now. He shouldn't feel paranoid to be around Zayn, because... he's  _Zayn_. No one is afraid of Zayn.

Well, no one but Louis, now.

Harry removes his hand in Louis' and wraps an arm around his back instead, pushing him in closer and letting their thighs press together. He dips his head on Louis' shoulder, continuing to chew on his sandwich. Both relax in peace, until the bell splits them apart.

He tells Louis to wait for him after school, but that order is only thrown away. Harry waited for twenty minutes after school with Zayn, and messages Louis who only texts him back  _sorry i forgot_  with no x, no sad face. Just plain old  _sorry I forgot_. Harry and Zayn head into town that afternoon.

Zayn notices that Harry's starting to become much shier than he usually is. He doesn't know whether it be because he's so invested with the world around him now because he spends so little time with Louis, or if it's because he's been too upset to even give a shit about anything in his life but Louis. Zayn really doesn't know, but he knows that his time can't be wasted on Harry. He has too much to worry about with Liam.

Liam's a treasure, and always has been. He just can't seem to sort some things out with him. Ever since he turned away from the question of getting together, they just can't seem to find their ways back into each other's hearts, even though they both have it wide open and ready for the other to jump in and fill the spot. He thinks Liam's too afraid to ask him again, but Zayn's too afraid to ask himself.

They've been on plenty of dates during the summer holidays. He even slept over Liam's one time when his parents were out for a conference down south. It's all been an amazing blur, this entire month, and Zayn knows he's ready now. He's definitely not going to say no if Liam asks him. He doesn't care if he gets bullied or maimed for being homosexual, because he's not. Being pansexual is definitely different. Zayn's not afraid about who he is anymore, but he will if Liam says no to his very serious question.

Harry doesn't care about how much Zayn blabbers on about Liam when they're window shopping and sipping on orange juices. He listens, of course, and gives small pieces of witty advice Zayn had in the back of his mind. Harry does help but the advice is monotonous and bland, almost obvious. He goes home that afternoon when Trish rescues them both, taking Harry home, before going home himself to sit in the shower for the next hour and a half.

Meanwhile, Harry just storms to his room with no words to his mum or Gemma, who is in fact leaving tomorrow for college again. He changes to something comfortable and sits on his bed, on his laptop and messages Zayn on their messenger chat. Zayn asks if Harry's received any messages from Louis lately, and he replies back with a no. It's a delayed wait for Zayn's answer to that, but it's surely surprising when Harry reads it.

_funny. hes texting me now :/ x_

Harry's eyebrows knit in perplexity before he reaches to fish out his mobile from his bag. He sees that his messages to Louis have not been read. He throws the phone down and types so fast that his hands look like they're wiping clean over the keyboard.

**_whats he talkin to u about. he must have ignored me x_ **

Zayn takes a minute to reply with,

_hes just sayin sorry abt whats happenin n hes just having a bad time at home x_

**_is that abt when he ignored u at school ?? x_ **

_id say so. he hasnt said anythin abt it. he just messaged sorry and stuff. x ://_

Zayn sends an attachment after the message, seeing the screen shot of what Louis had messaged him. Just a sorry, no x, and a bit of an explanation with why he was ignoring Zayn at school. Zayn just told him _I'm here whenever you need to talk_ , three x's, and Louis messaged back _I know_  with an x.

Harry clenches his jaw with jealousy.

So he ignores Zayn on messenger after that, maybe for a little payback; a little taste of his own medicine. He decides to shower early tonight, dipping under the hot stream and washing himself with his head down to the tiled flooring. His scars on his legs are invisible on his porcelain skin, but the fresher ones from a week ago are still bright red. Harry had reopened some of the cuts, for fun he always says to himself. He just didn't want to go any further down his legs just in case there's a day where he needs to wear shorts for gym or something, and he didn't want to cut anywhere else which could be as easily exposed as his thighs. He reopens them just to feel the pain of them, and then he knows the feeling they bring back. The same feeling of when Louis left him.

When he's out of the bathroom and changes into the same clothes he's wearing beforehand, he sits with his back against the bedside. His knees are up to his chest and his head's on the top of them as he scrolls through his phone messages. He's sent another message to Louis, hoping he'll message back and say if anything's the matter. Harry knows, somewhere in his heart, that Louis won't.

He's probably much angrier than he should be because there's a hundred bucks that he's still talking to Zayn now and ignoring Harry. So it brings him to send a bitter message, but ends it off with an x just for good measure.

**_i knw youre talkin to zayn so u can stop ignoring me now x_ **

It's harsher than he would have liked it to be, especially with a soft guy like Louis. But it brings Louis to message back.  _Woo._

_im sorry. i didnt rly feel like talkin hazza xx_

Ouch, okay. He can't take that to heart. Some people just don't feel like talking some days. Harry's had those days. Louis has those days too. Just because he wants to talk to Zayn and not Harry means absolutely nothing! Of course.

He calls Louis instead. He answers within one ring.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm just... I don't--"

"Lou," he says, still very shocked to hear his voice so alert and alive, "I understand, love. I didn't mean to sound angry. I wanted to talk to you, and I was upset that you were speaking to Z rather than myself."

There's a hiccup and a soft gulp. Harry raises himself from his knees and perks up with interest.

"Lou," he says weakly. "Babe, are you crying?"

And it's obvious he is, because the moment Harry stopped speaking there's more silent wails and sobs that rings through Harry's ears like miserable earworms. Harry can just see him now, head between his knees and tears dripping down to the floor, whether it be the bedroom or the bathroom. And Harry's silently begging it's the bedroom.

"I gained two pounds, Harry," he grimaces over the phone. "I-I just... they're making me eat so much and I-I can't handle it. Sandra told them I was a little underweight and they just think it's because mum and Phil fed me too little, but... I just don't want to eat. I can't eat. I don't feel like eating."

"Please Louis, can you try?" Harry asks him sweetly. "You need to eat, Lou. I don't want to watch you waste away--"

"Harry I can't fucking eat! I-I have told you so many times that it's hard to even put food in m-my fucking mouth because I can't swallow it!" Louis growls viciously at him. "For fuck's sake, Harry. I can't even down milk because it doesn't sit in my stomach. It's too fulfilling even to have an apple after school. They're just telling me to eat a quarter of my food but I fucking have to hold it in before I go to the bathroom and..."

He just stops, as if the phone line cut off, and Harry's left waiting for the last few words to come.

"What?" Harry questions him but Louis doesn't answer. "Louis, what were you going to say?"

Louis still doesn't answer.

"Louis, tell me what you were about to say."

_Still._

"Louis!--"

He cries out and Harry hears his head slamming into the wall. "I fucking threw it up. I thought you'd not be an idiot enough to have a fucking guess what I was fucking doing in the bathroom already!"

Harry's eyes are wide open. "Louis, you can't do things like that--"

"Well I fucking can because it's my body and if I don't want to bloody eat then that's my fucking decision," he hisses sharply. "I don't fucking care anymore, Harry."

"You should care!" Harry shouts. "I care about you so much Louis. H-How long have you been doing this...? I don't even want to know, actually. You're not only starving yourself but you're throwing up everything like it's foreign to your body."

"It bloody is foreign!" Louis says. "It's food!"

"Food is what makes you live, Louis! And you're not putting enough of that in your body. You're becoming unhealthy, Lou! You need to see someone. You need to get help!"

"No I fucking don't--"

"Yes, you do! You're becoming anorexic, Louis! You're going to be skin and bones by the end of the year if you keep this up!" Harry screams at him, crying into his hands. "Please, Louis. Y-You need to see someone. I-I don't want you wasting away like--"

"You know what, this is exactly why I didn't want to fucking talk to you," Louis barks at him. "You know nothing, Harry."

"I know everything, Louis. Because I've been fucking best friends with you for nine years, and if you think I don't have a blue's clue on who you are then you're fucking wrong. I've looked after you for how long, I've kept you in my arms every time things started to fall apart. And now you're refusing to do anything because you can't accept there's something wrong with you!"

Louis growls. "There's nothing wrong with me," he says simply. "There's something the fuck wrong with you if you're saying shit about me, when you are cutting your body like a piece of meat."

Harry doesn't let those words into his heart. "This isn't about me, Louis. It's about you."

"Maybe sort out your fucking disorder before you sort out mine, even though it's not even anything. If I was anorexic, I'd be in hospital. I'd be sick, Harry. I'm fine. I don't need your charity."

"You do, though," he says as softly as possible, but Louis doesn't take it.

"Fuck off, Harry," Louis hisses at him. A reversing truck is all Harry's left with.

He cries himself to sleep that night, curled up in a ball of agony and tries his hardest to not make even the smallest lines on his arms. He tries. He's got small slits on his wrists which can easily be excused as scratches from the dried bushes around his house. 

When he goes to school the next morning he's hardly surprised that Louis isn't there, but he's never been more worried.

 


	37. Chapter 37

The end of August brings cooling weather and a nerved Harry to school.

He waits on the steps and notices the yellow bus from the other side of town, and it's a game now; whether or not Louis comes to school. Harry never knows. Today, it seems as if the game has sided with Louis not arriving at school again for the third day in a row. He goes off to homeroom with the smallest hint of surprise leaking out of his fresh cuts under his long sleeved shirt.

Maths is a bother for the morning, and Zayn doesn't lay off him why the fuck he's wearing a long sleeved tee when it's totally out of fashion and is expected to be over 35 degrees today. Harry just answers with I'm starting to feel sick and lies about how he feels cold all the time since being infected. 

He pretends to groan and hold his stomach half way through class, and asks the teacher with low arm to go to the bathroom. She nods and lets him off, Harry running from his spot next to Zayn and dashing towards the boys' toilets and immediately sitting on top of a loo with the door closed. He pulls out his phone and messages Louis.

He knows he's not going to get a single reply. Louis hasn't spoken to him for what seems to be months, but really it's only been a proper week since Harry has lost complete contact with him. Louis avoids school as much as possible, and Harry's not too sure how his foster parents allow him to wag out. It's worrying, if Harry's frank.

And even when he does come to school, which is 45% of the time, he ignores Harry like he's a useless freshman. He passes by him even if Harry calls out and tries to reach out for his arm. Louis would shrug it off and continue walking as if Harry was some tree branch he accidentally brushed. He doesn't even sit with them anymore. Harry's clueless on where he sits, actually.

Zayn and Liam have noticed, and so they should. They haven't bothered Harry with why Louis isn't sitting with them anymore, or why Louis was acting funny, or why Louis looked more and more miserable each day with his face fading paler and his lovely cerulean eyes of the Maldives turning into the murky depths of the sea. Harry doesn't know if Louis talks to Zayn, and maybe he does. Zayn hasn't said a word to Harry about it. 

Such things like Zayn, or even Liam, keeping things from him is making him bite his nails to the cuticle. It makes his skin fleshier too, much more prone to Harry wanting to drag a razor over it. He's had resistance. He'd sometimes graze the blades over his skin without even taking the thin hairs on his skin, but there's other days Harry's arms, or thighs, or body, can look dangerously red. It alarms Harry now. He looks at the mirror every so often and lets the words repeat in his head. 

He knows he has a disorder. He knows this isn't normal. Ever since Louis said that his fucking problems should be sorted out before Harry tries to sort shit with him is the day Harry realized he needed help for this. He can't get over this alone. He can't hide it away under long sleeves forever. Well, maybe he could-- but that certainly isn't the point of issue. This entire disorder is the point of issue. If Harry can get help for this, Louis could too. This could help Louis. This could help him.

He just hasn't told his mum about this yet. He's sure Gemma's suspected something by now and if he's honest he doesn't care. He can't talk to Gemma for a while and if she knows, then it's one less person he needs to tell.

But Louis. This is all for Louis. He wants to do this for Louis to show him he's strong enough to go see a psychologist and sort things out for himself. He wants to show Louis that not all this is scary, having a disorder that is. He knows Louis can power through it, because he powered through 17, almost 18, years of life and stayed brave. He can't break now.

**_please come tomorrow. i miss u xx_ **

Despite the 248 messages Harry has sent to Louis without reply, he still continues because he wants Louis to know he still cares. Despite the lack of care radiating from him, Harry still wants to be there and never give up because there may just be that one day Louis needs him. Harry always wants to be that person who's there. Always.

He goes home that morning with the story of I threw up in the bathroom, I need to go home. He's a shit actor but it gets him in his mum's car, lying in the backseat moaning and whining about his stomach, and he's home after a few minutes of shut eye. He's in bed with his phone pressed close to himself to wait for Louis text message.

Time passes. Harry's mum comes in with chicken noodle soup and a small kiss on Harry's sweaty, from anxiety, forehead. She gives dry toast to the sick boy and tell him she'll be back later after running a few errands in town. She leaves and Harry gets out of bed and plays his guitar, singing his heart out for a while, before slipping back into bed when his mum's home, giving him another cup of soup and Harry becomes horribly bored when it hits seven o'clock.

He goes to bed after a few minutes of thinking, trying so hard not to be awfully disappointed that Louis didn't message him back.

*****

He has his sleeves over the back of his hands and has the ends clenched to his palms. He knows Louis is in the art room and he's staying behind to draw out one of his projects, as he  _amusingly_  told Liam.

So Louis has been going to other people behind his back, and whether or not that be because last time they talked properly it ended up in a fight Harry is damn well fucking pissed. He doesn't want to walk in there and burst out with a flaming fuck you and kick Louis in the face, because what good would that do. He's still his best friend regardless.

He watches him through the small window into the room and Louis is sitting with his back to Harry, his arm over a canvas as he's sketching something. He's sporting a baggy jumper, probably to hide the remnants of his skeleton body and paper skin. The chinos barely hang on his ankles and Harry can see the knobs of them pop out like a bold statement of help me, I'm anorexic. Harry doesn't like to assume he's gone into the anorexia stage, but with Louis looking like that and Harry spending ten too many hours just searching it up on google, he knows Louis is suffering it. He's suffering it to the point where Louis is just going to waste away. And Harry knows that he's too precious to be wasted.

He enters after a soft knock on the door and Louis doesn't even move. As Harry pads closer to the small boy, he sees that Louis is penciling out some type of portrait. It's unrecognizable who it is at this stage, Louis only having done what looks to be the iris of a slim eye. It's beautiful though. Louis has always had a remarkable talent and Harry's not too sure if Louis knows this. He keeps sketching fine lines and even when Harry sits down on the stool next to him, he doesn't flinch and draws.

Harry hasn't felt this uncomfortable in... well, ever, honestly. Not with Louis. He always goes to Louis, relies on him, to take him away from nervousness and awkwardness but he's the reason Harry's fumbling with his shirt sleeves and kicking his toes against the metal of the stool. He just draws, deaf to the world and to Harry breathing considerably loudly beside him. Harry has the nerve to ask.

"Is this your project?" he says, already knowing the simple answer of yes but honestly he has nothing else to fucking talk about. 

"Yeah," he says shortly, but softly, and it's serene. Harry sighs with relief but it hitches up the moment Louis puts his pencil down and looks at Harry in the eye. It's not a pleasant _it's good to see you, love,_  it's exactly, "why are you here?"

Harry's confused. "Am I not allowed to be here?"

"Not necessarily," he bites, turning back to look at his canvas and to pick up the pencil between his fingers. "No."

Harry gulps and leans forward on the metal bench, trying to look at Louis concentrating on the drawing. With a tongue peeking out of the side of his mouth and his eyes blinking slower than usual, Harry smiles at him. He's beautiful like this. Despite the lack of tan on his skin and the shadows of darkness in his eyes, he's still incredibly beautiful. Harry fucking loves him so, so much.

Then Louis slams the pencil to the bench, making the sound crash through the silent room and he shouts. "Do you have to fucking stare, Harry? What the fuck do you want?"

He throws his hands up in mercy, prevailing fear. "Louis, I-I just want to talk!"

"I don't want to fucking talk to you," he hisses, and Harry's hoping the room is actually empty now, because Louis is embarrassing him. "Don't you have other things to do rather than stare at how fucking monstrous I am? Don't you think I have enough pairs of eyes on me everyday?"

He's speechless. "I--"

"What makes you think I could come to school today, hm? After the week at home? Do you think it's fucking easy to walk through and stride like I have nothing to fear? No! I don't need your shit-eating eyes on me judging me as well."

"Louis!" he shouts. "I will never, ever fucking judge you," Harry says to him, calming his voice down to hopefully do the same to Louis. "Love, you can't expect me to ditch you after this. You can never expect me to do that. You know, just because we're not living five minutes away from each other doesn't mean that everything has to separate between us, Lou. I still love you as much as I did when I was seven and you were eight--"

Louis scoffs, interrupting Harry mid-sentence. "Do you think," he folds his arms and stares back at Harry, looking content with himself, "I fucking give two shits, Harry?"

Harry thought he did. "I thought you did."

"Aw, babe," Louis sighs but it's the snarky, sarcastic movement that Louis has never used as an aggressive backfire on Harry. It's the harshest one. Louis means business. "Fuck off, and when I say it this time, I really fucking mean it. You've done enough already."

Harry doesn't move, very perplexed now. "What? What do you mean--"

"Get out, I have things to do."

 _No_ , he's not doing this without an answer. "Louis," he says, hoping to get his attention. "Louis," he barks a little louder this time, and he prods at his shoulder. "Don't be an idiot and tell me what I did wrong!"

But Louis ignores him like the nasty shit he is. Harry stands from his stool and he hears Louis sigh exasperatedly when he's a couple of steps away. Harry storms back and knocks the pencil out of his hands, indenting the canvas and drawing a dark line across the white surface Louis has spent, probably, too long on. He's frozen for a moment, hand still curled like he's got the pencil occupied between his fingers and his head down to the canvas. Harry stares at Louis, unsure of how to feel.

He's probably just destroyed one of Louis' works.

"Louis," he says shakily, breathing out so nervously that he's afraid it may shatter their silence. Louis looks up to him, eyebrows high and his eyes wet. _Oh my fucking god--_  "Louis, I-I just want to help," he whispers, and his blue eyes are getting fuller and fuller of warm tears which are more than likely colder than liquid nitrogen. It's freezing Louis up pretty well. "Louis, I didn't mean... I'm sorry. I-I just want to help you--"

"You can help me," Louis stands and the first tear breaks the shell and runs down Louis' face. He pokes Harry in the chest and violently screams, "by staying the fuck away from me!"

He shoves at his chest this time, sending Harry stumbling back into the stack of easels by the photocopier. Harry glares at him. Louis never looked so astray in his life.

"Louis, I'm--"

"Fuck off. Fuck you. Fuck your family. Fuck mine, yeah? Fuck off. I don't need you. I don't need anyone, Harry. Especially you. You run off and live your life, and I'l live mine like I fucking should; pretending to be happy and trying to find a way to hide my next meal of fucking macaroni and cheese instead of throwing it back up so the acid sheds away the last of my throat!"

One last shove and he's gone with his canvas left on the table, a school bg over his shoulder and tears streaming down his face. Harry's left aghast at what had just happened. Louis is a fucking violent, broken mess. It's like a tornado has swept him off his feet and took him out of direction. Harry was his direction, but now who the fuck is it? Probably Satan for all Harry knows.

He's back home and crying to himself. Disappointing Louis or getting him upset is just... it's always the most heartbreaking things that Harry can't deal with without a few slashes in the wrong spot. He bathes himself meanwhile. He goes for his upper legs again, where scars are scattered like litter over his pale skin. There's red blood dripping down his porcelain skin again and he's sure he's seeing Louis' name in the bath water when the blood dances in it. He doesn't feel ashamed anymore. He deserved this for making Louis cry, for ruining Louis' work, everything.

He messages Zayn after drying off and covering his legs with sweatpants. Zayn's quick to message something completely off the homework topic.

_what happened with lou this arvo? x_

**_shouldnt u know alrdy? he tells u evrythn x_ **

_no he just tld me tht u pssed him off and he ddnt want to talk abt it. x_

So that's how it is, then, Harry thinks. It's gotten to a point where Harry's actions have impacted even his closest friends, and that's bad. Louis is going to lose communication with Zayn and Liam, his only two sources which may bring him ultimate jealously, but also reassurance that Louis is still alive and talking.

With that missing now, Harry doesn't know what to do. Like hell Louis is ever going to talk to him after this. Like hell he's going to speak to Zayn and Liam if Harry tells them about what happened.

_dnt worry abt it. he'll tell u if he wnted u to knw x_

When Monday is around and he sees both Liam and Zayn, unsurprisingly Louis isn't there, he goes to them and asks about the text messages from Louis. Liam says there was none all weekend, and Zayn answers with the exact same.

He asks Zayn in health if he had tried to message Louis after that. He told yes, but Louis completely ignored him. Saw the message, but ignored. Zayn tried to call, but Louis would hang up the moment he picked up to stop the awful ringing. This happened the moment after Zayn asked about what had happened on the Friday afternoon.

Harry's still worried, and like that worry hasn't gone away over the past month and a half anyway. The disappearance of Louis is more and more frequent now. Harry doesn't even see him come off the bus in the morning but sees him in the hallways later in the day if he's lucky. Harry doesn't see him at all for a month, at least. Harry hasn't tried to contact him. He's sure Louis has changed his number now. Zayn and Liam are just as paranoid about him.

But things just roll by, indefinitely slowly, and somehow Harry manages not to talk to him, or see him for three months and everyone's clueless on the disappearance of Louis Tomlinson.

 


	38. Chapter 38

He's still in love with Louis, he realizes. Even after the fights, the lack of communication, and not seeing Louis for the past four months, but he's okay with it. He still loves him, more and more each day, he supposes.

It's final week and exams are running through in the main hall and G block, where Harry knows Louis will be sitting right now completing a Maths exam. Harry had finished his for the year and is sitting at home with the phone pressed to his ear, speaking to Gemma who had plans for her and Harry to go to a music festival up north in January. 

But Harry has plans too. He wants to try make it up to Louis, maybe say a few goodbyes before he does leave to college. He's turning eighteen next week. Eighteen. He's going to be free from family, going to be free from any restraint and Louis is going to be the happiest he's ever been, and it won't be the fake happy he once told Harry about. Truly happy. 

That'll be the time Harry strikes.

But right now, he's just chilling, thinking about Louis every few seconds instead of sex. Or sometimes sex with Louis but no one needs to know about that. He hangs up on Gemma before he begins babbling about how he wished Louis was by his side right now. Instead, he's stuck with Zayn and Liam, snogging it up on the couch just in front of him. Harry pulls a face of disgust and throws a pillow to disband one another from their tongue war.

"If my mum saw that, she would have thrown you both out and dragged you along the gravel, all the way back home," Harry hisses, and Zayn rolls his eyes. Liam scoffs.

"Go make out with the pillow or something," he retorts, and Harry's a stupid thought away from doing just that.

Liam and Zayn have been good, and by good it actually means they've got their shit finally sorted out and they're dating. Boyfriends, they always remark themselves as and Liam's never been happier to use it. As Harry found out, they're _that_  couple who talk way to frequently about sex and always brag about how their relationship is better than anything else in the world. Harry doesn't mind. Seriously. He's not jealous. Definitely. 

Just because he doesn't have Louis, even though he should have tried to get him while he could, doesn't mean anything at all. Harry's just... Harry's lonely.

They end up having constant sleepovers for the rest of the week and graduation for the leavers is a must for Harry to go to. He's never ever missing out on Louis' graduation, because who is he to miss out on his best friend for nine year's best moment of his life? Finishing school. He's hoping Louis is happy. He's probably going to be smiling so wide under the light, saying a sweet speech and leaving with an unforgettable goodbye which everyone would clap and cheer to.

So when Friday comes around and Harry's sitting down next to his mum and Zayn, he notices there's a seat missing when the students are all sitting down on stage for the ceremony. He looks at all the faces and he should have known before he even checked. Louis is not there.

There's a part of Harry's heart that really crumbles because this is graduation. This is a time of his life Louis, or anyone, should miss. Graduation. A sick, sad Louis has to be the only Louis who'd miss this. Louis is sick. Louis is sad. Harry should have known that Louis wasn't going to turn up.

At least Harry knows he made the effort to come watch Louis.

He almost falls asleep during the ceremony and the final rejoice of the students brings Harry to clap loudly and stand up with the crowd. They all leave the hall and the three boys stand around with a smile, watching students hug their parents, families hug other families and _oh_ , Zayn and Liam are snogging by the bushes. He's left to stand alone while Anne runs off and sees Karen. Harry knows he's going to be here for a while.

A soft sweep of hair catches his eye, but the school uniform with the black overthrow isn't what Louis is wearing. A casual white button up and black jeans, he's wearing, and oh, he looks so fancy and lovely. He looks lost, almost like the last time Harry saw him, but he looks healthier, much healthier. He's got a glow and he's smiling like an angel. There's a fucking halo on top of his head as he buzzes around, actually talking to people. Harry hasn't seen him like this in forever. He's happy.

He's happy with... the wrong people.

Concern is drawn on Harry's face when he realizes Louis is talking to the one and only Niall Horan, the one who had spread the rumour and ruined his school life, ruined his happiness, ruined his positive outlook on himself. He's ruined it. Why the fuck, out of all people, is Louis talking to him again. And Stan! The arsehole who helped Niall. The two dickheads have no right to talk to Louis after what they've done and Harry doesn't even realize he's walking until he's waving to Louis and smiling.

"Hi!" he chirps, seeming way too happy to be happy. Louis smiles back, giving a very dandy hello and both Niall and Stan are off without another word. Louis keeps smiling until they're out of view. The moment it's just them two alone with a bunch of strangers around them, Louis frowns, turning on his heel and he walks to the right. Harry grabs at his arm before he steps away further, but Louis gives a scowl, a horrible cat scowl when personal territory has been invaded.

His eyes are sharp and vicious. They're a light grey rather than blue and Harry's still mesmerized on how they change colour. But this isn't a time to be fantasizing, because by god, Louis is so, so angry. He's red in the face now, still beautiful, but he's scowling louder and louder and the last thing Harry wants is for Louis to shout and embarrass them both.

So he drags him behind the school and Louis is barbaric. He's like a rabid dog and is growling from his throat. He doesn't move, however, when Harry lets go. He stays put and watches Harry like prey. Harry feels so, so uncomfortable.

"Please," Harry whispers. "Louis, why weren't you inside? Why... what happened?"

"Like you fucking care--"

"I fucking care Louis. I've fucking cared since I was seven, and I haven't stopped caring even when you ignored me for four months straight!" He didn't mean to sound contentious, but Louis is making him so fucking angry with the lack of affliction he thinks Harry has on him. "I fucking care," he repeats and he doesn't think Louis gets it.

"I don't--"

"I fucking care." He puts his hands on Louis' shoulders, curling them around, and is close to shaking him to oblivion until Louis gets some type of amnesia and can forget about the stupid fights, the stupid problems. Everything. He wants Louis to forget the bad and bring back the good. He wants him to bring back who he knows was Harry. The Harry he grew up with. "Louis, you can't expect me to fucking leave you after I've loved you since we were younger. You don't understand how hard it is to know you don't give a shit about how much I care about you!"

Instead of an outburst, instead of a shove at the chest, instead of anything to do with violence or anger, Louis collapses to the floor with a soft sigh. He hides his head between his knees and Harry thinks he's crying. When Harry crouches down and puts his hands on top of Louis' shoes, he can indeed hear the boy breathing weak sobs and choking on his own tears. 

Harry sits in a crouch and tries to think of a plan. He knows if he touches Louis, there's a chance the outrage might come back and split them up forever. But then there's a chance it could bring them together into a happily ever after situation where Harry can see him recover and be happy again. Harry can see himself recovering then. He'll only recover if Louis starts to.

He risks it, running a hand through Louis' hair and he doesn't move, flinch or anything. He sobs more with deep sighs and heartbreaking wails, and Harry still doesn't have a clue why.

Two fingers are tucked under his jaw, just where it was showing from his head down at the knees, and he manages to lift his head up and see his watering eyes of sadness. He looks like a sick puppy in the rain alone at 10pm. Harry wants to kiss those tears away. Louis is vulnerable. He won't care.

He reaches forward and kisses the two tears from both cheeks away from his clear skin. Bad move.

"You monster!" he shouts, shoving at Harry's shoulders and making him do a backward roll on the grass. Harry sits up after recovering, still unbalanced, as he wobbles a look at Louis. "Stay away from me, you fucking twat!"

Harry's done. "I'm your best friend, Louis Tomlinson. I did not kiss you for so long to be treated this way. I did not hug you for so long to be treated this way. This is not how you're meant to end things between us!"

Louis muffles, "I have no friends," and finishes their conversation with, "we were nothing."

Harry goes home and cries alone, his mum knocking multiple times to talk about whatever happened, but Harry refused. He cuts, like usual, it's like a fucking daily routine now, and he's left to sob into his pillow like a helpless child who's been abandoned for forever long.

That night, Louis cries as well as he packs his bags for his train to University tomorrow morning. He folds his clothes as Sarah gives him his dinner in a small serving bowl. Louis doesn't eat it, too sick in his stomach from nerves, aggression and Harry to even attempt to down something. He pours it into the bin and continues to fold away his clothes.

Tomorrow. It feels amazing because tomorrow, he's finally free to do whatever the fuck he wants. University. No more family. No more high school. No more Harry. No more anyone. No more Harry. Yes. He can stop being so in love with Harry, because there's no more Harry.

Something falls from the top of Louis' shelf in the closet, and he's almost ready to throw it back up there. Silver isn't really something Louis would take straight away, even if it was free jewellery but... oh. It's Harry's bracelet. He threw it up there after their first fight. He didn't need it. He didn't need to see it again.

It's still split and it can't be used but Louis still holds it in his hands like the time it was broken. He remembers that day clearer than any other. The day he broke a little of Harry's heart. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever given him, the key with the blue diamente still on it and dangling freely. It's the key to Harry's heart. 

He doesn't want the key to Harry's heart, but it's not really his mind's choice. It's his heart's decision, and his heart wants Harry, but Louis needs to keep telling himself that his heart doesn't need Harry. None of him needs Harry. He can do all of this himself.

Sarah comes in and takes the bowl from Louis and she notices the bracelet after seeing a glint of light from the diamente. She asks where it was from and why it was broken, and before Louis could answer, she takes it in her hands and asks if Louis wanted it fixed.

Mindlessly, he says yes. And by the time it was morning and before Louis got onto that train away from the city, he's given the fixed bracelet, and it's put on his wrist for him to take wherever he goes.

He sits on the train, the countryside passing by and the admirable view looking stunning but Louis isn't looking at that. He's got his eye on the bracelet the entire time and he's forgotten how beautiful it looks on him. He's forgotten the times Harry had kissed his rosy cheeks and told him the diamente was the same as Louis' eyes. But now, Louis is sure the shade of his eyes are a tone darker than the diamente. 

He sighs and plays with the silver charm and all he keeps thinking about is Harry, who is too far to try and chase after anymore.

*****

There wasn't even any warning, nor was there anyone to tell Harry that Louis was two hours gone up north for, probably, the rest of his life. Harry didn't even say goodbye. He was a week too late.

Louis' birthday. Zayn knew where Louis was living and Harry bought flowers, a box of chocolates shaped like a long present and a silver chain which he's saved allowance money on. Everything was set to perfection. He knocked on the door earlier that day and answered was a lady of blue who only smiled and told Harry that these were most definitely not for her. Harry told her it was for Louis, lying and saying he was his boyfriend. Sarah became confused and told Harry that Louis was gone, and that Harry should have known considering they were together.

Harry didn't know, and five seconds later found out that Louis went to University early to start the term with a way around everything. Harry doesn't take the roses, the chocolates, or the chain, home. He throws them out at the nearby public trashcan and walks back to the shopping mall to text his mum to pick him up.

He told her about the news and Anne's left silent in the car. Louis is a horrible person for doing this, but as much as Harry tries to think through that Louis is a terrible friend, a terrible person in general, is not sticking in, because Harry's fucking in love with him, and he's pretty sure he always will be. 

Harry stays in his room for the rest of the afternoon, a text message to Louis first of all saying,

**_u didnt tell me... xx_ **

He waits an hour with no response, and that's more so predictable than anything else in the world. Harry does things, looks online, curls up in bed and thinks. He does anything to try and avoid messaging Louis anything sweet because he really needs to come to the fact that Louis, whether being together for nine years or not, doesn't give two fucking shits about Harry Styles. 

The past six months have just drowned Harry in a bottomless abyss of misery and he's only wishing that Louis is feeling the exact same and will one day come forward and just be himself, let Harry in, kiss Harry and tell him he loves him too. 

Harry hardly doubts any of that will happen. Not in a million years.

Two more messages are sent, and despite Harry's word to not message him anything else, he does anyway.

**_happy 18th birthday lou. xxx_ **

But this is it, Harry thinks. After one last message, he knows he's going to shut Louis out of his life like Louis did to him, because that's only logical. If Louis didn't want to give two shits about Harry, then Harry can do the exact same and pretend none of this, none of the nine years together, meant anything. 

Louis was his first kiss, but that means nothing. Louis was his first real best friend, but that means nothing. None of this means anything. Forever meant nothing. Forever ends here.

This is it, he thinks again, and it is. 

**_youre free now. have fun xx_ **

 


	39. Chapter 39

With the beats on loud and his knees brought up high, he rests and draws on a sketch pad with a mechanical pencil. Louis thinks this could be one of the most relaxing days he's had in two months, and it's definitely the time to be drawing the fading blanket of snow covering the University's surface.

If Louis had said that University life was as ecstatic and enjoyable as people made it seem, he would be lying. Maybe it's because the first two days of orientation weren't as great as Louis had hoped it would be.

He met a guy on his floor, literally, back in mid-January. He just appeared one morning more drunk than an Irishman. His name is Sam, or Sammy as he remembers the man slurring to him. He lives in 312, which happens to be next door to Louis' 314. 

Sammy's been great, actually. He's in second year doing a Biochemistry course. He gave Louis a little tour when he sobered up. They've been good friends for, he thinks, a month now, Louis tries to calculate. They study together, they go out on small lunches together and Louis thinks he might be gay. He's attractive, Louis can admit that and has admitted that openly. They were drunk that night.

Louis has also admitted his disorder to the poor boy and, well, Sammy took it so, so well. Louis didn't expect a kiss on the forehead and a cuddle in bed after that. As homosexual as that seems, Louis can definitely reiterate that the  _no homo_  code applies between the both of them. For now, at least. He's eating more than usual. Still not enough to make him completely full up, looking like the plump sixteen year old Tommo he once was, the one that Harry remembers-- _oh god, Harry._

Harry. Harry's been running through his mind and making him endlessly tired. The one thing he hasn't told Sammy about is Harry. It's not necessary to talk about him. Harry's gone, finished. Harry's in high school, still, Louis is in University in a completely different city. Louis doesn't need him. He's managed a perfect two months without Harry. He's got Sammy. He's fine.

Louis might have cried once or twice this  _week_  over Harry, but he's fine.

There's a loud door knock and Louis thinks maybe the knocker's been there for a while when he was zoned out. He stands from the bed and paces to the door, opening it to a lovely big boy who wants a lovely big hug. Louis embraces him and they stumble to the bed, no homo whatsoever when they both land between each other and Louis is grinning into Sammy's neck. He's got a bag of something in his hand and Louis thinks it's food. Great. Food.

Sammy doesn't sit up, only propping up to glare at Louis and smile. "You're a dickhead, you have fucking Beyonce on and you were totally ignoring me for her solo."

Louis only realizes he has Beyonce on. He never usually listens to the Queen, and this is Harry's fucking iPhone music that he snatched off him two years ago.  _Fuck_.  _Harry._

"What's in the bag?"

"And of course you'd avoid my comment on you," he sneers, hopping off Louis and rolling to the side, settling the plastic bag into his lap and opening it. Chinese, Louis can smell and soon enough can see. Sammy is grinning so, so wide and that's usual. It's beautiful; it lightens up Louis' day at least. "Got the best for us. Need to pack it up. We have a big night tonight, Lou!"

And suddenly, Louis falls worried. "What do you mean?"

"Party tonight up street. One of my mates wants everyone in, like a start of year freshmen gathering but full of other dickheads like you and me." He tousles his hair, a mousy brown like Louis' and continues to grin. Louis wonders if his cheeks ever hurt from doing so. "Only if you want to go though."

Louis doesn't push away the offer. "Of course I would love to go," and the only reason he really wants to is because he knows Sammy will get drunk enough to start table dancing, and Louis really, really wants to see that again. 

He needs to start having more fun and start getting rid of the image of Harry Styles with bottles of vodka and lots and lots of kissing.

They eat from the boxes, Sammy looking over and seeing the sketch Louis is pencilling out. It's nothing at the moment, Louis tells him, and regardless of the jigsaw of lines and dots, he still calls it beautiful and that's just one of the main things he absolutely treasures about Sammy. He fucking loves everything and everyone and Louis fucking loves him too. Well... not like that-- he still loves Harry. He loves Harry.

Louis really needs to go to this party.

*****

"You need to get me on the team, Liam!" Harry shouts to him, pleading eyes almost watering. It's past three, and Harry is holding Liam back from the bus by begging, absolutely begging, to make it on the senior football team of the year after he missed out tryouts.

The fucking dentist is to blame. And he still can't tell his mum about football because his grades were even worse than the year before. But he needs this. He needs to be part of the team. Liam can't be cruel to ditch him, can he?

"Please!"

"Harry, I told you... it's not my decision!" Liam sighs. "I'll see what I can do but... you know don't put your heart on it, mate," he claps Harry on the shoulder and gives him an apologetic smile. "I really got to run, H. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

Harry nods and keeps his eyes to the linoleum. Liam dashes off and meets with Zayn outside, fleeing him after a kiss. Zayn comes to him and whacks the back of Harry's head to perk him up. 

"Oi," he hisses. "Don't be a downer, you. We got an afternoon ahead of us and I don't want the sappy you drowning me down to the cuddly kittens in the pet store--"

"Z, I'm not really in the mood," groans Harry. "It's... it's been a shit week, yeah. I don't think I'm up for town."

Zayn frowns and glares at him. "Did something happen with Louis?"

He screws up his face with hurt. Just hearing the name is so painful and it makes his heart drop every fucking time. "I haven't messaged him for two months. I'll bet you ten bucks that he's forgotten about all of us," he says. "He's probably having too much fun."

"I really doubt it, H. You should try--"

"I'm not trying anything," Harry hisses in front. "It's over, Z. I told you it was over before it even started. We wouldn't have lasted. He never loved me more than... more than in a friendly way. We've had a good run and you know, things happen."

Zayn folds his arms and squints at Harry. "Things happen isn't going to get you anywhere."

"Do I want to get somewhere?" Harry asks him. "I don't. I told you." Harry turns on his heels and paces a few steps forward. "I'm just... Sorry. I'm going to go home. I'm not up--"

"That's chill, mate," Zayn says. "Talk about it tonight, yeah?"

Harry accepts him with a nod and leaves. He drives home, a new baby car which Harry keeps falling in love with every time he hears the engine roar and the sound of his seatbelt click. He drives home with the soft hum of the classical radio playing and arrives with a swift kiss on his mum's cheek and grabbing a juice box from the fridge. He goes in his room and stays there for the night, messaging Zayn about anything other than Louis and keeping himself calm.

His arms look bare today and Harry thinks that maybe they shouldn't be. It doesn't feel normal to have clean arms, he's been clean for around two weeks, Harry thinks. It's not going to last long though. Harry doesn't care if he ruins his goals. This is an addiction he'll never be able to remove from himself.  _Well_... unless he sees someone about it. But he doesn't want to. This is who he is. This is how he'll stay.

He thinks about Louis too much. The past however many months it has been since Louis started ignoring him, which is approximately six months and four days, Harry's been in an overloaded mind stuffed hurricane of  _LouisLouisLouis_  and he can't get out of it. He needs to remove himself from Louis but he fucking can't. No matter how hard he tries. He just can't.

As much as Zayn and Liam try, they can't help him either. They never were help in the first place, honestly, and they're not doing much to try keep Harry from thinking about Louis. Actually, they remind him about Louis every fucking day as if he's still the most important thing in Harry's life. He's not. Nope. Harry has...  _Chemistry_! That's the most important thing right now. His chemistry homework. Of course.

He does that and he's left at seven o'clock with nothing to do. He draws instead, on his arms, with a razor.  _Fun fun fun_ , Harry always tells himself, because it's always pleasing. It's stupidly pleasing. No one knows about this, he thinks. Louis doesn't care anymore. It's fine. He can do this as much as he wants.

Eight o'clock, and more talking to Zayn he guesses. It's nothing new, some stuff on their maths and english homework. Harry really regrets growing up, for the school purpose and losing Louis purpose. He's thinking about Louis again.  _Fuck._

He doesn't know how he makes it, but ten-thirty is almost relief to see. He hides his laptop under the bed and phone under the pillow, slips under the duvet and turns off the light. He hits the pillow, falling asleep after a few tossing and turning moments, but it's an easy doze.

Until one-thirty-six in the morning.

*****

He's stumbling to the point he should be carried home, but Sammy's the only one with him and they've made out like five times and stuff but he's definitely not at the level of capacity to even carry a beer bottle at the moment. Louis has fallen over and should be dragging himself to his room, but he's walking, somehow.

Saying goodbye to Sammy is harder than he thought. Louis thinks he's leaving forever when he goes through his dorm door. Louis stumbles three steps and heads into his own dorm where he smacks straight into his desk on the left. He squeaks "wow, excuse me m'aam!" and trips to the bed instead. He doesn't move for a bit, then groans for a prolonged time. No reason to, he just wanted to.

He finds his phone somehow and his blurry vision seems to block out everything but Harry from his eyesight. And whether or not that be some kind of sudden mental illness Louis has obtained in the past four hours, or if it's his brain telling him that even getting drunk can't wash Harry away from his mind, Louis just fucking deals with it. 

He deals with it all right. He has Harry on dial and is laying with his stomach down on the bed, pretending to be a 90's school girl and tangling a strand of hair around his finger. He kicks his legs up and down and listens to the ringing tone. He's still clueless on who he's really calling.

When Harry picks up, it's a fucking good surprise. Louis squeaks and recognizes the voice, even when he's drunkenly drunk like this. He flips to his back and listens to Harry say  _hello?_  three times and  Louis finally says,

"Hi."

He's sure Harry's breath catches for a moment, because it takes a while for him to say, "hey."

And his voice is gravelly and so soft because god, he's probably been asleep and Louis has woken him from that peaceful sleep that he really loved to watch. The way Harry's nose would flare lightly and he'd snore just a little bit. His lips would twitch sometimes and his eyes would flicker under his eyelids when he was having a happy dream. And... those times he woke up to Harry's hard on pressed against him and they didn't even care for a while. They just lived with the fact they gave each other boners and, yeah, Louis really loved those days the most.

"Harry," and he can't even say his name right without slurring it, "I just... Hi, Hazza! I'm fucking drunk off my nut and I-I think I... I might need to spew."

"Why are you drinking?"

Louis furrows his eyebrows before his head drops down to the mattress. "You fucking wanting to mess with me? I'm fucking 18! I told you. I'm 18 I can do what I want--"

"I'm just asking," he says in a small voice. "L-Look, Lou. It's late. Can we talk in the morning? I've school tomorrow and... you know," Harry whispers, "I'm tired."

Louis groans into the sheets and gives Harry an annoyed sigh. "Do you know how many times I've wanted you here with me, Hazza?" he starts dragging on. "I've fucking missed you like I've missed anything like... I don't fucking know I'm too drunk to care!" Louis snaps. "I want to kiss you so fucking bad--"

"Lou," Harry interrupts. "I'm gonna go--"

"I-I never got to tell you how much you mean to me,  _Harold_ ," Louis slurs. "And I never got to tell you how much I wanted to kiss that pretty arse of yours and kiss your neck and kiss everything of the above and you... you know what?" he belches. "I think if I was drunk enough I could have fucked you in my bed when my parents were home, just before I left but you fucking didn't want me, you slut!"

Harry's silent but Louis continues anyway, still drunkenly slurring every bit of his open mind.

"D-Did you feel that day in the morning? I dunno, it was  _soooo_  long ago now and I made you come in your pants. Ha! That was the best, you fucking came in your pants and I just wanted to suck you off then," he tells. Harry's still very, very silent. "You have a fucking massive dick, you know? I... how does a 16-- no,  _17 year old_  have something like that. Maybe we could become porn stars, Harry! Childhood dream with our rollercoaster inside the house or whatever it was!"

"Lou--"

"One day we need to take the ute out to the paddock and we can fuck under the stars. How fun would that be Hazza! I would take it in so fucking good, don't you think? Gonna put that on my bucket list for the both of us. We can have smores and pizza, with some cheap wine and then it'll be cock up my arse for the rest of the night!"

"L-Lou, I said stop," Harry whispers to him. "I-I really need to go--"

"You're fucking touching yourself aren't you." There's no answer from Harry and unless he's hung up on Louis, it must mean a yes. "So you know, if I had you in my hands right now with two fingers curling up your arse, you wouldn't be whining--"

"Louis!" he barks out. "For fuck's sake, stop it--"

"You'd love that, wouldn't you babycakes?" Louis sneers. "I'd give you head so deep babycakes. Push you in until you're hitting the back of my throat and I'd let you use me, Hazza. Twist your hands in my hair and push me up and down so you fuck my mouth, yeah? How's that."

It's obvious now, because there's a loud shuffle in the sheets and Harry's giving small whimpers. He's sure Harry doesn't even know he's making these sounds, but  _oh well._

"But I wouldn't stop there, Hazza. I'd make sure a third finger slips in nice and easy because for all I know, my cock's definitely not going to fit in that tight one of yours just as snuggly as anything else. I would try find your little nerves, yeah? Fuck, you'd be moaning so, so loud baby. And I--"

"Fuck, Lou, please stop--"

"No, I won't stop because I'm gonna make you come baby. Can't let you sleep with a hard on, too many times. Tisk tisk, what are we gonna do with you, baby," Louis sighs, a hand rolling down his own body and oh, he's hard too. Coincidence. "Hm, I'm hard too Hazza. Too bad you can't see. Tell me what you're doing."

Harry answers with a very shaky, "n-nothing. I... I want to go to bed."

"Of course you do. And you'd be sitting there with your pretty bum in the air, wouldn't you? Like an obedient dog. And I'd fucking lick you out like a pig and make sure you can't walk for a fucking week after we're finished. You'd like that, wouldn't you Hazza?"

"N-No--"

"And lying to yourself, and me, is only gonna get you punished, baby," Louis slurs. "So c'mon love, pants off, throw them aside, legs up and put the phone close to you. Gonna fuck you, yeah?"

"Lou--"

"Oh, Jesus." He throws his head back when rocks his hips up into the heel of his palm. Shit, the friction is good. "Hm, Hazza. I'm so hard, baby. I wanna see you too. You look pretty when you come, love. You should have gotten drunk with me and come back here! Could have fucked that pretty bum of yours!"

Harry sighs and Louis hears a faint gulp. He speaks, "Lou, I--"

"Pants off, babycakes?"

Harry freezes. "Yes."

"Phone by your ear, babycakes?"

"Yes."

"And tell me what you're doing."

A soft whine and a curl of his toes later, Harry's answering with a few babbles. "I'm... I'm touching myself, Lou."

"More details, babe," Louis whispers so, so drunkenly. "How far are you, baby?"

"I'm really close, Lou. I-I... I haven't touched myself in weeks. I-I couldn't. I missed you too much. I didn't... Ah, fuck," he seethes as his hips buck up involuntarily. "Lou, please... tell me-- please. Tell me."

Louis grins, zip undone and his hand around his hard on under his briefs. "Tell you what, baby?"

"What you'd do to me," he breathes. "I-I want... I want you so bad, Lou. Oh god, I... oh, god."

Louis throws his head back and cackles for a bit, stroking hard and tight around himself and biting his bottom lip harshly. "Gonna come over there during mid-term and make sure we're alone. We can fuck all we want, in the treehouse. Yeah? Remember that little table we played on, ate our first cookies on? We could fuck on that table right there and you'd scratch your nails so hard that it'll engrave our first time together. How fucking good does that sound?"

"S'good," Harry whines. "So, so good, Lou."

"And we can have a small picnic by the lake and I'd suck you off and rim you s'good, Hazza. We'd have the willow trees around us. We could fuck in front of the frogs and they just have to stare and watch. You'd be moaning into the dirt and getting the Earth in your hair and I'd just slap your arse silly, baby. Then I'd lick you out again and make you come just from my tongue and fingers, Hazza\--"

"Fuck, oh my god," hisses Harry. There's a small gasp of breath and a groan. "Lou, oh-- keep going--"

"I miss you so, so much, baby. I'd mark you so hard that your entire neck would be purple from lovebites. I'd mark you in places where everyone can see, to make sure they know that I'm the only one you're ever going to fuck around with, and to make sure that everyone knows that Louis fucking Tomlinson took your virginity. Yeah? How about that, babycakes? Like me to be your first?"

"Yes... of course."

"I'd treat you so, so well," Louis says sweetly, thumb rubbing over his tip and he hisses. "Fuck, Hazza. I can't wait, baby. I love the sound of your voice. I love your hands. Your hands on my hips while I ride you, how about that? On the ute in the outback again. I love that scene. I'll always remember that. We will one day, baby. Make sure you're screaming before I do because I'm fucking tight, H. I'd fit so nicely around you and take you so, so well and make sure I roll my hips just perfectly so you're throwing your head back and--"

"Lou,  _ohgodohgod_ ," he squeaks and breathes out. "Lou, I'm... ah, I'm--"

There's shuffles of sheets and a groan from Harry which is way louder than expected and Louis knows he's done. He doesn't finish himself off, he can do that in a few minutes. He can hear Harry's ragged breathing and shifty movements. Louis wants him so fucking bad.

There's still a hand around himself and he's taking it easy. Just the sound of Harry's voice is making him close and he's edging now. Louis is really trying to edge.

"Baby," Louis grunts through the phone. "I need you to help me. I'm--"

"I want you so fucking bad, Lou," Harry growls. "I... I--"

"Yes, babycakes," he praises. "I miss you, Hazza."

"I miss you too," he says softly, and it takes him a few hip thrusts more to be filling up his briefs. He's a hot sticky mess on the bed and he lies flat, groaning, slipping himself out of his hand and he sighs to Harry.

Within seconds, Harry's off the phone with no true goodbye and Louis falls asleep after shucking off all of his clothes and going under the covers. He wakes up with a deadly hangover and an interesting text message from Harry with an attachment.

He looks at it, and Louis immediately thinks Harry's texting the wrong person. A photo of his body with white paint, it looks to be, up his body and God, Harry's been fucking working out or something.  _Oh_ , it isn't white paint.  _Oh_ , it isn't the wrong number because he's said  _miss you lou. sweet dreams xx_ underneath the photo.

 _Oh_ , he fucking had phone sex with Harry.

 


	40. Chapter 40

He's so nervous he's shaking. His leg is bouncing up and down and he's chewing his nails in anticipation. Harry messaged him and he can't call Louis until he's at home. It's a fucking 30 minute drive and Louis is going to go crazy if he doesn't tell Harry about what happened last night. Not to bloody mention he's got a hangover bigger than life in his fucking head. Louis hates himself.

So his name finally appears with the stupid marimba ring tone exploding into his ears and he picks it up so quickly he almost loses grip of his phone and swings it across the room. He catches it and answers, pressing it so hard against his ear that it may go through his skull. He speaks after a shaky breath.

"Hi," Louis speaks out hurriedly, very breathless. He's probably been holding it for the past 8 hours, he thinks. "Hi, hi."

"You're eager, aren't you?" and it's a cheerful laugh at Harry which sends Louis to the pits of agony, because Harry shouldn't be laughing. Louis is about to let him down very, very slowly about how none of this was meant to happen. He shouldn't even be talking to Harry, but fuck, he is. He fucking had phone sex with him last night, and Harry sent him a picture of his abs with come on them and fuck, fuck, fuck Louis can't get the strength to delete the attachment from his inbox. 

It's so fucking hot, suddenly, and Louis opens the windows. It's only come out of winter so the room is almost instantaneous to fill up with frost and Louis begins shivering. But he can't close the windows. Everything is too hot. Hot. Harry's hot. Everything is fucking overloaded and overheating and Louis can't deal with anything.  _Fuck!_  Harry's fucking speaking to him and Louis isn't even listening to him.

"Babe," he calls, and Louis pulls a face of disgust at the nickname. "Hey, are you there?"

"Don't call me that, Harry," he hisses lightly. He can almost hear the confusion creep up on Harry's face.

"What do you mean?" Harry asks him. Louis really should have told him what this conversation was going to be about in the text message, and he really shouldn't have added five x's for positivity. Louis is just a fucking train wreck. "Lou, is it... is it something to do with last night? Because you were good. I liked it. I didn't find it awkward or anything--"

"Harry, I was drunk!" Louis snaps at him. Harry stays silent. "Last night was a mistake. I-I... I was really, really drunk. A mate of mine just... he made me drink this stupid alcohol that was in the cupboard for like ten years and I-- none of this was meant to happen, Harry. None. I accidentally called you at the wrong time."

Harry gulps, Louis can hear it. "What about all those things you said?"

Louis rolls his eyes. "I hardly remember anything--"

"You said you missed me," Harry says. "And that you wanted to kiss me, and... like do things to me--"

"I told you, I was drunk."

Harry groans lightly, with annoyance. "I know, Lou. But... you speak the truth when you're drunk. I-It meant a little bit? Didn't it?"

"I told you," Louis says bluntly, "no."

There's silence for a couple of seconds, and then a scowl. "You know, you didn't have to be a dick about things. You have some common sense when you're drunk, you don't just call me at one in the morning and start saying you wanted to suck me off."

"And what did I tell you, like fifty times even when I was drunk, Harry? I told you I was drunk. I was  _drunk, drunk, drunk_. I didn't have a blue's clue what I was doing and I'm glad. I don't want to fucking know what I did."

"It isn't an excuse."

"You're right, it isn't an excuse, Harry, because I was  _actually_  drunk," Louis barks. "And what are you even trying to prove here? That I liked it? That maybe it means something? Because last time I knew Harry, this meant nothing and it continues to mean nothing."

"But--"

"It means nothing. I told you that, and it's staying that way. I don't want anything to do with you and will continue to think that way until I think otherwise."

He can even hear Harry smirk. "And when will that otherwise be?"

"The moment you're dead." Louis hits the end call button and slams his phone down to the mattress. He sits, angry, for a moment. Harry shouldn't care. Harry shouldn't think so much of something that happened while Louis was drunk. Louis was drunk. That's the only reason why it happened. It meant nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Louis lays back to his mattress and only a few seconds after closing his eyes, he shoots them open and realizes what he's done. Harry can't have received the impression Louis wanted him dead... or something, could he? That's definitely not his intention-- _fuck_. Harry isn't an idiot to kill himself just to prove a point.

He sits up and scrolls through his contacts, calling Harry. Harry doesn't answer.

"Oh my god, don't be a fucking prat!" Louis shouts at his phone, redialing Harry's number and it going straight to the message bank. Harry's phone's off.  _Fuckfuckfuck_. Harry can't be an idiot to do a stupid thing like that.

Five more unsuccessful tries and he's crying into his knees. There's only prayers now.  _Fuck_ , Harry can't be an idiot to do that. He can't be.  _Fuck_  he's scaring Louis so, so much right now. Harry's a dickhead but  _oh god,_  Louis feels the guilt already eating him alive.

Louis doesn't even hear Sammy come through the door. Louis shouldn't have given him the idea you can get through the doors with a bobby pin. Somehow, Sammy managed to find one. Eh, that's another story for later. But he's in and he's seeing Louis cry on the bed and the first instinct is to go to him and cuddle him to the bed. Louis lets him in the hug and he sobs just a bit harder. 

Sammy's the first to whisper, "what happened?"

"It's too hard to explain," is the only thing he says. Because Harry. Harry's too hard to explain. Nine years is too hard to explain. Last night is too hard to explain. "Everything's fine, babe, don't worry," and okay, pet names shouldn't be used. But Sammy's attractive and he can vaguely remember the cherry from Sammy's drink which he tasted in his mouth.  _Fuck_ , he snogged this kid. Louis just wants to kiss him again, forget about Harry and stuff. To start over. "Everything's perfect."

Sammy smiles to him. "Are you sure? Because a nice lunch sounds good right about now?"

Louis groans into his neck and sighs, "don't you have a headache or something? Far out--"

"I took some panadol this mornin' and had an early shower. I'm fine." Sammy lifts his head from Louis and smiles down to him. "Only if you want to go though. We can stay here for a bit, study and whatever--"

"Oh God," Louis moans inappreciatively. "No, we're going into town."

Sammy grins wider and that bastard is a bloody God. Hangovers don't even want to touch him, but Louis does. Louis smiles to the boy on top of him, and Louis really, really wants to touch him and kiss him.

So he does. Their first sober kiss. Louis loves it.

*****

Zayn's on the phone to him, straight after Louis hung up on Harry. Harry needs advice. Serious advice.

He hasn't told Zayn, because why should he? There was no reason to before Louis called it off like a bloody arsehole, making up excuses saying he was drunk, and that none of this meant a single bloody thing. It's ludicrous. It's making Harry go insane with an overload of anxiety being pressured onto him. Gravity is already too much on his shoulders. He doesn't need more problems.

"Oi," Zayn shouts over the line. "If you're going to be a silent fucker, I'm just gonna leave you."

Harry bites his lip and huffs through his nose. He just needed to gather up the words to say it. He pretty much had sex over the phone with Louis. It was... yeah, okay. How is he going to put it into subtle words. He was talking over the phone to Louis... after a few months of ignoring each other and one thing lead to another--

"Bye," Zayn hisses, as Harry shouts,

"Wait!"

A groan from Zayn rings in Harry's ears but he stays. "What? What is it? You're wasting my time!"

"What time do you have, Z?"

"I could be talking to Liam, but you said this was fucking important and I've been on the phone for... seven minutes and 45 seconds so fucking spit it out!"

 _Christ,_  Zayn's cranky. "Z, you know when... like... you know when you talk over the phone and you kind of just start like... I don't know."

"You, I don't know, maybe stay silent and waste people's time? Yes! I do know. In fact, I'm experiencing it right now funnily enough--"

"Zayn, you're not helping," Harry says bluntly. "You kind of just start moaning and... you talk about things like sex and stuff?"

Zayn's baffled. "What?"

Harry needs to be as subtle as he can-- "Louis and I had phone sex. A-And I don't know what to think because I'm still fucking in love with him but he told me just before he didn't love me back and now I'm stuck because apparently this entire thing was a mistake but I fucking had sex with him, Z! He can't expect me not to give it up like everything was meaningless!"

"First of all, you didn't have sex with him. Secondly, what the fuck is going on between you two because Louis has not message either of us since... since I don't even fucking remember anymore. Why did he call you and--"

"He was drunk, he says," Harry tells. "I-I don't know, I should have left him before... before he started talking about me and telling me things--"

"Don't go into detail, please," Zayn snaps. "Far out, Haz. You've talked to him about this?"

"Yes. Yes I have, and he said it was a mistake. He's just all out in University. He doesn't even care about me anymore. W-What happened between us? I miss him so fucking much and just... how can he do this to me?"

Zayn breathes heavily. "He's a dickwad, H. Just don't worry about him."

"Zayn, I've been in love with him for nearly two years. I can't just not worry about him, let alone stop loving him altogether."

"Well, try," he advises. "You know he's not coming back, H. He's changed."

Harry shakes his head and looks down to his duvet. "You're hopeless at advice, why did I even call you?"

"No, I'm not hopeless at it. You're just hearing things that you don't want to hear or accept, which is why you're calling me names," Zayn tells. "Listen to me, he's not coming back. You better get started while you're ahead. We're here for you, H. We both love you so much but sometimes you just need to let things go."

Harry screws his eyes closed. "Even if--"

"Even if things were meant to last forever," he says softly. "I love you, yeah? Keep things steady. I really need to talk to Liam though, so I better head off."

"Y-Yeah," Harry gulps. "Love you too."

He hangs up slowly, just hoping Zayn would come back and say  _sike! just run off to him and try win him back because Louis is so, so lovely_  but it never happens. Harry's left alone for a while before he thinks that maybe going to the tree house would solve some problems.

It doesn't. It makes Harry feel worse.

He hasn't been here for a while. There's dust forming on every bit of furniture and Harry needs to shake the bean bags from their stale state before sitting on them. The house is glum and empty. There's no laughter from Louis, no kisses from Louis, and there's barely any light coming through the window. The glass is dirty and is capturing every little bit of light to fade it away from the house, to fade it away from Harry's soul. 

He calls Louis after ten minutes. He can't bare to wait with anticipation whether or not this is the end. Harry has it in the back of his mind that this is the end, maybe the end was when Louis left, but he just needs to know for sure. There's still a chance.

Louis, surprisingly, picks up, and he's whispering a soft hey to Harry.

"Hey," Harry says back. "I-I... sorry, I just needed to talk to you."

"About what?" Louis asks.

Harry feels his gut turning and his heart twisting. "Louis, are we... are we still best friends?"

There's silence on the other end, and Harry almost thinks he's hung up. But then, "Harry, can we not talk about this now?"

"Please--"

"This isn't the time."

Harry knits his eyebrows together. "W-Why can't we talk about it? Aren't I more important right now, Lou?"

There's an annoyed sigh. Harry wishes he didn't hear that. "Just because last night happened, it doesn't mean you can think we're still friends, H. When I left you, when I told you to stay away from me, that was when I wanted you to leave me alone because I don't want to be friends with you."

"Why?"

Louis moans again. "Do you need a fucking answer?"

"Yeah, I do, because why are you dropping things? What the hell happened? Why did everything fall apart? I love you, Louis. I told you that all the time and I said I would take care of you, even when you moved away, but you're pushing me away as if none of the nine--  _no_ ,  _ten_  years, now, meant nothing to you!"

"Well Harry," he says, and Harry can tell he's acting top dog sarcastic. "Things change."

"Yeah, they fucking do all right," Harry hisses. "What the fuck happened to you."

He abruptly hangs up on Louis mid-sigh, and immediately stands up and does to the window. He sends a message to Louis, one final damn message because they're not friends anymore. He's getting over Louis, after this final message. 

Louis sits alone, telling Sammy to go back to his dorm when Harry called him. He fiddles with social media before a message from Harry pops through. 

_Remember a while ago, Lou Lou? Remember when I gave you that pencil and I told you to engrave your name into the sill, so our names were permanently sealed inside our house?_

Well,  _shit_. Louis is gripping his phone so hard right now. He keeps reading over the message and every time he can hear Harry saying those words. How harsh and bitter it would sound in his voice. Louis wants to cry.

His phone buzzes again, and it's another message, with an attachment this time. 

It's a photo of the window sill, with LOUIS HARRY in clear view. Underneath, it's the final message from Harry.

_This meant forever._

It's over. Forever is over.

 


	41. Chapter 41

His feet are hot next to the ball he's dribbling down the field. He has no intention to stop, or pass the ball, and Liam's hollering to him, calling him a  _fat hog_  from behind, but who cares. It's ten seconds until the end, Harry needs this goal to get into the finals. 

There's an opponent ahead, growling like a dog and trotting on the spot like a bull. Harry looks to his eyes, a mere grey-blue which looks like Louis' angry eyes. Louis. Fucking Louis. Stupid Louis.

He shoves the man away and kicks the ball, crying out a grunt when he falls to the floor. It goes in, the bells ring, they're in the final. He's picked up by his teammates and crowded by words of praise and cheer. They're clapping him on the back and Harry's just smiling weakly and breathing out tiredly. 

A shower is ready for him and he leans against the tiles and lets himself cool off. He drives home without a goodbye to anyone then locks himself up in his room for the rest of the day.

It's July, and Harry is still wearing sweatpants in the Summer heat, but he doesn't care. He has his air conditioner at full blast and he's sitting under the duvet reading through his text messages. Zayn's asked if he wanted to hang out later in town, but he declines with _my mum said no, sorry_ , and finds himself curled up ready to have a sleep.

There's a door knock around an hour later. Harry is hoping it's his mum with some nicely made lunch, but two boys storm in and sit on either side of Harry's bed with legs crossed and smiles on their faces. Harry groans and sits up. He didn't want company today.

"Why," he says, not even a question to the lads. "I just want to be alone--"

"You've been alone since June, H. You're fucking obvious. You use the lamest excuses in the book," Liam snaps. "Don't play coy with us, Styles. What's wrong?"

"What do you mean, what's wrong? I told you I'm fine! I've always been fine, see?" he smiles so wide that his jaw clicks. Harry grunts and holds a hand to his cheek. "Don't try and assume things. I've told you I'm fine. I'm just tired after footie."

"So I suppose you're tired after maths as well, are you? So much hard work with quadratics, hm? So much work that you do two questions and you talk the rest of the lesson--"

"Stop being sarcastic, it's hurting my brain," Harry hisses to Zayn. "What do you want from me?"

"We want you to be happy," Zayn states. "You've told us a lot, H. I-I know it's been hard over the past few months but you're not living life as full as you can. There was the carnival last week and you didn't even make the effort to get into town."

"You know why? Because I'd be third wheeling both of you when you're snogging on the ferris wheel and winning each other prizes. I don't find that very enjoyable."

Liam smirks at Zayn. "See what I mean?"

Harry cocks up an eyebrow at the two boys. "What are you on about?"

"Haz," Zayn says softly. "Do you... do you miss Louis?"

The name immediately causes pain. He screws up his face, looks down to the duvet and growls out, "don't mention his name."

"But--"

"I'm serious, Zayn," Harry continues. "Don't... just don't. I don't want anything to do with him."

"Ah, I call bullshit on you," Liam snaps, earning a groan from Harry. "No wonder you've been cranky and pissy for the past few months. You miss Louis, don't even fucking deny it. _Louis Louis Louis_. Does that do anything for you? You're still in love with him and if you deny that shit, I'm going to shove a hand down your throat."

"Why are you forcing this on me? Can't you accept the fact that I'm trying to move on? That I'm making the damn effort to do what he wants me to do!" Harry exclaims. "He doesn't want me in his life, and I want to give him what he wants."

"Louis misses you too--"

"Zayn, don't even start mate, because you're the one who always told me that Louis is a dickwad," Harry says to him. "You don't have to help me. I told you I'm fine. I... what's this?"

A phone is pressed close to his face and Harry blinks back to look at the screen. It's a message-- no, many messages from Louis to Liam. Harry doesn't read them, he looks to Liam instead.

"What's this?"

Liam sighs and gives the phone to Harry. "I knew you'd think we would be bullshitting you when we said Louis misses you, H. So... it's just proof."

_i know i havent talked to any of you in a while but i just miss you guys so much_

_im so sorry about leaving all of you_

_i just want things back_

_li why isnt harry answering his phone_

_can you please just tell him i miss him_

_please :(_

Harry scoffs. "He's probably drunk."

"What? At two in the afternoon?" Liam says. "Why can't you accept that maybe this is what he's actually saying?"

"Are you scared, H?" Zayn asks. 

"I'm not scared," Harry says, "I'm fucking confused. He's making up shit, I know he is. He said he never wanted to be friends with me. He said this was over. I don't want to make things up with him. He's just going to fucking push me away for no fucking reason again."

Both boys sigh. "He really misses you."

"Until I hear that come from his very mouth while sober, I won't make the effort to try and sort shit out."

Zayn grabs his phone out next and scrolls through something before giving it to Harry. Harry looks at it and immediately pulls a face of disgust. 

"You've got to be fucking joking--"

"It's a long weekend next week, H," Zayn tells. "It'll be a surprise for him, you know? You can sort things out. The Uni is having a quiet week off, Louis told me. If you just visited him--"

"I'm not taking a damn train to go chase after Louis. I told you I'm not making so much of an effort. Louis wanted me out of his life and if that be for the rest of his life, then so be it. I don't care. I don't care about him and I don't want to care about him ever."

"Stop talking yourself out of it," Liam hisses. "Stop being a dick about it too--"

"I'm not being a dick about it. It's you two who are telling-- no, _forcing_  me to go see someone I don't want to see."

"You do want to see him though," Liam continues. "You're just telling yourself things to hopefully get yourself to change your mind, but you can't change the heart, Harry. I know from experience," he looks to Zayn and... oh. "You can't expect something to change like this. We know you were happier with Louis. Louis might have been a dickwad before but he might have just been confused or too angry."

"I quote from Louis," Harry says. "Things change."

"Exactly," Zayn states. "Things do change. Louis has changed. He misses you and you know what, you're that much of a dickhead he used to be if you're pushing him away when he wants to sort things out."

"You're acting like Louis did back last year," Liam admits. "Just... try it, Harry. That's all you've been living off since we've all been together in Primary. We told you to try and step forward for him."

"I told you to try and step forward to kiss him, and look where that lead you too, H?" Zayn says. "He loves you--"

"You don't fucking know that." Harry folds his arms over his chest and growls lowly in his throat. "I'll think about it, whatever. Just... can you two leave me alone? I don't want anything to do with this right now."

They do leave eventually. Harry sleeps for the rest of the afternoon and he's up at midnight on the roof, playing a new ballad on his guitar that he's made called Blue.

*****

School's a rush the next week and once they're out the Friday afternoon, Liam and Zayn come to him and not-so-subtly impose that Harry should go see Louis.

Harry pushes them away, shoves them actually, and drive home with no caring bone in his body. He locks himself up again and finds himself playing his guitar for a prolonged time. He can't go see Louis. How would he even stay there? Let alone be allowed to go there on his own.

Louis isn't even worth it. Harry has tried so hard to get over him, to stop himself from actually caring so, so much about a boy who pushed him away when he tried to help. But now, Harry's just doing the exact same thing. He does feel bad about it, but if Louis did it once before it gives Harry the absolute right to do it to him.

Kind of. Revenge shouldn't be used as a thing, especially in cases like this.

Louis misses him, and whether or not that be from his heart or just a case to get back his friends, Harry has come to realize he's fucking missed Louis a lot too. He still misses him as much as he did six months ago when Louis called everything off. They're still best friends in Harry's heart. The tree house hasn't been knocked down, so their friendship hasn't ended. There's the names in the sill still. That still means forever.

Louis might not think all those things, but Harry does. It's all locked up in his heart. They could be locked up and framed. Harry wishes they were. His memories in a frame, in a frame of what his heart says and thinks and feels; a frame of hearts. He could look at all their memories every day, just in a frame. He can look at the pictures, the videos, the laughs, the cries, the kisses, the moments where everything meant everything. They still do. In Harry's heart, they still do.

It's what brings Harry out from his curled up position in his bed, on his laptop, and out of his room Saturday morning to catch the eleven o'clock train up north to see Louis. 

*****

He arrives, after many buses, wrong directions, and walking, at two o'clock at the front of the largest University Harry has probably seen in his life. It's beautiful to walk through the gates, and just like Zayn and Liam said, the University is quiet for its weekend off. He's gone to the administration office, asking for Louis Tomlinson as a visitor. The woman, named Frances with lips too tight and pink, tells him he's up in the western dorms on the third floor. 

Harry walks and arrives in the third floor corridors and... well, he should have asked for the room number.

Since receiving a new number to take himself away from Louis, he doesn't have his number to call him. He leans up against the wall and messages Zayn for the number to call him up. There's soon a man closing the door right next to Harry and Harry immediately jumps forward and asks,

"Hi! Um, so... hi, I'm looking for Louis Tomlinson," the man doesn't look too friendly, "do you know which one his dorm is?"

The man folds his arms over his chest and growls, "who are you to know?"

Shit. "I'm... I'm Harry. I'm one of Louis' best friends, you see. Back in town where he grew up we always used to hang out. I wanted to come see him."

"Harry, are you?" the man laughs. "The one Louis never wanted to see again because he hurt him, the one that ignored him when he wanted something back? Yeah, okay, mate. I'm definitely going to show you which one Louis' room is so you can hurt him all over again."

Harry furrows his eyebrows because... when did he hurt Louis? He never hurt Louis. "I'm not going to hurt him again. Can you just show me to his room please? I really need to talk--"

"He's out that way," the man points to the door. "He's out of the University, under a bus. You should follow."

The sneering man chuckles and Harry puts his phone into his pocket, before storming forward and shoving at the man's shoulders. The man growls and stumbles back, standing upright and stabbing a finger into Harry's chest.

"Fuck off, won't you? He doesn't need you here."

"Who are you? You have no right to shade him away from me. I'm his best friend!"

"I'm Sam, and you have no right to hurt Louis like you did, you bastard. I'm his best friend, you aren't. We've been best friends since December, when I protected him and kept him safe from idiots like you."

"Excuse you, but Louis and I have been best friends since we were seven and eight, so why don't you take your trampled arse out of here and let me see Louis in peace," Harry hisses.

Sam grins. "Oh, pretty boy, you have no fucking idea how much he hates you--" Harry takes an aggressive swing to the man's face. He knocks his head against the wall and sharply eyes Harry. Harry becomes frightened, sinking into his shoulders and taking a worried step back. "You're a dickhead!"

"Why the fuck would Louis be friends with you--" He's shoved down to the ground with a kick in the shin. Harry cries out a _fuck!_  and stands up, only to be shoved down forcefully with his head slamming on the carpeted ground.

A small figure is beside Sam and he's screaming. Harry's vision is a little fuzzy. He notices the blue eyes looking very, very blue today. He doesn't have circles under his eyes. He looks like he's glowing. Louis looks... he looks so, so happy.

"You have no right to push him down like that! Why didn't you just let him in? Jesus Christ, are you fucking shitting me?" Louis hisses at the bloke. "He's no threat!"

The Sam guy trots back into his room with defeat and slams the door on both of them. Harry sits up on his elbows and groans, his head throbbing at the back. Louis reaches a hand forward and Harry takes it easily, being lifted up and wow, Louis' hands are soft. Harry puts his own hand to the back of his head and he wobbles a bit. Louis blinks, disturbed, and he asks,

"Are you okay?" The voice is soft and sweet and Harry has missed that so fucking much, but he's so fucking confused. Why is Louis all sweet and nice all of a sudden. Literally, did none of the past year occur, or did Louis just get amnesia?

He pulls Harry into his dorm room and it's nice. It's modern and nice. They're standing in the middle of the room and Louis is pacing around like a panicked maniac. He's looking to Harry every two seconds and waiting for something to come out of his mouth. It never does. Harry's still too confused to say anything.

Louis blabbers on instead. "Christ, I'm so sorry. If you told me you were coming I would have waited--"

"Why?" Harry interrupts. Louis stands back with a flat face, questioning Harry's word. "H-How come?"

Louis gulps. "W-What do you mean?"

"Don't play shit with me," Harry snaps, stepping forward and shoving at the smaller boy's shoulders. He's fucking confused. So, so confused. "What the fuck happened to you, Louis."

 


	42. Chapter 42

Louis shuffles on his feet and puts his hands behind his back. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't steer away from it, Louis." Harry steps just a tad bit closer to press their toes together. "Why? What made you think all of a sudden? Why are you crawling back to me and expecting me to forgive you? Why are you trying to make everything okay with Liam and Zayn?"

Louis looks down to the carpet and breathes lightly. "Do we need to talk about it?"

"Are you seriously fucking asking me that?"

Louis glares up, his eyes doe-like and looking ever so sad. "Please don't be angry, H. I-I don't want you to be angry." His voice is so small, like a child. Like... eight year old Louis. "I-I just want everything back. I talked to someone about things and it made me realize I shouldn't have ever pushed you away because of... what happened."

Harry furrows his eyebrows, as expected. "What did I do, Louis? Seriously, what the hell did I do? I don't have a blue's clue what I did. You pushed me away for what I thought was for no reason, but that wouldn't have made any sense. Everything has a reason."

"I blamed you for... when your family sent me away, H. You could have done something about it. You could have told Anne to quit with what she was doing because I would have been fine with you. But... you didn't do anything and I was sent to Sarah's. Those months at her's were the most excruciatingly painful months I've ever experienced in my life, because I couldn't eat back then..."

Harry's holding his breath. He releases it and then growls, "you pushed me away because of that?"

Louis can tell he's upset. "Harry, I--"

"You pushed me away, told me you didn't want to be friends, you told me I should stay away from your life, that I should stop caring, because I didn't do a fucking thing that day when you left?" Harry snaps. "Didn't you think that maybe a sixteen year old boy couldn't do a single thing on his own, Louis? Especially when you were abused at home. What was I meant to do? Keep you locked up in the closet until you turned eighteen?"

"I know, Harry!" Louis shouts. "I told you I didn't... I didn't know what I was doing. I was angry. I was upset with how things had turned out."

"You were angry for almost a year, Louis." Harry folds his arms over his chest and squints at Louis. "You broke my heart."

Louis' gut drops and he's facing Harry's cold eyes. They're an awful sea-sickening green. He just wants those emerald gems back. "You broke mine when you didn't say goodbye to me, H."

Harry's face softens, his eyes widening and his arms dropping to his sides. His mouth is in a sad frown. He plays with his belt loops and purses his lips together when the silence starts to torture him.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away. I just... I believed that you could have done something. Then when things started to fall to shit at home I couldn't handle the fact that something could have been done and that you could have steered me away from this, that maybe you could have prevented me from getting sent away. And that's when I started to blame you and that night when you called me, I was just so, so angry at you because you were telling me to make an effort, when I couldn't...

"And then that's when I started to come into school less, because I didn't want to see how much you'd hurt yourself. I-I told you so many bad things and I just couldn't bare to think I was the cause of so many lines across your legs, or stomach, or wrists. I'm a horrible friend, H. I felt like you didn't deserve someone who isn't perfect. I always wanted to be the perfect best friend with you, and I was so obsessed with trying to make myself perfect, but then that'd fall to shit too when I realized I couldn't make you happy.

"That's when I stopped trying. I pushed you away and I tried so hard to keep you away, because I didn't want to hurt you anymore, and I didn't want anything to do with you. But my actions just made it worse, I guess. The day you sent me that message of the window sill, I knew that it was over. I-I told Sammy-- I mean Sam, about what had happened and he thinks you're a prick... but I don't think that, H. I just wished I managed to get my arse up and to do something about my weight and my problems earlier so I could have stopped this before it got out of hand, like this entire year has been."

Louis still has his hands behind his back and his foot is twisting into the carpet. Harry only sees the top of Louis' head, because his eyes are fixed to the carpet in shame. Louis just... Louis is being so, so honest and it's heartbreaking. 

Harry shouldn't feel at fault, but he does.

"I should have done something, Lou," he says, and Louis' head snaps up with surprise. "I should have done something at least, not made you feel bad. I shouldn't have called you and told you to try harder, because I-I should have realized that it was hard."

"Don't put yourself at fault," Louis whispers. "Please don't. You don't deserve the blame. Especially after the way I treated you."

Harry wants to forget about it all, he's willing to do that. He loves Louis so, so much. He's willing just to forget about it and continue with a journey that had just a little bump in it. Louis is better, he's healthier, he's glowing, he's happy and best of all, he's come back as Louis - the one Harry's come to know and love.

His hands reach forward to Louis' shoulders and they slide down his arms. He's gotten fitter, Harry thinks, and he pulls forward to bring Louis' hands in front of them both. Harry drags his fingers down his skin and reaches his hands. He holds them. They're soft and tiny, just as Harry remembers them. Their fingers lace and their palms press together.

"I told you I'd always care for you, Louis, I'd always protect you, I'd always be there," Harry whispers. "I tried so hard not to care after we called things off, and I always tried telling myself that I shouldn't waste my time on someone who never wanted me back. But... I couldn't let myself stop caring about you."

Louis sighs and his head falls down to glare at the floor again. "What have I done?"

"Nothing, Lou," he presses their foreheads together and whispers against him, both their eyes closed. "We can put it all behind us. We don't have to remember what happened before, because we're best friends."

Louis nuzzles their noses together. "I don't think that's how things should work, H. I feel like... like there's some type of physics that shows you can't just hide everything away--"

"We're best friends, Lou," Harry repeats. "We can make up the rules."

Louis laughs lightheartedly. "I don't think that's how the universe works." He removes his hands from Harry's and rests them on his hips instead. Harry follows with his hands spread wide and curled around Louis' curves.

"My universe does. It only holds a world of you and me, and that's all I want to care about. Our rules, our universe. It's ours."

Louis' hands squeeze on Harry's hips.  _Dammit_. "You're atrociously romantic."

"It's working, isn't it?"

"God, yes," Louis chuckles closely. There's a comfortable silence surrounding them, and Louis wants to probably close himself in and kiss him, maybe slow dance with Harry, maybe take him out for the day. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Harry sighs. "So fucking much."

"I cried a lot. I-I can't even remember the last time I haven't cried in a day."

"That stops now," Harry demands. "I don't want to see tears, Lou. We've done too much of that. Smile, yeah? Because we're back, you're back, I'm back. We can make things work. The moment I get out of that school, I'm coming here and getting a dorm on this floor and we can study together."

Louis nods happily. "Sounds amazing."

"You're amazing." Louis slaps him in the chest. "I'm making an effort to be romantic. Stop."

"Stop making an effort and kiss me." Harry does, hard. His mouth glides so freely against him and he pulls Louis impossibly closer. Louis' hands are cradling Harry's jaw and he keeps them moving, one at the nape of his neck with his fingers twisting into the locks, and the other sliding down his ever so toned chest. Harry keeps his at Louis' hips, rubbing smooth circles just above his jean line. 

Christ, he's missed this. He's missed this so damn much. He hasn't kissed Louis properly for a year, Harry thinks. It's been too long. Harry needs to remark his territory. He needs to make his lips red and let them be stained red for the rest of Louis' life. He's so hungry for it and Louis can easily tell by how heated the snog is hastily getting. He bites at Louis' lip and pulls, and Louis slaps at his chest.

"None of that," he says with a sneer, but Harry does it over and over because he doesn't care. He lets their mouths collide with tongues so fierce against each other it's a battle to catch breath. He's pulling at Louis' shirt hem, Louis letting them break apart so it can be taken off and thrown to a place of the mysterious. They're at his bed now, Harry pushing Louis down and taking his own top off to throw away. He falls on top, hands lacing together and mouths dancing jovially together. He kisses him loudly and makes every chance he could get to groan just a little bit. 

They've dragged themselves up the bed somehow and if anyone were to walk in right now they'd run out with embarrassment for walking in on the two about to have sex. And... oh, Harry doesn't know where this is leading to. He doesn't care. He's kissing Louis. His Louis. He's got his Louis back.

Legs wrapped around Harry's waist, he lifts himself up to attach his lips on his neck. He pulls, bites and sucks hard and as usual, Harry cowers and gives a soft squeak, but he rolls his crotch into Louis'. Louis falls to the bed and sees the bruise on Harry's neck, giving a soft moan at how dark those emerald eyes are. 

They're left breathless, Louis on the pillow with his hands above his head and Harry staring down at him with his mouth open for air and with awe. Louis licks at the side of his mouth and swallows carefully, scared to break the silence between them. He lifts a hand and puts it to Harry's cheek, smiling.

"I've missed that," Louis admits. "I've missed you, everything about you."

"You have no idea," Harry whispers, shaking his head and bending down to peck Louis. "Fuck, I should have asked mum if I could have stayed the night."

"Call her," Louis says. "Call her and ask her."

"I can't. I don't have clothes and... well, I didn't really tell her I was going out here today."

Louis widens his eyes with shock. "What?"

"I told her I was going to town for a few hours. I was just going to come here, talk to you for a bit, then get the four o'clock train home," Harry gives a lopsided smile to Louis, very unsure. "Bit stupid, I know, but it's worth it. At least things are okay again."

"Yeah," Louis laughs at the silly boy in front of him. "Also, happy birthday for like... six months ago. I didn't really think about messaging you something--"

"Lou, seriously you didn't have to," Harry giggles. "I better give you my new number too. I got a new one to try help me with things, but that didn't work apparently."

Louis points to the nightstand beside them. Harry grabs the phone from there and sits on his calves, Louis' legs still around him and their crotches dangerously close to each other. Harry types in the number and locks the phone before putting it back to the nightstand. 

"Now," Harry leans over Louis again and kisses him. "I have ten minutes before I should start walking to the station. Any time to waste with anything other than making up for lost kisses?"

"Oh boy," Louis grins, a hand curling around the back of Harry's neck and pulling him down. "I need a lot longer than ten minutes, babe."

Twenty five minutes later, Harry forces himself off Louis and dashes out with his shirt inside out. He's going to be late for his train. Louis watches him waddle out from the door and blows him a kiss before he's going down the corridor stairs. 

Once Harry's out of view, he sighs and frowns. He does miss Harry, and he's glad for things to come back to the way they should be but... Sam. What about Sam. Harry's his best friend, and so is Sam. Sam's there for him all the time and he knows Harry will be too once he finishes school.

He's left to think to himself for ten minutes before the man himself is knocking on Louis' door and letting himself in. Louis stands from his bed and gives a snappy glare to the man who's done wrong.

Sam pulls a face of worry. "I didn't mean to. I was just protecting you."

"You know, just because so much shit happened before doesn't mean you can shove him and kick him," Louis hisses. "I'm glad you didn't hurt him, otherwise I'd be throwing you to the curb."

Sam gulps. "I'm sorry."

Louis feels terrible to snap at a lovely guy like him. Louis shakes his head and softens his stare. "Love, I'm sorry. I don't mean to get angry but I just don't want Harry to get hurt. He's been through things before, and I don't think it's worth seeing him get hurt. He's still my best friend."

"I just thought he'd hurt you again, I don't want that to happen," Sam says, stepping forward and grazing his fingers on Louis' hip. "So... you're not angry at me?"

"Sammy," Louis says with a timid smile, "I'm a wee bit angry at you, but you know that can be solved with an easy something, hm?"

The man rolls his eyes and pulls Louis in for a tender kiss. "Only you would be that much of an addict to solve things with sex."

"It's not solving things, it's just things to keep my mood down," Louis grins, kissing him softly again. His shirt comes off for a second time that day and thrown to the floor. He's pressed against the bed with the man between his legs within seconds. "Baby, go slow this time, yeah? I'm struggling enough to keep myself walking when I'm finished with you."

"You promised nothing passionate when we started this in May."

Louis scoffs. "Since when is slow passionate? I'm not asking you to serenade me and sing me _Hey There, Delilah_  with a string quartet behind you when I'm riding you--"

"Jesus Christ," Sam hisses, kissing down his chest. "I'm fucking lucky, aren't I?"

"Yeah, because I'm letting you fuck me right after you kicked my best friend in the leg."

The man scoffs with a roll of his eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Louis pulls Sam down for a small kiss and cants his hips up to meet with the man's crotch. "Absolutely perfect."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ since-he-was-eighteen](http://www.since-he-was-eighteen.tumblr.com) on tumblr. x

 "And do you think I would have better things to do?" Harry asks him. Louis giggles into his hands and tucks himself further into the duvet. He can hear Harry laugh softly too. Harry shouldn't be up this late, he even knows that. "If I fall asleep in maths tomorrow, I'm going to blame you."

"Please, you're the one that's making yourself stay."

"I could leave any minute." Louis can hear his smirk appear. "I could do the whole,  _no you hang up first_  dealie thing and we could stay on the phone for the next two hours just convincin' each other to hang up."

"You know, after a few rounds of that I would actually hang up on you," Louis giggles. Harry frowns on the other line and gives a small whimper. "Don't act like it isn't what you want. You need sleep, love."

"I can skip tomorrow--"

"Harry," Louis says sternly. "You know that isn't the right thing to do. Your finals are in a month. You need all this time to study hard and get the best grades you can," he warns. "I don't want to you to miss out on your opportunity to go to Uni."

"It's only one day."

"And you know, it might be the day that counts," Louis tells. Harry's about to speak again but Louis cuts him off quickly. "I don't care if you're sleepy tomorrow, you're going. You might just pick something up and it might be handy for your exams."

Harry groans and tosses around in his bed. "I hate you."

"Yeah, okay, love you too," Louis smiles. "Promise me you'll go tomorrow?"

Harry's very quiet for a moment and then moans, " _Louuuu_."

"I'll call you straight after school tomorrow," Louis says. "My friends are taking a trip out of town while the weather's still a bit warm. I'll be alone here so I'll talk to you all night if I have to."

Harry smiles at that. "All right."

"Miss you."

"Love you, Lou Lou."

"Christmas is coming up, I'll see you soon," Louis says, finally hanging up the phone and staring at the screen. Fucking three hours and 34 minutes they talked on the phone for. Fuck. The time passes quickly.

And it has. The past four months have probably been the fastest Louis has ever experienced. Always seems to go fast with Harry, God knows why. Harry calls him almost every single night, the nights he doesn't usually is because he's out or had just fallen asleep early. Both had made the effort to keep in contact and it's only leading them back to the path where they once started, as best friends.

They're so updated on each other, as a matter of fact, that it seems like as if none of the no contact back in July, for that entire year, didn't actually happen. Everything feels so normal and casual, and Louis should see that as abnormal. But he doesn't. He's never felt his heart connect so strongly with Harry in his life, and they're two hours apart. But only a phone call away.

Harry's got his finals in the few up coming weeks and it's nearing December so soon, which means Louis is allowed to go back for his break and spend time with Harry back in town. He might spend Christmas with all the Styles'; it sounds so wonderfully great in Louis' mind already. He can't wait to see Harry, kiss Harry, hug Harry.

He's leaving Sammy for a little while, but he doesn't need to know. They're just best friends. They might be friends with benefits but that doesn't restrict Louis from seeing Harry. Sammy's probably got some plans for his holiday too, so that's fine with Louis. There's nothing to it but casual sex, some really, really good casual sex. 

Louis is going to miss that when he's gone for a week. He's going to have to fit in some time for a wank in the communal showers for a while.

*****

Sam kisses him goodbye and tells him that he'll be back with a thousand kisses and a surprise. Louis is bloody damn hoping it's some kind of buttplug, or handcuffs, or something like that. He waves him off and heads back inside his room to do a bit of study, jotting a few points down and keeping himself occupied until three o'clock. Harry's the first to call him and Louis picks up immediately.

"School today?" is the first thing he asks. Harry hums in a soft singsong tone.

"Yeah, lucky you told me to go. We got this booklet for forced revision in Chemistry."

"I would say I told you so, but I think you've already mentally hit yourself for that."

"I would shut that mouth of yours with a thousand kisses," Louis can hear the sound of a door slamming. He must be in his car, "but I think you deserve none of these pretty lips with the way you're spitting shit out of your mouth."

"Since when were you sassy."

"Tomlinson, I've always been sassy, you've just never fallen in defeat before, so I guess this would be my time to shine." He can just imagine Harry dancing with his clenched fists in circle motions and his own little head bobbing like a pigeon. Louis giggles to himself, earning a "what?" from Harry.

"Are you dancing?"

He senses the confusion on Harry's face at this very moment. "Who are you to know?"

"Are you?"

Louis waits for the answer with a smirk at his mouth, then Harry says, "yeah, I am."

"Triumph is not going to be yours for long, Hazza. Gonna swoop in and take it from you after than a broom would on dust."

Harry cackles. "You absolutely suck today. What's keeping you down?"

Honestly, it's Sam leaving, but, "I don't suck today! You're just half asleep, so that's why you're not being bemused from my most prestigious smackdowns."

"Ooh, prestigious."

"Shut up, you're in high school," Louis hisses. Harry gives a soft scoff, but doesn't battle back, taking the wound and only smiling it off. "You shouldn't drive with me on the phone, babe."

"You're on speaker, so it's fine," Harry says. "Tomorrow I got a dinner for the football team, so I won't be in for a while."

"It's so late in the year--"

"I know, Liam couldn't find a spot in the reservations at that nice Italian place down the road from the final's football park, so he said either we can take a little shitty spot at the Greek place or wait until November for the decent restaurant," Harry tells. "But it's good. At least they can get the trophies and stuff done in time this year."

Louis grins. "Mr. Most Valuable Player."

"Stop," Harry laughs. "I'm annoyed that Liam chose me for that--"

"Um, excuse you, but you shot seven goals in the final game. I'm pretty sure without you, your team would have eaten the dirt from the other team's shoes," Louis barks. "So appreciate your new added trait, Styles. You kick balls well."

"I'll kick yours next time I see you if you don't shut your mouth."

Louis zips up and keeps his lips tight. "I'll be good."

It lasts for another three hours until Harry has dinner. Louis eats alone at the cafeteria, then goes back to his dorm to skype Harry. He's sitting on his bed with damp hair wilting over his face and his cheeks looking flushed and rosy. He's topless with only a pair of sweatpants on and...  _Jesus_ , he looks so lovely.

Louis can say at the end of the four and a half hour conversation, kind of face to face, the talking time was literally only an hour long and the other three and a half was just enjoying the feeling of each other's company in the room. Louis would text Sam but would only smile at Harry while he does, and Harry would text Zayn but only think of Louis.

It lasts like this. Louis is always so, so sure that he sees forever in Harry's eyes. Even though a shitty screen with shitty wi-fi and shitty audio problems, but he still sees forever.

*****

That Saturday night, 11pm, Louis has a hand around himself and he's taking it slow tonight. He knows Harry's going to call later, so he had the time just to stroke himself off unhurriedly and peacefully.

Until Harry fucking calls ten minutes later.

It frightens Louis and he glares at his nightstand with the phone buzzing about on the table. _Fuck_ , he's hoping Harry would just figure he's asleep and maybe call in the morning. Maybe he'll-- nope, fuck, he's calling right after the first set of rings fade out.  _Fuck fuck fuck._  Louis is fucked, and not in the good way.

He releases himself and catches his breath before grabbing the phone with two hands, one hand slicked up with lube making the surface very, very slippery, and he answers with a panicked and very forced _hello._

"Lou, are you all right?" Harry asks. "You didn't answer the first time and... usually that means you're upset--"

"No!" Louis laughs nervously, bucking up his hips into nothing and biting back a soft groan because  _Jesus fucking Christ_  when did Harry sound so good. "I'm fine, H! Perfectly fine! Ha ha. In fact, I'm about to chill down to watch some old Barbie movies so I better hurry off!" he lies.

"W-What?" Harry questions. "I thought we were going to talk tonight? I just... I had a lot to tell you after what happened at the dinner."

 _Fuck, no_  this isn't the time. "H, I'm kind of... I'm really not in the mood to talk tonight--"

"I knew you were upset!" Harry accuses. "Lou, tell me what's wrong? Love, I'll help you. Let it out, c'mon,"  _fuck fuck fuck_ , "Lou?"

He flips on his belly which was the most stupid, most inconsiderate thing Louis has ever done to himself. He writhes against the mattress and pulls the phone from his ear, giving a soft whine into the pillow. The friction is so good and Harry's voice is so good and everything is so fucking good but this situation is so fucking bad. He puts the phone to his ear and breathes out loudly, then Harry begins to rant.

"Lou, please don't cry. J-Just... blink up and try think of my kisses yeah? I'd kiss your nose and your cheeks and your little eyelashes and make sure all your tears are gone, love. Just think about the good times, think about happiness! So much happiness! Want me to tell you something funny? At dinner, Liam tripped the waiter and the spaghetti fell on my head. Which is why I didn't go to the after party, because I was all dirty and messy. Isn't that funny, Lou?"

 _No, no, no_. "Harry, I--"

"Fuck me," Harry groans out, tisking at himself.  _Shit._  "I'm still dirty, actually. I should really get changed out of this shirt. I just--"  _nope, nope_ , Louis can't do this anymore. He tries to press the red button to hang up but fails. He groans but it comes out in a high pitched whine which definitely isn't excusable to be passed as something else. Harry's left silent. Louis has fucked this.  _Fuck._  "Are you okay, Lou?"

"P-Perfect," Louis stutters, hoping he can conceal the whininess in his voice. "Fucking perfect, H."

Harry gulps and Louis can damn well hear it. "Are you... are you sure?"

Louis hisses and buries his head into his pillow, groaning again before lifting his head to speak to Harry. "I'm sure," Louis whispers. "I-I just... I need to go."

"Oh," Harry says with surprise. "Yeah, o-of course. I'll go," and he's definitely sure Harry knows what he's doing, but Harry's pretty damn oblivious when he wants to be. He's hoping he's hidden it well enough and made it sound like he just wasn't in the damn mood.

"I'll call tomorrow morning, yeah?" Louis says rather casually. He's closing his eyes and thrusting his hips into the mattress and yeah, he's going to be able to come after Harry leaves. He can finally do it.  _Shit,_  he's edging so much right now. 

"Yeah, I'll... I'll leave you then," Harry sounds upset, but Louis can't give two shits right now. Louis is about to press the end call button, successfully, when Harry just whispers, "tell me what you want, Lou."

"You," Louis' has hit an all low and has given up, "I need you. You. I need you-- _fuck_ , Harry I need you--"

"We're doing this again, are we--"

"Don't fucking joke around with me right now, Styles," Louis growls. "I've been trying to keep myself from fucking moaning for the past five minutes because your voice sounds like fucking sex, oh god," Louis' hands clench tight around his phone and into the sheets. "I promise I'm not drunk."

"Cool," is all he fucking says the little 17 year old bastard. "Jesus, I think I could get off from your moans alone, Lou."

And it's not even intentional, but Louis lets out a low pitched moan, gasping out air and rocking his hips against the fabric over his bed. He says, "tell me things," and gives another breathless ah and flips over on the bed to take himself into his hand once again. "I'm so fucking hard, H. I-I... I need you. Now. Fucking get a train or something--"

"Two hours, are you fucking kidding me?" Louis groans and hisses out a disapproved noise. Harry shuffles a bit and Louis can hear his pants unzipping. Yes,  _yes._  "Shit, I thought I was just imagining things when I heard you whine before."

"I wanted to be subtle, god dammit."

"You failed," Harry laughs. "Horribly."

"Are you going to insult me this entire time or are you going to pretend that you're currently on my dick bouncing around to some shit Beyonce song that you have in your shitty playlist?"

Harry hums. "For one, Beyonce is not shit. Two, my playlist isn't shit--"

Louis arches his back and cries out, "F-Fuck, I need... Harry... Harry, oh shit--"

"Baby, keep your legs up and pace yourself. It's what I'd do on you, hm? Do you remember what you told me that night when you were drunk? I'd ride you while on the back of the ute while in the meadow? Yeah? I'd fucking do that, Lou. Sounds so fucking good. I dreamed about it the other night and stayed home from school just to fuck myself with two fingers."

"Harry, for Christ's sake, you can't say things like that," cries out Louis. "God, I love you so much, Hazza."

"Love you too," he says softly. "How close are you, love?"

"Tell me more things," Louis whispers. "S'close."

"I always think of you when I wank, Lou. How your toes would curl when I'd suck you off, or how you'd moan my name like it's breathing. I'd always kiss your curves, love every single one of them. Always have. I'd squeeze your arse so hard because fuck, I wouldn't waste a chance where I could squeeze it. I would put my face in it and just... oh god, I've wanted to lick you out so much--"

" _Hazza_."

"Then I'd kiss you and make you taste yourself on my tongue, babycakes. Isn't that something you want?" Fuck.

"Yes," Louis seethes. "Yes, so much. Yes, yes," he hisses once more before finding himself tilted on edge, and Harry's quiet groans makes it all the better. He bucks his hips up and presses the phone hard against his ear to make sure Harry can fucking hear him spill out and moan out his name in complete bliss. And Harry does.

He doesn't speak for a bit, instead, getting the camera app on his phone and snapping a picture of himself just the way his body left itself with splatters of white on his chest and streaking up his belly. He sends it to Harry immediately and he can hear Harry's phone buzz on the line. 

Louis cleans himself up with a t-shirt and listens in. Then Harry calls out, "fuck-- shit! Louis!"

"You're a sweetheart," Louis smiles drowsily, slipping under the duvet naked. He simpers softly. "M'tired, H."

He's sure Harry's hard and stuff but he's too tired to care. Probably selfish but... eh. "Go to sleep, sweetums."

"I wanna talk to you more," Louis swallows, feeling his throat become wet from its horribly dry state. "I just... fuck, that was amazing. I love you, Hazza."

"You know how much I love you, Lou," Harry says. "Go to sleep, yeah?"

But Louis already is, and Harry stays on the phone with him all night. He falls asleep to the sound of Louis snoring gingerly and goes to bed half-hard, but that's okay. As long as Louis is okay and... wow, he just did this again with Louis. And he was sober. This means something. Yes, it definitely means something.

The next morning, Louis wakes feeling a body pressed up to him. He curls into it, hoping that the Christmas holidays had come and Harry was actually right beside him. He turns and... oh, it's Sam. What?

"Sammy?" Louis questions, flicking at his cheek to wake him. He blinks and groans unhappily at the touch, but smiles like he's in heaven when he sees Louis' bright blue eyes. "Babe! What are you doing here?"

"Turns out that the beaches down south are closed because of sharks, so the others went East and I just said I'd come home," he whispers to Louis, kissing his nose. "I missed you too much."

One thing leads to another, somehow, and Sam's on top of him with their naked bodies pressed together. He pushes in and Louis softly moans and grips at Sam's biceps. He can never get used to this, so high off libido and the feeling of the man inside him. It's so, so good. 

"Fuck yeah," Louis encourages. "Fuck, you're so hot."

Sam kisses down his sternum and takes Louis' cock around his hand. "Want it rough, baby?"

"Yes, oh god," Louis whispers and there's a rough slam of his hips against Louis' arse. Louis is gripping at his pillow, head thrown back and tears of joy prickling at his eyelids. There's squeaks of the bed and Louis loves, absolutely loves, the sound of that. Louis begin crying out, "Oh, fuck, Sammy-- baby, fuck."

"Lou?" he hears. Louis blinks up to Sam and questions him. Sam stops and asks what the problem was. Then there's "Louis, w-what?" again and Sam's lips aren't moving.

It's from next to them, under the pillow. Louis sits up and feels under it, taking the phone into his hands and unlocking his phone. He presses it to his ear and says, "hello?"

Harry sits with his mouth open, a hand over the gaping hole. He's up in bed, a very rude awakening indeed. His toes curl with fury and his heart slumps from anxiety.

"Louis?" he says again, and Harry can hear a man say  _who are you talking to, babe?_  and Harry's heart absolutely shatters.

Louis gulps, Harry can hear the knot in his throat trying to be swallowed. It's probably, hopefully, full of guilt. Louis pushes Sam away from him and stands up from the bed, immediately rushing out. "Harry, I-I... it's not... Harry, it's not like--"

"You know what," Harry's voice is high and broken. There's tears spilling out of his eyes already. "Y-You better save your breath on someone who cares, Tomlinson," he hisses. "You're a fucking slut."

The phone line drops and Louis is left speechless.


	44. Chapter 44

**_pick up your fucking phone harry !!!!_ **

Louis has called him 20 times and all of those 20 calls have been ignored by a very angry boy. Louis paces around the room with anxiety and keeps the top of his phone close to his mouth. He’s been like this for the past hour, he thinks, still topless but with sweatpants on instead. Sam isn’t in the room, Louis threw him out. He just needs to talk to Harry, tell him it isn’t what he thinks… or something.

Fuck, Harry won’t bloody understand, Louis knows that much already. Harry will assume, he’ll just fight and accuse Louis of being a slut - which is hardly the case. Since when was a slut a guy who’s slept with one guy? He isn’t a slut. Harry is just jealous. Louis knows he’s jealous. Louis can have a sex life without Harry. He doesn’t need Harry.

But he needs Harry to fucking pick up the phone.

**_harry !_ **

And another seen message is left ignored by Harry. Louis is impatient and storms around his room in circles again, calling Harry who immediately picks up but hangs up. Louis growls, swearing to his phone and close to stabbing his thumbs in his screen to shatter it. He’s going to try again.

He succeeds, finally.

"Can you stop being so ignorant and just hear me out! Listen to me!" Louis shouts, but it’s immediately rebutted with Harry’s screams.

"What do I have to hear from you? I’ve heard enough. You and your shitty boyfriend can go elsewhere, I don’t fucking need to hear your lies, Louis!"

"What boyfriend? What lies? Who even said all these things?" Louis hisses. "See, you’re fucking assuming things that aren’t even happening. You’re telling yourself scenarios and you’re making up lies to push me away, you prick!"

"Oh, so the moans and the names I heard were definitely just your laptop, and that man who was talking in the background conveniently said your name, Louis? Is that how it is?"

Louis groans. “Just because I’m sleeping with someone, doesn’t mean the guy’s my boyfriend!”

"I’m fucking over it, Louis. You used me last night. How fucking dare you—"

"I didn’t use you!" Louis says angrily. "Harry, stop assuming things."

"You did use me. You called me and then all… that happened, and the next day you fuck a guy while the phone was still on. Jesus fucking Christ, Louis! What the fuck are you doing with your life! Are you always this much of a whore? Or does it just happen now?"

"I’m not a whore, Harry. I haven’t slept with anyone else but Sam," Louis confesses. 

"Sam?" Harry says. "Sam? You mean that one that kicked me on the floor and told me to fuck off?"

 _Shit._ “Yeah, that one—”

"Louis! Out of anyone in the entire fucking world, you had to choose him—"

"Why do you care anyway?" Louis questions. "Why do you care about who I sleep with, who I much around with. Why do you care so much, Harry?"

"I don’t—"

"Yeah, and you stop bullshitting me because I’m telling you the fucking truth, so I expect it back," Louis growls. "You wouldn’t be such a sook about this if you didn’t care. Why do you care? Is it because you thought we’d be each other’s firsts? Is it because you expected someone else?"

"As a matter of fact, yeah, I did think we were going to be each other’s firsts, Louis. But looks like that’s down the drain since you’re fucking some ugly dog who cares no less about me than you do."

Louis gulps and falls down to sit on the bed. “Harry, I do care about you—”

"Then you wouldn’t have done this!" Harry hisses. "You wouldn’t have kept this a secret from me. For how long, Louis?"

"It doesn’t matter to you. I don’t care about what you think about this, Harry. I can do whatever I want with my body and I can fuck around with who I please, and if that isn’t you, then that’s my decision. Don’t get so butthurt about things that don’t go your way."

Harry silent for a few, before speaking with a weak tone, “you sound like you’re giving up your body for Lent.”

"Well, it isn’t fucking Easter, and I can do what I want," Louis snaps. 

The silence is so uncomfortable, Louis wants to press the end call button just to finish things. But he doesn’t want to end things on a bad note. The last thing he wants is to lose Harry again. He can’t do that.

"You’re a cheater, Tomlinson," Harry says. "A fucking cheater."

"We’re not together," Louis reminds. "So I’m not a cheater, and I’m not doing anything against any type of promise."

"You still cheated me," Harry says. "The amount of times you broke my heart, Louis, I feel like I can’t count them."

"So what, you can’t count to two?" Louis asks. "Let’s not forget about the times you hurt me too, Harry. Not everything is about you. Not everything has to go your way."

"You’ve hurt me more than that, Louis. You’ve hurt me so many times but you know how many times I had to keep myself up and tell myself that you don’t really mean any of those things you say, or do, to me?" Harry questions. "The times you told me to go cut myself more, the times you just didn’t care, the time you said that you wanted to break things off because they were weird, just now. There’s so many more and you just keep ruining everything for us."

"And look what you’re doing. You’re calling me a slut, a whore, when that’s clearly not the case and you think that name calling hurts? What a fucking hypocrite you are!"

"You bloody deserve it, Louis. You cheated."

"Harry, cheating does not work like that!"

"It does when we made promises to each other for ten years, promised we’d always be together…" Harry sighs, sniffing lightly. "Louis, you can’t break things like that—"

"As best friends, Harry!" Louis shouts. "Best friends don’t do things like this, you know? But we’re a fucking exception to each other because we grew up and decided to kiss one day? You think that’s forever Harry? Forever doesn’t work like that!"

Harry sobs softly. “We wrote our names in the sill—”

"And since when did a damn sill tell us what’s forever? Forever is with someone you love, Harry. I fucking love you but don’t you see that love is something entirely different when you don’t put in a _best friends_  type of way?”

"So you see forever in Sam’s eyes?"

Louis moans unhappily. “Harry, I told you we’re not—”

"So are you in love with Sam, Louis?" Harry asks, a weak cry slipping from his lips.

Louis is absolutely done with Harry’s assumptions. “Yeah, I think I fucking am, hey? You twit.”

Harry’s dead silent and it leaves Louis feeling guilty. He shouldn’t have lied. He knows he’s not in love with Sam. _Fuck. Dammit._  Harry’s going to complicate things.

He gulps and finally speaks. “To ever think that I saw forever in your eyes Louis only makes me feel like even a piece of shit is worth spending my time on than you,” he says monotonously. “To ever think that I was in love with you makes me feel sick to my stomach.”

Louis furrows his eyebrows. “Best friends don’t last forever, Harry. How many times do I have to tell you until you get it through your thick head—”

"How many times do I have to show, do I have to tell, do I have to fucking admit myself, Louis, that I was in fucking love with you. I’ve been in love with you since I was 14. You had no fucking idea, did you?" And Louis really didn’t. "I’ve known ever since I was 14 that I wanted to be with you, I kept you safe, I kept you happy, and then there’s this stab in the back to say hey, thanks, but I don’t care about the past ten years."

"Maybe I don’t," Louis says coolly. "Maybe I don’t care about the past ten years."

Harry gasps and breathes out shakily. “You’re a sick bastard.”

"Maybe I am."

Harry drops the line and Louis knows Harry’s wailing his eyes out right now, but Louis knows he’s the first to hug his pillow and tuck his head in, crying and pretending that it’s Harry right beside him.

*****

He was two months clean until today.

He’s in the meadow with sticks beside him. He’s using those today, marking the lines across his thighs. They’re only baby cuts, nothing to rash, but he’s hurting himself still. 

He doesn’t know how Louis could be so careless and unappreciative. Harry regrets telling Louis he loves him. He regrets fighting with Louis. He should have just said I’m sorry and kept their friendship going. So where would this lead to? Is this some type of shitty end again? Is this the way things are ending for good?

He still loves Louis, without a doubt. It’s hard to get rid of someone after 3 years of loving them for so, so long. You can’t do that, to anyone. You can’t expect anyone to do that. Harry knows he can’t expect himself to ditch Louis from his mind and try and replace it with someone else, he’s tried that already. It doesn’t work, no matter how hard he tries.

While inflicting himself, he sings softly, tears dripping down to the cuts as they seep in and sting.

“‘cause all of me loves all of you, all your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I give my all to you. You’re my end and my beginning, even when I lose I’m winning, ‘cause I give you all… of me, and you give me all… of you.”

It’s Louis’ song, the song he made for Louis. It was for Louis. 

He shouldn’t have fought with Louis.

*****

"You know, it shouldn’t matter what he thinks, because you have me and I have you and you know what, if he can’t accept that," Sam closes in and claps an arm on Louis’ shoulder, "then he should fuck off."

He missed classes today. The Monday didn’t seem so happy as per usual. Sam’s a little down, probably from the lack of sex they’ve been having. Louis doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to fuck around with a bastard anymore. He should have stopped for Harry.

Harry fucking loves him, Louis should have known. He’s always kind of known, but… he really said it this time. Harry’s loved him since he was fourteen. And Louis doesn’t have a damn’s clue on what to do with that information.

Sam’s trying to make him feel better.  _Trying._  He’s only telling Louis things Louis already knows, but doesn’t really want confirmed. Louis wants to throw him out and just tell him that this is off. All of this is a mess and he no longer wants to be a part of this deal they had. 

All he knew is that he’s definitely not in love with Sam. That’s totally out of the question, but it’s the question of  _is Louis in love with Harry_  that’s really fucking him up. And to this very minute, Louis is still asking himself that.

"Lou," he calls, "speak to me, babe."

Louis winces at the nickname and pulls his shoulder away from the man and takes a giant step back. “Sam, I don’t want this to happen, again.”

Sam smirks. “Of course it won’t, Lou. You know it was just an unlucky event—”

"No, I mean I don’t want this to happen. Ever. I don’t want to fuck around with you anymore," Louis tells. "I-I just… I’m not happy with the way things have turned out and I think there’s some things that are more important than before."

Sam raises an eyebrow. “Harry, you mean? Since when did the bastard mean anything more than a friend to you, Louis. Isn’t he the one to tried to get you to fatten up again? Isn’t he the one who left you—”

"I could have over-dramatized everything a bit, but Harry is an all over sweetheart." Louis folds his arms and stares at the man. "I’m sorry, Sammy, I just… I don’t think I want to hurt him again. I-I want to try make things right with Harry before I come back and see how things are between me and you."

"You didn’t even give two shits about him before, Louis," Sam reminds. "What made you change?"

"He told me he loves me."

Sam’s parched for words, so he scuffs his feet on the carpet and looks to his toes for answers. “So you love him back, then?”

Louis sighs and glares to the ceiling, gently saying, “I don’t know.”

Sam groans. “You’re a confusing man, Louis,” he admits, walking to Louis’ door and keeping a hand on the knob. “Do what you want, but I protected you since last December, and if this Harry guy comes and hurts you again, guess who won’t be here to tell you everything’s going to be okay?”

Sam leaves with a loud slam of the door, and Louis is left torn.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people might be disappointed with the ending, especially with how Louis has treated Harry in the fic. But I promised a happy ending, and I've developed Harry as a forgiving (probably a stupidly forgiving) person. You may have read this fic within a night, but Louis and Harry in this AU have been dealing with each other's shit for years. It's easier to forgive someone when you're in love with them. Even if forgiving is the worst decision you can make.

He sits on the lounge chair with his back upright and his hands laced together, twiddling his thumbs and biting his lip with paranoia. His leg is bouncing uncontrollably; he should know that he's okay though. He's perfectly okay. This is the safest place he's been in for a while.

The doctor comes in and she smiles softly at Louis, taking the seat in front of him with her dark skin glowing in the light room. Louis hasn't been in this nice of a room before, it's all simplistic and smells like cherries. It doesn't calm Louis down though. He feels more embarrassed than nervous, actually. He's come back. He shouldn't have had to come back, but he has.

"Louis," she says, and Doctor Wilkinson is so, so nice and so, so lovely. She's definitely one of Louis' favourite people. "Tell me all about it."

Louis knows what this means. They had an hour conversation on the phone on Thursday. She knows that Louis is struggling. He's struggling to the point where he hasn't eaten properly in three days. He's told her about Harry. He's told her about Sam, about how everything always trips him up and ends with him on the floor with tears. He doesn't have Sam anymore, he's gone, and it's only been a week since this all came crashing down and turning into a stockpiled mess of a thin needle in a haystack. Louis needs to find out where he went wrong.

So he tells her, eyeing around the white room where psychological posters and a clock is hanging on the left wall, and windows are illuminating the room on the right. He never makes eye contact with her, it's too awkward to do that. Louis thinks he might start crying. Eighteen years old and he can't even admit to himself that he's fucked up because he fucked with someone else. He can't even find a way to help himself at this point. Eating doesn't seem to be the answer, so he avoids it. He's tried calling Harry, texting him - hoping for some forgiving miracle but it never comes, like Louis should expect.

She writes everything down and nods every so often to when Louis' voice fills the room. He squeaks sometimes, feeling his throat choke up to how horrible the entire situation sounded when being told out loud. It sounded horrific, almost, and Louis wants to take it all back.

"You know, Louis," she calls and looks up from her clipboard, giving a gentle smile, "I think you might need to consider that Harry is indeed feeling under stress as well, and that maybe the best thing to do is let out a little more steam before attempting to talk again."

Louis sighs and says, "I-I just... I hate leaving him like this. I really... I want to take everything back. You have no idea how much I hate myself because of this--"

"There's no need to hate yourself, Louis," she says. "Things will crash down, things will repair itself and sometimes the main repairman for this type of situation is time, and time will bring everything back. You remember last time? You told me after a week of seeing Harry again, you no longer needed to see me because everything sorted itself out. You apologized, he apologized, and this time is no different."

"It is though. Last time I didn't... I didn't do things with another guy--"

"And maybe Harry's just in love with you to the point where everything hurts, Louis. You said he's been in love with you since he was fourteen, you fifteen I assume. When you're in love with someone, jealousy is something that can bring a relationship apart. But if you didn't know, it can also just say that the person really, really cares about you."

Louis tilts his head. "But Harry was just taking things too far."

"He was at fault for calling you names, yes, but did he say anything at all about you and him? Other than the  _I love you_  part."

"Yes," Louis says. "He said like, he's always wanted to care for me, be with me, like... forever. I guess. He's always there for me and-- look, I just don't understand what he wants from me. He's pushing me away one minute and then wanting me to go back to him the next."

She takes her glasses off and folds a leg over the other, blinking to Louis. "I'm no relationship therapist, Louis, but from past experience, I know that moments like these happen. My husband and I had our first fight back when we were at University together and it was because I found out that he was associated with another woman from his class. You know what I did, Louis?"

Louis swallows. "What?"

"I forgave him."

Louis pulses back and glares at the woman. "Why would you?"

"Because I knew he would do anything for me, and he would continue to. Eventually, the woman backed off and we became exclusive. Things happen when you take a chance, Louis. Especially when you're in love. You fight for love, sometimes, because you don't want to let some things go."

"So," Louis starts. "What does this mean for me?"

She points her glasses at Louis. "If I'm taking things from my own context, I'm going to say that if Harry's willing enough to take a piece of your heart again and keep it, then you should promise never to hurt it again," she advises. "And by the sounds of it, you shouldn't hurt a treasure like him. He's been there for you since you were eight. Cherish everything to do with him."

"Do you think he'll... he'll forgive me?"

The lady shrugs. "I wouldn't have a clue Louis. You'll have to see for yourself."

Louis sighs into his hands and shakes his head. He's done for.

*****

It's six days before Christmas and Harry wakes up with the cold chill biting at his nose. It's only four am, so he snuggles closer to the duvet and curls himself to his warmth and falls back to sleep.

The next time he wakes it's five hours later and he's significantly warmer with the feeling of something being pressed hot against his back. It's probably his hot water bottle or something. He tries to flip onto his back and... nope, it isn't a pouch full of water.

He smiles and turns around with his eyes closed, keeping the duvet up at his neck to secure himself and Gemma in. She never usually does this nowadays, usually when they were younger and less grossed out by each other. He puts his arms around her, hoping to cuddle her in and let more warmth flow through them but Harry stops when he immediately feels that it is indeed a foreign figure.

He opens one eye and sees a bed of brown hair and soft eyelashes curl over chiselled cheekbones. Harry groans, sitting up fully in bed with his arms being hit with a wave of frost, before pushing Louis out of bed entirely. The smaller boy becomes alarmed and looks at Harry from the carpet with a menacing glare.

"Thanks, good morning to you too," he hisses, but Harry doesn't want to laugh at his bitterness, or compliment how lovely he looks today with the rosiest cheeks and the bluest eyes. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" and it comes out sharper than the icicles that are forming outside on Harry's window. Louis becomes very shy and presses his lips together with concern.

"H, we need to talk," he says. "We really, really need to talk."

"And don't you think talking three weeks ago was enough?"

"That was over the phone--"

"And since when is this different?" Harry snaps. "How did you even get in? Through the window, I suppose. Mum's going to kick you out when she sees you."

"Really, now?" Louis questions. "Because I'm sure she's the one that let me in in the first place."

"Why the fuck would she let you in? I've told her about you and your antic ways. You broke in. I know you did," he accuses. Louis rolls his eyes and stands from the carpet, taking a seat on the edge of the bed where Harry shoves at his shoulder. "Go away, Louis. Why are you here?"

"Harry, look," Louis starts. "Your mum called me. She wanted me to come here for a little while to sort things out with you--"

"Bullshit!"

"Ask her your damn self if you don't trust me, Harry! Your mum wouldn't lie or say anything if you weren't miserable. I called her for help once. I needed her help for something, then she called me a day later saying that you wouldn't come out of your room, at all. If that's not miserable, then what is miserable, Harry? I know this has to do with me. That's why we need to talk."

"I'm not miserable because of you. Not everything is to do with you."

"Yeah, so this mood just conveniently appeared the moment the incident happen?" Louis asks, assumingly knowing the answer. "The moment we, after three months of keeping it simple and well, fought?"

Harry growls lowly in his throat and looks to the duvet. He twists his fingers within the material and sighs to himself. He shouldn't try push him away anymore. He loves Louis too much to even try push him away. Even his mum told him not to keep Louis out of his life because... well, Harry's not happy without Louis.

"I just don't like what you did."

Louis knows that tone. It's soft and understanding, and Louis now knows he's getting somewhere. "Harry, just tell me what you're upset about. I-I know this whole thing was a little... a little weird but I really don't see what the big problem is. You're angry, I know, but... why?"

"Because you used me one day and then went off with some other guy the next--"

"I know that isn't the problem, Harry, so stop using it as your denial," Louis says sternly. "Are you upset because I was with someone else?"

The problem is that Louis is smart. Always has been, always will be. The fucking smart arse can probably figure out things Harry didn't even know, or think, about himself. And Harry knows that the real reason why he's angry is because Louis is going to fall in love with someone else who isn't him and the first thing that's going to happen is the boy is going to take Louis away from him. Just like the social worker did last July.

He doesn't want anyone taking Louis away. By God, he doesn't want anyone else to touch Louis but himself. Harry's a horrible hoarder of a pretty possession. He's kept Louis for so long he wants to keep him longer and if anyone, if  _anyone_ , fucking touches him Harry just wants to rip them apart and pour vinegar on their wounds.

A soft hand curls around his hand he stares at it. It's a normal touch, usually, so he doesn't try and remove it. If he wants this to come back around and stay, he needs to make it work like the norm. He can't refuse Louis to the point he'll run away and go back to find and sleep with another guy. He wants Louis to himself. He loves Louis and will cling onto Louis for dear life if he tries to leave again.

"Look at me," Louis whispers. Harry does and he admires Louis' sincerity shining through his eyes. "I had no, no idea at all how much you really did care for me, H. I thought it was just a simple friendship care type of way, the type that would only be there until certain limits. But yours is unlimited. You're there to care for me and to tell me that I was making the wrong decisions and that I should consider what I'm doing with my life."

Harry sniffs and presses the tips of his fingers deeper into Louis' skin. Louis continues.

"I went to see my doctor again," Louis says, "I told her about what had happened and she told me that maybe the best decision was to leave you alone for a while and continue to try make things work afterwards and... that if you're in love with someone, it's worth fighting for them for every minute. That if you're really in love with someone, a chance with them is something you'd take and you'd never break another promise when you've got the chance."

Harry raises an eyebrow. "When did you see her?"

"Around three weeks ago. That's why I haven't tried talking to you within those three weeks. I took her advice and... I'm hoping it's working."

It really is. It really, _really_  is. "So, what does this mean?"

"I-I... um, I feel just really stupid right now, H," Louis scratches the back of his neck and looks to the wall. "I know I've done wrong and I can admit all my faults but I know just some stupid apology won't do it for you. I know you well enough and I'm just taking the best bet I can get when I ask for a chance just to make things right."

 _Fuck._  "Louis, you know that I can't--"

"Please, just please fucking consider it or something, Harry. I'm not going anywhere. I just want a straight up answer on whether or not you want to work things out, because I do, and the last thing I want is to lose a best friend over something we can't find an answer for."

He's not going  _anywhere_. "I-I'm so, so scared you're going to leave me for Sam."

"That bastard's gone, Harry. He's been gone for three weeks. He doesn't care. He hates me. He hates that I said I'd rather you over him any day. You know why? Because we were best friends for ten years and a one year friendship with a guy who only wanted a few kisses and lazy sex means nothing, absolutely nothing, to me!" Louis shouts to him. "If I could take it all back, I would. I was wrong to lose my dignity to that arsehole. I shouldn't have trusted him. I shouldn't have done anything with him."

"How do I know," Harry begins, "if you're not going to leave me for someone else, Lou?"

"I won't--"

"No, I need more proof than that!" Harry yells. "You said you'd always tell me things, you'd always be with me but you left for Sam. How am I going to trust you to the point where I know you won't fall for another guy?"

Louis sighs. "You love me more than anyone else in the world, so why would I go for anyone else?"

Harry knits his eyebrows together and says, "that makes no difference."

"It does, Harry, because why would I waste my time with someone else when I know the same person loves me back?"

"What?" Harry questions in a peculiar tone. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Louis rolls his eyes and laughs. "You're oblivious to some things I say."

"No seriously," Harry says sharply. Louis brings his legs up to the bed and crosses them, before reaching for Harry's hands and taking two hands with his two. "Louis, what does it mean?"

"I think I love you too, you twit," Louis giggles and smiles. "Ten years is such a long time and to try and make that up with someone else, especially with Sam, is not going to be the same like we've experienced, H. Which is why I want to promise to stay and always stay and never, ever, break that promise."

Harry's lips curve gently. "You love me too?" he asks with a small voice. "But... we always break promises, Lou. We always do. I tell you I'm not going to cut and you tell me you're going to start eating, but then we never keep the promises."

"Well, I'm a happy 138 pounds, and still counting. I'm recovering well, H. I got the doctor to help me and the force feeding did encourage me a little. And are you clean?"

Harry pulls a worried face. "I-I... um, I was."

"When was the last time?"

Harry breathes out a, "yesterday."

"Why?"

"What has mum been telling you?" Harry asks him. "I'm a miserable wreck. I can't handle the guilt knowing I pushed you away, Lou. I hate disappointing you--"

"You did nothing, Haz," Louis says. "Please don't blame yourself. I did this. I ruined us and I want to repair it." His hands fold tighter around Harry's and he pulls them closer to crossed legs. "I promise we'll be okay. I promise never to hurt you again, Harry. Never."

Harry blinks up and says, "how can I be so sure?"

Louis shoots him a smile and removes his hands from Harry's, moving to the side of the bed where he stands and glares down to the boy with wide eyes. He shoves a hand in his pocket and fiddles around for a bit before he comes back with a hand fisted in front of Harry. He sits, crosses his legs and puts the closed hand out. He grins at Harry. 

Harry squints his eyes at Louis. "What?"

"Open my hand," Louis says. "I got you something."

"Presents aren't the way to my heart, Louis," Harry says coldly.

Louis gives a dull sigh and nudges his hand against Harry's leg. "Just open it for fuck's sake."

Harry rests his fingers on Louis' knuckles, before moving them up and undoing the grip on the present inside Louis' hand. He looks at the silver inside and his jaw becomes slack. 

Harry looks up with his mouth open wide. "Is this the bracelet?"

"Kind of," Louis smiles. "See if you can find a difference."

Harry takes it and lifts it to his eyes. "It's fixed?"

"Nope," Louis laughs. "Check the charms."

He does and it's the exact same bracelet that he got Louis for his birthday. Except...  _oh_ , it's got a lock instead of a key and there's a green diamente in the middle of it. Harry puts it between two hands and stares at how beautifully sweet this is.

By the time he looks up, he sees another chain of silver but it's Louis' bracelet. It's around his wrist, fixed, and it's shining like Louis' eyes. The blue diamente on his key, and Harry's green diamente on the lock. 

"Lou," Harry says, "how did you get this?"

"I scraped up a few savings and did errands for some people around the University. I went to a jeweler who I knew did a few knick knacks to clone pieces of jewelry. He's really professional and by the looks of it, the bracelets look exactly the same but there's just a lock and a green thing in the middle of that instead. I told him to do that for you."

Harry simpers at it again. "This is beautiful, Louis."

"And it's my promise. I knew a promise ring would have done just as much but... we aren't really together for that type of thing just yet," he tells. "So, I was thinking that this would be the promise keeper, for forever."

"I really love this, Lou, but... I think I might need to consider it more," Harry says. "I just... I can trust you Louis but I know there's something keeping me from the green light."

Louis holds his hands again and whispers, "do you still love me though?"

Harry gives a little scoff and nods. "Of course I do. I love you so, so much. I don't think anyone can expect me to lose my heart to you after something like this. Even if there's a million things you've done wrong, I would find that one thing that'll make me stay."

Louis softens his eyes at Harry. "I love you, H."

"I love you too," he answers. "But just... just know that I really need to talk to myself about this."

"And you can talk to me always," Louis says. "I'm here until the 26th."

"Where are you staying?" 

"Just the hotel in town. Three stars can really give you good quality rooms," Louis says.

"You know, you can cancel the room stay and just stay here--"

"I think you might need some time to consider things for yourself," Louis grins. "I'll stay in but I'll spend time with you, like I said I would. I'll probably go see Zayn and Liam too, yeah? We can all go out for ice-skating or something down the pond."

Harry loves the sound of that. "Sounds perfect."

Louis leaves for the day, heading out for some Christmas shopping while he gives Harry time to think. Harry thinks he knows what he wants. A bracelet can't really hold a promise and the amount of times Louis has promised him things but have broken them is really holding Harry back for taking him back. But then again, Harry's broken promises too and he continues to now when he presses the razor against his skin. 

He asks Louis to come over for dinner that night and he does. A nice casserole around the table with Gemma and Anne and they talk as normal. The family felt complete like this and it's even better when Louis holds his hand under the table and their bracelets jingle together, the lock and key side by side.

 

 


	46. Chapter 46

He arrives at Harry's with a hand behind his back. A coat covers his shoulders and a beanie is secured over his head. It's a good day today, bright with little cloud cover. It's the bitter wind that's really taking a bite out of his warmth today.

The 21st of December it is, just a mere 4 days before Christmas day. He's excited for Christmas more than his birthday. He can't wait to give Harry his present, a polished, new, Taylor 210 acoustic guitar he just managed to find in the music store the other day. It's sitting in his hotel room now inside a lovely case with a bow on top. Harry's going to absolutely love it, and Louis is sure of it.

So Harry answers the door and the first thing Louis does is hand over the flowers he had concealed behind his back. Harry shoots his eyes open and smiles to the flowers, then to Louis. Louis shakes him gently to entice Harry to take them, so he does and sniffs them.

There's no scent but the roses are sweeter than his mum's homemade fruit cake. "Special occasion?" he questions.

"Yeah, it's me coming over your house and you giving me a kiss - that's the special occasion," and Harry's eyes crinkle from grinning so hard and he gives a chaste kiss to Louis, dragging him inside to his room.

He shrugs off his coat and glances to Harry trying to keep the roses up right by leaning them against the wall. Louis laughs and walks towards him, hugging Harry from behind and saying, "you know, there's such thing as a vase, love."

"So smart, aren't you?" Harry spits sarcastically, simpering to his favourite blue eyed boy. "How did you even get these? All the flowers should be dead. It's snowing outside."

"I heard that during the Winter, the southern hemisphere experiences Summer! And there's this thing called planes which deliver flowers from all around the world. What a fact! Mind-blown!" Harry thwacks him in the chest. "Hey, you're the one asking the stupid questions."

"You could be nicer. You're just as cold-hearted as the wind outside."

Louis pouts and spins Harry around to face him. Harry's in view with a shit-eating grin. "You need more hot cocoa to sweeten that mouth of yours."

Harry leans forward and bites the tip of his nose, lacing his fingers with Louis and letting their toes touch. "What's the plan for today?"

"Whatever you want," Louis says. "We could build a snowman."

Harry kisses his nose with a chuckle, singing, "do you want to build a snowman? C'mon lets go and play!" He bounces up and down and releases their hands to twirl around. He catches his hands again and says, "that was the first movie we watched together, Lou."

"Frozen was the best."

" _Is_  the best," Harry corrects. "But it's too cold for snowmen stuff today. I think I might stay in with you then go to town later to fetch a few things."

"Like what?"

"You know, marshmallows for cocoa," Harry says. "Anything else you want as well."

"I feel like a really nice pot of your mum's chicken noodle soup would be necessary tonight," Louis says. "Also just a heads up, I'm going to stay over tonight."

Harry pulls a face of disgust and rolls his eyes, moaning, "fine."

"You should stop being sarcastic, it really ruins your pretty face," Louis snaps playfully. Harry caresses his cheek and pulls him in for a small peck, Harry remaining so very close to Louis with their breaths mingling together. "Hey, twit."

"Hey, babe," Harry whispers. "You should stop pretending you don't love me enough to give me a  _nice_  pet name."

"Your nice pet name is twit. Think of it as a compliment against arsehole and dickwad."

" _Baby cakes_  sounds pretty all right to me, mind changing the name up a bit?" Harry asks but Louis only shakes his head and keeps his mouth tightly closed. Harry pouts and stares at Louis, observing him. He's very playful today. Two can play at that game.

He leaps forward and hugs around Louis' torso, tackling him down into the bed and immediately wrapping his legs around Louis' waist to lock him into position. Louis cries out a  _you dickbag!_ and buries his head into Harry's neck, laughing breathlessly.

"For God's sake, you're a mongrel," Louis teases, dotting his neck with kisses. Harry squeezes him in closer.

"You're an eighteen, almost nineteen, year old idiot," Harry says. 

"Says you! You're the one that fucking tackled me into the bed and wrapped your legs around me, you curly ape!"

"You love it."

"I demand compensation for that!" Louis barks, nuzzling his nose closer against Harry's throat. "You're a," he attaches his lips underneath Harry's jaw line and sucks harshly, finishing with a soft puck of his lips and a "bastard."

"You know, if mum or Gem sees  _that_  they're going to immediately assume we did something naughty in this room."

"Tisk tisk," Louis smirks. "Looks like no Chrissy presents for the naughty boy."

Harry scoots down and undoes his locked legs around Louis' waist, tangling them with Louis' own instead. His hands cup around to Louis' arse and he squeezes, rocking his hips up to meet with Louis' crotch. 

"Only naughty for you though."

"Wow," Louis gasps. "You're a damn minx when you want to be."

"Excuse you!" he screeches. "Says the one who fucking gasps and moans like a damn pornstar when a little wee touch happens."

Louis grins. "You love it."

"And of course I fucking love it. It's as addicting as candy canes."

Louis giggles into Harry's mouth and snogs him out of breath. Now that Louis has noticed it, Harry's mouth does taste like candy canes. He's probably been sucking at them all morning and night-- oh God. Louis abruptly stops and whines gingerly. Harry laughs.

"What was that?"

"Things," says Louis. "Just keep kissing me because you're soft and warm and nice and sweet like peppermint."

They just make out on the bed as if no one in the world could stop them. Harry just loves how tender and soft Louis' lips are, like the softest of blankets and the smoothest of skin. He doesn't hold himself back to pull at the small tufts of hair that peek out of Louis' beanie. It gets thrown somewhere in the middle of the kiss and Harry presses him in impossibly closer when his hand is finally fully twisted in his locks. 

They think no one in the world can stop them, until Gemma comes in with a smile and barks at the two lovebirds to stop with their shenanigans and help her do something for Anne.

Embarrassed, Louis stands and shovels through a mountain of things before finding his beanie behind the dresser. He puts on his coat and follows Harry, who is nicely rugged up in a black and white sweater, out to the back of the house. A blanket of snow covers the fields and Gemma is leading them through the backyard to the shed. She doesn't go inside, but around it, and asks the boys to follow her.

Both boys glare at the monster in front of them and they both wonder how the hell Gemma managed to get this in without her mother seeing. She grins at the two and pats at one of the wooden pedestals.

"Look, we need to move this thing and put some fairy lights on it so mum can see it later tonight," she tells. "It's heavy and the movers put it in the wrong spot so--"

"Do you really think three people can move a gazebo?" Harry questions his sister. "Jesus, Gem. This is massive."

It's no higher than Louis and Harry stacked on top of each other, Harry supposes, but how does one expect to move a gazebo into the middle of the backyard? Especially with weather conditions like this. But Gemma's present is so lovely and Harry's sure she got this one under the name of the family.

Harry's present is shit, so he's glad he has Gemma to cover for him.

"We can only try," she says and she points for Louis and Harry to take one of the hexagonal corners and try and lift under the fencing beam. It hovers around an inch from the ground and is virtually movable, somehow. 

They scuff their feet through the snow and move the gazebo from one place to the other and set it down in the middle of the backyard with the open gate towards the back door. Gemma then runs off somewhere, coming back with a reel of fairy lights. She hands them to Harry and asks him to do the wrapping around with Louis while she collected a few things to put inside the shelter.

By the end of the hour and multiple trips into the kitchen and lounge to make sure Anne doesn't move, everything is set and Gemma tells the boys to do whatever they want for the next four hours but to make sure at six o'clock sharp to turn the lights on. Harry nods and smiles, giving his sister a hug before she ambles to Anne and significantly shouts she wanted to take her out to the spa before shops close for the Christmas break.

Ten minutes later, Harry finds himself alone with Louis in the bedroom and instead of trying to heat things up with plenty of kisses and warm hugs, they talk while hiding themselves under Harry's duvet.

"What are you planning to do after Uni, Lou?" Harry questions him. Louis sighs a small huff and pushes himself closer to Harry for their legs to automatically tangle. 

"I'm not sure," Louis admits. "I think I might go to a school, maybe do some teaching and stuff with art. Or I might just paint for the rest of my life, who knows." Louis isn't sure why he likes the sound of that, living in a studio apartment with Harry with artworks all over the place, and maybe, just maybe, one day he can paint Harry naked and win an award for it. Harry's already a sculpture of art, so no doubt that he'll win something for Louis, all prizes going to Harry of course. "What are you planning to do? At University, I mean."

"Well, um," Harry pins his bottom lip between his teeth, "that's... that's not happening."

"What?"

"I'm not going to University, Lou." Oh. What. "I don't know, I kind of just got a knack for music and I really, really want to do something in music."

"Well, study it at Uni, H?"

"No, I mean I'd rather teach people, like you said. I want to be like Michael, he goes around and gets heaps from hour long lessons and stuff. Mum said I should try for the X-Factor, see if I could get anywhere with that but I'm not... I'm not too confident with my voice."

"You have a lovely voice, H."

"Yeah but it's you, Lou. What about Simon Cowell? Do you think I could impress a damn bastard like him?" Harry snaps. "I think I want to do a small job thing, get some clients and find some apartment somewhere to do lessons in."

"You're going to move out?" Louis asks, and Harry nods. "Where?"

"Well, I was kind of thinking maybe somewhere near you," Harry says. "Like a few roads from the University so I can see you all the time and stuff like that."

Louis smiles gently. "You could just rent one of the University rooms, you know? Or I could move into a double room and let you stay with me."

"But do I want to live there?" Harry says. "I've talked to some business lady person about it and she said there were some good apartments for 100 pounds each week and I think I might take it. It's small and stuff but cozier the better, right?"

Louis pulls an unsure face. "Are you sure you're going to be all right with rent?"

 "Yeah," Harry grins. "I just want to be near you so I can see you more often, so we're not always so long distance and so I wouldn't miss you so much." He pulls Louis up for a kiss and grins even harder against him. "I'm so lost without you."

"I love you," Louis whispers closely.

"And I'm so fucking in love with you."

"No need to over-exaggerate it, it isn't a game," Louis sneers and kicks at Harry's foot. "But I'm so fucking in love with you too."

Harry smiles and his two dimples appear on his cheeks. He dives in and tucks his head into Louis' neck and whispers, "you have no damn idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that back to me, Lou," he kisses at his jaw and smiles, "since I was fourteen."

"I always asked myself if I loved you," Louis admits. "I didn't realize until you told me. You should have told me earlier, you twit."

"I wanted to! But I was so scared you'd hate me, and like... I wrote a song for you and I wanted to tell you that night on the ute that I was in love with you but... I just put it off. And that night when I started messaging those random things to you, when I was fifteen and you're sixteen? You asked me if I was drunk? We like... we left everything off from when that happened and I was going to tell you then but I couldn't say anything..."

Louis presses his lips together and forces a weak smile. "I'm amazed you kept it in for three years."

"Well, I really didn't," Harry says. "Every time we said I love you to each other, I really meant it in the other way. But I always had to add Lou Lou to make sure you knew that it wasn't in the way I actually meant to say it."

Louis kisses the middle of Harry's forehead and whispers, "brave."

Harry hums at the word and kisses Louis' mouth gingerly. He smooths the back of Louis' hair and watches as his eyes flutter open and closed. He's wonderfully perfect. Louis loves him as much as Harry loves him back and if that isn't the best thing in the world, Harry doesn't know what is.

He doesn't want this to ever end, Louis being by his side and every five minutes just telling each other they love each other is all he really wants. He wants to sit next to Louis for the rest of his life,  _marry someone who you want to sit next to for the rest of your life_. Harry wants to marry him, even at this age. It's legal, isn't it?

It's too early to ask, obviously, but Harry's made a life long decision already and he wants to stick with it.

"I want a chance with you, Lou," he spits out hurriedly. Louis' eyes are blank and he's glaring at Harry.

"Want a chance? Like... chance at what?"

"To be with you," Harry whispers. "I want us. Me and you. Make it real. I want it to be forever."

 _Oh God._  "You're asking me to be yours?"

Harry gulps. "Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I am."

"Like... exclusive?"

"Yeah," and Harry's grinning so wide. "I want to be your boyfriend."

"Oh," Louis sighs out. "H-Harry... I-I... I don't know."

His smile crashes down completely and is replaced by a glum frown. "What do you mean by that?" He's seriously confused, because only a few minutes ago Louis said he loves him, so... "What's the problem, Lou?"

"Harry, I seriously don't think I'm good enough for you," Louis says lowly. "I'm okay with the way things are going now and I told you I'd promise to keep everything okay and to stay with you... but isn't this really soon? We only made up a couple of days ago."

Harry's face goes flat. "I know what I want, and that's you, Lou. I really want to be yours and I want you to be mine. What's the difference between keeping a promise now and keeping a promise when we're officially together?"

"Harry, I'm just not good enough--"

"You're fucking perfect, Louis," Harry cuts in front. "I wouldn't have fallen in love with every little bit of you and forgiven you if I didn't think you're perfect for me. You told me yourself the first time we kissed that every little thing about me was perfect for every little thing about you."

Louis glowers. "That was before..."

"Before what?" Harry whispers. "Babe, don't bring the past up. Only now. I want to keep everything going, to be forever."

Louis really, really wants to, but he just knows that somewhere along the way they're just going to collapse and fall apart. Even if one doesn't hurt the other, it'll just fall apart because they're something different. Louis knows he won't hurt Harry, ever, but he's scared he'll do it without even knowing it. He's scared that one day he's just not going to be the best in Harry's eyes anymore and he'll leave. 

Harry is the biggest sweetheart he knows and he can scoop anyone from their feet and take them away but Harry loves Louis and he has since he was fourteen. Louis can never, ever, take that away from his mind that Harry only had eyes for him since he was fourteen.

"I need to think about it, H," Louis says slowly. "I just... I need to think about it more."

Harry brushes his hair away from his forehead and tucks a few strands behind his ear. "Just remember you're perfect, Louis. I love you so, so much, and don't ever forget that."

He tucks Louis into himself closer, two arms around his body and feeling Louis' warmth transfer to his skin. He can feel his lagged breath on his neck and he's trying his hardest not to cry from how much he loves his blue eyed boy. 

Louis' scratches his and down Harry's back and runs his fingers down his spine. He closes his eyes and listens to Harry's soft breaths moving the hairs on the top of his head. Harry only has eyes for him, and it's the best feeling in the world, but it's even better to know that he can say three words freely now and he can hear them back like an echo.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

 


	47. Chapter 47

Louis wakes up on Christmas Eve with his head buried into his pillow and a corpse laying on top of him.

Or so he thought it was a corpse, because since when does he find Harry lying across his body instead of next to it? Louis groans and sits up, rolling Harry from his stomach area down to his thighs and he wakes with a soft moan of fatigue. He smiles gently at Louis, eyes still squinted and adjusting to the light, and he whispers, "happy birthdaaaaay."

"You sound incredibly enthusiastic," Louis grins, pinching at his cheeks, "but thank you babe."

The morning is sweet and serene, both Louis and Harry have breakfast at one of the open local cafes which is fairly busy. They both have a chocolate croissant and a cup of warm tea each and take a small walk around the frosty village of their hometown. Everything is still under two inches of snow and the weather's still chilly. They're both under warm coats and keep close to retain heat. It's a great excuse to hold hands, but there's no need to excuse it, really.

If Louis is honest, he really isn't expecting a present from Harry. He never asked for one, neither did he feel the need to take more things from Harry after that charm for his 17th birthday. He doesn't want to ask for anything more. Everything's perfect right now and to ask for more would mean that perfection isn't at maximum.

Louis thinks it's perfect.

Two o'clock, Harry drives them back to his place and he's running to his room while Louis talks to Anne and Gemma in their new gazebo out back. Anne's loving it and she's spent too much time out here, and all three are fairly worried she's going to get under the weather soon. Louis is laughing with the family and Harry appears out of nowhere with a small pack full at his side and a grin on his face.

"I'm staying with Lou, tonight," Harry says, surprising Louis completely. "I have reservations for his birthday."

Anne softens her eyes at her boy, while Gemma just looks between the two lads. "Where on Earth did you get reservations on Christmas Eve, Harry?" Gemma asks, absolutely stoked.

"For me to know and for you to never find out," Harry sneers. "C'mon Lou, let's go."

Still partially confused on what's going on and what to expect, Louis stands slowly and glares at Harry who holds out a hand ready for him to take. Both walk away hand in hand and both Gemma and Anne gossip about the two for the next hour.

The drive is silent except for the small directions Louis gives him to the hotel. It's a comfortable silence and nothing is felt to be said. They arrive and park the car before both hopping out and walking into the main entrance. As Louis said, the hotel is very nice for three stars. The elevator is a little jittery and smells like old people but eh, Harry doesn't mind. Louis takes Harry to his room, floor five which is the highest on property. Room 506, Louis opens it with his keycard and the room is seen.

It's standard, a tv across from the bed along the right side of the room and a bathroom which is fairly wide, a bath which can most definitely fit two people in it. There's a balcony outside, the wood not covered in snow from the sheltering above it. The view from up top is incredible and Harry spends way too long looking at it. He doesn't even notice Louis coming up behind him and resting his chin on his shoulder.

"Reservations, hm?" Louis questions. "So a date."

"Sh," Harry grins. "I wasn't really meant to tell you, but I wanted to brag about it."

Louis hums and kisses Harry's clothed shoulder. "Of course you did."

The rest of the evening consists of Louis and Harry cuddling together under the duvet with bar fridge food spread all over the blankets. Movies are great at this place and they end up watching some comedy romance which ends with Harry snogging Louis deep into the mattress for around ten minutes. Credits roll and Harry perks up with a grin, nuzzling his nose with Louis for a small eskimo kiss. 

"I love you," he whispers against him, a small _I love you too_  echoing back from Louis. Harry pecks him once more and says, "you're leaving the 26th, right?"

"Yeah," Louis confirms. "I can't really stay here much longer. I can't really afford both renting out the new room at Uni plus stay here."

Harry tisks and says, "you should just stay with me until the new year."

"I would love to, Hazza," Louis starts, "but I'd rather get started with study earlier rather than later, get things sorted out in my room, not to mention I need to see Laika at some point."

Harry bites his lip and suddenly looks very paranoid over Louis, and Louis doesn't know whether it was the shadows contorting his face or if he's actually frowning in thought.

Harry thinks hard because how is he going to tell Louis that he's got an apartment by the University which he purposely bought for the living of two people, not just one. A perfect studio apartment in which the confirmation of move-in came through yesterday in Harry's messages. Harry wants to ask, but he doesn't know how. He wants to do it at dinner but maybe now could be the time...

Or maybe not, but... he doesn't-- "Louis, I want you to move in with me."

 _So much for fucking subtle, Styles._  "What?"

Harry gulps because the  _what_  is not happy, nor is it totally disgusted but it sounds not so great. "I got the apartment, the papers have come through and I just... I was looking for something both of us could fit in because I wanted you to move in with me. You know? Like how we always dreamed of?"

Louis knits his eyebrows and tilts his head to the side, sighing. "Hazza, you should have told me earlier, love. I have the dorm at University still and--"

"Can't you just cancel it?" Harry asks. "It's cheaper living together. We pay half rent each and food can be done together. We can always stay together and there's a little studio for your art downstairs. It's so nice, Lou. I thought you'd absolutely love it so... I got it."

Louis tisks and asks, "Will it work?"

"Of course! We'll make it work. I always know how to make things work," Harry says. "Lou, I've wanted to move in with you since forever, our own little abode with our pictures and your paintings and my music and homecooking and-- don't you think it'll be perfect?"

"I know it'll be perfect, H," Louis nods, "but... you're not even an adult, H. You can't... I don't know if we're allowed to live together without me being your damn guardian."

"Mum did all the paper work and she said that we can stay there and pay the rest to her until I'm 18 and I can do it myself. I'm close enough. I told you, I've got everything sorted out," Harry smiles to him, but Louis still seems unsure. "Peachy, Lou! Honest!"

Louis glowers, bringing a hand up to Harry's hair and tucking strands behind his ear. "You really want this, don't you?"

"I've wanted everything with you," Harry whispers. "I'm working hard for it, Lou. I know we can be us, like... our own little family at home and we can be ourselves, like constant sleepovers but we have our own place we can call  _our_  home and... it's my dream to live with you."

Louis smiles softly at his boy's stupid witty, but sweet dreams. He loves Harry so much and e's really saving his arse from getting the boot out of University's dorms.

He agrees with a kiss and keeps him close to mumble against his lips, "thank you."

"You say okay?"

"Yeah," Louis confirms. "Okay. Yeah, I want to move in with you."

Harry's grin remains warm on his face for the rest of the night, the snow blowing in just when they arrive at the restaurant for seven o'clock reservations. They eat soundly, hooking ankles under the table before making a game of trying to attack their other's shins. Dessert is not shared, as probably expected. Harry hogs his lemon meringue pie and Louis eats half of his rich chocolate mousse. Harry pays, much to Louis' request to split the bill, but Harry just pinches his bum and makes him shut his mouth.

The drive home is quiet, the radio playing _I Don't Wanna Love Somebody Else_  softly just when they pull up to the car park. They listen to the rest of the song, smiling to each other when the song ends before getting out of the car, Harry coming up beside Louis and taking his hand. They walk to their room still remaining in silence until they get into the room and kick their shoes off. 

It's nine o'clock. Louis stands on his tip toes to kiss Harry's nose. He grins to him.

"You always make my birthdays so perfect, H," Louis confesses with one more kiss to the nose. "I can't wait to live with you."

"I'm sorry I didn't get you anything," Harry frowns. "I-I... I didn't think about it too much. I thought that maybe this would have been okay--"

"Harry, for fuck's sake." Louis takes both of his hands before sitting down on the bed, Harry still standing in front of him. "Being you is enough."

Harry smiles down to him and the shadows of his face just make him looks so wonderfully dark and mysterious. The room is so dim now that Louis notices it. The two bed lamps beside them aren't even on, only the corridor light is luminating the small space. Harry probably can't even see Louis' eyes glow under the obscure light.

But they're glowing so much and Louis can feel them glow. He admires the boy above him so much and he loves him so much more. Louis grips hard on his hands and pulls him down to the bed, their hands laced above Louis' head. They don't kiss but their mouths are very close, their noses side by side. Louis shuffles to get increasingly comfortable, Harry now between his legs and finally locking their lips together for a gentle kiss.

"I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you," Harry whispers to him. Louis giggles and digs his finger tips into the back of Harry's hands. 

"Babe, I think we might need to talk about that more. We only agreed to moving in with each other just a few hours ago." Louis grins in another kiss. "But I think I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you, too."

Harry hums with agreement, dipping his head down to kiss under Louis' jaw. "I want to keep you for forever," he says, nipping at his neck. "Lou."

"Hm?" Louis questions, trying to look down to find Harry's eyes, but he's met with the curly bed of hair that smells like his favourite shampoo. He's kissing Louis' jaw so softly, like small pixie kisses, and then all that softness fades away when Harry grinds hard against him. Louis gasps, "oh fuck, Harry,  _what--_ "

"Lou," he repeats. "I've had so many dreams and... I can't... I need..." Harry sighs shakily into his neck and gives a small squeeze to Louis' hands. "Please give me something. I need you."

Louis blinks to the ceiling before gasping with his eyes screwed closed when Harry rolls his hips again. Louis can feel he's hard in his jeans already and it's pressing into Louis' crotch even when Harry does nothing. He gulps and he's sure Harry can feel and hear it. He's still kissing at his neck and doesn't let any bit of his skin go untouched. This is a fucking deadly combination.

"You want," Louis can't even say it, because since when was he allowed to say  _this_  in front of Harry, when he's grinding so hard on top of you and everything is a damn reality. "You want me to take...  _that._ "

Harry nods, his cheek sliding against his neck. "Yes,  _please._ "

Louis is very unsure. "Are you sure?"

He nods again, more vigourously. "Please. I thought about it for so long, Louis. I don't want anyone else."

"But... you don't deserve me to do that--"

"Louis, I don't fucking care what you've done," Harry growls, biting hard at his skin. "I want you to. I want this."

Louis gulps once more, before saying, "okay," very, very unsteadily. He reaches up and kisses Harry's cheek. "You need to tell me if... if things start to go bad, okay?"

"It's not--"

"Harry, it's not that simple, love," Louis warns. "Please, you need to make sure that you really want this," Louis unlaces their fingers and pushes Harry way from him with two hands flat on his chest. Harry glares down to him, glowering. "Please don't think this is going to be the best time of your life, sweets. The first time is never the best."

Harry kisses him. "I want this, I know I do, Lou."

His hand glides down his torso, capturing Louis' breath away, and he traces his fingers on the zip of Louis' jeans. Harry licks over his bottom lip and watches Louis' eyes, which never leave his. 

Louis nods once again and confirms, properly, this time with an, "okay."

Shirts come off after two small kisses and more intimate grinding. They help each other out and throw the material to the other side of the room. Harry catches Louis' lip between his teeth and drags is down to make Louis gasp and tilt his head back. Harry returns to his neck, favouring one spot under his jaw. He makes an easy slide of his hand underneath Louis' belt line and cups a hand around his crotch, earning the moan and drag of his feet that Harry wanted.

He just can't believe this is happening. He's thought so, so long about this. He's wanted this for forever, and now it's happening. Louis is under him, letting him to whatever the fuck he wants, and is giving him the praise Harry's always dreamed of hearing. He thought the static moans over the phone were good, but these are ten times better.

Harry kisses under his jaw again and feels his hard on underneath the material of the briefs and Harry really just wants to shove everything off and get Louis into his mouth. The number of times he's wanted Louis in his mouth has been countless. The number of times he's woken up hard because of it has been countless. He just wants to see Louis' face when he does it. He wants Louis to be his first so fucking bad, and he's finally getting it.

"Tell me what you want, love," Harry groans to him, kissing just above the nubs of his nipples now. Louis has two hands twisted in the pillows above him and he's involuntarily shifting his hips up to get the friction he most desperately needs.

"I really want you to... ah, fuck, I really need you just around me, H." And he sounds sedated, very calm. Harry doesn't want calm. He wants energetic, bouncy Louis who can dominate the shit out of him.

He gives what Louis wants in the mean time, tongue tracing down his body and using all the time he has to feel Louis against him. There's still parts of him Harry hasn't touched in the past ten years. It fascinates him.

The heel of his hand rocks into him and Louis' head lolls to the side. He whines quietly, fingertips pressing hard again the soft pillows. His eyes are closed and his eyelashes are framing them as beautifully as they always have. Harry leans up and kisses his nose, sliding his hand past the elastic meanwhile. 

It takes time to incorporate the fact Louis is between his hand now. He's hot and wet, and Harry curves his head into Louis' neck and kisses him to hold back an embarrassing moan. Louis has his hips stuttering up to earn the friction against Harry's hand and he's spitting out quiet moans.

"Fuck," Louis whispers. "Fuck, can you get your... can you get your mouth around me, love?"

Harry complies with delight, pecking Louis' jaw and making quick time to bounce down between Louis' legs. He asks for him to raise his hips, sliding down his briefs and letting his cock slap against his skin. Harry doesn't waste time.

Louis didn't even worry about the fact Harry's a damn virgin and has no clue what he's doing but... nope, he fucking knows what he's doing. No teeth, his eyes are up at Louis when Louis looks down to him with his mouth half way down his dick.  _Fuck, shit, god!_  Harry is going to be the fucking death of him. This is actually happening. Louis really just wants to--

Damn, he should have thought about that more. Harry pulls off him and gives a choked sob. Louis widens his eyes at Harry and blabbers an apology.

"I'm sorry! Hazza, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"  _Note to self: don't fuck into a virgin's mouth, but also note to self: Harry doesn't have a gag reflex._

Harry shrugs it off and keeps his hand stable around him. He rubs his thumb on the underside, pinning his bottom lip with his teeth and smiling. He opens his mouth and Louis can see the tongue ready to take it in like the fucking good boy he is. Harry's mouth is around him again and Louis has to curl his toes around the sheets to stop himself from bucking up harshly and going full out to fuck his mouth.  _Shit_ , this is going to be ten times more difficult when he's inside him.

He does it so well. So unbelievably well. His mouth is made for this shit. He's moving his head so swiftly and so perfectly that Louis just wonders what miracles he's going to be given after. He could probably roll his hips as well as he gives head, or maybe as well as Louis could roll his eyes when Harry takes him all the way without a struggle. Harry's so damn hot like this.

Louis fists a hand into his hair and guides him, even though he hardly needs any aid whatsoever. He praises him, _good boy_ , and  _shit, you're perfect_ , he constantly says. Harry's lips are curving into smiles and he's still sucking him off like what type of damn creature can do this. He's a fucking devil, Louis swears to God.

"W-Wait," Louis says, pulling Harry off and he's got that glint in his eyes. His pupils are wide and dark. Harry's so beautiful. "Let's get... get you ready. I'm getting close. I don't want to come--"

Harry rolls to the side and leaves his legs spread open, Louis sitting up and glaring at Harry, a finger in his mouth as he sucks carefully.  _What the actual fucking fuck._

"You have no clue," Louis shakes his head and crawls between Harry's legs, pressing his crotch down to rub against his pants, "how fucking sexy you look."

Louis notices the scars and he refrains from crying. They're so faint under the dim light, but he can still see them. He kisses his stomach, where they're scattered the most. Harry notices what he's doing and pushes a hand into his hair to praise him. Louis needs to pay attention to more of these areas. He will when this is over.

Harry giggles to him, finger still between his mouth. Louis still doesn't know why that's there, but he doesn't care. Louis sits up on his calves, Harry's legs arching over his thighs. Louis slides his fingers in the belt loops and pulls Harry's lower body up to his thighs. Harry then gets the word, sitting up so he's crotch on crotch with Louis, and he sinfully grinds down with a whisper in Louis' ear.

"I really want you." His nails dig into his back before they curve around Louis' shoulders. He smirks to him and Louis' hands fumble with the button and zipper hastily to spring out his hidden treasure underneath and he pulls out Harry's so wonderfully gorgeous cock and gives it a few rapid tugs. Harry groans and falls back, head hitting on the pillow and he arches his back with bliss. 

This is going to be good.

He pulls Harry's pants off, because why the hell are they necessary now. It happens so quickly, his pants are off, thrown to the other side of the room with the rest of the clothing, there's lube in Harry's hand, there's a condom packet in Louis' which Harry had thrown to him, and Louis rips it open and gets Harry to help him with the rolling on bit.  _I can do it,_  he says, _I learned at school!_  he says. Louis kisses his cheeks and lets the merry boy do it himself.

Harry leans back with a sneer on his face. He's so damn pleased with himself and Louis fucking loves that. The fast steps happen again, Louis has lube drizzled on his hands, he uses one to tug himself lightly and his head spins a little, and the other is circling close to Harry's rim. Harry's breath catches every time Louis would almost press in and Louis watches every emotion crossing his face. He doesn't want to hurt him. That's the last thing he wants.

"Please," Harry says carefully. "I've done it before. I told you I've done it before--"

"Harry, I don't want to hurt you, honey," Louis warns, prodding a finger in but removing it when Harry gives a small whine. "Babe, are you sure you want this?"

"I'm so, so positive, Lou," Harry says. "You said the first time isn't the best. I want to lose it to you. I want you inside me. I've wanted it for so long and you can't just... we're this far already."

Harry's right, but then again Harry could be wrong with trying to stay so positive. Louis knows he wants this. He loves him so much, but he doesn't know if Harry really wants this.

He sighs and purses his lips together. "All right, but please tell me if it hurts too much--"

"I promise," Harry says breathlessly. And Louis pushes a finger in down to the bottom and Harry doesn't squirm as much as Louis expects him to. "Another, I can do two easily."

Louis gives a concerned glare. "Don't push yourself, H."

"I can!" Harry shouts, almost in disbelief. "Babe, I told you that I've done it before. Four, I've done. I can--"

"Fuck," Louis growls, pulling his finger out. "Four?"

"Four." Harry nods. "Felt s'good, Lou. Imagined you the entire time. Couldn't reach that spot though," Harry frowns at him. "Help me?"

Louis gulps and nods, pushing in a second finger and sliding it in while scissoring them slightly. Harry gasps shortly and moans in his throat. More lube is added and Harry's taking it in so well, and he's incredibly tight with the third. Louis is panicking how he's going to fit the fourth, let alone his cock.

So he decides maybe the fourth isn't the way to go right now and to get straight on with it, because with the way Harry's writhing and moaning and giving soft ah's is making Louis dizzy from edging. More lube is added, he tugs himself and he settles between Harry's legs, who begins to look very stressed out. But Louis is just sure he's tired from being fucked over.

Louis kisses down on his rosy cheeks and plump lips before whispering, "hey, gonna fuck you now."

Harry grins and lifts himself up to kiss Louis' nose. "Trust you so much, Lou."

He brings a hand tup to caress at his cheek, a thumb stroking over the contours of his lips. "I trust you so much too," Louis says, a hand wrapped around himself and he catches himself on Harry's rim. Harry tightens significantly. "Remember what I said? If it hurts--"

"I'll tell you," Harry says knowingly. Louis nods once more before biting his lip and pressing himself in. And it's just too much to take in.

Harry's so uncomfortable, Louis knows. His face isn't in a pleasant relaxed form and he knows that if Louis doesn't fix this, Harry's going to revert from sex altogether for the rest of his life. He's halfway in and Harry doesn't like the feeling, but he doesn't say a word. Louis takes this as an okay, keep going, and bottoms out with a groan. He falls flat on Harry and suddenly hears him cry out.

"Oh God, Lou, it hurts. It hurts so much--"

He can't pull out now.  _Shit_. Louis presses himself up and immediately kisses Harry's cheeks. "Baby, please. It's okay. It's only for a few seconds. I promise," Louis whispers, praying that Harry doesn't cry right now. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I knew we should have talk about this."

"It's okay, you said--"

"No," Louis glowers. "It's not okay, honey. You know we should have discussed all this first."

Harry does know, but he really doesn't want Louis to be a passive bastard when he's got his cock inside and should be rocking into him, making him feel somewhat better. 

"I'm okay," Harry says after a few long breaths. "Yeah, c'mon, try now. I'm fine."

"Harry--"

"I'm fine, Lou," and Louis looks at him clearly, and he really does look fine. His eyes are bright again and his hands are curled tight on Louis' shoulders. "Fuck, you're big, Lou. I've wanted this for so long."

Louis smiles at the compliment, kissing Harry's nose. "I'm gonna do it slow for you, yeah? Keep it slow--"

"Slow and sensual," Harry says. "Making love, yeah. Do that."

Louis laughs at his stupid words. "You're dumb."

Harry rolls his eyes before focusing on Louis' eyes. Not for long though. The glance disappears as he throws his head back when the jolt of Louis' hips sends him over the moon. His legs rise and curl in close to Louis' waist.

"Faster, Lou, I'm okay," he speaks lethargically. Louis gives a hesitant few seconds of thought, still slow pacing his hips in and out. He knows he'll just explode when he tries to go faster. He might hurt him too. He doesn't want that. But he needs some friction too.

Experimentally, Louis gives a hammering thrust, deeper rather than faster. Harry curls up so much that Louis almost thinks it's from hurt, but the moan says otherwise. Louis clenches his jaw and sends a stutter of his hips into Harry, making him curse loudly with his mouth hanging open. A hand around his hard on with a few small tugs, Harry shakes under him and looks to Louis, licking over his lips before blowing a kiss to him. Louis smiles and pulls himself down, lips crashing hotly.

Their tongues are the escape they need from coming on the spot. He's still got a nice rhythm going, finding his pace easy and relaxing but just as sensual and fast as Harry wants it. He's moaning so much between their kisses and often finds it hard to keep up with Louis' lips from how out of breath he is. Louis gives up with trying to kiss the tired boy, tucking in down at his neck and sucking there a bit to create a circle of lovebites. 

Short hip thrusts into Harry brings him so very close and Harry can tell from his lack of rhythm. Harry shakily grunts touch me, and Louis does, a hand around Harry's base with small strokes and his other hand gliding down Harry's thigh. He's up on his calves again, softly rolling his hips and watching how his cock just disappears into him. Louis kisses Harry's shin when it's up high, and focuses on his precious eyes which are closed so tightly.

Louis misses his smile, but moans are goodish, he's not complaining. So two hands go missing from Harry's body for a minute, before returning to his side and he's tickling him. Harry barks out with a laugh, eyes shooting open as Louis grins, dancing his fingers on Harry's sides.

"W-What? Louis!" Harry shouts, giggling hard as Louis comes down to kiss with an enormous amount of teeth. No Mr. Teeth Clicker jokes are appropriate at this time. Louis kisses him and enjoys their laughs, hands now running up and down his sides and calming Harry down. 

Their kisses stops Louis from coming with a shout, a massive thrust into Harry which sends Harry to a place of darkness for a few seconds. He's sure that's what heaven feels like. Louis rocks out his high and moans loudly into Harry's neck, hoping to get the friction Harry needs to also get off.

He tries to fuck into him again as much as he could before it got uncomfortable, fastly stroking him off and letting Harry's babbles fill up the room. Louis is praising him,  _you're so fucking good at this, you're perfect,_  and you're so pretty when you smile. A thumb over the head and a teasing unpatterned rhythm of his hand brings Harry to complete bliss and he's not afraid to yell  _Lou_  multiple times. Louis kisses him while pulling out, and it happens again - everything goes quickly.

They're in silence after cleaning each other off and staying in bed naked together. Louis is up against Harry's body and they smell so much like love and hot sex and... everything that smells beautiful. Harry's already fast asleep by the time Louis tries to talk to him five minutes after, so Louis blacks out too.

He wakes in the middle of the night however, and he still pressed up close to Harry. The room is freezing from the weather outside but everything is perfect inside, under the duvet with their bodies still hot against each other. Louis snuggles in close and kisses Harry's bruised neck. He whispers  _I love you_  before relaxing.

Harry, still fast asleep, mutters _I love you too._

 

 

 


	48. Chapter 48

Christmas arrives and it's sweet. Harry tells his mum Louis and him are moving in with each other, and all of them are overjoyed.

New years, Harry went with Louis to the University and stayed in the dorms for a while. They looked at their apartment. It's perfect. Louis adores it. They spend New Years without drinks or cheers, just alone at a park and watching the late night fireworks occur. Harry's his New Years kiss. Louis is Harry's.

For his birthday, Harry receives some candles from Louis for their soon-to-be-theirs apartment. Turns out the soon-to-be could be removed from the birthday card because Harry gives Louis the keys to their house.

Not everything is totally furnished. The mattress is still on the carpet without a proper bed frame, and some boxes need cleaning out. The lounge and kitchen are separated by a small half wall. Tiles in the kitchen and everything is so modern and clean. Then it's wood for a part of it, then it's carpet at the end where the lounge and small TV sits. The stairs basically separate the wood and carpet, and upstairs leads them to an open one bedroom with a bathroom attached. Harry managed to score the one with the big spa inside it.

Louis wonders how he manages to get this for 100 a week. It's so fucking good though. Louis loves him to pieces for this. Harry's birthday is the first night in at  _their_  house. Louis lets Harry fuck him over the counter.

Sex is a big part of their life now, and whenever they're not having it they're actually studying or working. He should be concerned about the fact Harry wants Louis so much, but it's not a huge deal that Louis wants him back. They're still dating, apparently. They haven't made it official yet, which is stupid-ish. Louis can't find the words, or the time, to say it properly because either he's studying his arse off, he's filling his gob up with food or his mouth is spitting out moans. He can't seem to find the right time to ask him.

So when the time actually comes, Louis panics. They're going to spend a weekend alone at the farm in March, the ute in the meadow to get back to old times. Maybe do a thing or two that both of them had in mind. They say it openly, as if it's normal conversation. Except in front of family, of course.

Zayn and Liam don't mind. They're still together. They visit a lot and always bring dinner over. He's pretty fucking sure Harry wants to try something with them, but chains on the almost-a-bed bed tying wrists down is Louis' limitations. The last thing he wants is for Harry to run off with Liam or Zayn because they have a bigger dick or something. Harry's his. Just not... his  _his_ , yet.

April brings warmish weather for the start of Spring and Louis goes to University with a goal; to keep smiling every single day. He sees Sam every so often and he's always smiling when he passes, noticing the snappy glare he's sending back. Louis doesn't care. Sam's a bastard, and he sometimes walks with Harry, hand in hand, and it makes him extremely jealous. It's obvious he does, and Louis loves it. He'd kiss him in public, hold his hands and call him sweet names. All the PDA is Harry's favourite part of being able to be with Louis freely. No bullying, no judging.

But all that affection doesn't remove itself when they're alone. They'd kiss whenever they can, that's another thing apart from sex they do. Sometimes Harry would be playing alone down in the studio area near Louis' paint sets and Louis could come from behind and thumb a few strings, ruining Harry's beautiful music. Harry could let him sit on his lap and then he'd teach Louis a bit, like he did with his students.

Harry's business, as Louis would imagine it would be, is not as great as they both had intended. It's getting them the money they need to live, but not for some extra things like a larger TV or a bed frame. Harry has seven students, all of them paying 25 per week for the lessons, including the use of old books and guitar picks. He's thinking about upping the price to 30, but Harry feels bad for some reason and doesn't want to do it. Louis is trying to pressure him to do so, and that's when their first fight happened in the middle of April. Harry slept on the couch for two hours before going back to Louis and crying into his back. Louis cuddled him back to sleep and everything was forgotten in the morning.

May is warmer and they go on a lot of dates during this time. It's a relaxing month, both of them ending up going to a music festival just twenty minutes out of town one weekend. June is harsh and is probably one of the worst months Louis has been through so far.

He's got an art project coming up, something he needs to plan out and paint by the end of next week. Speed art, it is, and it would be okay if Louis didn't have a mound of paper work to do for the house with Harry. Also, Harry's got a month of guitar lessons scheduled, and Harry's lessons occur in the same room as Louis' painting area, and the children learning the guitar sound like complete morons and Louis can't deal with morons.

He's stressed by the final night, really stressed. Harry's teaching some fourteen year old a D chord and even Louis knows how to play a fucking D chord. It doesn't take a year for someone to put two fingers on the E and G strings on the second, and one more on the B on the third. It doesn't take 25 bucks to do spend a week on a stupid chord.

So it makes Louis crack the moment the girl asks, _where does the third finger go again_ , and he slams the brush down and turns around. He storms out without a word, slamming the door. He's walking to the elevator, about to lock himself inside, when Harry calls out for him and runs towards him. Louis freezes and shoves his head into his hands, beginning to cry from stress. Harry hugs him so tightly it almost stops his breathing.

They sit for a while with their backs against the corridor walls. The girl's mum picks her daughter up without a word, and Harry carries Louis back to their flat. Both fall and settle on the bed for a good night sleep in each other's arms.

Louis fails the project, but that's perfectly okay. Harry's there to pick up all the broken pieces and to make him feel better than any A triple plus grade could. 

July and Harry attempted to up the price of the guitar lessons. Their bill is rising and their grocery money is falling. Louis tried to ask if he should just get a job to try and support them, but independent little Harry tells him not to worry, he'll figure it out for himself. Five dollars extra, and he's lost two customers. He doesn't tell Louis this.

Louis had mid-term exams and he passes them easily. He takes study lessons with his art professor and often stays out of the house on Sundays to spend time with her. She does it without compensation, which is good for the two of them right now. Their budget is so tight and every little bit that's spent Harry frets about. He's invested on a frugal trait, Louis thinks. He's collecting those stupid coupons from the shop and using as many as he can.

He finds Harry crying in the bathroom once, talking to his mum over the phone, and Louis asks about it but Harry just told him he missed her a little. Louis promised they'd visit back soon, when they have the money to travel. Louis tries to ask if he should get a job again but that only brings a really weird side of Harry. Louis thought he'd be angry, maybe shout  _no!_  and walk out on him, but he lunges at him and rides him on the carpeted flooring. It shut Louis up alright.

August and Liam's birthday party at the pub isn't as great as Louis hoped it'd be. But it's more interesting than the entire month, actually. Louis visits Anne and Gemma at one point with Harry and they have a nice afternoon in town together before catching the train back home. 

September, and wow, September was a month. Harry was hiding something, Louis knows. The first thing Louis noticed about his little antics was at the start of this month, Harry became very, very affectionate. Like a really high cat on catnip. He's purr and pounce, then he'd make sure Louis gets the well deserved attention he supposed he wanted. Louis would complain, but the sex was so fucking incredible that he didn't think he should. Harry tried new things with him for the first week and made sure Louis tried them with him. 

By third week, things were really repeated, and that's where Louis finally found out what Harry was keeping from him.

Harry's out with his crazy spending shopping things and Louis finds the letters. It's a whole bunch of them, probably just letters from his mum or something, but no. Louis picks one up and it's from their loaner. Louis reads it and furrows his eyebrows. He reads another and he's left even more confused. What does it mean Harry didn't pay for the last two months of rent? Of course he paid for them. He's been getting a lot of money from his upped prices and frugal shopping? He would have told Louis if he couldn't pay for rent.

Then it reminds Louis of the time back in July. He was crying over the phone. Maybe he was crying because he was worried about losing their apartment, and Louis really does think they're falling to shit now. It's been a good eight months, but Louis thinks maybe this was a little too fast for them. Harry can't look after himself if he can't even pay for rent. He doesn't have to look after Louis, Louis can do that himself. He cares about Harry's health and he worries about how he'd live if he didn't have the house.

So he keeps it a secret for a while, he doesn't tell Harry he found the letters. Maybe it's just some type of misunderstanding. Well, that's what he thought until October, where they are now. 

Gabrielle comes to the apartment and she demands for Louis to either pay for the rent at the end of this week, or the furniture will have to be out by Monday week. Louis nods and closes the door on her and waits for Harry to come out of the shower. Once he does, dripping head to toe wet with his towel around his privates, Louis folds his arms and looks at the eighteen year old with a frown. Harry smirks to him, stepping to him and then pouting.

"Baby, you look a little grumpy."

"I am," he says. Harry just laughs and leans forward to try kiss Louis, but Louis refrains from it with a grunt. "Harry, why didn't you tell me?"

Harry bounces back looking extremely pale. "Tell you w-what?"

"That you're having trouble paying rent," Louis says sternly, but rests his hand on Harry's hip sweetly. "Baby, you know I'm not going to be mad if you want me to actually do something. I'm bored here sometimes, and I can't cook for shit so I'm no help just lying around doing anything. I can work at the mall down the road or something, it's fine--"

"I don't want you to, Louis."

"Harry, why?" Louis asks exasperatedly. "Gabby was at our door before. She said she wanted us to pay for our rent or we have to be out of here by Monday! You don't want me to get a job, but you don't want to lose our house? That doesn't work out."

"Mum said that she'll pay for us until we get back on our feet."

"And when will that be? We can't rely on your mum for everything!"

"Well, we can't really rely on your mum, can we?" Harry hisses.

"Shut up, that isn't the point right now, Haz--"

"I don't care. She said she'd help us out, which is why I'm taking her help. Unless you want us out by next week, you're just going to put up with it. Even if you get a job, you're not going to be able to pay it up for the amount of rent we have to pay, Lou."

Louis frowns and shakes his head. He hangs his head low and crosses his arms over his chest. "I-I just don't think we can do this--"

"We've done this for nine months," Harry whispers stepping forward and resting his forehead on Louis' shoulder. The old usual. "But I know we can do this. It's just a little bump, you know? It's all going to be okay. We just need to pick ourselves up and think of the positives."

Louis exhales shakily, unfolding his arms and wrapping them around Harry. Harry does the same and kisses Louis neck. 

"I promise we'll be okay, Louis."

And it is.

November rolls around, and they're both still living happily in the house. He finally convinces Harry to let him get a job and he earns a good 120 pounds per week. He lives with Harry like that, buying new furniture with their savings, that they have now and they actually buy a bed frame for their almost bed, and picking themselves up. 

But he just doesn't know how the next thing happens.

One day, they fight, and it's not an ordinary one. Louis doesn't know how it started, or how it even ended speaking wise, but Harry walked out on him. He didn't come back that night and Louis is left up all night in panic. This is exactly what happened with his father. He's very afraid Harry won't come back, like his father. He's afraid Harry's going to be hurt while he's alone in the cooling weather. 

He doesn't answer his phone, no matter how many times Louis calls him. And he doesn't come back the next day either. He skips his lectures for the day and stays in with five pillows against the wall and the duvet up to his chin. He's sitting up with his knees against his chest and he's constantly been crying. He wants Harry to come home, but he doesn't, and Louis doesn't know when he'll return, or  _if_  he'll return.

His heart is hurting and he's only wondering if Harry's is also. Louis tries to call him again and Harry doesn't answer. Louis cries to him on a voicemail, and does it several times, every time  _please come home, I love you so much, please just come home_. He silently pleads as well, that Harry would come home. He cries into his blanketed knees and keeps himself warm, trying to sleep. He hasn't receive any over the past two days.

Two in the morning is when the door opens and closes, the lights not turning on. Louis could think it's a murderer, but the first instinct is to call out Harry's name. And Harry turns to him, glaring down to him on the floor. Louis breaks and he begins to wail out, raising his arms, wanting Harry just to hug him, or hold him, or just fucking touch him. Just something.

Harry does, diving down and taking Louis warmly in his arms and kissing down the trail of tears he's left for Harry. Harry rubs them away, whispering _I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry_  and Louis only cries so damn hard because he's never, ever panicked so much in his life.

"I-I thought I lost you," Louis says so softly through his tears. "I t-thought you left me like dad did."

"Never," Harry says. "Baby, please don't tell me you slept down here while I was gone?"

"No," Louis shakes his head and keeps his eyes focused away from Harry's. "I didn't sleep."

Harry glowers miserably, shaking his head and rubbing under Louis' eyes again. He hugs him, tightly securing him in his arms with no chance of letting go any time soon. 

"I-I went to see mum, and I had nothing to charge my phone, and then I lost my wallet so I could catch the train home yesterday and I was so worried, then I completely forgot your new number so I couldn't call you from home and... I was such a mess, Lou. I was so worried you were going to try and find me or... you would have tried something and... I don't know I was so fucking worried."

Louis claws at his back and presses so tightly against Harry he can feel his heartbeat go hard against his ribs. "Don't leave me."

"I shouldn't have done that," Harry whipsers to him. "I'm so fucking sorry, Boo. I didn't... what the fuck was I thinking, I shouldn't have--"

"Don't," Louis says. "Don't... don't put yourself down."

Harry refuses to listen. "Lou, I did a horrible thing--"

"Don't," Louis repeats. "You did nothing." It leaves Harry confused. Louis clutches onto him harder. "I love you."

Harry gulps and wonders. Why does Louis still love him? This is the most inconsiderate thing he's done to someone. He wants to fucking hit himself with their new pan set because of how stupid he was to leave Louis, someone who was once starving himself for the exact same reason with his father. 

"I love you too," but nevertheless, it's behind them now, and Louis still loves him, and he's back home safely in Louis' arms. Louis loves him more than ever and he can tell by the way he won't let go of his green eyed boy for the next five hours. They sleep on the floor. Louis doesn't care if he had to sleep outside, as long as Harry is by his side. If they lost the house now, he wouldn't care, as long as Harry is by his side.

Just the way Louis holds him brings tears and a raging heartbeat to Harry. He's an almost twenty year old idiot who waited for him at the door like a lonely puppy who's waiting for his owner, and then reached out for him and cried like a hurt toddler. Then he grips onto him like he did to Anne when he was upset at their first sleepover. Then he tells Harry he loves him as easily as they did when they were growing up, then they kiss like they were fourteen and fifteen again. Louis is an entire mix of ages, and Harry thinks that's maybe the good thing about him. He doesn't want to grow up. He makes Harry feel eternal. He's still a child within and even though they're aging so very quickly, they're still going to be children when they're together.

There's going to be nothing that will cut their limit of when they should grow up. Louis said he wanted his childhood to last forever. He's turning twenty in less than a month. He doesn't care though. He still knows he's a child. For one, they can't really sort out their responsibilities still. That's okay though. For two, they still have tickle fights and forget how to kiss sometimes. Louis just remembers all the times they both shared when they were classed as children.

But now as an almost twenty year old, he'd be an adult. And if that means he's legally allowed to marry Harry, then that's okay, because from this moment on, Louis knows he wants to marry him. There's no rule that says you have to step up with levels to get married.

So when they wake on the floor the next morning, Louis opens his eyes and sees Harry already awake with a smile on his face. He's probably going to make some hearty breakfast in a few and then the morning will start; Louis would work on his art and Harry would play some sweet guitar tunes to keep the air serene. Louis finds it perfect how he can imagine everything falling to place, how their schedules are beautifully interactive and set out in their shared minds.

Louis finds Harry perfect. He kisses him gently and they both tangle their hands together and keep close for a prolonged moment. Louis' heart beats loud, almost as loud as Harry's heart beat before their first kiss. 

"I love you," Harry says lightly. Louis bites his lip and keeps his mouth slightly open, unable to respond as usual. It leaves Harry very confused, and partially upset. He's thought he's lost the boy after a five hour sleep, but then.

"Marry me," he says sharply.

Harry widens his eyes at the blue-eyed boy. "W-What?"

"Marry me," Louis repeats. "I want you to marry me."

Harry's jaw goes slack and he stares at Louis with the same wide eyes. "But...rings, and... we aren't boyfriends, and--"

"Fuck that," Louis hisses. "Harry, I fucking love you. I want you to marry me. I-I know it's a shitty proposal, us laying on the ground with stupid pillows and a stupid duvet over us but... I want nothing more than you to marry me."

"Louis," Harry says. "Y-You think... we should share last names?"

"We can share," Louis says.

Harry smiles through his tears and shakily holds Louis' hands. "Louis Tomlinson," Harry whispers, "to take your hand and to say my vows to you for a life-time of happiness and to secure it all forever would be the best decision I'd ever make."

Louis grins back and whispers, "for forever."

"We'd be together forever," Harry whispers back, still crying. "Like we always wanted."

Louis kisses him once and looks at him square in the eyes. "Make me tea, please?"

Harry rolls his eyes and laughs at him. "I'm fucking tearing the shit out of my eyes. You think I'm capable to handle a kettle of boiling water right now?"

"Yes," Louis laughs. "My  _fiancé_ can do  _anything._ "

"Well, I'm pretty sure  _my_   _fiancé_ can also do anything," Harry winks. "Even make his own cup of tea."

Louis frowns. "Shit you not, I will  _unfiancé y_ ou."

Harry barks out with a laugh and smacks a kiss on Louis' lips, sitting up from the floor and wiping the few happy tears from his eyes. Louis sits up too, kissing Harry's cheeks and lips before smiling to him. Harry kisses his nose and cups under his jaw, fondly grinning at his fucking fiancé before saying, "no sugars for you, sweetbug. I'm going to make waffles for us."

Louis nods and grins, letting him stand and walk to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast. He showers meanwhile, getting the dirty grime from his body from two days of constantly sobbing. And Louis begins to sob harder in the shower, happy tears though. He's marrying Harry. Harry's his fucking  _fiancé._

When he goes back to the kitchen, breakfast is done and Harry's bringing the cup of teas to the table. Louis sits and immediately hooks ankles with Harry when he sits in front of him. They eat and Harry looks nervous. Louis gets it out of him mid-way during eating, and Louis almost chokes. 

"Mum's coming up now," Harry says, looking very apologetic. "I was happy and I told her, and she just screamed before hanging up and I think she's going to get Gem too, and they're coming up for a while--"

"Jesus Christ, Harold," Louis laughs at him, kicking his shin. "Guess that means we won't be alone for a while then."

Harry blinks to him before squinting his eyes at the subtle boy. "Charming," Harry says bluntly, "but I'm not giving into you."

"You're my fiancé, you're meant to be nice to me."

"You know, just because our namely status to each other has now changed, doesn't mean you can use it against me, fiancé."

Louis glowers at his pretty boy. He very much knows Harry doesn't like to throw away a blowjob under the dining table like the last thing in the world, especially if they've got two hours to spare before Anne and Gemma arrive.

The dishes are put away and Harry showers. He's met with his naked fiancé on the bed with his wrists already cuffed behind his back. Harry glows at his boy and gives in. It takes them ten minutes to find the key to unlock him afterwards, just enough time before the two screaming girls run into the apartment and hug the living daylights out of the two boys, asking a million questions about the marriage and the wedding.

Louis only cowers into Harry's side, an arm looping through his as they talk about the colour of the flowers they're going to have at the altar.

 


	49. Chapter 49

He walks out and he immediately spots her, scowling and standing in spot, before shouting, "Harry!"

Of course he comes running down the stairs topless. He was probably still asleep, despite Louis' pushing and shoving to get up five minutes ago. Louis stands by the stairs, watching Boo Boo sit with her legs still open, a wet patch underneath her. Harry's next to him and he sighs, shaking his head, before he trots over and picks up the dog.

"You know, I expected a murderer to be in the house with the way you screamed for me," Harry frowns at Louis. "It's a little pee on the floor--"

"And you're the one that promised me the dog would start using that stupid litter tray we bought it, not pissing on free will." Louis folds his arms and holds a smirk on Harry. Harry rolls his eyes and sneers back, popping Boo Boo on the floor before getting a towel to soak up the pee. "If the cat can do such things, then the dog can too."

"It was your idea to get a dog, Lou. And they have names."

Louis dead pans Harry before saying, "fine. If Daisy can use the litter tray, then Boo Boo should be able to too--" and Harry begins to laugh under his breath, pretending that Louis didn't notice whatsoever. "Are you fucking serious, H? You're a child!"

"It's funny when you say it--"

"You shouldn't have given a chihuahua such an obnoxious name."

Harry looks up with offence, eyes squinted and brows furrowed. "The puppy doesn't deserve to hear your rude names."

"It pissed on the floor. It deserves to be thrown out in the snow."

Harry chuckles at his husband, standing up with the pee soaked towel and he throws it in the sink. "Louis, what a fucking stupid name," he whispers quite obviously. He can tell Louis has wide eyes at him, probably furious. But banter like this only leads to some pretty wild sex. "What 22 year old man is called that,  _ew_."

Of course Louis storms up behind him and twists him around, a finger prodding into his chest. His eyes are sharp and his nose is flared. Yep, he's angry. Harry's smirking his face off.

"Excuse you, but you share my surname, Mr.  _Your Husband Has A Horrible Name._  Take that as a privilege, because I can easily take it away from you."

Harry laughs lightly at him. "I'm sure the process of divorce is as easy as you make it sound, love."

Louis grins and lifts himself up on his tiptoes, kissing Harry gingerly. "That is why I refrain from trying to ruin this marriage, or losing my ring," Louis whispers. Harry grins and plays with the hem of Louis' shirt, but Louis slaps his hands away. "Ah, excuse me, but you still have pee on your hands."

"I've gotten a lot of things on my hands, but that never stopped us."

"Fuck up, you unsanitary bastard. It's a wonder how I haven't been food poisoned by you." But Louis kisses him anyway. Even if Harry was some type of hobo Louis would love his husband as much as he always has. "Wash your hands and have a shower. I'll prep us some tea. Laika's coming over today before we leave back to the farm."

Harry does as he says, an aggravated sigh leaving his lips but it's nothing more than sarcastic. He showers while Louis makes tea, and Laika comes over a little earlier than expected. Both hug and kiss each other on the cheek and sit at the dining table with a pot of tea in front of them. 

They moved out from their shitty apartment a while ago. After Louis got his Bachelor of Arts, they found another place much closer to the farm. It's only an hour drive, instead of a two hour train journey. It's a biggish home, maybe something for a family. They haven't considered kids yet, despite being married for just over a year. The pets are enough already.

Harry loves it how Louis pretends to hate them, but Harry knows with the way Louis loved Chance he obviously loves Boo Boo and Daisy as well. There's the few aspects that Harry understands Louis might hate about the two. The random peeing, the destroying of new furniture and the random humping.  _Yeah_ , Harry thinks those are it. 

He loves to listen to Louis talk about him too. Before he ambles downstairs naked, he hears Louis talk about him to Laika. He throws on a pair of sweatpants and doesn't bother with a shirt before he begins eavesdropping again. Harry listens to his husband say sweet nothings about him.  _He always does the washing while I'm away at the art studio. He's so caring, always has been, and probably always will be. I'm doing a little project for him in the studio, and he doesn't know about this but--_  oh.

He stops listening. Even Harry doesn't want to ruin the surprise for himself. All he knows is that Louis has been working on this massive project for over three months and he's not planning to show Harry until they get to the farm this afternoon. Damn, he's excited for this.

He goes down the stairs pretending he heard absolutely nothing and shines to Louis before taking a seat next to him. He says a bright hello to Laika and asks how she's doing. She looks prim and healthy. That's good. All the family is good. Everything is absolutely wonderful.

They speak for over two hours with two pots of tea being made and the two little pets trying to earn their attention. Louis absolutely loves bragging about their lives together to Laika and it's just as good that Laika loves hearing about it. They finish up and say goodbyes before Harry starts putting everything inside their car, including Louis and the two pets. They take the hour drive down the highway and soon end up at the little track Louis and Harry used to drive to school on every morning, and walk up on every afternoon.

Arriving at his old house feels oddly calming. Harry sees his mum, and Louis, his mum in law, and both hug and receive a smacking kiss on the cheek. Gemma's there too and she hugs her brothers as tightly as Anne. They have lunch together under the gazebo and talk about the farm and other little things around town. Turns out that Mama Freddy died a few weeks ago and she left her cookie recipe to Gemma herself. The two men praise the Lord at that given moment. 

Anne talks about Louis' old house. It still remains empty from when Johannah and Phil moved out years ago. Louis is really thinking about taking it, but the memories inside aren't something he wants to try and keep with him. It's dirty and dusty, as Anne described it, and things are starting to fall apart. It's where they leave off conversation, no longer wanting to obtain how morbid words are becoming. Louis doesn't want to go back to his old house. No one does. It's full of abuse and lies and death and hatred and it probably stinks like Phil.

Talking leads to Harry becoming bored and he excuses himself and Louis from the table. They don't come back after five minutes, like Harry said they would. Instead, he leads Louis to the lupin meadow in the back. They stand at the front of the meadow, not wanting to go through it just now. They sigh and reminisce with no talking. They kiss once and smile to each other before Louis says something.

"The project's near the treehouse," he whispers. And that's where Harry leads them to next.

The ute has a large 2 metre by 2 metre canvas on the trailer and it's only a few mere feet from the treehouse. Louis shows it to him, revealing it is a tree with the effect of all different seasons on it. The cold barren branches in winter, to the full leaves of orange, yellow and red in autumn. And in the middle of the tree, it's the treehouse. And if you look closely, you can see two little figures at the window of the house, and if you look really, really closely, you can see it pencilled in _LOUIS HARRY_. 

"It's for you," Louis says to him, leaning the canvas against the ute and padding over to Harry. He takes his hand and holds it tight, feeling the wedding rings click against each other. "They told me to try and challenge myself, create something that holds a million memories but within one picture."

Harry gazes back and forth from the painting to Louis' eyes. "You never fail to make me smile, Lou," Harry whispers. "You've had a massive talent, ever since you were little. And now you've created... this. This holds more than a million memories. Every leaf on that painting holds a dozen memories."

Louis looks up to the leaves above them. "Every leaf still up here holds a dozen memories."

Harry kisses his nose and holds Louis with one arm around him. He guides them to the stairs. They're breaking down. Actually, everything in this treehouse is breaking down. It has been from the start. Louis thinks that maybe it should come down one day, just in case someone gets hurt. It's almost been in their lives for 15 years. 15 fucking years. 

They're at the top, opening the door and ducking their head to get inside. It's dusty and dirty, of course. They haven't been in here for a couple of years. Everything is still as it was, the table in the middle, the plastic fridge on the side, and the window sill with their names engraved in it. It's just as if the first time Louis walked in on Harry, and accidentally made him drop his tea.  _Ha_ , Louis still laughs at that.

Louis turns to him and rests his forehead on Harry's shoulder. He's still a fucking giant. How did it happen. Louis remembers when Harry used to be shorter than him, and then what the fuck happened. Louis still laughs at that. He shifts Harry's long sleeves up, and he remembers the few times he did that and there were bright red lines across his wrists. He remembers the few times he did it and there were small scars that Louis, and Harry, thought would never fade to normal. But they did. And now, there's more lines, but not ones of red.

He smiles at the tattoo on Harry's bicep. He doesn't know why he chose these words, well, maybe because it was their first words to each other. But if anyone asked they'd probably laugh. They'd laugh harder at how the entire situation happened. Oops! on Louis' arm, and Hi on Harry's, in each other's handwriting, and Louis wants to laugh at how stupidly romantic this might seem, but it's how they are, really. Ever since their first kiss, or maybe even before that. It's been a stupidly romantic frame of their lives.

"I feel like maybe this is going to fall down and kill us, Lou," Harry admits suddenly. "This treehouse has given us a lot of memories, and I don't think I want one of those memories to be us falling out of it and plummeting six metres to the ground."

Louis laughs at him. "This held us up for 15 years, it's not going to break now."

"It held us _together_  for 15 years," Harry corrects. "You know, meeting you in here 15 years ago, I definitely would not have thought that 15 years later I would be standing here with you, with wedding rings on our fingers, and having our own house together ready to start a family."

Louis shakes his head and takes Harry's hands, lacing them with a soft, "same," escaping his lips. "Well, the house thing I kind of knew--"

"Oh please. Even when you were nine you knew the rollercoaster room idea was ridiculous."

"No!" Louis protests. "I still think it's a very good idea. When I sell our little pets, we'll be able to afford it. We'll charge 50 bucks per ride people take and then we'll become millionaires."

Harry laughs against him, whispering, "whatever you say, Lou."

Louis hums and closes his eyes, nearing closer to Harry and nuzzling his nose against his neck. They touch toes and relax into one another. Harry loves this. Louis loves this. They want forever to be like this, and this is how they're planning for forever to be. With a family, with them together. And Louis sometimes can't believe that he grew up with Harry, some stupid boy who literally used food to coax Louis to share the treehouse together. But Louis is so, so glad he accepted. 

Look at them now, and sometimes Louis pretends that he's a bystander, watching how much they connect, and how often they stare at each other with so much love Louis thinks it might kill Satan one day. Louis knows how much he looks at Harry with that look. He knows how much Harry looks at him the same way back. They have been for a while. Louis still can't believe how lucky he is to have Harry. How much he's supported Louis.

Harry tries to kiss between his eyebrows but Louis flinches back, immediately slapping him on the arm and shouting, "you're it, dickhead!" and running off. He runs down the stairs, carefully, and Harry follows suite. They're chasing each other around the base of the tree, tagging each other in a game of cops and robbers.

Louis is laughing so hard he's finding it hard to run. He's never found himself happier to be with someone he's loved so much for so, so long. And even if the process took over a billion years, Louis would have still had Harry. He still would have had him there. He's always been there. He's been there when Louis came to his window asking if he could stay the night. He's been there when Louis asked him to come over to take him away from Phil and his mum. He's been there when Louis was upset at the bus stop, or when he was bullied at school. But now, that's all over and behind them. That's all just locked away in a shitty place Louis never, ever wants to go back to.

Harry tags him and gives him a quick kiss before dashing away and hiding behind one of the trees of the bushes, and Louis follows him. He's stupid. His husband is so, so stupid. Does he realize a bright blue shirt doesn't camouflage in a dried, grassy environment? Louis tags him anyhow and Harry immediately smacks him back. Louis hisses at him and tackles Harry to the ground instead, crawling up to him and giggling into his shirt. Louis has never been happier. Louis fucking loves Harry. He's never loved someone so much in his life and it was all because he had a stupid little tantrum and ran away. And now, he's running away. He's running with Harry to live a life that he would have never expected to live 15 years ago. He's sharing a life with him, a name with him. Their collection of memories is growing larger and larger the more they live, every second of it. 

Harry wraps both arms around him and keeps him close. He's always wanted to keep him, and now he has him. He kisses him, hard. Like if nothing were ever to separate them. And that's how he'd like to live. Just with Louis, maybe with a couple of kids one day, and for the two of them just to be happy. A small happy family. One without the abuse, without the trauma, to make sure their kids are not like the two they once were and had to rely on each other for happiness. He wants them to be happy from life. Like how they're living now. 

He doesn't know how he managed to score Harry. He's beautiful, always has been. Big dopey green eyes and a long hair that Louis loved to pull on with any moment he gets. He's doing that now, just running his fingers through Harry's hair like how he's running through his life. It's smooth, long and silky, and Louis wants that to represent the rest of his life. He married the love of his life, and Harry's a Tomlinson now. Just as much as Louis is a Styles. And, wow, it still makes Louis catch his breath how he's actually married to him. How this all worked out. 

Harry promised it'd work out, and Louis always thought that promises between them never worked out. But it did. Louis eats more than Harry now, and Harry's cuts are only from stupid moments in the kitchen or from vicious cat attacks. There's no more violence, there's no more crying. Only crying of happiness. There's no more reasons to hate life, because Harry is his life, and Harry is all that he ever really wants in his life. Harry gave him everything. Absolutely everything. 

He kisses Harry once more and smiles against him, so, so elated. Louis can't even speak how much he loves his boy. Harry can't either. Louis just falls into his chest and sighs lightly. It's the lightest sigh he's done in a while. Harry's right there, and always has been.

Louis dots a finger and draws circles on Harry's chest, breathing out. "Lou?" Harry whispers to him, ever so softly. Like the feel of a feather. Like the falling of the leaves that land so silently into the ground. Louis smiles and closes his eyes. 

"Yes, H?"

Louis flutters his eyes open, seeing Harry staring at the canopy that hangs above them. He can feel Harry's chest heave in the simplest of motions. Both are content and serene. 

"I'm so glad you shared with me..."

And Louis really wonders how he got so lucky. 

He sighs again, passive and enamoured, burying his nose into Harry's chest. "I absolutely cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to feel about this fic being completed. Fucking hell, a rollercoaster it was!
> 
> Thank you for reading, I love you all. Hope you're okay! I'm adorehalo on twitter, and since-he-was-eighteen on tumblr, so come message me on there :)
> 
> all the love, from Kimmy. x

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos? :)


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